Shelter in a Soldier's Arms (13 page)

Zane’s dark eyes never wavered. “Like I have a family to go home to?”

Jeff shrugged. Zane didn’t have anyone in the world, either. “So we’re even.”

Zane frowned. “I thought—” He hesitated. “Hasn’t that changed? I mean with the woman and the kid.”

“Nothing’s different.”

Jeff’s voice and words were firm. It was true, he told himself. Absolutely true. Having Ashley and Maggie in his life didn’t change anything. He ignored the whispering voice deep inside that reminded him he was lying. Nothing had changed, he insisted to himself. He couldn’t afford to let circumstances be different. He had to remember what had happened with Nicole—and the dream. Always the dream.

“I’d like the chance,” Zane told him. “You owe me that.”

Jeff looked at him. “Free license to kill yourself?”

“Isn’t that what this job is about? Putting it all on the line for the client?”

Jeff knew that was true, but what he couldn’t explain was why it made sense for him to do it over and over again, but when Zane wanted the same, Jeff couldn’t help thinking it was a waste.

*

“I was at the bookstore at lunch,” Jeff said, standing in the entrance of the kitchen and shifting his weight from foot to foot.

Ashley stopped stirring the pot of spaghetti sauce. Her boss actually looked nervous. He wouldn’t meet her gaze and there was a distinct hint of color tingeing his cheeks. The mighty hunter embarrassed about something? She moved toward him, both intrigued and charmed.

“I had long suspected you could read,” she told him. “But thanks for the confirmation.”

His mouth twisted. “That’s not the point. I have a trip coming up in a few weeks. I wanted a book for the flight home.”

She started to ask about the flight there, then realized he would probably spend that preparing for whatever assignment he might be involved with.

“Okay,” she said. “Well, I hope you enjoy your book and thanks for sharing the information with me.”

“You’re mocking me.”

She couldn’t help smiling. “Maybe just a little. Why are you telling me this?”

“Because there was a display of kids’ books and I bought one for Maggie.”

He moved his left arm. As he did so she realized that he’d had his left hand tucked behind his back. He held up a pink-and-white gift bag overflowing with glittering pink-gold tissue paper. Obviously he’d not only bought the book, but he’d had it wrapped, as well.

“Is it okay?” he asked.

She knew he wasn’t asking about the presentation, but instead about the gift itself. Which left her with her own questions. Did he want to know if it was okay to give Maggie a book, or okay for him to give her daughter a present at all? Maybe he didn’t know which he was asking, either.

Her chest tightened slightly as she remembered what had happened the previous week when Maggie had been upset about camels and Jeff had comforted her. He’d reacted impulsively. She’d seen the shock in his expression when he’d realized what he’d done, but by then it was too late to stop. Maggie was settled on his lap, leaning against him. Trusting and small, she was impossible to resist. Ashley knew—she’d been unable to keep from loving her from the moment she’d first held her.

But she was supposed to love her child. She’d wanted to have a baby and had been excited when her daughter had been born. But what about Jeff? Did he want children? He’d told her he couldn’t have them. He’d also said that Maggie wasn’t a substitute for his own child, but she was growing less confident of that. Did the little girl fill a hole in his heart Jeff didn’t even know was there?

Ashley wasn’t sure how she felt about her boss connecting with her child. She liked knowing he had a soft spot, but was she creating a problem for all of them?

He stepped forward and set the book on the table. “You could tell her it was from you if that makes you more comfortable,” he offered.

She shook her head. “You give it to her,” she said, even as she wondered why Maggie’s father couldn’t have been half as open to her presence in his life.

Damian had never had any interest in his child. He’d seen her as one more drain on his resources.

Jeff picked up the bag and headed for the family room. Faint sounds of an afternoon cartoon drifted through the house. Ashley followed him, wanting to see what happened yet knowing she was putting herself in danger by doing so.

“Uncle Jeff!” Maggie bounced to her feet when she saw him enter the room. She pushed the mute button on the television and grinned. “Whatcha got?”

“A present.”

Big blue eyes widened. “For me?”

“Maybe.”

Maggie grinned. “It’s for me. What is it?”

“Why don’t you find out for yourself?”

He held out the gift bag. The little girl practically vibrated with excitement. She took the offering and reverently placed it on the coffee table. Carefully she pulled out the tissue paper, then reached inside for the book.

Only, it wasn’t just a book. An oddly shaped box held a storybook and a stuffed pink kitten. Maggie’s mouth worked, but she couldn’t make any sound. Obviously Jeff had figured out that anything feline was her favorite.

“Please read to me,” she said, thrusting the box at him.

He freed both the book and the cat, handing the latter to her, then settled on the sofa. Maggie plopped down next to him, her body leaning against his, her expression joyful and trusting. She cradled her new stuffed cat in her arms.

Jeff opened the book. “Once there was a pink kitten named Pooky Girl, which was a rather silly name.”

Maggie tugged on his suit sleeve. “This is the bestest present ever,” she said.

“I’m glad you like it.”

Ashley turned away. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to hear about the adventures of Pooky Girl, it was that she didn’t want either Jeff or Maggie to notice the tears in her eyes.

Why did he have to be so darn nice? He was making her like him more than she should. He was making her think of him as warm and caring. That, combined with how hot he looked in jeans or in a suit, not to mention the tango her hormones performed every time he was within spitting distance, was enough to make her crazy. And dangerously vulnerable.

Jeff couldn’t be a part of her life. He was too different. He was scary, although even as she said the words, she didn’t believe them. Not anymore. But while she might have changed her opinion about him, one thing had stayed exactly the same. He was dangerous to her plans for the future. She wanted love and she had a bad feeling that Jeff’s heart had died a long time ago.

*

It was well after midnight when Ashley awakened. She couldn’t say what had startled her from sleep. The house was silent, and when she got up to check on her daughter, Maggie was sleeping peacefully in her bed and holding her new stuffed cat in her arms. Ashley told herself it had been nothing and that she should just go back to bed, but something compelled her to pick up her robe and head for the stairs.

“Oh, right. Like I’m going to check all the windows and doors,” she muttered softly to herself as she walked onto the main floor.

Jeff’s house was a fortress. She didn’t understand his complex security system, and she knew that everything was safe. Even so she had to see for herself.

She checked the kitchen and Jeff’s study, then headed to the front of the house. As she crossed by the living room, she saw a shadow by the window. Her mind froze, but her heart recognized. The nanosecond of fear faded.

Jeff.

He was looking out into the darkness, studying the night, or perhaps staring into a past that she couldn’t begin to imagine.

He wore jeans and nothing else. His back was broad, his skin smooth. Muscles rippled and bunched as he shifted slightly. She felt her mouth water, something that had never occurred while she’d been looking at a man. Chocolate, sure. There was nothing like the smell of the confection to get her salivary glands all excited, but she hadn’t noticed the same man-generated effect until this moment.

She had the strongest impulse to cross the room and touch him. To stroke his bare skin, to press her mouth to his shoulder and taste him. A shiver rippled through her. It was just hormones, she told herself. She was in the middle of her cycle, so biologically she was predisposed to want sex. Mother Nature at work. But her desire didn’t mean anything—not in the real sense of the word. It was interesting information she wasn’t about to act on.

“I’m sorry I woke you.”

Jeff’s voice cut through the night, startling her. She hadn’t realized he knew she was there. “No. You didn’t. I just

” She couldn’t explain how she’d come to be awake. “Sometimes I’m compelled to cruise through the house, making sure things are the way they should be. What’s your excuse for being awake at this indecent hour?”

She’d made the comment lightly, but when he didn’t instantly answer, she realized she might have crossed over some invisible line in their relationship.

“Sorry,” she said quickly. “I was making conversation, not prying. You don’t have to answer that.”

“I don’t mind.” His voice was low and hoarse—as if speaking were difficult for him. “I have a recurring dream. It wakes me up and it’s a while before I can get back to sleep.”

She suspected his dreams weren’t anything like hers in which she found out she had a final exam in a class she’d never attended or was supposed to pick up her daughter but suddenly couldn’t remember the address of the preschool.

“Want to talk about it? Sometimes that helps.” She made the offer without thinking, then thought about retracting it. After all, did she really want to know the deep dark secrets trapped in Jeff’s subconscious?

He shoved his hands into his jeans pockets. He still stood with his back to her. “I—” He cleared his throat. “There’s a village. It’s on fire. As I walk through it, I realize the people there are more frightened of me than of the destruction of the flames.”

Ashley listened to the stark words as he told her what happened. She took a step toward him, visualizing the running children, hearing their cries of pain and fear. Her breath caught when he told her what he saw in the reflection of the shallow pool.

Not human? Is that what he really thought?

“No, Jeff,” she said, moving closer still. “I’ll admit that you’re a little intimidating, and until I got to know you I thought you were a little scary, but I never saw you as other than a man. And Maggie’s adored you from the beginning.”

“She’s very special.”

“So are you,” she told him. “You’re not the easiest guy to get to know, but you have many wonderful qualities.”

He glanced at her over his shoulder. “My ex-wife, Nicole, wouldn’t agree.”

“Then she’s wrong.”

He still faced the window. The room was too dark for her to see his reflection clearly, but she could see the shadow. He shook his head.

“Nicole saw the truth,” he said slowly. “She knew what I was. She said she was glad we never had children together. She told me that the reason I couldn’t have a baby wasn’t because of my low sperm count but because I wasn’t human anymore. I’d become a soldier and in the process, I’d forgotten how to be just a man.”

“No,” Ashley breathed, as she instinctively reached out and rested her fingers on his bare shoulder. “No, that’s not true at all. You’re just as human as the rest of us. Just as—”

Without warning, he spun to face her and grabbed her hand. His touch was strong and firm, but not bruising.

“Don’t touch me,” he growled. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.”

For a second she thought she’d violated some fighter code. That touching him made him think he was being threatened and put her in danger. But then she noticed that he hadn’t released her fingers and was instead rubbing them with his own. There was something sensual about the caress. Something that made her bones start to melt.

“Jeff?”

He stared at her and she wondered how she could have ever thought of his eyes as cold. They weren’t cold at all. Instead fire raged in them. Fire and need and a hunger that made her lick her lips in anticipation.

She might not have a whole lot of experience with men, but she recognized the powerful desire ripping through him. He was a barely controlled, sexually ready male.

She should have turned and run for the hills. Or at the very least, her own bedroom. Wasn’t there a lock on the door? Wouldn’t she be safe there?

Except she found she didn’t want to be safe. Not when the alternative was being held in Jeff’s arms. She felt her own body flaring to life. Needs long denied awoke and stretched, making her ache.

Slowly, very slowly so he could know what she was about to do, she reached toward him with her free hand and placed her fingers on his chest. She felt warm skin, cool, crinkly hair and a faint tremor.

He swore and clutched her shoulders. “Ashley.” The way he said her name made her want to purr. There was desperation in his voice, and a hunger that cried out from the soul. She raised herself on her toes and pressed her lips to his.

“I have every intention of finishing this,” she murmured against his mouth. “So what are you waiting for?”

Ť^ť

Ashley should have known that she would be in no way prepared for his kiss. Jeff’s strong arms came around her and he pulled her against him. She’d barely absorbed the feel of his rock-hard body, so unyielding against her own, when his lips claimed hers in a moment of possessive need that robbed her of all will.

He didn’t explore or ask or hesitate. Instead he pressed his mouth against hers as if his life depended on them kissing at that exact moment. His aggression should have frightened her, she thought hazily, except she felt that she needed him just as much. There wasn’t any air in her lungs and he was her only source of life.

She parted for him instantly, not needing to be seduced, but instead wanting to be taken. She wanted to experience possession at Jeff’s hands.

He was a man. She’d been with men before—she had the child to prove it. But no other man had kissed her in quite the same way. Maybe it was a soldier’s attention to detail; maybe it was just good luck on her part. Because instead of accepting her silent invitation to invade her mouth, he continued to kiss her lips. He was aggressive and demanding, yet his barely suppressed violence left her feeling feminine and tender. He slowly explored her lips, making her shiver with anticipation.