She's Out of Control (36 page)

By the way, he gave his parents the what-for on the eye-lift controversy and they were asked to not show up unexpectedly, but plan twice-a-year visits when he could get time off to spend with them. I'm telling you, he did wonders for my own boundary issues because he just out-and-out said it! He didn't gossip, he didn't vilify his parents, he didn't obsess compulsively, but he
did
apologize profusely with a big bouquet of roses to Mei Ling, and a dinner certificate for her and Dave at Black Angus (she's craving prime rib).

I've grown to really love how Kevin handles life. He's so confident in his decisions, and if he does make a mistake, he shrugs it off like that's life. “It's not surgery,” he says, jokingly, as he wouldn't dare make a mistake there. He understands what is really important in life. Rhett has kind of adopted him. I guess Kevin is the better parent because he gives Rhett access to kids at the hospital. (Rhett loves children.)

Hans, on the other hand, is still handling his life with the same cliff-diving excitement. He's now employed by our competition, doing business with the same company he padded the contract for at Gainnet.

I've heard through the grapevine that Seth is officially back in town and will be at the New Years' party. But you know what they say, the greatest revenge is looking good. And I do. I've been to Bloomingdale's and shopped for one of those special occasion dresses I've never seen a need for—until now.

Actually, I didn't really buy the gown at Bloomingdale's, even though I did shop there. I bought it on eBay. It's a gorgeous black velvet Shelli Segal Laundry gown with sheer mesh shoulders enhanced by rows of intricate black beading. Its fabric was cut on the bias, so it clings to me like I paid a mint for it. I got it for about one-quarter the price, and Rhett will live to eat another day.

Doorbell.

I open the door to Kevin wearing a black tuxedo with a gray wool collar. “You look incredible.”

“So do you.” And he does. He holds out his trademark flowers. Tonight, it's stargazer lilies. “You're spoiling me, you know that?”

“Someday, you'll truly let me spoil you, Ashley.”

“I have no idea what you're talking about. I was born to be spoiled.”

“Uh-huh. My Christmas present?”

Ruby earrings.
“Too extravagant.”

“The Christmas dinner I had planned?”

Evvia by candlelight.
“I had steaks I needed to use in the fridge, and I told you I wanted to learn to cook for you.”

“But you did accept the twenty-pound bag of dog food.”

“I'm not insane. You even brought it into the garage. That's half the battle right there.”

“But it was
dog food
, Ash. It's not exactly the whisper of moon-light, you know?”

“You in that tux is the whisper of moonlight,” I say softly, grabbing his lapels and pulling him toward me. He presses a kiss to my lips.

“That kiss is a whisper in the moonlight. The rest is insignificant.”

“I've waited a lifetime to spoil someone, Ashley.” My heart is pounding in my throat. Kevin is like this. He's always talking in the extremes: lifetimes and moonlight. It's enough to scare a poor obsessive like me to death, even after I've made the resolution to live without fear. The fact is, the closer you get to someone, the deeper you know you're in. And the harder the actual fall can be.

My entire adult life has been spent whining about commitment-phobe men, and every time Kevin takes a step toward me, I want to retreat. Lest I get hurt again. A certain bald engineer keeps me from trusting anyone but Jesus for the time being.

“Let me get my bag.” Oh my bag! It's a vintage-looking Max Azria beaded clutch that matches my dress divinely. Also on eBay, can you stand it?

After the long drive up to the city, we enter the Gift Center in San Francisco and it's drenched in a cacophony of Christmas lights and pounding music.
Wow, the Reasons are moving up in the world.

As we enter the building, Brea and John greet us, holding their new bundle of joy. “What are you doing here? It's way past your bedtime!”

“We were invited, and Jonathan wanted to get out.” She passes the baby to me, and I cuddle him close. He's like a little heat ball, and his precious sleeping face is enough to send my biological clock raging. “Miles is with Grandma.”

I watch the baby breathe, and it's with his entire being.
In. Out. In. Out
. He's got yoga mastered. “Who would have ever guessed this heavenly creature could have caused his mother so much trouble?”

“He was worth it,” Brea says. “Every single day of bad television in the hospital.”

Kevin looks at the baby and then at me. “Can I take him for a minute?”

Kevin loves babies. It's the oddest thing. Usually, guys run the other way when a baby becomes the topic of conversation, but Kevin is fascinated by them, which I guess makes sense as he is a
pediatric
surgeon. He's a natural. He takes a squawking baby and calms it like Jesus calming the raging sea. I watch him as he eyes the baby with such a mixture of love and yearning. There's a gentle side of Kevin that doesn't belong in Silicon Valley. An aversion to the harsh reality that is life in high tech.

Kay approaches us, and she looks fabulous in a suit she picked out at Coldwater Creek. It actually has little sprinkles of beads on the jacket and screams
festive
. “Hi, Kay. Everything looks great.”

“Oh, I hope so. What do you think of the band?”

“They sound wonderful.”

“What?” she screams. I make the okay sign over the noise, and then I see him: Seth Greenwood. He looks good. Rested and dressed in a pair of pressed navy slacks and a crisp white shirt under a sport coat. He changed churches, apparently, for my sake. Kay looks back at him and then to me. “I came to warn you,” she whisper-shouts in my ear.

“I can handle it.” I smile, squaring my shoulders as I say it.

Seth comes toward me, and I feel my stomach react. I'm nervous, much more so than I thought I would be. I haven't seen him in months, and when you see someone after such a long time—someone you loved—your mind becomes a jumbled mass of memories and lost dreams until it reaches the same conclusion that once took nearly a year.

“Hi,” I say to him.

“You look beautiful.”

Yes, I do. Thanks for noticing.
“Thank you.”

“Did you hear I was back?”

I nod. “You're going to a different church?”

“Yeah, Sam and I decided it was time for a change.”

Can't commit to a church either
. I nod again. “So . . .”

“You and Kevin still seeing each other?”

I look at Kevin cuddling the baby and my heart races. “We are.”

His cheek flinches, and I must say I have a little gut reaction of joy here.
Bad Ashley.

“Have you talked to Arin?”

He nods. “I got an e-mail from her. She's still in India. Says she loves it, and the people. I don't imagine she'll be back anytime soon.”

“That's great.”
And you can have a full-on relationship with some-one who isn't here to marry. How convenient is that?

“I just wanted to say hi,” he says.

“Sure. Nice to see you.”

He waves, not bothering to greet Kevin or Brea and John, and waltzes off to the group of guys in a circle. No doubt they're discussing the orcs' great battle.

Kevin walks up to me and hands me Jonathan. “Was that okay?” he asks, looking toward Seth.

“It was better than okay. It was life-affirming.” I start to giggle.

“Hmm. Life-affirming. Was it Kevin-affirming?”

I look down at the baby and back to those lustrous green eyes. “It was.”

And then he kneels down in front of me. Brea comes and takes the baby, and a circle of my friends gather. I look at all of them in confusion, and then back down at Kevin.

“What's going on?” I ask.

Kevin clears his throat and takes my hand. “I knew from the moment I laid eyes on you—”

My eyes start to sting with tears. “No,” I say in disbelief. My friends gather closer, and I feel Brea and Kay at my sides.

“I knew from that moment there would never be another woman for me.”

I look at Brea, and she just smiles for reassurance.

“Your crazy theories make me laugh, your sparkle brings me joy every day, your inability to parent a dog has me completely scared, and your messy closet—and don't think I haven't noticed it—frightens me to no end. But Ashley, the way you always try to help others, no matter at what cost to yourself, the way you're just out there being Ashley and bringing fun with you . . . well, I just knew there would never be anyone better for me.”

I shake my head. “My theories aren't all crazy. Women live ten years less if married unhappily.”

“And longer if they marry happily. Yes, you've told me. Ashley Wilkes Stockingdale, will you be my wife?”

Then he holds up a ring. It's a vintage platinum number in Art-Deco style. My heart is in my throat. “This was my grandmother's ring. It's just a stand-in until you pick the one you want. Two carats, I think you said.”

“Three.” I giggle.

“You're not answering my question.”

“Kevin.” I look around at my friends. “Everyone. This man, I cannot understand why he would want to share his life with crazy me. But Kevin . . .” I look into those green eyes and I know in all certainty. “Nothing would make me happier than to be your wife. Even if it costs me ten years off my life.”

“I'm hoping to extend it. If I could, I'd do it, I'd give you eternity.”

I look up at the ceiling. “I'm taken care of for eternity. I just need an extra decade from you.”

“Done.” My friends erupt into applause.

He slips the ring on my finger, and I can barely breathe. I've never seen anything more beautiful. “I don't want another ring. This one means everything to me.”

I look at Kevin, and then to my friends. And I know, even with the many ways I blow it, God is so looking out for me. He is always in control, and you know what? He's so much better at it than I am.