She's the One: COunting on Love, Book 1 (8 page)

“Yes.” She was scowling at the road again.

“Why?”

“Because…”

But she didn’t finish the statement.

“Amanda?”

“That’s…not what I expected.”

Ooookay. “What’s that mean? You didn’t expect me and Emma to become friends?”

“I didn’t think either of you was really looking for a relationship. Or that you actually
had
a relationship with each other.”

“We’re friends,” Ryan said. “We’re also two human beings capable of intelligent thought and actual emotions.”

He knew he sounded defensive, but hell, what did she think? That all he was capable of doing was screwing? That the only part of him that Emma might be interested in was below his belt?

Okay, so that had been the part that started it all, but yeah, he could say interesting things from time to time.

“So if everything is so wonderful between you, what happened? Why aren’t you still seeing each other?”

Was that a note of jealousy in Amanda’s voice? Ryan glanced over at her, but couldn’t read her expression. He chose to believe it was jealousy because that made him feel pretty damned good.

“Emma was a lot of work.”

She snorted. “No kidding.”

He shrugged. “That’s Emma. She needs a lot of attention. But I don’t like to have to work at things all the time. There’s a lot of stress and strife in this world. The people you surround yourself with intentionally, that you care about and share things with, shouldn’t be part of that stress.”

“You don’t want to have to work at a relationship?”

He raised an eyebrow when he glanced at her. “When you say it like that, you make me sound like as ass.”

She smiled. “Sorry. But you kind of said that.”

“It wasn’t the words, it was the tone,” he told her with a little chuckle. “But yeah. I mean, if you love people, you want to be around them because they make you feel good and you can be yourself. They shouldn’t make you worry constantly or
need
you all the time, right?”

Amanda was frowning when he looked over again. “You’re right. I try to keep all of the stress and problems away from Conner because I don’t want him to always think we’re just a lot of work. If the girls need something, I try to take care of it so that Conner doesn’t worry.”

Ryan knew that Conner had become a father figure to his sisters after their dad died. Conner still took that role very seriously, according to everything Ryan had ever seen. But yeah, he could see Amanda taking over a lot of responsibilities. Amanda was organized, efficient, confident and poised, and a lot of people found her intimidating.

But not Ryan.

He thought she was…fascinating. She came across as a hardass, but he knew another side of her from Emma. He knew that Amanda had grabbed one of the firemen at Cody’s station by the front of the shirt and threatened to make sure he would sing soprano for a month if he didn’t stop harassing Olivia. He knew that Amanda collected old books because her father had read the classics to her as a kid and they reminded her of him. And Amanda was the first one Emma called when she was sick. Amanda had met him at the ER in jeans, a ponytail and no makeup when he’d taken Emma in because of a horrible migraine one night after hanging out at the bar.

Amanda Dixon was fascinating to him. He couldn’t fully explain it. But he’d really liked seeing her in those jeans.

“Don’t you deserve to be worry-free too?” he asked. “Why’s it all your problem?”

She pressed her lips together, then turned slightly in her seat to look at him. “I know you think I’m hard on Emma.”

Ryan shook his head. “All I know is that tonight you were jumping to a lot of conclusions about her. And me for that matter.”

“I’m not a bitch,” she said. Then she sighed. “I’m not
trying
to be a bitch. But sometimes it does happen that way.”

Ryan couldn’t help his little snort.

She scowled at him. “I might have a really good reason, you know?”

“For assuming the worst about your sister?”

“No, for wanting to protect her. And Isabelle and Olivia. And Conner.”

“Protect them from what?” He couldn’t pinpoint why exactly, but he felt there was something here he wanted to know about.

“Themselves,” Amanda answered. “And each other.”

“You’re protecting them from each other?” Ryan repeated. “I don’t get it.”

“I know how easy it is to be overconfident and to think you can handle yourself in a situation only to find out you’re way in over your head,” she said.

Ryan shook his head. “Babe, I’m still not following.”

“Conner’s never been anything but solid and dependable and responsible.”

“Okay.”
Solid and dependable
definitely fit his friend.

“I haven’t.”

He glanced at her again. “What?”

“I haven’t always been solid and dependable and responsible.”

That
was a tempting statement. It wasn’t even the words so much as how she said it. With a bit of hesitation and a hint of remorse. He absolutely wanted to know more.

“You’re doing penance then?” he said, trying for a light tone.

“Kind of,” she admitted. “And because…I want to save the girls from the embarrassment and guilt. And I don’t want to put Conner through that. Again.”

Maybe it was the five shots at the bar or the adrenaline or the darkness or that the whole night was way off from her usual world, but Ryan sensed that Amanda wanted to tell him the story.

Or maybe he just
really
wanted her to.

“So what happened?”

She took a deep breath. “When I was twenty, Conner walked in on me half-naked with his high school football coach.”

Ryan was grateful for the bright red traffic light. He braked hard and turned to her. “
What
?”

She nodded, looking sheepish. “He was Conner’s hero, the man he looked up to most with our dad gone. I was home one weekend to see Olivia perform on the dance team. I was waiting in the hallway outside the locker rooms for her to come out, and Coach walked by. He stopped and flirted, I flirted right back, one thing led to another and I ended up in his office with my top and bra off.”

The light turned green, but there were no cars behind them, so Ryan stayed right where he was. “And?” He had to hear this. Holy crap.

“Then I noticed the photo of his
wife
on his desk and I changed my mind. But he wouldn’t let me go. He kept talking about the importance of follow-through.”

Ryan’s grip tightened almost painfully on the steering wheel. “Tell me you took his head off.” Amanda wasn’t the type of woman to let a guy bully her, but he still itched to smash the man’s face.

“I slapped him, but before I could do anything else, Conner walked in. He went to all the games, and he and Coach always sat around and talked afterward.”

Ryan’s gut churned. Conner had seen his sister in an embarrassing and potentially dangerous situation with the man he most respected. God, how horrible. And how awful for Amanda to be seen like that.

A car horn blared behind them, and Ryan coughed and turned back to driving. Neither of them said anything for several blocks. Finally Ryan said, “Okay, I can see where you’re coming from.”

“You understand why I’m kind of hard on Emma and how she behaves?”

He lifted a shoulder. “Yeah. But…you can’t make Emma care, Amanda. She has to come to that point by herself. Like you did. I assume you did some other…stuff…that you wouldn’t have wanted Conner to know about before that night?”

She crossed her arms, hugging them to her stomach. Ignoring his last comment, she said, “Well, what do I do? Ignore all the stuff they do? Make Conner deal with it? Make him witness his sisters screwing up over and over again? How does that help him? He’s already taken on so much and that would make him feel like he failed and…” She trailed off for a moment, then said quietly, “I can’t kick them all out of my life because they piss me off and embarrass me.”

Ryan shifted on the seat as a realization hit. She was out with him because she was living her sister’s life for a night. The life that Amanda generally disapproved of and was embarrassed by. She was doing the things she assumed Emma did, which were the things that Amanda looked down on. And she was doing them with him. She sure wouldn’t be proud of any of this in the morning.

Awesome.

“Listen, Amanda, I can’t tell you how to have relationships with your family. It’s just me and my mom, and my mom is the most independent person I know. She’s the one who taught me that you accept people as they are or you don’t. But if you don’t, then you go your separate ways.” Like maybe he and Amanda should right now before things went any further.

“So you don’t see your mom?”

“I do. But we both know that we can harmonize for about a week. Then we need to separate for a while.” Karmen Kaye could take care of herself. They got along better than most mothers and sons, but it was partly because they both knew their limits. She didn’t give him advice unless he asked, she didn’t nag him and he didn’t fuss with her.

Amanda gave a little chuckle. “Well, that’s definitely not my mother. And how do you avoid your siblings?”

He shook his head. “Never had any, so I don’t know. Sorry.” He looked at her again. “I’m not criticizing you, Amanda.” He really wasn’t. She was entitled to her opinions and feelings. He even understood where they were coming from. He just didn’t have to share those opinions and feelings. “I’m telling you who I am. That’s why Emma and I couldn’t work. She needs people to be there all the time for her and I’m not that guy.”

Amanda nodded. “Makes sense.”

Ryan didn’t say anything more. But there was a niggle of doubt as he thought about Amanda’s words. He didn’t know if it made sense. It was just how he was. He’d been raised by an incredibly independent woman who expected him to be incredibly independent too. It was what he knew. He wasn’t sure how to handle people who
needed
him. It wasn’t that he didn’t care. If someone needed him to pick them up from the airport, move a heavy dresser or get drunk with them because they were pissed at their boss, he’d be there. But if he had to know when someone needed flowers to cheer them up, or that he needed to show up for something even though they didn’t
tell
him to be there, or to remember something like the first time they’d eaten at a restaurant together, he pretty much sucked.

And then there was his need for quiet.

He’d grown up in a house fourteen miles from the nearest small town. His mother was a spiritual person. She loved nature, she loved meditating, she loved just
being
, as she put it.

Ryan loved running around and getting dirty with his friends, swimming in the pond, climbing trees and pretending to wage and win battles with everything from swords to guns made from sticks.

But he also had an appreciation for quiet and peace and…just being.

There was no low setting on Emma, and frankly, she exhausted him sometimes.

Then there was Amanda. If tonight was any indication, she could also wear him out. But he suspected that Amanda appreciated quiet. Or that she could if she ever let herself have any. She was outgoing and friendly. As a grad school instructor and physical therapist, she could hardly be shy. She had to interact with people all day every day, and these people needed to be encouraged and coached and even pushed sometimes.

But she was definitely not
exuberant
or
boisterous
or
perky
or any of the other adjectives used to describe Emma. Nor was she pushy or bossy or direct like Isabelle.

She was serious, though. Determined. Focused. There was something about her that made him think that Amanda Dixon would love meditation. If she didn’t already do it, she absolutely should.

He pulled up in front of the Britton Hotel in the semicircular drive and got out of the car.

“I’ll only be a minute,” he told the valet who came forward.

The man nodded as he opened the car door for Amanda. Ryan moved in right away though. If Amanda forgot what she was wearing and swung her legs out of the car wrong, the guy would get an eyeful.

Ryan took her hand to help her out and keep her upright when she wobbled slightly on her heels. He hid his smile. He didn’t know if it was the unusual amount of alcohol in her system or the unusual height of the heels, but she was at risk of falling on her face.

They didn’t talk as they stepped onto the elevator and ascended to the twenty-first floor. Amanda dug the key card from her purse and handed it to him, and Ryan opened the door and gestured for her to precede him. He stepped in, hoping she’d kick the shoes off first so she would be steadier on her feet. But the first thing she did when the door shut behind him was press close and kiss him. With those heels still on, she could meet his lips easily.

Without thinking, Ryan took her chin in one hand, holding her still as he thoroughly tasted her.

He finally lifted his head, loving the look of dazed pleasure on her face. “Good night, Amanda.”

She blinked. Then frowned. “‘Good night’? You’re leaving?”