Shutdown (Glitch) (10 page)

I sat on my bed with my knees drawn up to my chin. Lately it had seemed easier to let myself be stone, but maybe Cole was right. Wasn’t letting ourselves be softened by compassion and mercy at the heart of what we were fighting for in the first place?

I stared hard at the wall. I didn’t want to be driven by rage or hatred anymore. I wanted a heart of flesh again.

Xona and Ginni came in a few minutes later. I saw questions in their eyes when they looked at me, probably wondering why I’d left in the middle of the prayers. I wasn’t sure how to explain it, if I even wanted to, so I turned to Ginni instead.

“Hey, Ginns, can you check on my brother?”

“Sure.” She smiled brightly. I leaned my head back against the wall of my bunk and closed my eyes. I’d get my weekly reassurance he was okay, and tonight, for once, I’d fall asleep easily.

But after a few moments, Ginni still hadn’t said anything. My head snapped up. She was frowning, her brow furrowed.

“Ginni,” I prompted, barely managing to keep my voice steady. “Where is he?”

She didn’t speak for several more seconds, but then her eyes flew open. My chest went tight with dread.

Her lips trembled as she said, “He’s with the Chancellor at her personal compound.”

Chapter 7

I WAS RUNNING THROUGH THE
woods. The sunlight was bright. It made my eyes hurt. We shouldn’t be here. But someone insistently tugged me forward, and I looked down to see a young man’s hand dwarfing mine. I followed the line of his arm up to his body and face. One second it was my older brother Daavd, but the next moment the face shifted slightly to become Markan. He lifted his other hand to his mouth.

“Shh, Zoe, don’t make a sound.”

I knew what came next. I knew it like a script I’d spoken too many times: me calling out to the Regulators, them chasing my brother to the ground in front of me, and the betrayed look on his face as he gazed at me in the last moment of his life. All my fault.

Even as the dream played out, I struggled against it. My child’s mouth opened to call out to the guard. I felt my desire for all the confusing and anomalous things to stop. But then I also felt the horror of it and clamped a hand over my mouth. This was my brother! I wouldn’t! I wouldn’t betray him again!

But then the ground under our feet started rumbling, and the Regulators nearby found us anyway. We weren’t in a forest anymore, but were surrounded by a rocky terrain with giant boulders that were slowly closing in on us from all sides.

“Markan, run!” I shouted. But the shaking ground tripped him. He fell, letting go of my hand. And I just kept running. Even though everything in me screamed to go back for him, my feet kept moving forward. I looked behind me. The Regulators were so close now. They were almost to Markan. With a herculean effort, I forced my feet to a stop and spun around. I held out my hands as a blistering rage rose and then exploded outward through my fingertips. The Regulators’ bodies were ripped into a hundred pieces, like they’d exploded from the inside out. I looked over to my brother.

And then screamed in horror. Because in the rush of power, I’d accidently killed Markan too. I dropped to my knees beside him.
No!

I woke up to someone shaking me violently.

I sat up, barely hearing Xona’s frantic voice over my own screams. She grabbed both of my shoulders in her firm grip and forced me to look at her.

“Wake the hell
up
!”

I blinked, trying to pull away from her, confused. “But Daavd! Markan!”

“Calm down, you’re shunting shaking the whole compound!”

Her words finally sank in and I stopped struggling in her arms. Of course. It was just a dream. I hadn’t killed my brother. At least not as directly as I had in the dream. In reality, I’d called out to the Regulators to report my eldest brother Daavd and they’d killed him. I was only four, I feverishly reminded myself. I’d been a drone, I hadn’t known what I was doing.

But Markan. The Chancellor had him now. Because I hadn’t gone back to save him.

A loud crash sounded close by. Ginni and the other refugees sleeping on the floor screamed. Xona and I tumbled out of our bunks. That’s when I realized part of the ceiling had collapsed, a large boulder of concrete and rock breaking through the steel struts. Dust filled the room and everyone jumped out of the way with confused shouts.

I looked around and the reality of the situation settled in. Oh God, what had I done? I heard shouts from the hallway beyond our room and knew it wasn’t only our dorm that was damaged.

“Is everyone okay?” I shouted.

Ginni coughed and held her arm over her face. The refugee women all looked disoriented and terrified, clutching each other. They probably thought we were being attacked. Xona cursed in the corner, punching the door open button. The door screeched in its tracks—the frame had been damaged in the quake, but it finally slid halfway open. Xona wedged herself through the small space and forced it open the rest of the way. My arm panel lit up in response when I touched it. I spoke into my wrist. “Jilia, is everyone okay?” I suddenly had a horrible thought. What if I’d ruptured Adrien’s tank?

“Is Adrien okay?”

I ran out the door behind Xona. Part of the hallway had caved in too, but Xona was able to jump over the rubble to check the dorm next to ours.

“Are they okay?” I shouted to Xona. “Molla and the baby?”

A spark exploded from the ceiling and the lights went out. Several women yelped from behind me, but the backup generator made the emergency lights along the wall slowly sputter to life.

“Xona, are they okay?” My voice was panicked, verging on hysterical.

“Everyone’s fine,” Xona called back.

I sank against the wall in relief.

Jilia’s voice sounded over the open channel in my arm com. “Everyone, try to make your way to the training room. From the readouts, it looks like it’s the east wing that’s most damaged. Zoe, Adrien’s fine, the Med Center was barely touched.”

I swallowed. Of course it was worst where I was sleeping. I’d been the epicenter of the quake.

“I’m still waiting for everyone to com me back,” Jilia continued, “but so far there’s only a few injuries. Tyryn’s making a survey of the military level. So far, no casualties.”

My hand trembled as I switched the com off.

I could have killed someone tonight. One of my friends. One of the refugees. Just because of my power. Because of what I was. The only reason the Chancellor had been watching Markan was because of me, and now I’d wrecked one of the last sanctuaries the Rez had left. I destroyed everything I touched. A sharp pang of self-loathing choked me. With great effort, I swallowed all my emotions back down. This wasn’t the time to let fear and doubt choke me. I had to be orderly. Cold.

Ginni and I got to the training center where everyone was gathered in a huddle on the right side of the room. The baby wailed. Molla walked around, bouncing him up and down to quiet him. She shot me a glare when I entered, but then went back to bouncing.

I looked around. Even here, a large portion of the left wall was crumbling, huge chunks of stone and concrete strewn across the floor.

How would we ever fix all this?

Everyone was talking at once. City came forward as I entered. I could see the anger fuming off her. “How could you forget to Link yourself? Your stupid mistake could have gotten us killed!”

“I
did
Link myself!” I flung back, before remembering my resolve to stay cold and not let anything affect me.

Jilia had come up behind City. “You did?”

I nodded, my shoulders hunching over. “I Linked myself just like I always do, but somehow I started dreaming anyway and then lost control.”

“Why didn’t it work?” City asked.

“I don’t know.” I tried, unsuccessfully, to keep the frustration out of my voice.

“It’s okay,” Ginni said, coming forward and putting a hand on my shoulder. “You couldn’t control it, it’s not your fault.”

I gave her a small nod, but couldn’t manage a smile. “Thanks, Ginns.” I turned to the others. “Now, what’s the damage report?”

Tyryn came in the door with a flood of people at his back, both refugees and soldiers.

“Report,” I said, hoping I sounded more confident than I felt. Tyryn strode close.

“The lower level isn’t as bad,” he said. “No cave-ins.”

I took a deep breath. Good, that meant the floor of our level should still be solid. The air filtration system which ran through the walls must not have been ruptured either, because I didn’t feel even the faintest prickle of an allergy attack.

“Won’t someone from the outside come investigate?” City said. “Shouldn’t we all be packing and getting the hell out of here?”

“Seismic activity is common enough in the region,” the Professor said, coming forward. He looked so much older than he had six months ago and his limp seemed more pronounced. It was like grief had added fifteen years. In spite of how he looked, though, his voice came out strong. “And it probably didn’t carry very far outside the mountain, maybe only a couple miles in every direction. Not enough to warrant an investigation.”

“This location is the biggest of the last safe havens left,” Jilia said, pacing beside him. She talked as if thinking out loud. “It’s large enough to hold a significant population, and it’s secure and untraceable because of the techer boy. We can fix the damage from the quake.” She looked up at us all as if she’d come to a conclusion. “And like Henry said, the quake was small enough. It should go unnoticed.”

“
This
time, maybe,” City said, glaring my way.

“So you think it’s safe to stay?” I asked, looking between Jilia, Henk, and the Professor. I ignored City even though her words were already worming their way through my brain. I’d put everyone at risk, and my presence would continue to endanger them.

A dark-haired guy stepped forward, nodding. For some reason he wore a name tag on his shoulder. It read S
IMIN
. The name sounded only vaguely familiar. “I can monitor air traffic and local coms.” He looked down at a portable console in his hands. “There hasn’t been anything out of the ordinary so far. We can keep on high alert. Their fliers don’t have the cloaking tech like Henk developed for the Rez. If there’s any trouble, we should be able to see it coming and evacuate.”

I swallowed, my eyes immediately shooting to Henk’s. We both knew there weren’t enough escape pods for everyone. Not by half. Henk had been working on acquiring material to build more, but it had been put on the back burner compared to the need for food and other basic supplies. We still had three transports, though. The largest could seat up to forty people.

But if we tried to leave now, where would we go? There was a complex of cabins in the mountains that we’d set up as part of our evacuation plan, but it wasn’t a very sustainable position. Not like here. It would be foolish to evacuate now if it turned out there was no threat. And Jilia, the Professor, and Simin said they thought it’d be okay. I nodded, swallowing hard. “Okay, we stay then. But Jilia, is there anything you can give me to keep me from dreaming?”

Jilia drew her eyebrows together even farther. “There are some medications I have on hand that inhibit sleep cycles. They aren’t good for long-term use, but will work until we can figure out a more permanent solution.”

“And what happens if it doesn’t work?” City’s voice was shrill. “Look at this place!”

“There’s no reason to think it won’t work,” Jilia said. She put a hand on her forehead, looking every inch as tired as I felt. “We’ll start cleaning in the morning.”

“I want updates every half hour,” I said to the techer boy. He nodded, then jogged out of the room. I looked at everyone else. “And make sure the newest arrivals are familiar with the evacuation plan, just in case.”

City threw her hands in the air, and spun, walking away from the group crowded around us.

I bit down on my cheek hard to help me keep my face a blank mask. Guilt nibbled me raw from the inside out, but I couldn’t show it right now. I was supposed to be a leader. But as I watched City’s retreating form, I realized that soon it might be in the best interest of everyone if someone else took charge. I swallowed hard as the realization struck me.

I needed to leave.

It was so obvious. As much as I might not want to admit it, this had been an accident waiting to happen. My power had continued increasing in the past few months. I’d hoped that eventually it would even out and I’d reach a point of equilibrium. But it hadn’t. And every day that my power morphed and developed, I was putting the people around me at risk.

I stood up ramrod straight. Cole might think we needed hearts of flesh, but flesh was weak. It was not made for war. Right now I needed to be stone. Or even better, steel. I envisioned molten steel slowly coating my spine and then radiating outward until it seeped over all of my skin, covering my body head to toe. I couldn’t feel the sting of hurt at knowing the best way to keep the people I loved safe was to leave them behind. No, emotion could not touch me.

I closed my eyes for a second to steady myself, then turned to the gathered crowd. “Let’s start setting up beds on the floor in here.” I looked out across the wide low space of the training room. “It might be uncomfortable for a few days while we make sure the support struts in the corridors that lead to the dorms haven’t been too damaged. For all we know, they could still collapse completely. Everyone must stay in the areas we know are safe until we can determine the extent of the damage.”

The crowd of refugees grumbled assent. Some had cowed shoulders, as if another disaster or more promised discomfort was no less than they expected. Others looked angry, their bodies taut.

“We make the best of a bad situation,” I said. “Now let’s work together until everyone is settled in again for the night.”

We all worked steadily for the next couple of hours. I held the ceiling up over the damaged corridors with my telek while Xona ventured through to retrieve bedding and other basic personal items. Finally, everyone was settled in.