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But when he woke up, Alana was sitting next to him on the bed with her laptop open.

“He didn’t send anything. Aleksandra didn’t either. You have an e-mail from your sister, but the subject line didn’t imply Jaime randomly contacted her, so I let you sleep,” Alana said before he even asked. “I wasn’t sure if I should take your phone in the living room so I’d hear it, or if you’d panic if you woke up and it wasn’t here.”

“Thanks.”

“Travis said he’s opening the studio for us because if you sit by the phone again all day, you’ll go insane, but he’s going to let you leave your phone on the whole time.”

“I can’t just go in and dance.”

“You can always just go in and dance. You might as well take advantage of your best friend having keys so you can go in during vacation. It’ll help.”

It was only the knowledge that arguing with Travis was more exhausting than listening to him that made Sean go out in the cold when he didn’t want to. He demanded they take a cab instead of the train, and Travis just let him pay for it instead of lecturing him on how stupid it was to waste the money. He sent a text to Aleksandra on the way, asking her to text him if she heard anything, and ended up promising the same thing to her.

Travis let them warm up without pushing, and hooked up his iPod to the speakers so he could find the piece he’d started choreographing before the break. He tried to work them through his ideas for only half an hour before he declared they were too distracting and he remembered why he always worked alone until he was finished and taught them the steps later.

When Travis decided it was a better use of their time to work on areas in which they needed improvement, Alana glared at Sean’s unresponsive phone harder than he did, but she didn’t argue. His head wasn’t as focused as it could have been, but Travis switched to having them go through some of his favorite older dances so time moved faster than it had during the last two days of sitting on the couch by the phone. By the time Travis agreed they deserved dinner, Sean was at least worn out enough that he might be able to sleep.

Jaime still hadn’t sent a single text after dinner and Alana offered to stay the night, but he was pretty sure she was running out of clothes in Travis’s closet, and while he appreciated the comfort, he could stand to have some privacy for the night. He was trying to decide how late he should stay up when he got a text from Aleksandra.

Can I come over tomorrow? I can’t sit alone in this apartment another day and not hear anything.

Sure. Come over whenever you want.

He texted his address and gave her Travis’s number in case he somehow slept through his phone ringing before giving up and trying to sleep.

Chapter 19

H
IS
LIMBS
still felt heavy when he gave up trying to sleep the next morning. His subconscious couldn’t stop worrying that he’d miss a text or a phone call, and he’d found himself waking up every two hours to check. Travis didn’t bother asking if he’d heard anything when he wandered into the living room and lay down on the couch with the blanket from his bed.

“Why did you even get up if you’re sleeping on the couch?” Travis asked when he didn’t move or even turn on the TV for thirty minutes.

“I was bored.” Sean pulled the blanket tighter around him before Travis could get any ideas about taking it away.

“You’re still not doing anything.” Travis came to stand behind the couch and leaned over him.

“Fine,” Sean mumbled. “I was lonely. The bed was too big. I kept waking up and hoping he would be there.”

“Are you going to stay on the couch until Aleksandra gets here? She’s already on her way. If you’re still like this, she’s going to tell him how pathetic you were.” Travis tugged at the blanket, but when Sean held on, he gave up easily.

“It won’t matter if I never see him again.”

Travis moved around to the front of the couch and kneeled in front of him.

“You can’t think like that.”

“I haven’t heard anything in two days. What if he decided he didn’t want to come back? What if they shipped him off to one of those stupid treatment centers where they try to make people not gay anymore? The last thing he said was he was going to mass. What if they didn’t let him leave?”

“He’s twenty-four. I don’t think they can force him to really do anything,” Travis said as he picked up his phone to read off the screen. “I’m going to go let Aleksandra in. She’d probably appreciate if you at least got dressed.”

Sean let Travis pull him up so he could get dressed and make it into the bathroom before Aleksandra saw him. He felt a little more awake after he’d washed his face, but he was sure the dark circles under his eyes wouldn’t go away, no matter how expensive his eye cream was.

Aleksandra was seated at the counter with a cup of coffee, but she got up when he came out of the bathroom and came over to wrap her arms around his waist. He held her and let his head drop to her shoulder.

“If he doesn’t have a good reason for not calling, I’m going to kill him. I’m going to throw all his stuff out the window and not let you help him bring it back into the apartment.” Aleksandra took a deep breath before she pulled away. “I hope you didn’t think I was coming to cheer you up. I came here so I could be with someone who will worry as much as me.”

“That works for me,” Sean said as they sat back down at the counter.

“Also, I’m tired of eating pasta, and clearly someone is feeding you.”

Sean expected some kind of a complaint from Travis, but he opened the refrigerator without even rolling his eyes.

“Do you want breakfast or lunch?” Travis asked.

“Are pancakes an option?” Aleksandra asked.

Aleksandra pulled her phone out of her purse and set it on the counter next to Sean’s while Travis started mixing the pancake batter.

“When you said you would fly him home or fly there to get him, were you serious?” Aleksandra asked after a few more sips of coffee.

“Yeah. Do you think I should just go?” Sean was already remembering the flight times he’d looked up yesterday before she answered.

“Not yet, but if he doesn’t call, would you fly me there in a few days? I know you’d probably rather go, but I might have better luck. I’ve met his mom before at least once.”

“Yeah. I’ll fly you tonight if you want and fly you both back tomorrow if you can get him to come, or I could just go with you to Arizona and not go to his house.” She might not be able to bring Jaime back right away, but at least she could tell him what was going on. He wouldn’t just be sitting at home waiting for some kind of news.

“Sean, that’s—” Aleksandra started, and then paused like she had to rethink her words. “Okay, I don’t care if Jaime said I wasn’t supposed to ask you this. If he doesn’t want me to ask you, he should have called me. Do you realize how expensive it would be? Did you win the lottery at some point, or does Steph pay a lot more than Lupe thinks? Because Jaime would never notice you wear three-hundred-dollar jeans, but you just offered to fly both of us back to New York on New Year’s Eve.”

Sean couldn’t help hesitating and looking at Travis for help.

“If you don’t want people to notice, you could buy Levi’s,” Travis said, but Sean could hear the tension in his voice.

“Sorry. You don’t have to answer that,” Aleksandra said. “I know I shouldn’t have asked. I just didn’t want to take you up on that and then find out you cleaned out all your savings. Jaime would really never forgive himself.”

“I didn’t win the lottery. It’s a trust fund from my grandparents. I don’t actually buy a lot of expensive clothes, and I still get paid by the company, so I’m not blowing through it or anything. I know how much it is, but it’s not a big deal.” Sean sighed. “I would have told him eventually.”

“For what it’s worth, he’s not dating you for it. He had no idea until I asked, and even then, it’s not like they couldn’t have been a gift. Mostly I had to explain to him how jeans could even cost that much. There may have been a comment about how maybe they had some kind of security measures because they were hard to get off.”

Sean laughed, and he couldn’t help pushing the button to light up the picture of Jaime on his phone.

“I just want him back.” Sean ran his finger over Jaime’s face on the screen. “If you think you can go there and get him back, it’s worth it.”

“If he doesn’t call tonight, I’ll go tomorrow. I don’t think you should go to his parents’ house. He wouldn’t want you to have to deal with them if you don’t have to, but if you want to fly with me and hope I can bring him to you, I’m not going to stop you.”

Sean nodded as Travis set pancakes in front of them.

“I know he was planning to come back. He didn’t want to get your hopes up about how soon it would be, but he told me that. It meant a lot to him that you said you’d be here when he got back. Last time I talked to him, he said you were the only thing helping him keep it together. That’s why I’m worried. If he’s not calling you, then it’s because he
can’t
.”

“We could just go to the airport right now,” Sean said.

“Sorry,” Aleksandra said as she put her hand on his shoulder to stop him from getting up. “That was supposed to reassure you, not upset you. I think we should give him one more day. I told you I wasn’t going to be cheering you up, but I should have mentioned I’m also bad at comfort.”

“But what if he’s not okay?” Sean couldn’t help letting his mind travel back to the idea they’d locked him up somewhere, no matter how much Travis told him they couldn’t.

“I’m sure he’s okay. Maybe they stole his phone or something and he hasn’t gotten a new one, but I’m sure he’s fine,” Aleksandra said. “I promise. If I didn’t think so, I would have called you this morning and begged you to fly me there.”

“But you’ll go tomorrow?”

“I will, and you can go with me if you want,” Aleksandra said. “I know he just wants to give them a chance. He thought they’d kick him out and when they didn’t, he decided he owed them something. He doesn’t like giving up on people, but sometimes you have to.”

Sean nodded, but he didn’t bother trying to pretend anyone he’d given up could compare to Jaime giving up his family.

Travis ignored them most of the day. He refused to let Alana come over because he said there was only so much he could handle, but Sean noted that he still hung around the apartment. He never disappeared into his room for more than an hour at a time, and he made them food before Sean even realized he was getting hungry.

“I can see why Jaime’s so worried about Travis hating him,” Aleksandra said when Travis left to take a shower.

“Travis never hated him. He just thought I shouldn’t be dating him,” Sean said.

“Still, he’s a good guy. If he was a jerk and he hated Jaime, it would matter less.”

“When Jaime comes back,” Sean said, because he had to think it was
when
and not
if
, “I’m going to make Travis tell him that he doesn’t hate him.”

“I’m not sure he’ll believe it if you make him do it,” Aleksandra said. “But I have a feeling Jaime will figure it out.”

When Sean’s phone lit up and started blasting Jaime’s ringtone, Sean jumped for it.

“Jaime?” Sean held Aleksandra’s hand as he strained to hear through the sound of running water.

“Sean? I’m sorry. Can you even hear me?” Jaime’s voice was muffled, but it was there.

“Yeah. Are you okay?”

“I’m sorry. I’m running the shower and hoping they don’t hear me. I’m stupid. I’ve been sleeping with my phone, but I didn’t think about sleeping on top of the charger or something. My mom says I must have just lost it, but I know I didn’t. I’m sorry. I just got all your texts and a million from Lexi.”

“It’s okay. We were worried but it’s okay if you’re okay,” Sean said, although he wanted to point out how obvious it was that Jaime was anything but okay. “Did you get a new one?”

“No, but Victor, my little brother, passed me his when no one was looking. Fuck, he is my favorite brother. I’m apologizing for every time I let Enrique pick on him. Enrique can go fuck himself.” Jaime’s words were muffled, so it was possible Sean was imagining the cracks in his voice.

“You’re not okay,” Sean said instead of asking.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been trying. I’m okay sometimes. I know you’re already worried enough. I’m mad, but I’m okay,” Jaime said.

“Please don’t tell me you’re okay if you aren’t. I’m supposed to worry about you. Also, I have Travis, and Alana, and Aleksandra here if I need anything. If talking to me about how not okay you are helps, I’d rather you do that.”

Jaime was quiet, and Sean couldn’t even hear his breath over the sound of the shower for a minute.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore,” Jaime said, just as Sean was starting to worry he’d said the wrong thing.

“Do you want to come home?” Sean didn’t realize he’d said “home” instead of New York until after he’d said it.

“Yeah. I just have to figure it out. I can maybe take a bus or something if you can look up tickets for me. I don’t even know how. Maybe Aleksandra can do it, and I can pay her back,” Jaime said.