Silt, Denver Cereal Volume 8 (10 page)

“
You’re as sick as your
secrets,” Aden said. Charlie nodded.

“
Yes. No. I don’t really
know. Maybe. Probably,” Charlie shrugged. “You remember how it was
being out. You’re cold, high, and there’s no one telling you not
to. The stuff you have to do just to stay
alive . . . It was nice to have someone warm and
there at night. But I never, ever raped anyone, or helped a girl
because I wanted to screw her, or . . .”

“
Even when you were high?”
Aden asked.

“
No,” Charlie said. “Girls
have always liked me. They called me Pan and . . .
Trying to help them, protect them, and the guys
too . . . It made me feel closer to my dad, I guess.
And the sex was just . . . life, I guess. I didn’t
realize sex was a big deal for kids until I started playing
basketball at East. I just thought . . . I don’t
know, whatever. You want to have sex, you have sex.”

“
Even for Sissy or
Noelle?” Aden asked.

Charlie shrugged.

“
Is it different for
girls?”

“
It’s different for people
who are sheltered, innocent,” Charlie said. “But that’s not me.
I’ve seen . . .”

Charlie did a kind of hiccup. He looked away
from Aden and began to cry. Aden put his hand on the boy’s
shoulder.

“
I was out for years and
years,” Charlie said. “Hungry, cold. I was so alone, so alone.
Predators everywhere. The homeless shelters are the worst.
And . . . I guess it sounds fun and free love—drugs
and lots of sex. But it was . . . lonely. I was so
lonely. I wanted to help because it made me think I wasn’t scum. Is
that so weird? So wrong?”

“
No,” Aden said. “It’s
not.”

Charlie slumped into his jacket and cried.
When the storm passed, Charlie hit the dashboard again.

“
They want me to build a
case for them,” Charlie said. “Get the girls to talk about what
happened to them; tell the guys to talk about beating up the
bastards; and testify myself. It’s
so . . .”

“
Hypocritical?” Aden
asked.

“
Stupid,” Charlie said.
“No one gave a rat’s ass about me or any of those kids. I mean,
Sissy did, and I know Sandy and whatever, but you know what I
mean.”

“
I do,” Aden
said.

“
Now, I’m supposed to give
up the only thing that makes me happy so they
can . . . what? Add another star on their chest? It
feels stupid and wrong.”

“
You’d have to quit
basketball,” Aden said.

“
How did you know?”
Charlie asked.

“
Nash recognized a few of
the boys in that video,” Aden said.

“
Oh,” Charlie
said.

“
He was very upset,” Aden
said. “Threw up and cried. Both he and Teddy were freaked out by
the video.”

“
God.” Charlie hit his
head against the passenger window. “I hope he knows that I would
never . . .”

“
Of course,” Aden said.
“He was upset by the violence and worried about you. He and the
girls are sleeping on your futon. They’re worried about
you.”

“
I told them that this was
bad for the little kids,” Charlie said.

“
Don’t call them that,”
Aden said.

“
What?”

“
Little kids,” Aden
said.

“
But they are little
kids.”

“
It’s demeaning and
they’re not that much younger than you,” Aden said. “It’s a way of
setting yourself apart from the family, a way of being alone while
surrounded by people who love you. Is that what you
want?”

“
No,” Charlie
said.

Charlie had taken too much of a beating
tonight to tell Aden he was right. Aden glanced at the boy and
Charlie gave him a “You’re right” nod. He picked up one of his
double cheeseburgers and wolfed it down.

“
Can we go home?” Charlie
asked.

Aden smiled and started the car. They
continued up Colfax and stopped at the light at Downing.

“
I think you have to find
a win for yourself. Something you can believe in,” Aden said when
they started through the light at Downing. “Do you believe in
helping people?”

“
I try to,” Charlie said.
“I like to. I help out at home and with Delphie and
stuff.”

“
Would you be helping the
girls?”

“
I don’t think so,”
Charlie said. “Most of them have moved on. Who wants to dig up all
this crap?”

“
Do you think these boys
will continue hurting people?”

Charlie focused on his last hamburger and
Aden let the silence do the work.

“
They will,” Charlie
said.

“
Of course they will. Do
you really want to associate with boys like that?”

“
No,” Charlie said. “No
way. But . . .”

Charlie fell silent again.

“
What?”

“
Can’t they just arrest
them and I can play basketball?” Charlie asked.

“
What did they tell
you?”

“
They said they have no
one to testify, no case,” Charlie said. “They had no leads until
Mr. Colin sent in the video.”

“
Are you angry about
that?”

“
No way,” Charlie said. “I
feel . . . awful . . . stupid for
giving out Nash’s phone number . . .
irresponsible . . . like a bad brother. Did he
really throw up?”

“
He did,” Aden said. “When
he told me about it, he was shaking.”

“
God,” Charlie said. He
bounced his head against the passenger window a few
times.

“
You can get mad at
yourself. I understand that,” Aden said. “What strikes me about
Nash is that he’s a truly, deeply, nice person. It always shocks me
to see what nice, good people Nash, Noelle, Sissy, and you are. It
always surprises me that these are
my
children, you know? But I think
you should take notice of how nice people react.”

“
Why?”

“
Because these boys have a
little industry of selling videos and photos of their encounters,”
Aden said.

“
How do you know
that?”

“
Seth told me,” Aden said.
“He didn’t want Sandy to know, but of course that’s the first thing
she thought of.”

“
So everybody knows what I
did,” Charlie said.

“
You didn’t do anything,”
Aden said. “But now that you know about of this, you know Sam would
say, ‘What will you do now?’”

“
This
life . . .” Charlie said. “It’s great but so hard.
Basketball is the only thing that gets me through. I don’t interact
with those guys very much and . . .”

“
Knowing what you know
now, would you want to play basketball with them?” Aden asked. “I
think that’s the question.”

Aden pulled the car into the Castle driveway
and clicked the button for the gate.

“
I was a lot older than
you when I had a chance to meet nice people,” Aden said.

“
But these kids, my old
friends—girls and guys—are really nice, good people,” Charlie said.
“They just lived outside because no one loved them.”

“
They
are
nice people,” Aden said. “Why
would you want to play your favorite sport with guys who
aren’t?”

Aden parked and they went inside. Aden
followed Charlie up the stairs to the second floor.

“
I think everyone is
asleep so we should . . .” Aden said in a low
voice.

The door to their apartment flung open.
Sandy, Noelle, Sissy, and Nash were standing in the doorway.
Charlie stepped into the hallway and they didn’t come out. For a
moment, everyone just looked at him.

Nash broke free and threw himself at
Charlie.

“
I’m so sorry,” Nash said.
“I didn’t mean to . . .”

“
I’m sorry too,” Charlie
said. “I never would have given them your number if I had any idea
that they . . .”

Sissy joined the hug and Noelle followed
her.

“
Let’s get inside before
we wake everyone up,” Aden said.

“
Did Charlie make it
home?” Valerie’s voice came from down the hallway.

They heard running feet and Valerie appeared
with a baby monitor in her hand. Delphie poked her head out as
well. Sam appeared from downstairs to give Charlie a bear hug. MJ
brought Honey up to see Charlie and Jacob brought Jill down.

Soon everyone who lived at the Castle was
standing in the hallway. There were lots of hugs and kisses and a
few baby monitors.

For the moment, Charlie knew he was a real
part of this family and being a part of something was pretty
nice.

“
Good thing I made a
couple of pies,” Sandy said.

“
I have ice cream!” Jill
said.

“
Shall we?” Aden ushered
everyone inside for a mini-celebration.

~~~~~~~~

Monday night—10:37 p.m.

“
I think that’s about it,”
Risa, their social worker said. She stood and gave Heather her
coffee mug. “Thank you for the cake and coffee. After the day I’ve
had, and the night I’m going to have, it was absolutely perfect.
Mostly, thank you for being willing to help out at the last
minute.”

“
It’s our pleasure,”
Heather said.

“
I’ll walk you out.” Blane
looked at Heather and she nodded.

She watched him help Risa with her coat.
When Blane left to walk Risa to her car, Heather went upstairs to
check on the girls. She peeked into the room that had been Blane’s
room, but was now Tink’s room.

Ivy was lying on the air mattress next to
the bed and Tink was on the bed. Both girls had their eyes closed.
They looked like peaceful angels.

It had taken three washings to get all the
muck off Ivy. Tink helped her clean up and then shared her new
clothing with the girl. Of course, Tink was twice the size of Ivy,
but Ivy didn’t seem to care that her clothing didn’t fit. After Ivy
was clean and dressed, they’d been too tired for cake. They went to
bed without a fuss, which was good because Risa was watching.

Heather smiled, and began to close the door.
The door was open just a crack when Ivy said something. Heather
groaned at herself, but she couldn’t help but stop to listen.

“
Tink?” Ivy
asked.

“
Yeah?” Tink’s
sleep-filled voice came from the bed.

“
Tink?”

“
Ok.” The bed groaned as
if Tink sat up to look at Ivy. “What’s going on?”

“
I just wanted to say that
these people seem really nice,” Ivy said.

“
They are,” Tink said.
“Wait ‘til you meet Mack.”

“
No, I mean they aren’t
making you go to school tomorrow because we’re up so late,” Ivy
said. “And we get to see Pan and his new family and everything.
They just seem to get it.”

“
Blane was out of doors
off and on for most of his life,” Tink said. “I think he gets
it.”

“
That’s good,” Ivy
said.

The bedsprings squeaked as Tink lay back
down.

“
Tink?” Ivy
asked.

“
Yeah?”

“
I want you to know that
I’m not going to blow this for you,” Ivy said. “I’ll stay clean and
do whatever I have to. You deserve to be here
and . . .”

“
I never thought you
would,” Tink said.

“
Well, I won’t,” Ivy said.
“And . . . thanks.”

“
For what?”

“
For including me,” Ivy
said. “I haven’t been feeling really . . . good
lately and . . .”

The bed groaned as Tink sat up to look at
Ivy again.

“
It’s the drugs,” Tink
said. “Give it a few days, you’ll feel better.”

“
You ever wish you had
died?”

“
All the time,” Tink said.
“But if I had died, I’d never be here. I’d never have a chance at
this great life and . . . I’m glad I made it through
all of this. You will be too.”

“
I miss Jeffy.”

“
I miss all of them,” Tink
said. “I figure I have to try to have a real, normal life because
Saint Jude took everything from them, even their life. I kind of
feel like I have to live for them, you know?”

“
I like that,” Ivy said.
“I have to live for me and for Jeffy.”

“
Exactly.”

Heather heard the bed shift as Tink lay down
again. She stood there for a little longer and left to find
Blane.

~~~~~~~~

Monday night—10:39 p.m.

Tanesha pressed the phone against her ear
and closed her eyes. Bone tired, she stepped into the elevator to
the penthouse without opening her eyes. Her mother’s light happy
voice continued to tell her about their “Amazing Trip” to
Paris.

Tanesha was more than happy that they were
happy. Tonight, she was just exhausted. After last night’s full
harvest-fest, today felt like a long, long haul from lecture to lab
to study group to lab to studying in the library to waiting an hour
for the bus. The elevator doors opened at the penthouse.

She was finally home.

With her eyes still closed, she walked into
the house. Still listening to Yvonne, she pulled off her boots and
left them in the hallway. She’d gotten all the way to the kitchen
before she realized something was wrong.