Six (20 page)

I focus my gaze on my boots, desperately searching for something to say. “Lana says I have one week to feel the remaining emotions,” I say. My voice is weak, but my spirits high. With Finn’s safety assured I can force everything else down. I peek up at him just in time to see his jaw work. I trail my eyes lower and his fists clench by his sides.

Finally, Finn pins me with his gaze, immobilizing any thoughts except of him…of his body. Of what he makes me feel without even touching me. He rocks forward on his feet, but then leans away from me as if to hold himself back. He opens his mouth to speak then shuts it again. Everything about his body language confuses me. He looms in the doorway of the washroom, unsure what to do or say next.

He lays both his hands on the door frame on either side of his head. “Which don’t you feel, Em?” Finn asks quietly, using the nickname my mother always used. He breathes out deeply as he waits for me to respond. The silence deafens as my thoughts scramble. I do not know if I want to tell him I feel sadness because he will want to know what caused it.

I want to fling myself into his arms, but hold back. “I do not feel surprise. I think you know the other emotion that is absent,” I say, thinking it has to be obvious I do not feel love. His face belies any trace of what he feels. I want to draw something…anything out of him. “Thank you for my book.” My voice cracks as I speak.

He leans forward as much as his arms will let him without letting go of the frame, and then swings back again. He restrains himself in a way I am familiar with. It is the way he used to act before he had to leave to get a dose of darkling. I shiver at the bittersweet memory. Closing his mouth, his lips press into a thin line.

“I don’t know what you feel, Emma. I don’t. They are witches. How do I know they can’t make you feel something? You’re going to have to be a little more open with me,” he grates. He ignores my thanks completely. His steely brown eyes dart down to my throat. I feel my necklace burning a hole in my pocket.

I tamp down the anger that bubbles up. “They could never make me feel
love
,” I bite back. The word feels funny as it passes my lips.

Finn looks crestfallen as I say this. For the first time, I see the dark circles under his eyes, the blood spattering his clothing, and the way his hands shake on their own volition.

“What is wrong with you?” I ask.

Finn stabs his fingers through his brown hair clearing it from his eyes. When it falls back into his eyes I think it more mouth watering than any time before. I approach cautiously, very slowly. He backs away from the door frame allowing me to pass through. I sit on the edge of the bed and pat the seat next to me. Eyeing me warily, he walks to stand in front of me. He merely shakes his head in refusal. I feel rejected and sad. He must know what I have done with Liam. I swallow loudly as tears prick my eyes.

I throw my hands out to the sides. “Talk to me, Finn. Nothing more.” It sounds like a plea, and my cheeks flush with embarrassment. The horrible silence stretches on and on, and I think he may be able to hear how loud my heart is fluttering.

A loud bang sounds on the wall next to us. Both our heads whip in that direction. Next we hear Lana’s muffled, breathy voice. “Oh, Finn. Do that again…Oh yeah, baby! Give it to me! You want my tongue on what?” She throws herself against the wall a couple more times and then falls silent. Finn closes his eyes and shakes his head, a small grin pulling the corner of his mouth up. I laugh. Lana breaks the awkward tension by being obnoxious. A feat surely only she is capable of.

Finn crosses the rest of the room and settles next to me. The heat that radiates from his body envelops me. I sigh loudly, contented for the first time since he was last this close. “I’ve been so worried about you,” he finally admits. I know what he actually means is that he worries what will be left of me after my time at the palace. Tentatively, he gently touches my wrist. I shiver, my skin prickling at the contact.

“You should have known with Lana there I would be more than fine,” I admit, frowning when I remember the deal she made with Liam. With that tiny thought of Liam, my sadness returns. I turn toward the wall, shielding Finn from my pain. I rest my head on his shoulder. Finn stops breathing. He stiffens.

“Tell me about when you felt sadness,” Finn says quietly.
He knows.
I turn my head to meet his gaze. Finn closes his eyes tightly as if witnessing my tears physically pains him. His eyebrows slant inward and he has to make an effort to right his face when he repeats his command. “Tell me.”

I sob once and I tell him. I leave out nothing. I tell him how I pictured his face and hands instead of Liam’s. I watch Finn’s mouth when I tell him I envisioned his mouth instead of the dark prince’s. Finn blanches and clenches his fists when I repeat the exact words Liam muttered before he ruined me, but he nods and asks that I continue. When I tell Finn that I ripped his heart from my neck and finally felt sadness, he slowly closes his eyes. I sniffle, tuck my hair behind my ears and wait, studying his thick eyelashes as they fan across his cheeks. His breathing is rapid and is the only sound I am aware of. I sense that in this quiet moment, with my most horrible memory laid before him, Finn is making a decision.

His eyes fly open and are full of resolve. “We have to fix your memory of that night. It
will
be me. Not him. That’s what you wanted then. Do you still want that?”

I exhale loudly in relief. Contentment fills my heart, which now bangs along at a frantic pace. I bring my hand up and wrap it around his neck. His eyes briefly widen then take on a hooded, aroused look—almost like he is sleepy. “You are all I have ever wanted since I knew I could want,” I say. I clasp my other hand around his neck and draw his forehead to mine. “You are all I will ever want. Forever.”

He swings me under him to place me down on the bed. Cradling my head in his hand, his body’s weight presses down on me, making my head swim. My stomach flips and everything shifts. Gravity does not ground me to this moment, he does. Finn’s expression is different from the last time I saw him—he looks at me with more tenderness and less tortured hesitation. I hope the look in his eye means he wants me fully and in every way possible. I understand then that sex with the dark prince makes no difference to Finn, because I wanted it to be him…because he always wanted it to be me.

His solid, unfortunately still clothed body rests between my legs. Raising my hips I try to bring myself closer to his body. Everything below my waist burns with need. His fierce gaze is still latched onto mine when he rocks his hips forward, thrusting against me, giving me that perfect pressure. He grins and halts the motion.

Without removing his hands, he slowly inches his face down to kiss one corner of my mouth. I cannot control the small moan that escapes my lips. I feel more with a kiss-but-not-really with Finn than all the overtly sexual things I have done with Liam. Finn is still smiling when he creeps down, once more, to press his soft lips to the other corner of my mouth. Feeling his smirk against my lips, I grab his face in my hands. Tracing the curve of his cheekbone and the hard, angular lines of his face, I know my memory of Finn did not do him justice. He is so much more vivid and perfect than anything my mind could conjure.

I push his brown shaggy hair out of his eyes. “I have never desired anything more than I do your kiss,” I say, alternating my gaze from his wet mouth to his lighted, zestful eyes. When I pull his face—his lips–toward mine, he does not resist. His mouth is finally
mine
. Our lips melt together. His tongue meets with mine and I hear him groan. It only stokes the fire I feel growing. Our tongues swirl, tasting, learning, and claiming. His stomach tightens beneath me, and I know his self-control is leaving…just as I want it to. The second our lips met, my soul claimed Finn as
home.
This is a kiss I will never recover from. It is a forever kiss.

My hands trail over his shoulders and down his thick, strong arms. His muscles flex and strain under my fingertips. I pull on the bottom of his shirt without stopping our moving lips. He breaks free from our kiss, panting, as he leans up on his knees to pull his shirt over his head. I look at him and know with certainty that this is the man who is made for me. He is like something from the old world—a perfect storm.

Finn is devastating.

He claims my lips once more, tantalizing me with small licks and furious growls that force my muscles to clench. He runs his heated hands down my neck and shoulders, careful where his hands graze my body. I want more. I want all of him.

I pull the hem of my shirt and camisole over my head, and press our naked chests together. I remember the last time we were this exposed to each other. Louis. Now it is out of emotion that we come together. When Finn trails his lips down the front of my neck, I repress a shudder.
Liam did the same thing
. My body cannot tell a difference, even though my mind is well aware this is Finn.

Sensing my slight change in demeanor, Finn stops. He does not remove his lips from mine, but as his hands still cradle my neck, he taps one finger lightly three times against the side of my neck. With this silent, comforting signal, I know this is not Liam. Finn’s lips are softer. My heart beats for only him. I lean up and watch as he brushes light kisses over my breast, his brown hair falling into his eyes. His tongue darts out and lightly flicks my nipple. Pleasure blasts through my body causing every cell in my body to hum.

I start fumbling with the button on my pants, unable even to think clearly. All I know for certain is I want Finn inside me, filling me—completing me. I want to be his. The pressure between my legs beats at the same tempo of my heart. The need is almost unbearable. His eyes dart up to mine, his mouth locked on my body. He looks startled. He moves up while shaking his head softly. He licks his lips and presses them to mine again. This kiss is soft and sweet.

I gasp when his weight presses down on me again. “I want all of you, Finn,” I say. He shakes his head again, his wet lips brushing across my lips as he tells me
no
. I pull away.

“Not yet,” he explains, sensing my shift.

I think it is because of the decree and it angers me. Liam has stolen something else from me. I want to break all the laws. I want to feel alive. I want to be with Finn in all ways. I want control. Finn sighs and then presses another languid kiss on my lips letting his tongue twirl with mine briefly.

“I want to be in love with you when we have sex,” he says.

“Oh,” I say, and immediately regret such a trite response, but I am hurt. My heart crumbles a tiny bit. I should not expect him to love me after what Liam has done to me. I am surprised he even says he will break the decree for me. I close my eyes in an effort to keep the tears away.

“It’s not like that,” Finn tells me, cupping my face gently in his hands. “I want to have sex with you…very badly. Hell, I’ve waited a long time to even kiss you. Do you know what thinking about you naked does to me? I want you, but I had to…” His eyes go distant, as his words trail. He is far away from here. I lean up and put my lips to his, only wanting to connect with him in some way. He finally looks at me.

“Tell me,” I order, using his command from earlier.

“I had to sacrifice an emotion to enter the Dark Citadel,” he says quietly.

Now I feel like I am the one who is far away, disconnected from everything. I know it before he says it. His brown eyes glow a wicked white, lighting my face and darkening my heart.

“Love,” he says.

Chapter Twenty-Five

July 27th, Early morning

“It was my biggest liability,” Finn tries to explain. There are no words he can say that will make his sacrifice logical. It takes my breath away. His loss stuns me. I do not know what love feels like, but I know it is worth more than anything else in this world. Finn still lies on top of me and strokes my face gently. The fact that he is trying to comfort
me
about this makes me even more furious.

I slide my hands over his. “You never should have come to the Dark Citadel. Nothing nor anyone is worth losing love over,” I say confidently. Love, more precious and powerful than all of the six is what I so desperately seek, and Finn has given it away. His lips press into a firm line and his jaw works. The dimple in his chin appears.

He brushes his thumb over my bottom lip. “I knew I’d find you.” He inches forward and I think he may kiss me again, but he leans away. “I also knew I wanted to fall in love with you. You can’t have the same love twice, Emma.” I stop breathing. I feel my heartbeat in my neck. He replaces his thumb with his mouth. He speaks against my lips. “When I feel love, I want to know it’s because of you. I don’t think you understand—I have never cared so much about anything as I do you. You are my only redeeming quality,” he says. He rolls over and leans on his side, his hand behind his head. His eyes are soft and inviting. I roll toward him and mimic his posture.

I cannot help the smile that breaks across my face. “But you had it already,” I say. I am envious and happy at the same time. He wants
me
.

He shakes his head. “It’s not the same,” he says.

Staring at his determined face I have an idea. I run my hand over his chest, sweeping his rippled abs and then lower still. When he flinches, I laugh. “If we have sex maybe we can fall in love with each other at the same time.” It makes perfect sense. He rolls onto his back and scrubs his hands down his face, sighing loudly.