Sizzling Nights with Dr. Off-Limits (10 page)

Meghan shrugged. “Then don't change jobs.”

If only it were that simple.

“You don't understand what it was like after we split and I had to go to work knowing I'd see glimpses of him there...” Her voice trailed off. She'd dreaded each and every day. Had wondered how he could see her and not know the great loss within her. The grief and suffering she felt every moment of every day and seeing him going on about his life had only added to her pain and loss. She'd quickly known she couldn't continue working there and had turned in her notice. Starting work at Children's had been a godsend.

“I knew you had been married before, but you never wanted to talk about it, so I never asked.” Meghan winced, then took a sip of her drink. “I remember how sad you looked when you first started. The first time I ever saw you, I wanted to hug you and beat the crap out of whoever had hurt you.”

“Our friendship was formed on pity?”

Meghan shook her head. “Our friendship was formed based upon the person you are being someone I came to love. You're a great friend, Emily.”

“Even though I never told you about Lucas?”

“I wish you'd felt you could tell me, but I understand why you didn't, why you wouldn't want to talk about him at all. He hurt you a lot, didn't he?”

Lucas had hurt her a lot, but what had come later had hurt so much more. Still hurt so much. One never got over that kind of hurt, she supposed.

“I guess in some ways we hurt each other.”

“Are you sure getting involved with him again is a good idea? I mean, he's superhot and all, but aren't you afraid you'll end up getting hurt again?” Meghan reached across the bar table and touched Emily's hand. “Maybe we should leave before he gets here. I don't want to see you hurt.”

She shook her head. “I'm not going to let him hurt me again.”

Her friend didn't look convinced. “How are you going to stop him?”

Emily lifted her chin a notch. “Because this time I'm the one in control. I'm the one telling him to leave instead of the other way around.”

Meghan blinked. “He told you to leave?”

Unable to give voice to that particular memory, Emily nodded.

Meghan stared at her as if she'd lost her mind.

Possibly, she had. But when her gaze collided with that of the man who was making his way toward their table, she admitted that rational thought didn't matter because she wanted him too much to stop this craziness.

From the moment he'd bought her bachelorette date, her fate had been sealed. Maybe from the moment she'd first met him, her fate had been sealed. Lord knew that even though she'd convinced herself she could be happy and content with a man like Richard, deep down she wondered if she would have been. Would anyone other than the man intently making his way toward her table do?

“He's here.”

“You want me to leave?” Meghan offered, suddenly looking nervous.

Emily grabbed her friend's hand. “Please don't. Make me show some restraint, because when I look at that man, I just want to rip his clothes off with my teeth.”

Meghan looked toward him and groaned. “Emily, a lot of women want to rip that man's clothes off with their teeth when they look at him. No offense, but he's easy on the eyes to say the least.”

He was easy on the eyes. Clothed and unclothed.

She sighed. “What am I going to do?”

“What do you want to do?”

“I've already told you what I want to do. That's the problem.”

Meghan grinned, then made a chomping motion.

Emily rolled her eyes but smiled at her friend.

“Why not? Obviously, he's good at what he does. Just so long as you stay in control and remember that he's bad for you regarding anything but physical gratification, why not use him for good sex?”

Why not indeed?

Other than that she'd never been the kind of girl to have sex just for the sake of sex.

Well, not until now.

Now that was exactly what she had been doing, right? No matter what lay in the recesses of her heart, she knew she and Lucas had no future. Yet she'd had sex with him the past two nights. She'd have a torrid affair with her ex-husband, let him rock her world, then she'd send his butt home night after night because to allow him to stay would change the dynamics of their relationship. She'd keep everything neatly within the physical rather than the emotional.

“Hello, Dr. Cain,” Meghan greeted as he joined their table. She motioned to one of the tall bar chairs next to the table. “Have a seat.”

CHAPTER TEN

L
UCAS
PULLED
UP
a chair to Emily and Meghan's table. Both women stared at him in a way that made him wonder if he had something stuck between his teeth or had developed a huge zit on the end of his nose.

First running his hand across his face, just in case, he motioned to the bartender and ordered a cold one.

When he turned back, both women were still staring.

“Am I missing something?”

“What makes you ask that?” Emily asked, taking a drink from the glass she held.

“You two are making me nervous.”

“Who—us?” Meghan hooked her arm with Emily's, then laughed. “Then again, we get that a lot.” She winked at Emily. “That we make men nervous.”

Emily snorted. “Yep. All the time. Every time we come here, in fact.”

He took in the two friends. Meghan was a pretty woman, but Emily was beautiful. So much so that just looking at her made his heart hiccup.

“Two beautiful women, I'd say you do make men nervous,” he agreed.

“But not you?” Emily asked, watching him over the rim of her glass.

She made him nervous as hell. He knew the devastation this woman could cause in his life. The devastation of wanting so desperately to make her happy and not being able to.

“Should I be nervous?”

“Definitely.” This came from Meghan. “And so should that delicious guy who keeps smiling at me from the bar. You two have fun. I'm going to go see how nervous I can make him by asking him to buy me a drink.”

Emily and Lucas watched Meghan sidle up to the bar and indeed ask the guy who'd been staring at their table to buy her a drink.

“He looks happy to oblige.”

The guy did, ecstatic even.

“Do you want something else to drink?” Lucas offered.

“No. I'm good. Haven't finished this one yet.” She held up her glass that was about a third full still. “I imagine I always will be a lightweight, so much so that this is soda.”

He'd figured that.

“You still go out and party with the crew every chance you get?”

He thought about her question. He did go out on occasion to hang with his friends. Those times were further and further apart and not at all since he'd joined the staff at Children's. Not that the gang didn't still get together routinely, but that he just had other things he preferred doing.

“I still see them,” he admitted, not bothering to explain further.

“I imagined so.”

Something in her tone had him studying her a little closer. “Did you not like my friends, Emily?”

Her cheeks pinkened. “I never said that.”

She didn't have to. The truth was written all over her lovely face. “You rarely wanted to go with me. It never occurred to me that it was because you didn't like my friends.”

“Drinking and partying was never my thing.”

True. She hadn't ever seemed to enjoy attending parties or hanging with his friends. He'd hoped she'd eventually relax around them. She never had.

“What was your thing?”

She hesitated a moment, then whispered so low he read her lips more than heard her. “You.”

Her answer humbled him. He'd been such a fool. How could he have had her in his life, had her love and affection, and lost it? Of all the things he'd ever failed at, losing Emily topped the list.

He shouldn't have married her to begin with, and he sure shouldn't have divorced her once he had.

“I made a lot of mistakes, didn't I?”

Glancing away, she shrugged. “We both did.”

“I didn't appreciate what I had, Emily.”

She stared into her almost empty glass, then took one last sip. “Most people don't until they lose something.”

“True.” He didn't know what to say. He hadn't appreciated it that he'd gotten to wake up next to her each morning, that he'd gotten to go to sleep next to her at night. That at any point in between he could call her and hear her lovely voice tell him she loved him.

“Let's dance,” she suggested, placing her now empty glass on the tabletop.

“Okay.” Any excuse to have her in his arms would do.

He held her close, loving the way she fit next to his body, loving the way when he breathed in her sweet vanilla scent filled his nostrils.

They danced the slow song, then several upbeat ones that put a sexy sheen to Emily's skin. One that he wished he'd caused from other movements of their bodies together.

“Hey, guys, I'm outta here.” Meghan interrupted their dancing. “I've got to be at work bright and early in the morning.”

Emily hugged her friend goodbye. “You want me to walk with you to your apartment?”

Meghan shook her head. “I'm fine. You stay and have fun.”

“What about you?” Lucas asked. “You want to stay here for a while or are you ready to go to your apartment?”

“I'm not on schedule tomorrow.”

“Does that mean you want to stay?”

She met his gaze, her lips slightly parted. “What do you want, Lucas?”

For her to say his name until they were both satiated. To hold her in his arms and wake up beside her and do it all over again. Day after day. Night after night.

Where the thought came from, Lucas didn't question. Just that his whole mind filled with the overpowering response.

“Whatever you want is fine, Emily. Just so long as I get to be with you.”

* * *

Emily frowned at Lucas's answer. Why, she wasn't sure. Just that it was sweet and she didn't want sweet from him.

She wanted to keep him neatly compartmentalized.

“Let's go back to my apartment.”

“If that's what you want.”

“That would be why I suggested it,” she snapped, then instantly felt bad. He hadn't done anything wrong. She knew that. “Sorry.”

“Are you okay, Emily?”

“Fine.” But she was lying. To herself. To Meghan. To him. She might want to stay in control of her feelings for Lucas, but to think that was what she was doing was just downright hilarious.

She laughed. Then again.

“How many of those did you have?”

Not realizing what he meant at first, she thought of the empty soda glass she'd left on the table. “One.”

“Lightweight,” he accused, one corner of his mouth tugging upward.

“I'm not drunk. I told you, it was soda.”

“I'm glad.”

“Why?”

“Because I wouldn't have sex with a drunk woman.”

“Not ever?”

“Never. Where's the pleasure in that?”

“Is that what sex is about to you?” she asked. “Pleasure?”

“Pleasure plays a big role,” he admitted, his fingers tracing over her lower back. “What's sex about to you, Emily?”

“Pleasure. Nothing more,” she immediately answered, refusing to give the question more thought. “Just pleasure.”

Which she was feeling with her body pressed up against his. When was the music going to change back to something upbeat?

“Yet you were having sex with a man who didn't give you physical pleasure,” he pointed out.

Her feet stilled. “I never said Richard didn't give me physical pleasure.”

Nor did she recall telling him she'd been having sex with Richard, although maybe she had.

“Did he?”

She frowned. “You don't hear me asking about the women you've been with since our divorce, do you? You have no right to ask me about Richard or any other man.”

“Have there been others, Emily?” he asked, whether he had the right or not. His body had stiffened against hers, as if he were bracing himself for her answer.

She was tempted to lie, to say that there had been dozens, many men who shamed him as a lover. But she'd never been much on untruths.

“No.” She didn't elaborate.

“I'm glad.”

Frustration ran up and down her spine. She pulled back to glare at him. “Really? You're glad that in the past five years I've had one lover besides you? How absolutely selfish is that when I've no doubt you've had dozens of women.”

“There haven't been dozens of women, Emily.” He closed his eyes, took a deep breath. “I'll be the first to admit I have no right to feel jealous of any man touching you—I gave up that right—but, Emily, I do. The thought of you being with anyone other than me rips me up inside.”

“Don't say that.”

“Why not?”

“Because we both know that whatever this is between us right now, it's temporary, and I don't intend to spend my life alone. There will be other men, Lucas. Someday. Maybe I'll get lucky and meet someone who can give me all the things I want first thing after you, but, if not, then I'm okay with having a few hot affairs first.”

“No.”

“No?”

He let out an exasperated breath. “What is it you want from a man, Emily?”

“From you or from some other man?”

“Both.”

“From you, sex.”

He nodded as if he knew that was going to be her answer.

“From other men?” She shrugged. “Someday, I want to meet a man whom I can have a good life with, a couple of kids, go to parent-teacher meetings and soccer games, that kind of thing.”

Kids. Her heart squeezed. Would she ever have children? Did she even want to risk pregnancy again? What if she couldn't carry a pregnancy to full-term?

“You deserve that.”

Oh, Lucas. If only...

“I know. I do,” she agreed, wondering if there was ever a way to repair the hurt once so much had piled up on a person.

“But not with me?”

Her breath caught. “What are you saying, Lucas? You don't want those things. You don't even want kids.”

He frowned. “I never said I didn't want kids.”

“Sure you did,” she reminded him, her fingertips curling into her palms. “When I mentioned having a baby, you shut me down real fast.”

“We'd only been married a few months, Emily. You were just starting your nursing career. I was finishing up my fellowship. We were still figuring out married life. You were unhappy and I was stressed. The last thing we needed was a baby.”

“Then I guess it's a good thing we didn't have one.” She pulled away, unable to stand being in his arms another minute, unable to suppress the memories she never let rise to the surface. Memories she'd done her best to forget altogether.

Blindly, she made her way through the crowd on the dance floor toward the exit. She needed air.

When she stepped outside the club, she gulped in big breaths of air laced with the smell of hot dogs, pretzels and whatever else the street vendors had going.

Her heart pounded in her chest and her lungs couldn't get enough air. Why hadn't she just not answered his text? That would have been for the best. Instead, they'd gone down a conversation path she'd never wanted to take.

“Emily?”

Why had he followed her? She'd known he'd follow her. Of course he would. He'd come to the club because she was there.

She didn't open her eyes.

“Emily?”

“Go away, Lucas.”

“No.”

She opened her eyes. “You told me you'd leave if I asked you to.”

“That was before.”

“Before?”

He paused, seeming to search for the right words. “What happened back there?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your skin went green, and if I didn't know better, I'd have thought you were going to be ill. You told me you didn't have anything but soda. That shouldn't have made you sick. So tell me, what happened in there?”

“There are some things we just shouldn't talk about.”

“So you were okay talking about our past lovers but not your perception that I didn't want children? Your false perception, I might add.”

“No, I wasn't okay with talking about our past lovers or my perceptions. I'm not okay with any of this.”

She pulled away and started walking down the street in the direction of her apartment. Her building wasn't far.

“I don't want to fight with you, Emily. I never wanted to fight with you,” Lucas said from beside her just outside her apartment door.

“Odd, that's what we seem to do best.”

“That's not what we do best.”

“Then too bad we can't just stay naked all the time, eh?”

“Well, it's a safe bet to say you'd win every argument if that were the case.”

She shook her head. “Don't make light of this, Lucas.”

He touched her face, running his fingers along the edge of her hair, then cupping her nape. “I'm sorry, Emily. For whatever it was I said wrong inside the club, I am sorry. For every mistake I ever made where you are concerned, I'm sorry. Forgive me.”

She wasn't sure she could if she wanted to, but that didn't stop her body from melting against his when he pulled her inside her apartment and kissed her.