Skin Like Dawn (37 page)
And they didn’t make much sense together. Never did.
They brought out the absolute worst in each other, sometimes.
But they really loved each other, didn’t they?
Their meeting was the catalyst, she figured. If she’d never gone to that fucking birthday party all of those years ago, desperate for change, curiosity propelling her, then maybe, just maybe, their lives could’ve been spared. And maybe Harper’s too. She and Brandon would’ve gone along with the paths already laid out for them, separately, surely: she would’ve become to doctor she’d always dreamed of being, and he would’ve married Sophia Baldwin, all identities spared and intact.
All too often, youth dictates, compounds and demands more of their lives than they want it to. Emotions and revelations shattered in the blink of the eye, all for the sake of pleasing the heart.
What the fuck did it all mean?
“We’re stronger than this, Tallie,” he whispered against her face. “Just you and I.”
For the first time in years, she didn’t believe him.
She knew what she had to do.
BRANDON & NATALIE
“GO,” SHE SAID. “GO BACK. I PROMISE I’LL BE OKAY.”
He stared at her longingly. It had been a few weeks, now. Belly shrunken, shoulders narrowed and fifteen pounds lighter, she looked dramatically different. Summer was coming around again, and the loss still seemed surreal somehow.
She stood in their bedroom in front of him, holding onto his hands. Her skin felt thinner against his. She tried for an earnest gaze into his eyes, he could see her effort. But he didn’t believe it.
“No,” he replied calmly. “I’m staying here. With you.”
She shook her head. “It’s time, don’t you think? It’s time to move on. We have to start rebuilding again.”
The robotic dissonance in her voice made him ache, but he took a deep breath anyway. “I won’t go. I’m not ready.”
“Yes, you are. We both are. I promise.”
The faulty, inconsistent and rattled emotions inside of him could have blamed her for a number of things the past few days; namely, the dark and almost unforgivable way of pretending as though the baby had never existed. Sauntering around the house in sort of a daze, teetering from one side of reality to the less unrealistic. And where the hell did he fit in? Had she forgotten that the baby was a part of him, too? Did she care?
Still, he remained silent outwardly, screaming inwardly, pleading for relief, contrarily finding it difficult, that in spite of all of their emotional disparity, they still managed to draw themselves closer to one another in all of this.
And that was something worth praying for.
Natalie sensed his hesitancy. “Brandy...I’m fine. If I’m not, I have your number. I just want to sleep. And I may even be inclined to call Zuly and invite her to lunch. She’s been calling me incessantly.”
He sighed. “Fine.” He reached for his briefcase, but something inside of him kept telling him not to leave. “Don’t forget that Scotty and Asha are flying in tonight. And my parents are...”
“I’m not ready to tell them yet. I’m not ready, you hear me?”
He nodded. “I get it, baby.”
“Good.” She arched her feet upward, leaned toward him, and kissed his lips slowly. Then, the side of his jaw, his nose, his forehead, his head, settling on a gentle tug of his bottom lip. “I love you, Brandon Greene. I will always love you. You know that, don’t you?”
He nodded. “Of course I do, Tallie.”
She kissed him again. “Never forget it, please.”
Then, she ushered him out the front door and into his car.
ALL THROUGH THE DAY, HIS COWORKERS ASKED HIM IF HE WAS OKAY, IF HIS WIFE WAS OKAY; he didn’t know what to tell them. And he damn sure didn’t know what work meant to him anymore.
Gazing down at the framed photo of his wife on his desk, he grasped at it a little, felt his throat swell, and just as a tear brimmed his eye, Penelope entered the room. “Hi.”
He cleared his throat. “Penny, hi.”
“Is this a bad time?”
He got to his feet, running his sweaty palms down the sides of his jeans. “What do you need?”
“The question is, what do you need?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“I’m just so sorry about your wife,” she said. “I’m just so sorry.”
“Thank you. I really appreciate it.”
“Is there anything I can do to help? Is there anything I can do to make it easier?”
He thought about what mattered most to him and to his wife - and the conclusion seemed easy. “Yes...there’s something you can do. Get me a first class flight to Atlanta, Georgia. For two. There’s some things that I need to handle.”
IN AN HOUR, HE WAS HEADING HOME EARLY. TO HELL WITH WHAT HIS WIFE SAID: SHE NEEDED HIM. He made plans in his head to take her into his arms, swing her around a little, then explain to her what he’d done. He had a plan. A good plan. He knew what needed to happen.
Natalie would protest him a little. She might even kick and scream. But he knew what was best for both of them.
He tumbled into the house, yelling her name with exuberance. No answer. He went up the stairs and back down them. Nothing.
He picked up his phone, dialed her number. Nothing.
He went back up into their bedroom to find the bed neatly made. The entire space smelled of fresh linen. And on her nightstand, just in the between the picture of her family and a picture of him and her in college, was a long, white sheet of paper that hadn’t been there this morning. There were words on it in her hand.
Initially dismissing it as nothing more than a grocery list, he started to walk off, but something stopped him, propelling him to pick up the piece of paper and scan his eyes over it.
Brandon -
It’s difficult to write this. There are so many things that I want to say. And I’m not sure that you’ll understand any of it. But rest assured I’ve loved you more than I’ve ever loved myself. Or anyone else, for that matter. Breathing without you in proximity often becomes difficult, and it’s a dependency that I’ve not only relied on, but have felt crippled by as well.
Please, understand me, baby. Our history proves far greater than anything I’ve deserved or could have conjured up.
But a time for change has come...
You said once that “we don’t chose who we love...it just sort of happens”. And I completely agree with you. Somehow, you meet someone, and your lives become so tightly intertwined that you can’t imagine what it was like without them - good or bad.
And I’ve somehow convinced myself that I’ve kept you from being the person that you were meant to be - strong, willing, independent and loved by someone who deserves you.
I guess that’s what it all boils down to - I never deserved you. I don’t blame you for any of this - and I pray to God that one day you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me.
I’m setting you free. I’m allowing you to become the person you were always meant to be.
This is where our love story ends, Brandy.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Admittedly, I'm not a very expressive person. Outwardly, I project an aloof, cool and caterer disposition. And I've never been very good at showing gratitude when it's due. But let me take a moment to thank those who have stood by me and supported me when I deserved it least; who offered their help when I proudly refused it; who made me laugh, embraced me or otherwise when I felt like crying, dropping to my knees and giving up. You have no idea how much I love and cherish you. None of this would've have been possible without you. You all know who you are.
From the bottom of my heart, Thank You.
Table of Contents
BRANDON
NATALIE
ASHA
BRANDON
NATALIE
BRANDON & NATALIE