Skyscrapers & Camelot (Renovate Book 1) (13 page)

I nod and he tells me to make myself comfortable. Since that is easier said than done, I take another opportunity to look at his view of New York City.

Hearing him making himself busy in the kitchen, I turn around to I see him staring at me from across the room.

“Take a picture, it will last longer,” I tell him.

He shakes his head at me.

“Do you need help with anything?”

“You can help yourself to some wine if you like.”

“I meant with dinner.” Really, a man after my own heart.

Once he pulls out a wine glass and a bottle already opened on the counter and places it down for me, I walk over and pour the white wine in the glass, feeling his eyes on me.

I hold his stare, lifting up the glass. “Happy?”

“You have no idea.”

But I do. If he is feeling a fraction of what I am right now, then I do know.

“What are you cooking?”

“Chicken Parm,” he replies.

“Yum.”

“Still your favorite?”

I nod, my stomach growling at the anticipation of eating his delicious creation.

“When did you learn to cook?”

He opens the oven and closes it again before he answers me. “My mother, of course. She insisted since Kaleb and I were living on our own that we both needed to learn.”

Keegan’s mother Grace was always a whiz in the kitchen and made the most delectable meals.

“It’s just about done.” He pulls a chair out that faces a long, marble bar along the kitchen’s window then motions me over, and I walk over like a magnet.

“I figured we could eat here and watch the sunset.”

I sit down, now facing the city, which immediately gives me butterflies. “That sounds lovely,” I tell him.

A few moments later, he brings over two plates filled with the chicken and pasta, the aroma coming off the plate heavenly. He places one in front of me then places the other down next to mine and walks away again, returning with a matching glass of wine for him.

When he scoots his chair close to mine so our arms are touching, I can feel his body heat, the sensation making me want to crawl into his lap.

We eat in silence, and with each bite, I’m given bursts of flavor that make me moan in delight while we watch the sun fall below the skyscrapers. The sky is a beautiful array of pinks, yellows, and blues.

The meal is one of the best I have ever tasted. His mother did good passing over her cooking knowledge.

He smiles over at me. “I take from how fast you devoured your dinner that you liked it?”

“It wasn’t bad,” I tease.

“I have a special dessert, but I think I’ll make you wait on that.”

I love when he flirts with me. The flash of his crooked smile and dimples makes my heart beat that much faster.

“More wine?”

“Yes, thank you.”

He reaches over so close I can smell his enticing scent and grabs my glass to refill. He quickly returns and holds out his hand for me, pulling me up close to him. With our chests touching, my breathing becomes shortened as he looks into my eyes as if he’s searching for something in them. I’m not sure if he finds what he’s looking for, but after a few moments, he pulls me over to the couch where he places my glass down on the coffee table before he walks away, returning with his wine.

Every piece of furniture is positioned to see the gorgeous view outside. It’s starting to get dark, and the light inside is dim, only a glow reflecting back from the buildings outside.

We sit closely, side by side, and I place my head on his shoulder, relishing the feel of him. He pulls me closer and kisses the top of my head, letting out a huge sigh.

“I can’t believe I went so long without this,” he whispers softly.

“So why did you?”

“That is a good question, one I’m not even sure of myself.”

Is the talk we have been tiptoeing around finally happening? Is this some type of turning point for us? I want to ask why he left me, but I’m afraid of hearing his answer.

Suddenly, my tears begin to seep out of my eyes, unable to be contained any longer. The pain is too much to bear, and being here with him just strengthens the feelings I had before he left me.

“Try me,” I say hesitantly.

He lets out a long breath and hugs me tight, as if he’s using our closeness as an anchor. “Aimee, I know I hurt you. I can see it in your eyes every time we talk about the past, and I hate myself for that. Those tears in your eyes are because of me, and I wish I could change so much from the night before I left.”

My heart stops at his words, as though time has frozen. Although his confession makes my tears flow even faster, I do my best to take in a deep breath so he can continue.

He looks at me and wipes the tears away, the pain in his eyes evident. I wish I could take it all away, take all of our pain away.

“I felt the same way you did, Aimee. I didn’t realize till that night, though. It scared the hell out of me like nothing had before. When you kissed me, it was like the whole world opened for me. It was different than any other kiss I ever had because it was
you
kissing me, and you meant something to me. I was already sad that I was leaving, and I know you were dreading it, too.”

I was dreading it. For the first time since we met, we would be separated, and I wanted so badly to be going away with him.

“I didn’t want to make you sad, Aimee. If you felt a smidgen of what I was feeling, I couldn’t face you. I was afraid that, if I told you how I felt, it would hurt you even more. I couldn’t do it. I spent the entire night thinking about it, and so I just left.”

“And, what? You thought it was best to ignore me, like that wouldn’t be awful at all?”

“I know I was a coward, but I was leaving for college, and I was distracted.”

“I was a distraction?”

“No, never,” he says, kissing away more of my tears. “Everything else was but you, Aimee. You were everything to me. I planned on settling in at school and talking once I came home to visit.”

“But you never came home, Keegan.” This is all so confusing. Nothing is making sense to me right now.

“I know, and I’m sorry. Things just spiraled for me at college.”

“How?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking of you, and it was driving me crazy. I replayed your messages just so I could hear your voice.”

“You know, you could’ve called me anytime. We could have talked, but you disappeared.”

“I was planning on coming back and letting you know that I had the same feelings.”

“But we both know you didn’t, so what happened, Keegan? Because this has been eating at me, and I need to know why.”

We can never be anything more unless he explains it all to me. I just need to understand.

He grabs my chin, and I see the fear in his gaze, letting me know whatever he’s going to tell me is going to be the very thing that will break me. This is what he’s been holding back.

“I went out with some friends. I drank a lot, and I had only told one of my friends about you. They thought that loosening myself up would be best. It took the edge off, and I began to be hopeful that things would work out for us, but when I woke up the next day, my head was throbbing and…”

“And what, Keegan?” I knew what was coming. I knew what he was going to say, and I just wanted to crawl into a fetal position.

“Someone was with me, and we were naked. It was apparent that we’d had sex.”

There goes my heart, broken and shattered in a million pieces. I look away, trying to remove myself from his hold.

“Please, Aimee, let me finish. I need to explain.”

“You already have,” I tell him with a glare.

“Not everything.”

God, there’s more? I can’t handle this right now. It’s like I’m being punched in the stomach.

“Maybe I should just leave, Keegan. This is a lot.”

“No, you have to let me finish,” he begs.

I break away from him and hug my body, the warm and comforting feeling from earlier completely gone.

“I understand that you were young, Keegan, but why would you do that if you knew there was something between us?”

“It was a mistake.” He looks at me, his eyes begging me to stay.

“Tell me, what was the mistake? Me? Her? This is very confusing, Keegan.”

“I was ashamed of what I did. I knew then that I wasn’t good enough for you, not then at least.”

I’m starting to understand it all now, but it still hurts like he ripped a bandage from me.

“But you are now? After years and years, what makes you good enough now? I don’t care about your success, and your money means nothing to me.”

He runs his hands through his hair and takes a deep breath before. “I needed to be a man you could be proud of, one you could look at and see a future with.”

I’m angry with him and with myself for not being stronger. I should have tried harder to get him to talk to me. A few voice messages weren’t nearly enough. I should have gotten myself in a car and gone to him, so this is all just as much my fault as his. I was so used to him being there for me that I forgot he needed me, too.

“I was proud of you then, and I’m proud of you now. Not because of your success, but the kind of boy you were when we were young and the man you turned into. I missed you, but it’s not all your fault. I should’ve tried harder to get you to talk to me.”

He looks at me with visible pain on his face. “Listen to me, Aimee; you were always perfect and still are. You did nothing wrong.”

He grabs my hand, kissing it softly. “This is on me. I never should have left you. We should’ve spent the last eight years happy and together.”

“So, what, now you’re worthy?”

He grabs my chin and wipes away the remaining tears. “No, not by a long shot. I may never be, but I’m going to try to prove to you that there’s hope for us, that we are better together than apart.”

I grab the pendant hanging from my neck like a lifeline, anything to give me strength. He notices, and recognition flashes in his eyes. Taking my hand and opening my palm, he touches the star that he gave to me. He looks at it and smiles with happiness in his dark eyes.

“You kept this in spite of everything I’ve done,” he says as an accusation.

I nod because the words are buried deep within me.

He grabs me and whispers, “I’m still working on being the man you deserve, but living without you is unbearable. I can’t do it anymore. It’s just not fair to the both of us.”

He kisses me unexpectedly, hard, deep, and passionate, showing me he’s sorry through his desperation. I kiss him back with the same fervor, letting him know I need and forgive him. We are speaking without words through this passionate exchange, and I have no doubts about his true feelings.

“I love you,” I tell him, looking into his eyes.

He stares at me like he doesn’t believe me, or maybe he’s merely speechless. Moments pass that feel like an eternity.

Finally, he takes a deep breath and says, “I love you to the stars.”

A smile is instantly plastered across his face, and I begin to cry again because it’s everything I have ever wanted to hear from him. I have dreamed of those words, but the reality is much better. I love him, and he loves me. Everything we have been through to get to this point has been worth it.

“I’ve loved you since the moment I looked into those beautiful, blue eyes. Each day since I was seven years old, it’s grown just that much more. I am going to love you more with every day, and that’s a promise. I’m still going to build you that castle, Aimee. You wait and see.”

We sit there, simply holding on to one another, not wanting to let go. After a while, I doze off and am awakened when he picks me up off the couch and carries us inside his bedroom. When he lays me down with him under the covers, I place my head on his chest and listen to his beating heart, the strong and steady rhythm lulling me back to sleep.

Chapter Fourteen

I wake to darkness and am blanketed in warmth with Keegan’s strong hands lightly rubbing my arms.

I remember falling asleep with him and being carried to bed. His confession earlier was eye opening as he shattered me, but it also put me back together again. Telling him I loved him felt right, and he said it back in a way that I will remember forever. This man completes me. He makes me happy, but I’m afraid of what could happen if we ever fall apart.

“What time is it?” I ask.

“It’s still the middle of the night, three a.m.,” he replies.

The moonlight and lights reflecting off the buildings shine in as I move closer to him, lifting my head to look at him. I take my hand and run my fingertips across his cheeks down to his neck. His skin is soft to my touch, awakening my nerve endings.

When he lets out a contented sigh, I suddenly remember what I brought with me, and I smile at him, knowing he’s going to love it. “I have something for you. Stay here. I’ll be right back.”