SLACK: A Day in the Life of Ford Aston (Rook and Ronin Spin-off) (10 page)

“You’re outside?”

“Mmmhmm. I saw this star that night. It was so, so bright. And it had a bluish color to it. And maybe I’ve never really looked before, but I’ve never seen a blue star. It struck me as special, ya know?”

I grab my coat from the front closet and slip outside on my balcony so I can look at the stars as she talks. “I’m outside now too. It’s fucking cold out here, Rook!”

“I know. But I wanted to look for that star when I called you, can you help me find it?”

“Was it in the south?”

“Ummm, yes, I think. I was standing next to Jon’s car, looking up over the trees behind the house. That’s South, right?”

I don’t want to think about that house but I force myself to picture it on the satellite image Spencer and I used to find Rook when she took off last fall. “Yeah, the woods were south, so you would’ve been looking southwest. Where are you now? On Ronin’s balcony or the garden terrace?”

“Garden terrace.”

“Walk over and look at Coors Field.”

“OK”

“Then look left a little bit, then up at the sky. It’s twinkling tonight.”

“I see it! Oh my God, Ford, how do you know this shit?”

How I love to make this girl happy. I’ve never wanted someone to be happy so much in my life. “It’s called Sirius. It’s the brightest star in the sky and it’s prominent in the winter. An educated guess, that’s all.”

She’s silent for a few seconds. “I wished on that star, Ford. I asked Santa Claus or God or someone, it didn’t matter to me who it was. I just wished on that star and I asked it to make my life change. Because I couldn’t live like that anymore, Ford. I was thinking bad things last Christmas. It was a very dark time for me. But I wished on that star that my life would change. It didn’t even have to be a
good
change, but it just couldn’t stay the same. And it did. I took a lot of chances. I accepted a lot of risk to get here, but here I am. I feel like I’m home now.”

I nod, but inside I’m devastated. “I understand, Rook, I do.”

Ronin’s voice calls out to her from a distance. He must be in the doorway to the studio.

“Well, that ball and chain is barking at me to come inside and go to bed. Will I see you tomorrow, Ford?

There is nothing I want more than to see you tomorrow. I want you every day.
These words try to come out, but I hold them back with great difficulty. “No, I think I have plans tomorrow. With a girl up in Wyoming.”

“Would that be Sasha?” she chuckles.

“Yeah—” I want to tell Rook everything. Every single thing that happened to me today from Merc to Sasha, to Veronica and Spencer, and my mom and her new boyfriend. So much happened today and I have no one to share it with. No one. I just want someone to listen to me for once.

“You’ll be at the New Year’s Party for sure, though, right? Exit interviews for Shrike Bikes Season One? You know how I hate those…”

“Yeah,” I say softly. “I know. And for sure I’ll be there.”

“OK, Ford. Merry Christmas. I’ll see you soon. Bye.”

The phone beeps that the call has ended and I’m alone again. I look up at Rook’s Christmas star and make my own wish. I need something new. I need
someone
new. I need change, good or bad, like Rook said. I just need
this life
to stop being mine.

I take a deep breath and go back inside to my totally empty, ultra-modern, sterile, cold and lonely condo.

The knife I bought from Sasha is still wrapped up in pretty Christmas bows and paper, so I pick it up and sit on the couch to open it. I untie the gold ribbon and then carefully peel back the red paper. It’s stupid to be excited, I know what the gift is, I bought it for myself. But even so, Sasha made it special.

Inside the case is the Snubby CQC . But that’s not all that’s in there. I smile as I pick up the silver flash drive all decorated up with mini stickers. Snowflakes, Santa faces, reindeer, and a few guns.

Fucking Nikita.

I grab my computer from the office and set it on the coffee table so I can plug the drive in and see what’s on it. It can’t be anything personal, she didn’t have time. But the curiosity is killing me.

It’s got an autorun program that pulls up a welcome screen. It’s bobbleheads with transposed pictures of Sasha and her father’s faces on them, bobbing their heads to Jingle Bells.

The menu almost breaks my heart. This must be a photo CD of trips Sasha and her dad took. I click a link and it cycles through a series of images set to Christmas music.

I bet that little girl is kicking herself for giving me this drive. I get up and go to my closet safe and get out the external drive I keep here with my scripts on it and run a Wyoming DMV crawl for the name Cherlin. There’s a few of them, one in Cheyenne, obviously Sasha’s father. A few in Laramie, obviously not cattle ranchers since they are within city limits on the satellite map. And one family up in Big Horn, just south of Sheridan. I memorize the address and blow out a long breath of air.

Sasha will never have another happy Christmas. She will never live through this day without thinking of how her father was killed, how she was left in a cabin to wait out some fucked up black-ops job, how she ended up in the hospital—
orphaned
.

I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this. I can’t be this guy, I can’t live this life, I can’t stay here tonight. I walk into my bedroom and stuff a backpack full of clothes. I grab my toothbrush and some toiletries, shoving them inside as well. And then I pull on a pair of jeans and a hoodie, shrug myself into my boots and leather jacket, and walk out the door.

I can’t change the fact that Sasha got her dad taken away from her on Christmas Eve, but I can be the guy who shows up on Christmas Day, trying his best to make this fucked up shit just a little bit easier.

Epilogue - New Year's Eve

The Chaput New Year’s Eve party is famous in Denver. I’m not a party person and for me New Year’s Eve is a time to be alone, so I’ve only ever been once besides this year. I wouldn’t even be here tonight if we weren’t filming for the season finale of Shrike Bikes, but Rook disappeared almost the entire month of December with Ronin. First the GIDGET runway show in LA, then a week in Cancun, then Christmas.

So, here I am, trying to pin her ass down and get this over with.

I’d rather be anywhere but here. I’d rather talk to anyone but her.

The entire studio has been cleared of equipment and replaced with tables and a dance floor. The band is playing, the lighting is moody and atmospheric, and there are almost three hundred people here all dressed in black. I’ve finished the exit interviews for everyone except Rook, but she’s conveniently made herself scarce.

A waitress walks by with a tray and I tap her on the shoulder as she passes. “Have you seen Miss Corvus?” I ask politely. I creep her out, I can tell, because she immediately pulls away from me and then points wordlessly over the crowd to Antoine’s office.

She’s gone before I can thank her.

It’s quite difficult to be polite and when I’m handed rudeness in return, it makes me want to morph back into the old me.

I drop that thought as I make my way through the throngs of people and spy Rook standing just inside the door with Veronica. They are thick as thieves these days. If I were Spencer I’d watch out. They will be into trouble soon, if they’re not already.

Ronnie is wearing a short black dress with very high heels. Her look says she takes her fun seriously.

Rook, on the other hand, is dressed like a dark princess. Her dress is not a dress. It’s a gown. A long midnight-blue gown that breaks the black only rule, but no one cares because she is stunning. The dress has a tight strapless bodice and elaborate skirts that touch the ground. Her hair is flowing down her back in long waves and atop her head is a shiny blue cardboard tiara.

Just as she turns and spies me, the light catches the blue of her eyes and her crown at the same time. It’s like a flashbulb and my mind takes a picture.

“Rook,” I say loudly and with a smile. She winces and it’s official. She’s been avoiding me. “It’s your turn, let’s go.” Veronica pats her on the shoulder like she needs her sympathy and that makes me angry. But I strike through that emotion and beckon my friend with a finger.

“Ford,” she starts. “I’m not in the mood. I’m tired of talking. I’m sorta drunk. I’m not ready for this. I’m—”

She goes on and on like that but she follows like a good girl and I just tune it out. We exit the studio and walk down the hallway to the room where I’ve set up the camera. When I wave her through the doorway she’s still talking about waiting guests and Ronin missing her if she stays too long.

I nod.
Yes, yes, yes, I get it
, that nod says. I motion for her to sit. She sits. She always does as she’s told when I’m the one asking.

It should make me feel good, that I have this control over her. But it doesn’t.

I sit across from her and sigh.

And it’s only then that she notices. I’m surprised it took her so long, her skills at reading body language are astute.

“What?” she asks. “What’s going on? Did something happen?”

“I’m not going to tape an exit interview of you, Rook. We have so much footage of you from the news, there’s no need.”

She smiles and the knife slips in. She gathers her dress in her fingertips and rises out of the chair. “Good, then I’m not needed here and I’ll just be going,” she says, twisting the knife just a little.

“I’m leaving,” I say quickly.

“What?” she asks, halting her fleeing feet mid-stride. “But it’s not midnight yet.”

“I just want you to know I did it all for you,” I say, ignoring her statement. “And I’d do it again if that’s what makes you happy. I only ever wanted what’s best for you.”

Her whole body softens at my words. “Ford…”

“And I understand why you wanted to stay in community college and finish your general ed classes and not transfer into Boulder just yet. Online classes are better. The weirdoes and haters are thinning, but they’re still out there, so that keeps you safe. I’m proud of you, I want you to know that. Whatever makes you happy makes me happy.”

She sits back down, rests her elbows on her knees and props her chin up in her hands. Surely she knew this would have to end eventually.

“If it were anyone else, anyone but you who wanted me to give them so much for so little in return, I would’ve walked away and never looked back a long time ago. But you make it so,
so
difficult to turn away. And I couldn’t let the sadness and pain touch you. It drives me mad when you’re unhappy. I lie awake at night wishing I could bring Jon back to life and torture him myself. I wanted to kill that Abelli asshole for even entertaining the thought of selling you. I want to pull you into my chest right now and keep you for myself. Because, Rook, I just want you.” I stop to study the shock on her face for a moment before continuing.

“I. Fucking. Want. You,” I say, my voice a deep rumble in my throat. “If I’d found you first instead of Ronin, you’d be mine right now. And I’d never let you go. I know what you think of me, of the girls I have, of my”—I look away for a fraction of a second, then drag my heated stare back to her slumped shoulders and sad face—“idiosyncrasies. But I am nothing like Jon. I have never been anything like those men on that list.”

“I know that, Ford,” she says softly as she reaches out to touch my arm.

“Don’t.” I pull away before she makes contact with my suit coat. “You can
not
touch me. If you touch me…” I shake my head, unable to continue.

“If I touch you what?” she asks with an air of challenge.

My own mother hasn’t even touched me as many times as Rook has, so this probably does deserve an explanation. “If you touch me I’ll touch you back. I’ll cup your face and kiss your mouth. I’ll hold you close and make you choose me.” I stop and swallow hard and then lean into her space and whisper, “I’ll ruin everything if you touch me. I’ll ruin us. I’ll ruin this. I’ll ruin you, just like you said. I’ll ruin you and I’ll ruin your life. And I love you too much to ruin you. So I’m leaving.”

Her shoulders slump a little more. “I don’t want you to leave, Ford. I’m not sure life without you is possible.”

“And I’m not sure life with you is possible. I can’t watch you with him, Rook. I’m seething with jealousy. It infuriates me that time and time again he gets what he wants. Ronin pulls love towards him like he’s gravity.” I stop to laugh. “He only has to ask and love appears in his life. And me? I beg for it. I want love more than anything, yet everyone thinks I’m insufferable.” I kneel down in front of her and shake my head. “Everyone but you, Rook. You are the only person on this entire Earth I care about. And you belong to someone else. And if it were anyone but him I’d just take you and say fuck the consequences. But you chose one of two people who will stand by me no matter what I do. And even though these days I count Ronin as a friend, and I would never betray him, I’m
so fucking jealous. His life since Antoine has been one long string of lucky breaks. And every day I ask myself, why? Why does he get you? Why does he deserve this luck and I’m always left with nothing?”