Slammed (35 page)

A
beautiful
girl

And I fell for her.

I fell
hard.

Unfortunately, sometimes
life
gets in the
way.

Life
definitely
got in
my
way.

It got
all up
in my damn way,

Life
blocked
the
door
with a stack of wooden
2x4's
nailed together and
attached
to a fifteen inch
concrete
wall
behind a
row
of solid steel
bars
,
bolted
to a
titanium frame
that
no matter
how
hard I shoved against it
-

It

wouldn't

budge.

Sometimes
life
doesn't
budge.

It just gets
all up
in your
damn
way.

It blocked my
plans
, my
dreams
, my
desires
, my
wishes
, my
wants
, my
needs.

It blocked out that
beautiful
girl

That I
fell
so
hard
for.

Life
tries to tell you what's
best
for you

What should be most
important
to you

What should come in
first

Or
second

Or
third.

I tried
so hard
to keep it all
organized, alphabetized, stacked
in
chronological order,
everything in its
perfect space,
its
perfect place.

I thought that's what life
wanted
me to do.

This is what life
needed
for me to do.

Right?

Keep it
all
in
sequence?

Sometimes, life gets in your
way.

It gets all up in your damn
way.

But it doesn't get all up in your damn way because it wants you to just
give up
and let it
take control
. Life doesn't get all up in your damn way because it just wants you to
hand
it all
over
and be
carried along.

Life wants you to
fight
it.

Learn how to make it your
own.

It wants you to grab an
axe
and
hack
through the
wood.

It wants you to get a
sledgehammer
and
break
through the
concrete.

It wants you to grab a
torch
and
burn
through the
metal
and
steel
until you can reach through and
grab
it.

Life wants you to
grab
all the
organized,
the
alphabetized
, the
chronological,
the
sequenced.
It wants you to mix it all
together
,

stir
it up,

blend
it.

Life
doesn't want you to let it
tell
you that your little
brother
should be the
only
thing that comes
first.

Life
doesn't want you to let it
tell
you that your
career
and your
education
should be the
only
thing that comes in
second.

And life
definitely
doesn't want
me

To just let it
tell
me

that the
girl
I met,

The
beautiful, strong, amazing, resilient girl

That I fell
so hard
for

Should
only
come in
third.

Life
knows.

Life is trying to
tell
me

That the
girl
I
love,

The girl I fell

So
hard
for?

There's room for her in
first.

I'm putting
her
first.

Will sets the microphone down and jumps off the stage as he walks up to me. I've gone so long teaching myself how to let go of him, to break the hold he has on me. It hasn't worked. It hasn't worked a damn bit.

He takes my face in his hands and wipes my tears away with his thumbs. "I love you, Lake," he smiles as he presses his forehead against mine. "You deserve to come first."

Everyone and everything else in the entire room fades; the only sound I hear is the crash of the walls I've built up around me as they crumble to the ground.

"I love you, too. I love you so much," I say. He brings his lips to mine and I throw my arms around him and kiss him back. Of course I kiss him back.

The End.

Epilogue:

“
But when I think

I just might get something

Out of this

My parents taught me to learn

When I miss

Just do your best

Just do your best.”

-The Avett Brothers,
When I drink

Epilogue

I walk around the living room, taking long leaps over mounds of toys as I gather wrapping paper and stuff it into the sack. "Did y'all like your presents?" I ask.

"Yes!" Kel and Caulder yell in unison. I gather the last of the wrapping paper and tie the ends of the trash bag together and head outside to throw it away.

As I'm walking to the curb, Will emerges from his house and jogs toward me.

"Let me get that, Babe," he says as he takes the bag out of my hands and carries it to the curb. He walks back to where I'm standing and puts his arms around me, nuzzling his face in my neck.

"Merry Christmas," he says.

"Merry Christmas," I reply.

It's our second Christmas together. The first without my mother. She passed away in September this year, almost a year to the day that we moved to Michigan. It was hard. It was
extremely
hard.

When someone close to you dies, the memories and recollections of them are painful. It isn't until the fifth stage of grief that the memories of them stop hurting as much; when the recollections become positive
.
When you stop thinking about the person's death, and remember all of the wonderful things about their
life.

Having Will by my side has made it bearable. After graduation, he applied to get his Master's in Education. He didn't take the job at the Junior High after all. Instead, he lived off of student loans for another semester until I graduated.

Will takes my hand as we walk back inside the house. The amount of toys that are piled in my living room floor is astonishing.

"I'll be back, last load," Will says as he takes a stack of Caulder's things and walks back out the front door. This is his third trip across the street, transferring all of Caulder's new toys to their house.

"Kel, these can't all be yours," I say as I scan the living room. "Y'all start gathering them up and take them to the spare bedroom. I need to vacuum." There are small remnants of gift chaos all over the living room floor.

After I finish vacuuming, I wrap up the cord and return the vacuum to the hallway closet. Will walks in the front door with two gift sacks in hand.

"Uh, oh. How'd we forget those?" I ask just before I call the boys into the living room.

"These aren't for the boys. These are for you and Kel." He walks to the couch and motions for Kel and I to take a seat.

"Will, you didn't have to do this. You already got me Avett Brothers tickets," I say as I settle into the sofa.

He hands the sacks to us and kisses me on the forehead. "I didn't. They aren't
from
me."

He takes Caulder's hand and they quietly slip out the front door. I look at Kel and he just shrugs.

We simultaneously rip the tissue out of the sacks and pull out envelopes. "Lake" is sprawled across the front in my mother's handwriting.

My hands are weak as I slide the paper out of the envelope. I run my arm across my eyes and wipe away my tears as I unfold my letter.