Sleepless at Midnight (32 page)

“The problem is neither her beauty nor her sweet nature. The problem is that she is your friend.”

His expression indicated that she should understand what he was talking about. His expression was dead wrong. She didn’t have a clue. That being the case, she leaned forward and discreetly sniffed. He blinked. “Do I smell?”

“Yes. Like sandalwood and fresh linen.”

“What were you expecting?”

“Brandy. Or perhaps whiskey. Certainly spirits of some nature.”

“I assure you I am completely sober. Sarah, I cannot marry your friend when I desire you so very much.” He brushed his fingertips over her cheek, and her insides quivered from the feathery contact. “Such an arrangement would be an awkward, untenable situation for us all. Therefore, barring success in locating the money, I plan to leave for London four days from now to embark on the unwanted but necessary task of finding a different heiress.”

His gaze searched hers. “Do you count as friends any other heiresses? Tell me now so I can cross them off my list of potential candidates.”

It was difficult to speak, especially when his words, I desire you so very much, continued to echo through her brain. Caught between a swirl of surprise, confusion, relief, and desire, she shook her head and managed to say, “No.”

“Excellent.”

Matthew’s gaze dipped to her lips and he swallowed the groan that rose in his throat. Bloody hell, had he just said that he desired her so very much? If he’d ever in his life uttered a more monstrous understatement, he couldn’t recall the details. And he could tell by the way her chest rose and fell with her quick breaths, the way her honey brown eyes gazed at him so intently, that he wasn’t alone in his desire.

Damn it, he should leave her bedchamber. Immediately. He knew it, his inner voice was screaming at him to do so, but his feet refused to move. Instead he cupped her face in his palm and stroked the pad of his thumb lightly over her lush bottom lip.

“My speaking of desiring you,” he whispered. “Did I shock you?”

She shook her head, sending her glasses downward in that familiar way that both amused him and tugged on his heart. “No. But…” Her words trailed off and she looked at the floor. He touched two fingers beneath her chin until their gazes once again met. “But what?”

She swallowed, then said, “But you should refrain from making such knee-weakening statements until I’m already seated, lest I might crumple into a heap at your feet.”

Her admission clearly meant that she’d suffered the same torment as he this past week. Thank God. Surely the selfishly motivated sense of relief and elation that suffused him didn’t speak well of him, but he couldn’t stop the feelings.

“Sarah…” Hell, just saying her name pleased him. He breathed in and the subtle scent of lavender teased his senses. And it seemed as if that one single breath completely unraveled him, loosened the confining ties on the hunger for her he’d suppressed all week. Desire hit him so fiercely he wouldn’t have been able to step away from her if his very life had depended upon him doing so. There was no longer a question of loyalty to her friend. Surely, then, just one kiss would be all right. Just one, to satisfy this desperate yearning. Just one, to relieve this edgy pressure that demanded relief. Just one, and then he’d stop.

He lowered his head and touched his lips to hers. A soft reacquaintance after a week-long absence that felt more like a decade. Her lips parted on a sigh, and in a heartbeat he was lost, sinking deeper into the soft velvet of her mouth. He felt her toss aside the bundles she held, and then her arms were around his neck and she was pressing herself against him. And all semblance of control vanished like a puff of steam in a gale force wind.

With a growl, his arms went around her, crushing her to him but unable to get her close enough. One hand plunged into her soft hair, holding her head still, while his other hand settled on the small of her back, pressing her nearer still. His tongue danced with hers, explored the satin of her mouth. Wild, reckless need pulsed through him and he stepped forward, pinning her to the wall with his lower body.

The feel of her soft curves cradling his erection dragged a guttural groan from his throat. He rubbed himself against her, slowly, each drag across her body jolting him with waves of shocking pleasure.

Touch her. Had to touch her. Just once more. Just one touch…

He lowered one hand and curled his fingers into the cotton of her night rail, dragging the material upward until he touched her drawers.

Skin. Had to touch her skin. Just one touch.

He skimmed his hand upward, and her soft, warm breast filled his palm. She gasped against his mouth, that erotic, delicious sound that had haunted him since the first time he heard it. Her nipple pebbled beneath his touch and he teased the tip between his fingers, gently tugging, absorbing her shudders of pleasure.

And he realized that just one kiss, just one touch, wasn’t going to be enough. He wanted more. He wanted everything. So badly he was all but shaking. Which meant he had to stop this madness. Right now.

With an effort that required every ounce of his shredded strength, he slipped his hand from beneath her gown, eased his body away from hers, and lifted his head. The sight of her, breathing hard, parted lips moist from his kiss, hair disarranged from his impatient hands, glasses fogged over, grabbed him by the throat. Never in his life had he wanted a woman more.

He gently slipped off her glasses, and she regarded him through droopy lids. “You stopped,” she said, her voice a husky whisper. “Why?”

“As I told you the last time we found ourselves in each others’ arms, my ability to resist you is only so strong, and I’m afraid I’ve reached my limit.”

For several heartbeats the only sound in the room was the mingling of their ragged breaths. Then, with her gaze steady on his, she whispered, “And as I asked you the last time we found ourselves in each others’ arms, what if I don’t want you to resist?”

Reaching out, he brushed back a wayward curl from her forehead with fingers that shook. “The selfish part of me that wants you so badly wouldn’t give you a chance to think or change your mind. But the part of me that cares for you, that doesn’t want to hurt you in any way, would find it necessary to ask if you’ve considered all the ramifications. All the consequences. Because they are numerous. Much more so for you than for me.”

“I have. Indeed, as much as I’ve tried not to, over the past week I’ve thought of little else.”

“Sarah…as my situation stands right now, I have nothing to offer you. And as much as I might wish it otherwise, the chances of my situation changing by finding the money is very poor.”

“I know that it is your duty to marry an heiress. I understand that you’re leaving here in four days’

time and we’ll most likely never see each other again after that. I’m aware that pregnancy could be a risk, but I also know from whispers I’ve heard that there are ways to prevent it. And I’m hopeful you know of those ways…?”

At his nod, she continued, “I realize that by giving myself to you I’ll render myself unmarriageable.” Reaching up, she framed his face between her palms. “But you wouldn’t be taking anything away from me, as I’d never planned to marry. Indeed, I’m already considered an unmarriageable spinster and have been for years. I accepted long ago that marriage and children were not in my future. I’d planned to live out my life doing what I’ve always done sketching, taking care of my garden and my pets, enjoying my friendships, my relationship with Carolyn. You are the first, nay, the only man who has ever wanted me.”

Her bottom lip trembled and his heart rolled over at the sight. This woman, with her imperfect features that were somehow so perfect, and her utter lack of vanity, inspired something in him, a tenderness that no one else ever had. Looking at her now, so vulnerable, so soft-eyed, yet so earnest, he couldn’t imagine any man who wouldn’t want her.

“Matthew…you’ve awakened feelings and desires and passions I’d never thought to experience. Never knew existed. Even if it is just for tonight, I want to experience again the magic you made me feel before. I want to make you feel that same intense pleasure. I want to experience everything I can. Just this once. With you.”

Matthew laid his hand over hers, which rested on his cheek, then turned his head to press his lips against her palm. He wanted to tell her that more than anything he wanted those very same things. Just this once. With her. But such a lengthy speech was beyond him. So he said the only word he could manage.

“Sarah…”

Heart pounding so hard it felt as if it would bruise his ribs, he took her hands and led her to the bed.

“Stay right there,” he said softly.

One corner of her lips quirked upward. “I’ve no intention of running away.”

He placed her spectacles on the night table, then set about lighting every candle and lamp in the room. After he’d lit the first two, she asked, “Wh-What are you doing?”

“Giving us more light.”

She gave a nervous laugh. “Darkness is a great beauty equalizer, you know.”

He didn’t comment until he’d finished, until the entire room was illuminated with a golden warm glow that resembled a summer morning. Then he returned to her and clasped her hands, entwining their fingers.

“You’re beautiful, Sarah. Inside. Outside. Everywhere. I want to see all you of you. Every expression. Every pleasure. Every inch of soft skin.” He raised their joined hands and kissed her fingers. “Unless you’d prefer not to see me?”

She shook her head. “Oh, no. I want to see everything.” She cleared her throat. “Of course, without benefit of my spectacles, I’ll need to get close. Very close.”

A chuckle rumbled in his chest. He couldn’t imagine anyone other than her amusing him at this moment. “You may get as close as you like. Consider me at your disposal.”

Interest flared in her eyes. “A most intriguing invitation, especially for a person who possesses a great thirst for knowledge.”

“Delighted to help in any way I can.” He turned her hand and touched his tongue to the center of her palm, loving the way her pupils dilated at the gesture. “Any possibility you’d make me a similar offer?”

“I thought I already had.”

He smiled. “Ah. So you did. In that case…” He released her hands and turned his attention to her delightfully mussed hair. After slipping off the white satin bow that held together the ends of her haphazard braid, he slowly separated the thick strands until they surrounded her in a mass of riotous curls whose ends brushed her hips.

“If only I were an artist,” he murmured, sifting his fingers through her magnificent hair. The gilded light picked up every subtle shade of amber and brown in the glossy strands. “I’d paint you just like this. And put Botticelli’s Venus to shame.”

When she appeared about to protest, he shot her a mock warning glare. She pressed her lips together then said, “Thank you.”

“Excellent. You are a most apt pupil.”

“Again I thank you. And point out that I’m eager to learn more.”

“How extremely fortunate for me.” He applied his fingers to the row of small buttons that ran halfway down the front of her night rail. He slowly flicked them open, savoring each inch of skin as it was revealed. After opening the last button, he slipped the material off her shoulders. White cotton glided down her body to pool at her feet, leaving her dressed in only her drawers, a garment he quickly saw join her night rail. Taking her hand, he helped her step from the mound of her clothing, then allowed his gaze to skim down her naked form.

Bloody hell, she was all blushing ivory skin and soft feminine curves, and she stole his breath. He knew he needed to go slow, to gently seduce her, and he certainly wanted that for both of them. But it was going to prove a challenge to remain in control with his body so strongly opposed to the wait.

Touching a single fingertip to the hollow of her throat, he slowly dragged his hand downward, lightly tracing the fascinating patterns of pale gold dots on her skin. There were hundreds of them, each one a delight to be explored.

“I didn’t notice these freckles before,” he said, circling a particularly fascinating one just above her nipple. “By mere firelight they aren’t visible, but now…” He leaned down to touch his lips to the gilt-kissed spot. “…they are a sight not to be missed.”

“Oh, my…” she murmured as his tongue swirled around her taut nipple. “Might you have any pale freckles I could explore?”

He lifted his head to brush his lips across hers. “There is only one way to find out.”

Straightening, he started to unfasten his shirt, but she laid her hands on top of his. “May I?” she asked.

Her request both aroused and intrigued him. Although inexperienced, his Sarah clearly didn’t lack courage, nor did she plan on remaining passive.

His Sarah. The words reverberated through his mind, and his inner voice coughed to life to inform him that she wasn’t his. Would never, could never, be his.

In the realm of forever, that was indeed true. However, for this night she was his. And he was hers. And that would have to be enough.

He lowered his hands to his sides. “As I said, I am at your disposal.”

“That is indeed lovely. Except…I’m not quite certain what to do with you.”

He laughed. “You’re off to an inspired start. Don’t lose your nerve now. Take off my shirt.”

She nodded, and although she fumbled at bit, she managed to open his shirt and pull the tails from his breeches. Placing her hands on his chest, she slowly separated the material, then pushed it over his shoulders and down his arms, where it joined the heap of her garments. She stepped closer and her breasts brushed against him. Before he could recover from that shocking pleasure, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to the center of his chest.