Sleepless Nights (The Donovans of the Delta) (17 page)

She almost believed him.

Before her thoughts drifted to what might have been, she felt herself being lifted, felt the puffy quilts against her back, felt the weight of Tanner. Their loving was slow and languorous, every stroke and counterthrust made achingly beautiful by their shared regard for each other.

There in the bed of his boyhood, Tanner poured his heart and soul into her. Loving this woman in this house, he thought, was almost a benediction, a blessing on the life he knew they’d have together. With his eyes gleaming down into hers, he took her simply, without frills, without fanfare, with nothing but pure love.

Afterward they lay in silence for a long time, arms and legs entwined, fingers laced together, cheeks pressed close. The moment felt almost sacred to them. Neither wanted it to end.

“I feel too good to move,” Amanda said, stretching and yawning. “But I suppose we should dress. Your family will be back soon.”

“Not until after dark. They don’t miss a single house with their caroling. It’s a family tradition.”

She sat up and caressed his face. “I made you miss it. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m not.” He circled her waist with his arms and pressed his lips to her abdomen. “My beautiful Amanda. Love of my life.”

She touched his hair with her lips. “You say romantic things, Tanner.”

He sat up, leaned against the headboard, and pulled her to him. “I mean every one of them. It will take me a lifetime to say everything that’s in my heart.”

She cupped his chin. “You’re so special to me, Tanner Donovan. I love you.”

“Then marry me.”

She turned her face from him. “It’s Christmas Eve. Let’s not spoil it.”

“All right.” He got out of bed whistling. She was almost disappointed that he didn’t argue. Sometimes she didn’t understand herself.

“Your clothes are wet. I’ll find something of Hallie’s for you to wear.”

“Good. And then do you think we might catch up with your family? I suddenly have the urge to go caroling.”

He grinned at her. “I make you feel like singing?”

“You can take the credit if you want to.”

“Then I will.”

Amanda got into the shower while Tanner found her some clothes. Then he came in to scrub her back and ended up in the shower with her.

By the time they were dressed, twilight had descended on the Delta. Tanner saddled Napoleon, and he and Amanda set off to find the Donovan carolers.

They caught up with the rest of the clan at the Swanson farm. The entire Swanson family was on the front porch listening to the wagonload of Donovans sing. Tanner eased Napoleon to a halt behind the wagon. His parents swiveled their heads around when he and Amanda joined in to sing the beautiful old song,
What Child Is This
?

Anna smiled a secret smile.

 o0o

Tanner slept late on Christmas morning. Amanda leaned over him and felt his brow. Nothing short of sickness would keep him from his early-morning jog. He stirred slightly under her touch, his brow cool and moist, a smile on his lips.

She slipped from the bed, dressed quietly, and went downstairs. Yesterday’s mail was still on the table, untouched. She flipped through the letters, noting the usual bills and Christmas cards.

It was the last envelope that caught her attention. Addressed to Miss Amanda Lassiter in a handwriting all too familiar to her, it stood out from the rest.
Claude.
Why would she hear from him after six years? Her hand shook as she opened the envelope. Inside was a Christmas card, no note, no message, simply the usual Merry Christmas and Happy New Year greeting and his signature—
Love, Claude
.

She shivered. The card was an invasion. With Tanner upstairs in bed, just looking at the signature felt like a betrayal.

“Why, Claude?” she whispered. “Why now?”

She heard Tanner’s whistling before she saw him. Quickly she put the mail back on the table and stuffed Claude’s card under the bottom of the stack.

Tanner came into view, dressed in long white beard, red stocking cap, and boxer shorts.

“Ho, Ho, Ho. Mer-ry Christ-mas.”

She burst into laughter. “Doesn’t it get a little breezy at the North Pole in that outfit, Santa?”

“Mrs. Claus keeps me warm.” He swung her up for a resounding kiss. “Are you jealous?”

“Extremely. I don’t want you fooling around at the North Pole with anybody else.”

“Speaking of poles . . .” He set her on her feet and pressed his hips against hers.

“We must do something about that condition, Santa,” she murmured.

And they did—under the Christmas tree with the blinking lights making patterns of red and green and gold on their bare skin.

Afterward they exchanged gifts. For once Tanner had agreed to keep it simple. Hers was a simple gold bracelet, engraved with the date. His was a pair of silver spurs, to complete his courting outfit, she told him.

Claude’s card was completely forgotten as they made a huge brunch and ate it at Aunt Emma’s rosewood table.

Knowing that the next day Amanda would go back to work and their time together would be limited, they tried to cram as much into Christmas Day as they could. They carried gifts to Amanda’s neighbors, visited the Donovans long enough for Christmas hugs and Christmas turkey, then loaded Napoleon into the horse van and set off for the river.

They arrived in time to see the sunset over the water.

“What a beautiful way to end a day,” Tanner said.

“What a beautiful way to end anything.”

“Amanda . . .”

“You’ll be leaving in a week, Tanner. We might as well face that.”

“Not without you. I want you in Dallas with me. As my wife.”

“I’m tempted, Tanner. I’m so tempted.”

“Then what’s holding you back?”

The Christmas card slipped into her mind, a stark reminder that the past would always be with them.

“The past, Tanner. You say you’ve forgotten it . . . .”

“I have.”

“But I’m afraid we’ve simply shut the door on it. It’s there, waiting to jump out at us. I failed at one marriage—partially, I think, because I could never forget you. I won’t go into another marriage dragging the past with me.”

“Hellfire and damnation, Amanda.” Tanner jumped up and began to pace alongside the river. “If I could see Claude right now, I’d thrash him. Damnit all, Mandy. I love you!”

“And I love you—just as I did more than eleven years ago.”

She saw the barely controlled fury in his face, watched him reign it in. Suddenly he lifted her into the saddle.

“Let’s ride.”

And they did. They raced along the river as if they were trying to outrun the demons that pursued them. Napoleon’s hooves pounded the ground as the knowledge of their inevitable separation pounded into their hearts.

When the ride was over, they returned Napoleon to the barn and sought to push away reality with their lovemaking. Desperate to forget, their joining became almost a battle in the hay.

Napoleon whinnied and pawed the stable floor. He didn’t know that the disturbance in the barn was the futile attempt of two people to wipe out the past.

 o0o

For the next two days Amanda was jumpy, her nerves stretched tight, and she was tired. Spending her days at the shop and her nights with Tanner, trying to make every minute count, she felt as if she’d become frayed at the edges.

Maxine, never one to hold her tongue, felt obliged to offer advice. “For Pete’s sake, Amanda. When are you going to stop this foolishness and say yes to the man?”

“It’s not that simple, and you know it,” Amanda said, snapping at her friend, something she rarely did. She felt an immediate twinge of regret. “I’m sorry. I have no right to take out my problems on you.”

“Shout, yell, scream—do anything you want to. I’m thick-skinned. Besides, I’m your best friend.” She came and put her arms around Amanda’s shoulders. “Take my advice and face whatever is bothering you.”

Maxine didn’t press for a reply; she continued her work in the shop, doing her cheerful best to dispel Amanda’s gloom.

A winter gale developed in mid-afternoon. The shrieking wind and thrashing rain matched Amanda’s mood. She felt bleak inside, and the urge to rage against fate was so great that she had a hard time containing it.

“There’s no need to keep the shop open,” she told Maxine. “Nobody will come out in this storm. Besides that, I’m sick of smiling when I don’t feel like it.”

“There’s a cure for that, you know.”

“If you tell me it’s Tanner, I’m going to scream.”

“For once in my life I’m not going to be flippant.” She put on her coat and began to button it. “Tanner probably is the cure, Amanda. At least it appears to me that the man really loves you. But the only way to chase the blues is to search your heart and mind until you find the cause— then
do something about it
!” She fastened the last button on her coat and grabbed her purse. “There. I’ve had my say. I feel just like Dear Abby.”

Amanda hugged her neck. “You look just like dear Maxine. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. Just put it in the form of a bonus check.”

Both of them were laughing when Maxine left the shop. Amanda stood at the window until she saw her friend get into her old Ford and drive off, then she turned back to close up. To help chase her blues, she turned on the radio. The station was playing Glenn Miller songs. Picking up a red satin gown one of her customers had dropped across the back of a chair, Amanda waltzed across the floor. Pretending to be gay and carefree made her feel better.

She held the gown at arm’s length. “My dear, you look lovely in red. May I have this next dance?”

“Certainly, you devastating thing,” she said, answering her own question.

Alternately chuckling and humming, she waltzed on toward the clothes rack. Behind her, the shop bell tinkled.

She whirled around, her cheeks almost as bright as the dress. Tanner stood in the doorway, dripping all over the floor. Such love flowed through her, she thought she would faint with the intensity. She stood facing him, clutching the dress to her chest, and suddenly she knew that she could never let him go. Whatever had happened in the past, whatever was between them now, had to be resolved. Some wonderful twist of fate had brought them together again, and she had been blind to think she could ever part from him.

Without saying a word, Tanner closed and locked the door. His eyes were bright with purpose as he stalked her. When he was close enough to touch, he reached out and removed the dress from her hands.

“May I cut in?”

“Always.” She went into his arms. The sounds of rain and the Glenn Miller Orchestra invaded the shop as they waltzed.

“We fit together so well,” Tanner said.

“Yes. As if we were made for each other.”

“We were.”

“I agree. It would be a shame for us to part.”

“A sin.”

She sighed against his shoulder. “I suggest we make this arrangement permanent.”

His arms tightened, but he kept on dancing. “Is this a proposal?”

“Yes.”

“You’re asking me to marry you?” She could hear the exultation in his voice.

“Yes.”

“I know a preacher.”

“Shall we call him?”

“Not unless you want him to be a part of this victory celebration.” He waltzed her into the lounge at the back of the shop without missing a beat.

“What celebration?”

He stopped dancing and gazed down at her in that long, languid look of absolute possession and unadulterated desire she’d come to know well.

“This one.” He undressed her with reverence and care, then stood back in admiration. “I will cherish you forever.” Reaching out, he ever so gently traced her cheekbones. “That face has never been far from my mind, not in all these years.”

She stood very still, scarcely daring to breathe. She didn’t want a thing to mar this precious moment. Today she was entrusting herself to the man she loved. She was making a commitment, and there would be no going back.

His hands moved down the side of her throat and across her shoulders. New life tingled through her. She felt wonderfully vibrant, gloriously happy. Her hands smoothed his dark hair. It was a gesture of tenderness, comfort, and reassurance.

“You are a special man, Tanner Donovan. I love you, and nothing will ever change that.”

“And you are a special woman—my woman. Nothing will ever change
that
.” He looked deep into her eyes. “That’s a promise, Mandy.”

Their lips met tenderly, softly, sealing the vows they’d made. As always with them, their passion was explosive. The sweet kiss quickly escalated. Tanner crushed her close, bending her body under his so he could thoroughly claim her mouth. Their moans were lost in the raging of the storm against the shop windows.

“You’re wearing too many clothes, Tanner.” Amanda’s hands were eager, tearing aside his shirt so that buttons flew all over the room. He helped her by flinging aside his shirt and shoving off his pants. His belt buckle clanged against the floor.

He lifted her hips against his just as thunder rattled the shop.

“You certainly know how to make an entrance.”

“Wait until you see the performance.”

He treated her to a glorious love waltz around the room. The frenzy of their lovemaking kept pace with the frenzy of the storm. Tanner’s waltz became a frantic jazz number. Not a single prop went unused. With the table under her hips and the rain battering the shop, she knew the full force of him. He eased into a fox-trot as he moved them, still joined, to the sofa. Outside, the winds roared and moaned, and lightning split the sky. Tanner and Amanda matched the storm, mood for mood.

When both the storm and their passion were spent, Tanner held her in his and caressed her.

“I came to the shop to rescue you from the storm.”

She smiled. “It seems you brought it inside.”

He kissed the top of her head. “Are you cold?”

“No, but keep holding me. Don’t ever let go.”

“I don’t intend to. That’s another reason I came to the shop. Today while I was at home waiting for you, I realized that you had been right all along.”

“Right about what?”