Small Town Doctor (11 page)

“I was alone for the first time and there was a strange man standing in my foyer. I believe I had a right.” Just like that, the tension eased from Chloe and she laughed as she bounced her daughter in her lap. “Remember the fight Ryan put up with you staying? That’s when he forced Goldie, my golden retriever on me.”

“We’re straying from the point.” Jordan reached across to lay his hand on his wife’s thigh. “Like Gioven I was discharged from the Marines because of post-traumatic stress disorder. I tried to get help through the military but it didn’t help. Guilt continued to eat at me, haunting me in my dreams. My first night here was no different, at least not with a dream, but I didn’t say anything to Chloe and she came to me.”

She adjusted the baby so she could lay her hand over his. “His screaming woke me, and not knowing what was wrong I raced to his room to help.”

“When she tried to wake me, I wrapped my hand around her throat. I remember feeling her throat constrict as she fought to breathe, while Goldie barked and snapped at me.” When Jordan looked at Ella the sadness and guilt from that day shined in his eyes. “I wasn’t in my right mind when she woke me. So I will agree with Chloe on the fact that when Gioven drinks he isn’t the same person. I know he’d never
intentionally
hurt you, but you do need to be careful.”

Ella wasn’t willing to back down. Maybe someone else could get him to see things as no one else had. “I understand what you’re saying, but I can’t just go back to my cabin and forget about him. I think we connected. I recognized something in his eyes that was familiar to me, and I can understand what he’s going through to a point. I don’t want to see him waste years of his life like I have.”

“I was hoping you were going to say something like that. I can see the commitment in your eyes, but also because I think he needs you.” Jordan nodded. “There’s a little more you need to know before you visit him.”

“What’s that?”

“The reason I was willing to travel through that storm.” Jordan leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees. “On my last deployment I saw some shit that stuck with me, but it was the death of a good friend of mine that was my breaking point. He had a wife and a baby on the way, a child he never got to meet.” He glanced over at Bianca.

“You don’t have to do this.” Chloe squeezed his hand.

“I know…but Gioven was there that night. The three of us went through boot camp together, we watched out for each other. It’s why I invited him here. I’ll help him because I won’t lose him. I might have been responsible for my friend James, but I won’t let it happen again.”

Ella turned to James with a quizzical expression on her face, and he shrugged. “Not me.”

“No.” Jordan tried to smile but couldn’t quite manage it. “James Ray, not your James. Confusing, but bear with me a moment until I get this out.”

“Take your time,” Ella said.

“I was supposed to be on that watch, but James switched with me because I was sick. He took my shift…he died in my place.” Jordan took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure. “I came back a mess. I even went to the military shrink, but it didn’t help. They discharged me because of it. They train you for years to fight, to kill. But when it’s your best friend, a guy who’s like a brother to you, the guy who went through boot camp and all the training with you, they tell you to forget about it. You can’t forget it and go on like nothing happened. I was there, I should have done something more.”

“Jordan…” Chloe moved to the edge of the chair before he finally looked at her. “You did everything you could. No one blames you.”

Jordan moved his chair closer to his wife and baby, his arm now wrapped around Chloe’s shoulders as if he was trying to ground himself in the moment. “I had no plans to let that blizzard stand in my way. I was passing through to Idaho to where James’s wife lives. I promised him I would stop in and see her and the baby once I made it back to the States. I wasn’t sure if I was making the right choice. I was sure she blamed me, but a promise is a promise…and I planned to keep it.”

“Everything was fine in the end. Megan never blamed you, and she has a beautiful daughter, Stella.” Chloe tried to lighten the tension. “They’re coming to stay here for the holidays.”

“Yeah.” Jordan nodded before looking back at Ella. “I’m telling you this because I want you to understand what it’s like when we come back from overseas. Adjustment back to normal life is complicated. I was there when James was killed, but it was nothing like that last mission Gioven was on. Even I don’t know all the details, but it was a cluster-fuck.”

“I’m just here to talk to him. If I can do anything to help him I will, but I’m not a therapist.” Ella wasn’t sure what he expected her to do but she wanted to make it clear there’d be no miracles.

“Therapists, what do they know?” His dislike for the profession was evident. “When I came back they basically told me I should just get over it, but I couldn’t, I don’t know how. They wanted me to talk it out, be rational—embrace the fact that people die in a war. Marines die, soldiers die, I get that. This was different. James wasn’t just a Marine, he was my friend. We covered each other’s asses when shit hit the fan. Even with that, he died in my place and that was the part I couldn’t accept. I guess I still can’t.”

If he couldn’t accept what happened to him at this point, how was she supposed to help Gioven accept it? From what Jordan said, it seemed like Gioven’s problems didn’t lie so much with the death of a friend, but with whatever had happened on that last mission. She wasn’t sure she even wanted to know, but what she did want was to help him in any way she could. The look they shared at On the Rocks gave her hope that he wanted help. That was the key; otherwise, anything they tried was a waste.

Ella strolled hand in hand with James around the lake, heading toward Gioven’s cabin, but with every step she grew unsure of the situation. Jordan had shared his past and what he went through when he left the Marines, but instead of helping her understand, it made her feel unworthy. Could she handle this?

Gioven needed help. It didn’t have to be professional, as Jordan proved when he’d found Chloe, but Ella wasn’t sure she was the right person. She wasn’t as emotionally invested in Gioven as Chloe was with Jordan. She barely knew him, and one shared look didn’t entitle her to learning his deepest, darkest secrets. She wasn’t sure if Gioven would let
anyone
know those things, let alone her.

Jordan and the two other former Marines who’d begun their life in Clearwater should be able to help Gioven. They’d all witnessed combat. So why was she here trying to help him while Jordan sat back at the cabin with his new family? Where were the others?

“What’s on your mind?” When she looked up at James, he added, “Your steps have slowed like you’re second guessing things. Are you worried about Abbi and your parents?”

“No, I know she’s fine. I was wondering where the other Marines are. Jordan mentioned the fact that two of their other combat brothers settled down here, so why aren’t they trying to help him?” She paused and glanced out at the lake. “Don’t they care that someone they served with is suffering?”

“Cameron White owns Clearwater Combat and Guns, which keeps him busy but he’s been here. Juan Carlos Marquez has his hands full. He convinced his mother and eight younger siblings to move here, so they’ve settled in nicely, but he’s busy with the younger siblings. Between helping Cameron with CCG while he’s spending more time with Tessa, his family duties, not to mention planning a Halloween wedding, his hands are full.”

“Halloween wedding?” She turned to look at him while images of the bridal party and guests in elaborate costumes danced around her thoughts.

“Rebecca is J.C.’s soon-to-be wife and she loves the fall season. So they’re having the wedding in two weeks. J.C. is biting at the bit, he didn’t want to wait this long, but he’d give Rebecca the moon if she wanted it. Plus, it’s the least he can do since she helped convince his family to move here. It gave J.C. a new lease on life.”

“Why, did he have similar problems as Jordan?””

“J.C. lost his leg when the Humvee he was riding in hit an IED. After leaving the Marines, he was at a loss as to what to do with his life. He felt like a cripple and didn’t want anyone’s charity. He only came to Clearwater because Cameron needed someone to help him with the shop when his daughter
Rosalie was born. So, he found a new life here.”

“It would seem Clearwater is a town for starting over. If we’re not careful, we’re going to have a whole platoon of former Marines settling down here,” she joked, nodding toward the cabin. “I guess we should see if he’s willing to see us.”

“He wants to see you. He has an eye on you. If I don’t watch out, he might try to sweep you off your feet,” James teased before continuing down the path to Gioven’s.

“I don’t know if I ever had two men fighting for my attention, this could be fun.” She leaned closer to him. “I’m just kidding. I don’t know how this happened between us, but I’m happy.”

One of the cabin doors opened, catching her attention, and a moment later Gioven stood in the doorframe. “Jordan called to tell me you were on your way and to make sure I was sober.” His tone radiated mild annoyance. “What can I do for you?”

“I thought I’d stop by and maybe we could talk.” Ella came to stand a few feet in front of him.

“I don’t need pity. I was fine the other day at On the Rocks.”

“That was yesterday,” she clarified, as he rubbed his forehead in obvious confusion. “You were drunk, stumbling, and fighting the guys. Then I came over. I understand your suffering right now, but I want to help.”

“What does she think she can do that the Marine shrink couldn’t?” Gioven eyed James.

“She’s trying to be a hand for you to reach out to. Someone at your side.” James slid his hand along her back.

“Guys, I’m standing right here, so please don’t talk as if I’m not.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Either you want to talk to me, or you want to be left alone. I’ve come all this way and I’m not standing out here in this cool air while you figure it out. So what’s it going to be?”

“Unless you’ve brought a drink, maybe you should carry on your way.” Gioven’s large frame was imposing, but he didn’t frighten her in the least.

“No drink, and you don’t need it.” She turned to James. “Forget it. He obviously doesn’t want to see us. I should know better than anyone…if a recluse isn’t ready to deal with the real world, you can’t force it on them. It’s the same with someone who’s choosing the bottle over facing up to life.”

“What do you know about it?” Gioven pushed off the doorframe to stand straight. “Woman, you’ve stayed here safe and sound while I was overseas seeing shit you couldn’t even conjure in your nightmares.”

“You might be right, but I have an idea.” She took a deep breath of the cool air and pushed forward. “I have a daughter, Abbi, she’s four years old now.”

“What does this have to do with anything?”

“Just stand there and listen to her, you might learn something from it.” James laid a hand on her shoulder. “Go ahead.”

“As I was saying, my daughter…” Now that she’d been interrupted, she wasn’t sure what to say.

“Go ahead, Ella, you’re doing fine.”

“I don’t know how to put this. Besides telling James, I’ve never told anyone my story.” She took a few deep breaths as James rubbed her shoulder. “Abbi’s father, Josh, murdered a man and seriously wounded two others. When I tried to stop him from taking a bar fight outside, he pushed me back, slamming me into the corner of the bar. I lay on the floor unconscious while he shot someone. Then as I watched he slammed a man’s head into the pavement over and over until there was nothing left but blood and gore.”

“What does this have to do with anything?” Gioven asked.

“I’m telling you this because you need to realize you’re not the only one who has things that haunt them. Instead of facing it, I hid away in my grandparents’ cabin, trying to forget it. It haunted me every moment. My nightmares were filled with it happening over and over again. I believed everyone blamed me because Josh wasn’t a local, he was there visiting me. I thought they’d take their hatred for what happened that night out on my innocent daughter. So I hid, refusing to come into town.”

“What changed?”

“Abbi got sick. I was scared out of my mind because she wouldn’t eat or drink, her fever was high. I was alone on the mountain with no phone, no car, and essentially no way to get her the help she needed. The Sheriff, Ryan, he’d stop at the cabin every so often just to check to make sure I was all right. I guess he felt somewhat responsible for me living there since he’s the one who took Josh into custody. The point is, Abbi’s health was my wake-up call. It also brought James into my life.”

“Well, I don’t have a child I need to worry about.” Gioven stepped back, his hand on the door like he was going to shut it on them.

“What about all the children, town residents, and everyone else you’d have risked yesterday by getting behind the wheel drunk?” James placed his hand on the door, making it hard for Gioven to shut it. “Do you want to be responsible for someone’s death because you drove drunk?”

“I don’t have to worry about that, Jordan took my keys. I’m not going anywhere. Now if you’d leave, there’s a bottle inside with my name on it.” He glared at them, then slammed the door in their faces.

“Gioven!” she shouted at the closed door.

“Come on, sweetie, he’s not ready.” James wrapped his arm around her waist and practically carried her away from the door. “There’s nothing you can do until he’s willing to accept that he has to move past what happened overseas. He might have left his fallen brothers behind, but he’s still got a life he’s meant to live.”

“How am I supposed to just do nothing?”

“The same way your parents did.”

“What?” She dug her heels into the ground, refusing to move another step.

“When you moved into the cabin, your parents left you be. You said it yourself, they didn’t completely understand your reasoning but they didn’t fight you. They visited every month or so but it wasn’t until after Abbi was born that Bea started pushing you to move. You weren’t ready to leave the cabin until recently, just like he’s not ready.”

“You’re saying I’m supposed to stand by and do nothing?”

“What you’re feeling now, that utter helplessness, that’s what your parents dealt with.”
He smirked and pulled her close. “It’s not easy, but yes. You can visit, but like today he might not want to see you. Sometimes he might not even open the door, while other times he might invite you in and the two of you could spend hours talking. You have to give him time. Eventually, I believe we can get him to see what he’s doing to himself.”

“Right now the bottle is his escape as the cabin was mine.” She glanced back at the cabin one last time before they continued around the lake and back to James’s truck.

She had a newfound respect for her parents and what they must have gone through all those years. She had thought being holed up in cabin only affected her, but even though her parents weren’t there it affected them as well.

I think it’s time to move on…from the cabin and everything. Time to live life again and maybe more.

* * *

The day had been a little bumpier than James had hoped, and he wasn’t completely sure how the visit with Gioven impacted Ella, as she remained a little too quiet throughout most of the day. Now he sat in Abbi’s room reading her a story so Ella and her parents could talk. His nerves were on edge. When Ella had asked him to read the story, she had mentioned she needed time to talk to her parents before they left, but he was clueless as to what it involved. Was she thinking about moving to Cheyenne?

He should’ve been joyful that she was willing to venture back into town, but the thought of her leaving Clearwater sent a ping of regret through him. They’d just started to get to know each other, and he didn’t want her to go. In a short period of time, Ella had grown to mean a lot to him, and Abbi was already in his heart. A little family he didn’t know he wanted had almost become his entire world.

“Is Mommy mad at Grammy?”

He set the book aside and looked over at Abbi who was laying beside him on the bed. “No sweetie. Why do you ask?”

“I heard her yelling at Grammy last night after you brought me to bed.”

“You were supposed to be sleeping. If you were awake why didn’t you say something?”

“I wasn’t. I was so tired, but they woke me. Grammy wants to take me away but I don’t want to go without Mommy.” She cuddled Mr. Bear closed to her chest and tears glistened in her eyes.

“You’re not going anywhere, sweetie.” James wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “Grammy thought you were sick he wanted to take you to the doctor.”

“But
you’re
my doctor.” She laid her head on his chest, Mr. Bear squished between them. “Aren’t you?”

“That I am, but Grammy didn’t know that. She came a long way to see you when she thought you were sick, and to get you the help she thought you needed, so don’t be mad at her.”

“Then she won’t take me away?”

“No, you’re going to stay right here with your mom.” With the tips of his fingers, he brushed her blonde hair away from her face.

“With you too? Or are you leaving now that I’m feeling better?”

“With your mom’s permission, I’m hoping to see a lot more of the two of you.” He kissed the top of her head. “Now, you need to rest so you can get all better.”