Small-Town Dreams (5 page)

“If I’m hurt, I’ll get over it. Do I have to stand here being analyzed as payment for seeing the house?”

Joshua turned away and slid open a set of pocket doors. “This was the parlor,” he said, as if neither of them had spoken of anything other than the house.

Joshua closed and locked the front door to the Swenson house as Cassidy hurried along the walkway toward the street. He wished he could help her. He didn’t know why Henry thought Josh could, but Josh wanted to try. Sometimes she seemed like two different people. The nervous, tense, rich girl who’d become short with him when he’d touched a nerve. And the sentimental dreamer who’d so clearly fallen in love with the Swenson place. He’d really like to get to know that person.

The trouble was that since she’d arrived she had stirred up too many feelings inside him. Some he understood, like his attraction to her. But others were shadows and whispers of a past that seemed lost to him. And he had felt them again when she’d related her story of being passed over for the promotion by her grandfather. He’d felt her pain as if it
were,
and had once
been,
his own.

There was also the problem that most times when he said anything that called her life-style into question, she got angry. That was a huge roadblock. He shrugged. Maybe he needed to take another route with her. Maybe he could show her how the other half lived. Maybe if she saw firsthand that money and power weren’t the way to true happiness, that knowledge would stay with her when she returned home to the rat race of her life in Philadelphia.

“Want a ride home?” he called after her retreating back.

Cassidy stopped and pivoted toward him. “I thought I’d stop and see how much closer Earl is to looking at my car. I honestly don’t see why he can’t just look at it sooner. If he’d looked at it this morning, he could have ordered the part it needs by now. I’d be that much closer to getting on the road to Mountain Top or one of the other resorts up here.”

Josh could easily have offered to take her on to one of those high-priced resorts. They weren’t all that far away. But he knew Henry was right. Cassidy’s unhappiness was deeper than just ill health and being passed over for a promotion. She needed to recognize that she must find a new direction for her life, or she’d never really get well. Doctors would cure the ulcer…and then her tension headaches would blossom into migraines or she’d have to battle high blood pressure. Something else would buckle, and her strong will would carry her forward on what he’d begun to suspect was the wrong path for her.

“Mind if I tag along?” he asked as he caught up with her.

“I’m on foot these days, but suit yourself. You could point out the other points of interest in town. We’ll call it a walking tour.”

Josh grimaced. “You may as well hop into the truck. I need to stop at Earl’s for gas, and you just saw our only point of interest. Everything else is closed up till summer. We don’t get the ski trade here. The hunters who come through don’t need more than gas at Earl’s, the occasional hot meal at Irma’s and the odd item at The Trading Post, so the shop owners don’t bother to stay open in late fall or winter.”

Joshua found his attention snagged by the look in her stormy blue eyes. He would swear he could see the wheels turning behind those arresting eyes of hers.

“Maybe you could talk Earl into looking at my car sooner.”

“Earl’s been known to be pretty stubborn,” he warned.

She grinned. “But we’ve already established how stubborn each of us is. If we double-team him, we can talk him into looking at it today.”

Before he could protest his unwillingness to put undue pressure on Earl, she barreled around the truck and opened the passenger door. Joshua stared at her over the hood, not knowing what to say. Sometimes she reminded him of a steamroller, and others, like when he’d seen her staring up at the Swenson house, of a sad little girl. A honk of the pickup’s horn made him grin. He guessed she was a little of both.

“I’m coming. You’ve got to slow down, little lady,” he drawled. It was a southern parody of Earl’s upstate Pennsylvania twang, but it was the best he could do. “You’re on Mountain View time now.”

She shot him a look full of exasperation. “Hopefully not for long.”

“You know, I’m starting to get real insulted on behalf of everyone in town over this hurry of yours to get out of our little burg.”

“I’m sorry,” she said on a sigh. “It isn’t what the town
is
so much as what it
isn’t.
Let’s just say this isn’t my idea of a vacation.”

“Well then, what is?” he asked as he started the car.

“I don’t know. Maybe a day or two lying by a pool and sleeping in—but then I’d want to do things. See things. Go places. Make memories to take out and remember when life drives me crazy.”

“Sounds like just another variation on your everyday life. To me, a vacation would be to live in a way I don’t usually live. I see your idea of a vacation as the kind
I
should take and staying in Mountain View as exactly what
you
need.”

He made a left into Earl’s and took the opportunity to glance at Cassidy to gauge her reaction to what he’d said. She looked thoughtful, if nothing else. A little progress, he thought, but before he could enjoy the triumph, he brought the truck to a stop and she jumped out of the car. By the time he’d set the brake, she was already off searching for Earl.

“…but this is the same car you were working on yesterday,” she was saying when he came upon them inside the garage after he’d pumped his gas.

“Well, now that’s mighty observant of you to notice, little lady. And I do appreciate your concern. I had a devil of a time loosening the bolts to…Oh, there I go running off at the mouth. You wouldn’t know a water pump from a fuel pump, would you?”

“No, I’m sure I wouldn’t,” Cassidy admitted, her tone aggressive and businesslike. “And yes, I am concerned. You said you couldn’t look at my car until you did the work on the other people’s cars who were in line ahead of me. But now that won’t be for another day longer. I need to get out of here.”

Joshua noticed Earl’s eyes shift to him as he stepped behind Cassidy. There was something calculating and shrewd in his expression that Josh had never noticed before.

“How’s Irma and Henry today?” Earl asked as he reached out to take the money Joshua held out. “I haven’t even had time to stop for lunch so I didn’t get on over to the diner yet today.”

“It was Molly’s day to work the morning and early afternoon shift. Ma’s probably there by now. You really ought to stop and rest for a while.”

Earl glanced at the car he had on the lift, then back to them. “You know, I think I will. In fact, I may call it a day. You headed for the diner, too? If you wait while I wash up, I’ll walk along with you.”

Joshua gestured toward the money. “I’ve got the truck. I’m just headed back from the Wilsons’.”

“I’ll be seeing you there then, I suppose,” Earl said, and ambled off toward his washroom.

It only took a split second for Cassidy to round on him. “You were supposed to talk him into looking at my car sooner, not get him to stop for the day!”

“Didn’t you notice how tired he was? Earl’s not as young as he looks. He needs to take it a little easier. Tell me, what is your big hurry to move on?”

“I told you, I want a vacation.”

“So roll with the punches and make this your vacation. What you need is time to think, not just time away from work. Everyone needs to evaluate their choices in life occasionally. Maybe you didn’t land in Mountain View by accident. God may have put you here. This town and your car trouble may be His way of speaking to you. I think He’s telling you to slow down and take some time to think things out. What better place to do it than here? You have to admit that there’s very little to distract you.”

Standing there in the center of Earl’s garage, Joshua waited to hear her tell him to mind his own business. That God didn’t speak to people like that. He was even prepared to hear that in her opinion God didn’t exist. But none of those things happened. Cassidy nodded and walked quietly—thoughtfully—away.

At the doorway she stopped and turned to him. “’In God we trust.’ It’s on the penny. I told Him to send me where He wanted me to go if He really existed. I flipped it every time I needed to choose a direction. I never stopped to think that He’d actually answer me. Maybe He did send me here. Thanks, Joshua. I’d forgotten. I’ll give it a few days.” She started to turn away, but stopped and looked around. “Your God really has a sense of humor, doesn’t he.”

Confused, Josh frowned. “With a dog like mine and Him being the Creator, that’s a hard one to argue, but why in particular do you think that?”

“My regular mechanic has a cappuccino bar and leather sofas in his waiting room.”

C
assidy heard Joshua call her name just as she passed the spot where he’d pulled his truck up to the gas pump. She needed to take time to do some of that thinking Joshua was so convinced she should do, so she planned to walk back to the parsonage through town. She stopped and reluctantly looked back. She’d agreed to try it his way for a few days even though she thought he was way off base, so what more did he want from her?

“I thought we’d eat dinner at the café,” he said, as if he’d heard her silent question.

To Cassidy, dinner suddenly sounded like a gigantic commitment. She knew she was being ridiculous but there it was. “Dinner?”

“Henry and I usually walk down and eat at the café on the nights Ma handles the dinner shift. It keeps her from having to cook again at home. She was only there when you arrived last night because the regular girl came in later than usual.”

Either she agreed to spend even more time with Joshua, or she’d force Irma to cook a special meal for her later. Wasn’t it bad enough that she’d unwisely spent time with him at the Swenson house? This man, this…country preacher-carpenter was a menace! He’d seen through the lies she’d nearly convinced herself were true to the truths she hadn’t wanted to face. And apparently that wasn’t enough for him.

The fact that he was handsome, obviously intelligent, kind and sensitive didn’t help matters at all. He was quite frankly, except for his inappropriate tax bracket, the man of her dreams. Why couldn’t he be a corporate executive home to visit his parents rather than a man with no past, no formal education, and, therefore, in her grandfather’s eyes, a man with no future?

“So, is dinner at the café okay with you?” Josh asked again, dragging Cassidy out of the fog of her confused thoughts. Well, there was no help for it. Her answer was a given.

“Of course,” she snapped, completely exasperated by her suddenly out-of-control emotions and life. “I wouldn’t want to cause Irma extra work.”

Something akin to hurt flashed in Joshua’s beautiful brown eyes. “Do you want a ride down or would you rather go on alone?” he asked in an unmistakably brusque manner.

Cassidy felt about as small as an ant at that moment. He’d been nothing but kind and friendly to her. He’d pried into her personal life, true. But considering his calling as a minister, she truly believed he had only the best of intentions. And now that she’d pushed him away, she realized that it was the last thing she really wanted. She could use a friend just now, and it may as well be Josh. What, after all, could happen between them in the few days she’d be in town?

She hugged her thrift-store jacket to herself. “It’s chilly but still looks like it should be a nice evening. We probably won’t see many more like it for a while. Why don’t you walk down to the café with me? We can come back for the truck later.”

An eyebrow arched over one of his dark, expressive eyes. “I got the impression that I’d been royally dismissed.”

Cassidy shook her head. “No. Pushed away momentarily. And I’m sorry. I’m not used to sharing my personal feelings. Nor letting anyone close enough for me to want to share them. It just spooked me for a minute there. I was feeling hemmed in, but it wasn’t your fault. It was mine.”

Joshua nodded his acceptance of her apology. “The walk sounds like a good idea,” he agreed, and they set off toward Irma’s Café.

They’d walked in silence for a minute or two when Joshua stopped. “Bear. I’d better wake him up and bring him along. Last time I left him alone in the truck, we found him cowering and shaking with his paws over his eyes. He’s been afraid of the dark ever since.”

Cassidy couldn’t help the spurt of laughter that erupted as they turned back toward the truck. “He’s afraid of the dark? Is that why Irma has all those night-lights all over the house?”

His mouth kicked up on one side. “Pitiful, huh?”

“You could get that dog on TV with that late-night talk show host who likes stupid pets.”

Josh laughed. “No. That’s stupid pet
tricks.
Bear’s just a stupid pet. But he’s lovable and loyal. And when I found him, I really needed something of my own.”

Cassidy didn’t know whether to reveal what Irma had told her about him or not, but lying to him even by omission seemed inherently wrong. “Irma told me how you came to live with them and about your memory. I hope you don’t mind. We started talking and…”

“It’s okay. It’s the way my life is. Everyone in town knows. I’ve come to grips with most of it, and the rest will come with time and the Lord’s grace.”

“You have an incredible attitude.”

“Not really. I’ve just been incredibly lucky. I don’t have a clue what my real parents were like, but I can’t imagine them being better people than Irma and Henry.”

“I imagine you’re right. They are wonderful people.”

“I think the three of us being together is God’s plan. Since Henry turned eighty, he’s slowed down. So has Ma,” he said as his beautiful mouth formed a teasing grin, “though I’d never let her hear me say that. They were there for me when I needed them. Ma taught me so much. She spent an untold number of hours teaching me how to talk, read, do math. Then Henry not only helped me forge a new life, but showed me the path to an eternity in heaven by teaching me about Jesus Christ and His saving grace. In the beginning, I relied on them pretty heavily, and now they lean on me. God’s been incredibly good to us by bringing us together.”

“You know, Joshua, you are the most incredible person I’ve ever met. Would you answer a burning question for me? How did you get your name?”

“Henry hated that they called me ‘John Doe’ at the hospital, so one day he balanced his Bible on the spine and helped me hold it between my hands. He told me we were going to let the Lord choose a name for me. Then he pulled my hands off the book and it fell open to Joshua. He closed it and did it again, and it fell open at Daniel. So I became Joshua Daniels. I even have a Social Security card and driver’s license under that name.”

“So your
last
name is Daniels. I thought you were their real son and that Daniel was your middle name. I guess your Lord
was
good to you. Think of the name you could have wound up with by using that method.”

They’d reached the truck where Bear was sleeping like a baby. “Bear!” Josh called out, and shook the truck bed. “Come on, boy. Wake up!”

Bear lay still as a rock.

“He’s kind of a deep sleeper,” Joshua explained, then clapped his hands loudly over the side of the truck bed near the dog.

The furry mound produced a paw that landed over a floppy ear. Other than that, he showed no movement except a sigh and deepened breathing.

“Maybe you should reach in and shake him,” she suggested.

Josh tried her suggestion, but to no avail. “I guess it’s time to pull out the big guns. Come on, Bear. Let’s go have dinner at Ma’s.”

A furry head popped up, followed quickly by the rest of the dog as he careened recklessly over the side of the truck, nearly knocking Joshua over. Bear was gone like a flash, running and barking down the road toward Irma’s Café.

“Will she feed him?” Cassidy asked.

“Sure. She’s crazy about him. But she may not feed me. I’m in for it when we get down there. He’ll go charging into the place and start begging for handouts. Bear’s just nuts for Ma’s cooking.”

“I imagine everyone in town is.”

“Yeah,” Josh conceded, then chuckled, “but they have lots better table manners.”

Two days later, winter had really begun to make her approach known. Fending for herself in Irma’s kitchen by subsisting on leftovers eaten in the privacy of her room, Cassidy had avoided Joshua like the plague. The quick dinner with him had been wonderful but, as she’d feared, dangerous. He was too compelling. Too comfortable with who he was. His grin was too charming. She just couldn’t concentrate around him.

So she’d hidden away, determined to think through her problems. And now Cassidy was tired of thinking. Especially because all it did was make her more unhappy since she’d come to a monumental conclusion.

She was miserable.

Not just miserable because she’d been passed over for a promotion. But miserable with her job at Jamison itself. And with her whole life.

She worked constantly and didn’t have the time to spend any of the substantial salary that she earned with all those hours she put in doing something she hated. And worst of all, Cassidy didn’t have a clue what she could do about it. Despite what she’d said to her grandfather and despite what she’d thought in the days that had followed their showdown in the office, she was all the old man had in this world. She couldn’t just desert him and destroy his dream of handing down his company to his descendants.

She’d call him. She’d talk to him. She’d at least let him know she was safe.

Before she could change her mind, Cassidy lifted the phone extension and dialed his office at Jamison Steel.

“Winston Jamison’s office. Rose Carmichael speaking.”

“Is he there?” she asked the woman who was as close to a mother as she’d had in twenty years.

“Oh, Cassidy, I’m so glad you called. He’s here. I’m just not sure we shouldn’t let him suffer a bit longer.”

“I don’t want him to suffer. At least, not any more,” she added wryly.

“Then you’re too generous. But then, we know that already, don’t we.”

Cassidy ran a hand agitatedly through her short hair. “I don’t want him to worry, Rose.”

“Suppose we compromise? I’ll tell him you called and that you’re fine but that you weren’t ready to talk to him. Once he knows that you’re okay, he’ll be fine. How’s that?”

“He’s not frantic, is he? Won’t he want to know where I am?”

“I wouldn’t call it frantic exactly, and I’ll tell him you called from Tahiti if he asks.”

Remembering that one of his prized assistants recently ran off to Tahiti with his Human Resources vice president made Cassidy chuckle. “
You
are bad.”

Now Rose chuckled. “And how do you think I’ve controlled the beast all these years? Cassidy,” she said, her tone suddenly sober. “I want you to promise me that you’ll kick back and think seriously about what you want out of life. Forget what your grandfather got you into here at Jamison. He’s a big boy and can take care of himself. Put anything to do with Philly out of your mind, rest and think. Please promise me.”

“I promise,” Cassidy found herself saying.

“Good. Keep in touch. ‘Bye now, sweetheart.”

Cassidy dropped the receiver into the cradle and stared at it. Now where did that leave her? Thinking some more? Considering crazy ideas of where her life had gone wrong?

The
thud
of an ax in the backyard seemed to mock her. She was a grown woman and she’d been reduced—No! She’d reduced herself to cowering in a room for fear of becoming attached to a wonderful man because her grandfather wouldn’t approve of him. How much, she wondered for the first time since that fateful day when her grandfather had taken charge of her life, did she owe the man who’d raised her? Surely not the rest of her life?

Joshua heard the back door close with its typical wooden
slap.
It was time to take the screen out and put the glass in for winter. In his mind, he ran a quick list of the winterizing he’d done so far and what he had yet to accomplish. He’d put up the storm windows in mid-October, but Ma liked to be able to let the heat out of the kitchen, so he’d waited for real winter weather to do the door. And Ma couldn’t deny that it was cold today.

Glancing at the pile of wood for the woodstove that he’d stacked up, he mentally checked that off as almost finished. That left getting the shovels out and ready, as well as mounting the plow blade on the truck, but it was early days for that yet.

He swung the ax again, and the log split from top to bottom. A frigid blast of air ruffled his hair, and he smiled. He loved winter, he thought as he took aim at another log. Summer heat sometimes depressed him, but winter revitalized him. He was determined not to speculate on why that was.

“Oh, I hate winter,” Cassidy grumbled at his back.

Startled, Joshua missed the log and buried the head of the ax six inches into the dirt. He pulled the ax out of the ground and spun to face her. “So the recluse has come out of her den. Don’t you know it’s dangerous to sneak up on a man who’s swinging an ax?”

“I didn’t think I was sneaking. That screen door slammed shut loud enough to wake the dead. And if that didn’t, Bear’s rather exuberant greeting would have.”

Josh glanced at his traitor of a dog, who at that moment sat next to Cassidy, a huge bone sticking out the sides of his mouth and his eyes glowing with puppy-love as he stared up at her.

“Cassie, you’ve created a monster. Now he’s going to follow you everywhere whining and hoping for more treats.” Josh was shocked by the stricken look on her now-pale face. He dropped the ax and went to her. “What’s wrong?” he asked as he reached out to grip her upper arms, afraid she might drop at his feet.

She blinked as if she’d just realized where she was. “Cassie,” she said, her voice shaken and low. “No one calls me Cassie. Not since Cassie went on vacation and came home Cassidy.”