Smart Women (40 page)

“Yes,” Margo said, laughing.

“Is this she?”

“Yes . . . yes, this is she.”

“I have your party, sir.”

Andrew came on the line then. “Hello, Raisin Woman. How’s it going? Did everyone get off on schedule?”

“Yes. I’m the only one left. I was soaking.”

“Wish I were there to keep you company.”

“I’ve heard you pass out from the heat.”

“Not every time. Only when I’m overly excited and have had too many brandies.”

“Oh, so that’s it.”

“Uh huh.”

“How’s it going down there? Has Sara seen B.B. yet?”

“Yes, briefly. It went okay.”

“And have you seen her?” she asked.

“Yes, late this afternoon.”

And
 . . . she thought, but he didn’t elaborate. She would have to ask. “Have you decided yet?”

“Decided what?” he said, as if he had no idea what she was talking about.

All right. She would spell it out for him so that there could be no misunderstanding. The truth was always easier to take than the imagination. “Decided what you’re going to do?”

“It looks like Sara’s going to live with us, at least for next year, maybe longer. Can you handle that?”

She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “If you didn’t come back, I was going to burn the rolltop desk.”

“Didn’t come back? What are you talking about?”

“Nothing . . . forget it.” She wished she could reach through the phone and grab him.

“Can you handle having Sara?” he asked again.

“Yes, I can handle having Sara. I’m glad I’m going to have another chance with her.”

“And can you handle this?” he asked. “I’ve been thinking that . . . well, you know how we’ve been too busy to talk about . . . look, I know the idea scares the shit out of you, but I made a list tonight of all the reasons . . . and they’re all
our
reasons and they all make sense . . . so will you think about . . . no pressure, I promise . . .”

“How about the end of August?” Margo said.

“The end of August?”

“Yes, when all three kids are here, before Stuart leaves for college.”

“You’re serious?”

“You know I’m a serious person, Andrew. Besides, I love you.”

“I love you too. And I miss you. I’ve been sleeping with the raisin box under my pillow.”

“I’ve been sleeping with Lucy.”

“She’s better than a raisin box.”

“But not as good as you.”

“I’ll be home in three days.”

“I’ll be ready.”

S
HE HUNG UP THE PHONE,
went back outside, and lowered herself into the hot tub. For once, everything was turning out right, she thought. Not that she’d ever doubted, seriously doubted, that he would come back. After all, they loved each other. He wasn’t going to just throw it all away. But having everything turn out right was a scary idea, even for an optimist.
Look,
she told herself,
you deserve it. You’ve paid your dues and so has he. Besides, this is real life. Just because it’s all going your way tonight doesn’t mean that tomorrow won’t bring surprises. So count your blessings and be happy.
Isn’t that what her mother had told her when she was a little girl?
It’s okay to count your blessings, darling, so long as you remember to knock wood, after.

“I’m knocking wood, Mother,” Margo said, as she rapped her knuckles against the cedar tub.

Then, just to be sure, she did it again.

And now a special excerpt from

Judy Blume’s exciting novel

WIFEY

Available from Berkley Books!

1

S
ANDY SAT UP
in bed and looked at the clock. Quarter to eight. Damn! Last night she’d told Norman she might sleep all day just to catch up. No kids for once, no demands, no responsibilities. But the noise. What was it, a truck, a bus? It sounded so close. And then the empty sound after the engine cut off. She’d never get back to sleep now. She slipped into her robe, the one the children had given her for Mother’s Day. “Daddy picked it out,” Jen had said. “Do you like it?” “Oh yes, it’s perfect,” Sandy had answered, hating it. Imagine Norman choosing the same robe for her as she had sent to his mother and her own.

She traipsed across the room to the window, rubbing her eyes to keep them open, spitting her hair out of her face. She looked down into the wooded backyard. He was in front of the crab apple tree, hands on hips, as if waiting for her, dressed in a white bed sheet and a stars and stripes helmet, standing next to a motorcycle. What was this? A kid, playing Halloween? A neighborhood ghost? No . . . look . . . he threw off the bed sheet and stood before her, naked, his penis long and stiff. Sandy dropped to her knees, barely peeking out the window, afraid, but fascinated, not just by the act itself, but by the style. So fast, so hard! Didn’t it hurt, handling it that way? She’d always been so careful with Norman’s, scared that she might damage it. Who was he? What was he doing in her yard?
Nineteen, twenty, twenty-one,
Sandy counted. He came on twenty-seven, leaving his stuff on her lawn, then jumped on his bike, kicked down with one foot, and started up the engine. But wait. It stalled. Would she have to call Triple A and if so how was she going to explain the problem?
Hello, this is Mrs. Pressman . . . there’s a . . . you see . . . well . . . anyway . . . and he’s having trouble with his motorcycle . . .
No. No need to worry. The engine caught and he took off, zooming down the street, wearing only the stars and stripes helmet.

She called Norman first, at the plant, and he asked, “Did it make ridges in the lawn?”

“What?”

“The motorcycle, did it make ridges in the lawn?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, find out.”

“Now?”

“Yes, I’ll hold.”

She put the phone down and ran outside.

“Yes, there are ridges,” she told Norman. “Two of them.”

“Okay. First thing, call Rufano, tell him to take care of it.”

“Right. Rufano,” she repeated, jotting it down. “Should he reseed or what?”

“I can’t say. I’m not there, am I? Let him decide, he’s the doctor.”

“But it doesn’t pay to put money into the lawn when we’re moving, does it?”

“We haven’t sold the house yet. It would be different if we’d already sold.”

“Norm . . .”

“What?”

“I’m a little shaky.”

“I’ll call the police as soon as we hang up.”

“I’m not dressed.”

“So get dressed.”

“Are you coming home?”

“I can’t, Sandy. I’m in the middle of a new solution.”

“Oh.”

“See you tonight.”

“Right.”

Sandy showered and dressed and waited for the police.

“
O
KAY,
M
RS.
P
RESSMAN,
let’s have it again.” She’d expected, at the very least, Columbo. Instead she got Hubanski, tall and thin, with a missing tooth and an itchy leg. He sat on the sofa and scratched the area above his black anklet sock. Plainfield, New Jersey’s, finest.

“My husband told you the whole story, didn’t he?”

“Uh huh.”

He whipped his notebook out of his pocket and made squiggles with his ballpoint pen. “Doesn’t seem to be working today.”

“Try blowing in it,” Sandy suggested. “Sometimes that helps.”

Hubanski blew into the end of his ballpoint and tried again. “Nope, nothing.”

“Just a minute.” Sandy went into the kitchen and came back with a pen. “Try this one.”

“Thanks,” he said, printing his name.

Sandy sat down on the love seat opposite him, tucking her legs under her.

“Okay, now I want to hear it from you, Mrs. Pressman. You say it was about quarter past eight?”

“No, quarter to.”

“You’re sure of that?”

“Yes, positive, because as soon as I woke up I looked at the clock.”

“And the noise that woke you sounded like a motorcycle?”

“Well, I didn’t know it was a motorcycle then. I just knew it was a noise, which is why I went over to the window in the first place.”

“Now, we have to be very sure about this, Mrs. Pressman.”

“I looked out the window and there he was,” Sandy said. “It’s very simple.”

“He didn’t ring the bell or anything, first?”

“Why would he have done that?”

“I’m only trying to set the record straight, Mrs. Pressman, because, you know, this isn’t our everyday, ordinary kind of complaint. So just take your time and tell me again.”

“He was wearing a sheet and he was looking up at me.”

“Now, this here’s the important part, Mrs. Pressman, and I want to be sure I’ve got it one hundred per cent right. You’re telling me that this guy rides up on a motorcycle.”

“Yes.”

“And he’s got a bed sheet over him.”

“That’s right.”

“Like your ordinary everyday kind of bed sheet?”

“Yes, plain white, hospital variety.”

“Okay, I get the picture. So let’s take it from there, Mrs. Pressman. Now, you look down from your bedroom window and he looks up. Is that right so far?”

“Very good, you’re doing fine.”

“Look, Mrs. Pressman, you might not believe it, but this is no picnic for me either.”

“Sorry.”

“Okay, so he takes off the sheet.”

“Right.”

“And he’s stark naked.”

“Yes, except for his helmet . . . stars and stripes . . .”

“Yeah, I already got that. So, go on.”

“Well, then he masturbated. And that’s about it.”

“You say
about.
Is there something else?”

“No, he got on his motorcycle and rode off. That’s it.”

“Naked?”

“Yes, I told you that.”

“So where’s the bed sheet, Mrs. Pressman?” He held up his hand, a hint of a smile showing on his face for the first time.

“I don’t know.”

“You didn’t pick it up when you went out to inspect the lawn?”

“No.”

“And you didn’t see him pick it up either?”

“No, but he might have. Because I was pretty upset at the time, as you can imagine. I might have missed that.”

“What I don’t get, Mrs. Pressman, is how come you watched the whole thing. I mean, you could have called us right off. We might have been able to get over here in time.”

“I was scared, I guess. I just don’t know.”

“How about a make on the motorcycle?”

“It was chrome.”

“Come on, Mrs. Pressman. You can do better than that. Was it this year’s model, a 1970? Or would you say it was five to ten years old?”

“I don’t know. They all look the same to me.”

He clicked the pen closed, stood up, and handed it to Sandy.

“Keep it,” she said, “I’m sure you’ll need it.”

“Thanks. Say listen, what about the dog? Your husband said you have a dog.”

“We do, a miniature schnauzer, Banushka. But he slept through it.”

“You’re sure he was white?”

“Who?”

“The guy—the exhibitionist.”

“Oh, yes.”

“Because a lot of these mixed races can look almost white.”

“No, he was white. Like you.”

He sighed. “Well, you haven’t given me much to go on, Mrs. Pressman.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Look, if you remember anything else, no matter how small, give me a call, okay? And in the meantime I’ll do my best.”

“That’s all anyone can ask for, sergeant . . .” Sandy paused. What the hell was his name?

“Hubanski. U-ban-ski. The H is silent.”

“I’ll remember that. Good-bye . . . and thank you.”

As Hubanski was walking down the front steps Sandy called, “Oh, sergeant?”

He turned. “Yeah.”

“I just remembered . . . he was left-handed.”

“
H
UBANSKI DIDN’T BELIEVE ME,”
she told Norman that night, over chicken piquant. She was really pissed about that.

“It is an incredible story, Sandy.”

“Don’t you think I know that?”

“How come we’re having chicken tonight? It’s Monday, we always have chicken on Wednesdays.”

“I didn’t stop to think. I just defrosted the first thing I saw when I opened the freezer. Besides, with the kids away, what’s the difference?”

“The difference is that I count on chicken on Wednesdays, the way I count on pot roast on Thursdays and some sort of chopped meat on Tuesdays. I had chicken salad for lunch.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Did you get this recipe from your sister?”

“No, from
Elegant but Easy.
”

“Not bad. You should have browned it first, though.”

“It’s a pain to brown chicken. That’s why I made this one, you don’t need to brown it first.”

“It would look more appetizing if you did, next time.”

“So close your eyes!”

“I’m just making a suggestion, San. No need to get so touchy about it.”

“Who’s touchy?”

Norman took off his glasses and wiped them with his dinner napkin. “I think what you need is new interests, especially now, with the kids away for the whole summer.”

Was he doubting her story too? “I have plenty to do. There’s the new house and besides that, I’m going to read. I’m going to do the classics. I told you that.”