Smokescreen (27 page)

Ben put all the pieces together. “Which means Gray decides what offices the S.A.S.S. gets, which explains why you’re stuck out in the middle of a dormant bombing range.”

“He thinks we work out of the banged-up trailer and shack above ground.” Darcy chuckled under her breath. “Tell him about the bunker and I’ll have to shoot you.”

Ben’s eyes twinkled. “Your secret will go with me to the grave.”

A little dazed from the intimate moment, she winked at him. “Your devotion leaves me breathless. Is it because you think Gray’s a pompous ass for sticking us out here?”

“Of course not. It’s because you’re my partner,” Ben said, his amusement touching his eyes. “And because I like your smile.” He cocked his head. “Playful suits you, Darcy.”

It did. “I used to be playful a lot.”

“But that was before the fire?”

A shaft of sorrow arrowed through her, and she nodded. Avoiding it, she busied her fingers on the keyboard, flew through a few documents, quickly keystroked through a few more, following the paper trail on TNT.

Ben watched over her shoulder in silence. Minutes passed. Five, then ten. “The owner didn’t want locating him to be easy, now did he?”

“No, he didn’t. But persistence—” She keyed through documents on a fronting corporation and landed on a document that stole her breath. “Good God.”

“What?” Ben picked up on the anxious turn of her tone.

She swung her gaze to meet his. “Broken Branch Redemption owns TNT.”

“Is that bad?”

“It’s damn sure not good,” she said. “Broken Branch is a universal religious organization.” She keyed in to get a list of the corporate officers.

“Who’s at the helm?”

“Checking that now.” She waited for the document to load. It finally appeared on the screen. “It’s your man, Ben.”

“Who?” He craned his neck, but still didn’t have a clear line of sight to the screen. “Wexler?”

“No.” She looked at Ben. “Paco Santana.”

Ben frowned, dragged a frustrated hand through his hair. “So the jerk’s working TNT on both sides of the border and working for GRID. That’ll make the mission tougher, Darcy.”

“More so than you think. Since the fiasco at Waco, the federal government has taken a hands-off approach on matters that could even remotely be considered an encroachment into the ‘freedom of religion’ domain.”

Worry flitted through Ben’s eyes that matched exactly what Darcy felt. “Are you telling me we’ve got to battle GRID
and
Broken Branch
and
TNT
and
your superiors?”

“I don’t know if I’d say ‘battle,’ but you can bet Colonel Drake, General Shaw and Secretary Reynolds are going to watch every move we make. If we miss dotting an
i
or crossing a
t
on any step in any of the processes, we’re going to be sacrificial lambs.”

“So we’ll have to verify, triple-check and verify again to make sure we haven’t missed anything.”

She grunted. “Ben, if you had any idea how challenging it is to do that kind of thing on active missions in the field, you wouldn’t be so nonchalant about this. A hint of a misstep on our part will cause a public relations nightmare. A true misstep and people die.”

“Drake, Shaw and the secretary won’t be satisfied with anything less than unqualified success.”

“With these stakes? No they won’t,” she agreed. “And they’ll be brutal to get it.”

“Then we’d better do what we can to minimize the challenges,” Ben said. “You, no hyperstimulation attacks. Me, no nonchalant acts. Both are luxuries we can’t afford.”

She rolled her eyes heavenward. “Ben, I can’t just will myself not—”

“We try, Darcy.” Ben reached over and clasped her hands in his. “That’s all either of us can do, okay?”

He did understand. She stilled. She should be
stunned, and she wasn’t. She definitely wasn’t. Why? And why was she confident he’d understood from the start—even before he’d been told Dr. Vargus’s professional opinion?

“You watch over me,” he said. “If I start getting careless, yank my chain.” She nodded, still a little bemused, and he went on. “Now, tell me what I need to know to watch over you. What are your preattack symptoms?”

Damn. She’d really like for him to think highly of her—well, as highly as possible—but if she told him… Instead, she opted for her typical evasion tactics. “About what you would expect.”

Silence.

She leafed through a sheaf of papers. But not a sound escaped him, and she accepted that a sound wasn’t going to until she told him the truth. She stole a glance at him out of the corner of her eye. Yep, truth was what he was waiting for, all right. He stared straight at her. “What?”

“I expect nothing, Darcy. I have no frame of reference for this.” He frowned, stirred on the stool, then hiked his knee and caught his heel on the lower rung. “I’m not just interested in everything about you, you know. And I’m not trying to invade your personal life. I really need to know the signs or I wouldn’t have asked.” He looked away, hesitated, then looked back at her, his expression frank. “Consider the possibility that I might just have something to contribute. Is it that hard for you to believe that I might be able to help save our asses?”

Oddly elated and disappointed and embarrassed all at once, she cursed herself as a fool. His interest in her was to keep his own neck out of a noose and do his part to stop the attack. It wasn’t personal.

Disappointment took the lion’s share of her reaction.

“I like you, Darcy,” he said softly, dipping his chin to his chest. “If you think that sounds weird to you, I can tell you it’s even more weird to me.”

So his interest was personal, too. Enormously pleased, she bit a smile from her lips. “Because of what happened with your wife?” she asked. She didn’t find it weird at all. For the first time since the fire, she felt a personal connection—a woman-to-man connection—and her body wasn’t in full revolt or going haywire, threatening to kill her with a massive adrenaline rush. Could her reaction be that strong without positive receptive vibes from him?

Not believing so, she sat back in her chair, strangely content. These normal hormonal reactions had a lot going for them. They were a little scary, of course, but they were also exciting, enticing, even enchanting.

Until Ben, when she’d felt attracted to a man—there’d only been two—she’d had hormonal explosions. Those reactions had nothing good going for them. They were excruciating, excoriating and exhausting. Totally horrid. So after the second hormonal explosion, she’d sworn off men and resolutely avoided any who could possibly stir an attraction in her. Then along came Agent Ben Kelly…

“Because after my wife, I swore I’d never get close to another woman,” he clarified. “I guess that sounds pretty weak. But I’ll tell you, Darcy. When you watch someone you love hit bottom and they drag you with them through it over and again, it cures you of wanting another relationship.”

“I can see that it would.” She could see it. All the pain
and frustration and the sense of helplessness and hopelessness of watching his wife fall off the wagon time after time and not being able to help her. In his way, Ben was probably as bitter as Darcy.

She turned her back to the computer and faced him. “I’d rather not talk about my problems, but you’re right. The odds of me having a hyperstimulated attack during the course of the mission makes it imperative that you know what to expect.”

He didn’t look pleased or disappointed that she’d agreed to talk freely to him. More so, he seemed content to take what came in stride. “So what do I expect?” he asked.

“Like I told you. Since I awakened from the coma, I remember every sight and smell and touch and sound and taste. As long as I’m in a controlled environment, and I limit the level of sensory input, I can live a pretty normal life. But outside that environment, my brain goes into overdrive and my body’s stuck with enduring it.”

“So are you okay one second and hyper the next?” He dropped a pencil back into a holder on the corner of the drafting table. “Or are there preattack signs?”

“Blessing or curse, there are signs. The first one is that my speech and brain function at different speeds. I talk gibberish and sound like an idiot.” Unable to sit and disclose this to him, she stood up and paced a short path in her hub. “As if that isn’t annoying enough, my chest gets tight and my muscles start twitching.”

“Which ones?”

“All of them.” She pretended not to see his surprise. “If the sensory overload continues, I hyperventilate and my muscles all lock down.”

He winced. “All of them?”

“I try to avoid getting to that stage. It’s pretty nasty. But the truth is, I don’t know exactly what happens,” she said honestly. “The pain gets so intense that I black out.” She turned her gaze to the wall of photos and notes. “What I do know is that I wake up with one helluva headache from cracking my head when I fall—sometimes with blood and bruising and fanfare, and sometimes without it.”

“Damn, Darcy.”

“I know. It’s awful.” She lifted a supplicating hand. “But what can I do? This is my world.”

He dropped his gaze, stared down at the drafting table and propped his heel on a stool rung. “This insertion won’t work. You’ll never make it at Los Casas without having those nasty attacks. You can’t put yourself through that.”

“I’m military, Ben. I don’t get a vote.”

“Nothing personal, but you can’t risk this—not in your condition.” He rubbed at his nape. “I can’t agree to this, not knowing you’ll be in that kind of pain. What kind of man could?”

Touched, her voice weakened to a thread. “Thoughtful, but you don’t get a vote either.”

He turned to look at her.

“You heard Colonel Drake. I have my orders and, considering the costs, I’d better work and work well.” A piece of fuzz stuck to his shirt collar. Darcy absently reached over and removed it. “I’m high-liability, but I do have the assets we need—perfect memory. We will diminish detection risks by not using surveillance equipment.”

“At your expense,” he countered. “You’ll be in pain and in danger, Darcy.”

Caring. He was a very caring man. “This won’t be my first mission, Ben. I have a few years’ experience at this. I know the risks are high.” Was she interpreting his self-concern as concern for her? His life would be on the line. That sobered her thoughts. She owed it to him to ask. Colonel Drake wouldn’t approve, but this mattered more. If the current plan didn’t work out, then the commander would just have to accept another plan. “Ben, I realize my challenges increase the risks to you. I want you to know that you’re free to say no—regardless of what Colonel Drake says. This is between you and me.” She drew back her shoulders and met his gaze. “Knowing what you do about me, will you work with me on this mission anyway?”

He pursed his lips, snorted and gave his head a good shake, as if he couldn’t believe he was being put in this position, too, when he’d already taken on major risks just to come here. A minute ticked off on the desk clock. Then another.

“No, Darcy. I won’t work with you
anyway,
” Ben finally said. He sighed and snagged her hand. “But I will work with you.” He gave her fingers a gentle squeeze. “If you’re willing to take on GRID, Kunz and Santana in spite of your challenges, then I’m willing to bank on you.” His eyes shone appreciatively. “I doubt all three of them rolled together have your courage, and that will take you places nothing else can.”

She couldn’t help it. She should be mortified by that remark—the responsibility—but instead she was thrilled from the marrow of her bones out. “Thank you, Ben.”

The look in his eyes warmed—definitely attraction, and most definitely personal. “You’ll thank me later.”

Her breath hitched. “That could be interpreted as a threat or a promise, Benjamin Kelly.” She wound her fingers with his. “Care to elaborate?”

He sent her a sly look. “Would I threaten a woman who knows hundreds of ways to kill a man?”

“I suppose not.” Darcy laughed out loud. “So how do I collect on this promise and see what it really means?”

“Ah,” his eyes gleamed, warm and wonderful. “There’s only one way to find out.”

“Just one.” She thought about it, but failed to figure it out. “Okay, I’ll bite. How?”

“Live.”

Colonel Drake stood behind Amanda and Kate at the double doors, leading to Darcy’s domain. “What are you two doing?” She tried to peer over their shoulders.

Amanda spun around, looking guilty as hell. “Nothing.”

Kate didn’t budge even to look back. “Not a thing.”

Laughter rang out from inside.
Darcy?
Shock raked up Sally’s backbone. “Is that really Darcy laughing?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Kate smiled.

Amanda couldn’t hold back another second. “This is the first time I’ve seen her laugh in over a year, Colonel.”

“Nearly two.” Sally shouldered her way between them to look inside. “So Ben Kelly has what it takes to make our Darcy laugh. Well, who would’ve thought it?”

Amanda watched Ben and Darcy verbally sparring with total delight. “You don’t think we need to worry? He won’t take advantage of her condition, will he?”

“Not if he wants to live,” Kate said. “Look at her. She really likes him.”

Darcy was glowing. “Mmm, interesting.” Sally stepped back from the door. “Totally different reaction to him than to the two she liked before.”

“Good thing.” Amanda’s eyebrows shot up on her forehead. “Liking them damn near killed her.”

Kate clearly recalled the events, and shot Sally a worried look. “She couldn’t chill out enough to sleep for nearly a week.”

Checking Darcy again, Amanda reassured Kate. “She doesn’t look hyped. She looks…happy.”

Sally Drake smiled broadly.

“What?” Kate asked. “You know something.”

“Nothing,” she said in her best “damn right I do but I’m not telling” voice. “It’s just interesting.” Amanda and Kate would realize what was happening here soon enough.

And maybe, just maybe, this unexpected but oh-so-welcome event would do for Darcy what nothing else had. Maybe, with a lot of luck and a little divine intervention, it’d make her take back her life.