Snare of Serpents (53 page)

Well, you know what happened. You were arrested and charged with murder. It was terrible for you. But please believe me when I tell you it was terrible for me, too. I wanted to tell everything … confess. Hamish threatened me. He was in a rare panic. All his swagger deserted him then. We were all in a state of terror.

What hurt me most was what they were doing to you. I really thought your father’s death would be accepted as natural. I couldn’t sleep. I had to do something.

In the shed near the stables I found a little of the arsenic which Hamish had bought. Just a few grains still on the paper it had been wrapped in. Hamish hadn’t bothered to get rid of it because he had a perfect alibi about the rats. I had this idea then. I knew arsenic had certain powers. I remembered a man I had known in my Jolly Red Heads days who had taken it. He had told me he took it to make him feel younger.

I took the paper. I put the grains into another piece and I said I had found it in the drawer and that your father had
confessed to me that he had once taken arsenic acquired on the Continent.

I provided the doubt. I knew I should never have had another moment’s peace as long as I lived if you had been condemned as a murderess.

When I heard that verdict I was furious. I had wanted you free of all doubt. I’ve wanted to make up to you ever since. I wanted to put it all behind us and start again. And those idiots had made it Not Proven.

But you were free. I could rejoice in that. I wanted you free but I did not realise that you would have to go through life under that shadow of doubt.

I was wicked. I agreed to the plan. It is no use my saying I was under Hamish’s spell, that I suffered from an unhappy youth. I am guilty and I shall never forgive myself.

I don’t enjoy what I have gained. There is not a great deal left of your father’s fortune which seemed such riches to me in the beginning. Hamish had a large part of it … and kept wanting more. It set him up in the business which finally brought him to his end … I was blackmailed all the time. I would not marry him. I think he realised that that might have been dangerous. The murder of your father was Not Proven; there might be some who wanted to discover the truth. He ceased to press for that but he wanted the lion’s share of the spoils.

Then there was Ellen. She used to come back regularly claiming her dues. Ellen is not a bad sort, though. She, too, has found life hard. She is planning to go abroad. I told her of that place which helped you and Lilias Milne. But she wanted a little behind her before she went. She made her regular demands and I think she may well be on her way to Australia or New Zealand. I think she learned a lesson. She was a frightened woman … always afraid that someone would find her. Hamish should never have brought her into it. She was almost as upset as I was every time she came to make her claim. She wasn’t a
natural
criminal … no more than I think I am. Impulsive we both were … trying hard
to get a place in the sun … not realising how much we should have to pay for it.

Well, Hamish will not be able to do more mischief … and I am on my way.

You will find enclosed an account of what happened. I do not want the sordid details of my life made public. That is for you alone. The letter enclosed you will give to your Ninian. He will know what to do with it. It is my confession. It explains everything that is necessary. It is all people need to know and you will be completely exonerated from all guilt. No more Not Proven.

God bless you, Davina. In spite of my wickedness I did love you. You became like a daughter to me. I love little Stephen and I want everything to be perfect for you. I want to rub out that stigma forever.

No one can say now that the case against you was Not Proven.

Be happy. You have a chance now.

Goodbye, Davina,

ZlLLAH

I could scarcely read the note she had prepared because of the tears in my eyes.

And later I showed it to Ninian.

He read it through and when he lifted his face to mine I saw the joy there.

He stood up and took my hands in his. Then he held me tightly against him.

“She’s right,” he said. “We’re free. It’s over, Davina. I knew we were right to come back and face it. It happened here and here was the solution.”

“It is strange,” I said. “She did that … and I really loved her. She was truly … lovable … and yet … she could do that.”

“Life is strange. People are strange. And she is right when she says we can be happy now. The case is proven, Davina, my dearest, proven without a doubt.”

He was radiant with joy; I suppose we both were. Life was good and seemed the brighter because of the darkness. I could now look ahead without fear. I had my husband; I had my child; and Zillah had cleared for me the way to contentment.