So Not a Hero (23 page)

“There’s a difference between a costume, regardless of the brevity, and lingerie.” The blonde said with a smirk. “Maybe you should get a uniform like mine and then you can wear it under your clothes. Then you’ll always be ready to do the job.”

Awesome nodded and smiled. “See? That’s why I gave Daniel the suggestions I did. I was thinking about that exact contingency.”

I rolled my eyes. “You were thinking about how much you’d enjoy seeing me in something skimpy is more like it.”

Greg held up his hand. “There’s no need to change your outfit, Karen.” He glanced over at Richard. “Despite what others may think. Just use a little more discretion next time, okay?” He looked back to me. “Whether you like it or not, you’re going to be under more intense scrutiny than Darla or Alexis. Make sure you look and act above board.”

I ground my teeth together and shrugged. “Whatever. I took out the bad guy, saved the day, and I did it in my undies. Next time, I just do it naked and watch my popularity soar.”

“Karen…”

I shook my head and turned around. “God, that was a joke. Is everyone around here upset with me?”

Awesome and Omega-Girl looked at each other and shrugged. “I’m not,” the blonde said. “I think Alexis is a little thrown by the realization of what you probably did last night. And Daniel,” she sighed and nodded towards the door leading downstairs. “I think Daniel might be a little bit heartbroken.”

I nodded, shoving my hands into my back pockets. “I think I should talk to him.”

Greg looked at me. “It would probably be for the best.”

Awesome turned the video back on and I left the room.

Downstairs, I stood in front of the door to the lab for five or ten minutes, playing out various scenarios in my head. I’d tried to be mindful of Daniel’s crush on me, but hadn’t given any thought to the fact that everyone else might have known as well.

“Here goes nothing,” I said and rapped on the front of the dura-steel door.

The doors slid open on their own, as if I’d been expected. I walked inside and spotted Daniel standing next to the chamber he’d been using to analyze the team’s powers. He was using a hand-welder to secure a silver and black device to the control panel. I drew in a steadying breath and walked over to him. His head moved slightly as I neared, but he didn’t stop working.

I waited until he turned off the torch and cleared my throat. “Can we talk?”

He hooked a pair of wires to the box and then closed the access panel. “Sure,” he said as he walked away from the unit to a nearby laptop on a wheeled stand. “What would you like to discuss?” He wouldn’t even look in my direction as he began punching the keys harder than normal. “The weather? How the Panthers are going to do this year?” His eyes closed. “Your newfound love?”

I sighed and shoved my hands into my back pockets. I didn’t exactly trust them to not break something right now. “Is that really any of your business?” I tried to keep the edge out of my voice. I was at my limit with all the Judgey McJudgeys.

“No. Not technically.” He glanced over his shoulder at the readout on the front of the machine and then turned back to the computer. “I just thought you’d be more observant. That’s all.”

“Observant? Of what?”

“My feelings. Towards you.” He finally looked up at me for a brief moment. “I thought I had let you know that I liked you.”

God, this was the last thing I needed. Sure, I’d known he had some interest in me. He’d certainly not been super covert about it. But Kurt had actually manned up and asked me out. Daniel had settled for hints and pining from afar.

“He looked back down and continued to type on the keyboard. “It’s okay. I should’ve prepared myself for the rejection.”

“Daniel, I didn’t mean to—”

“To hurt me? To choose someone else for your affections?” He crossed his arms and slumped against the side of the containment chamber. “I get it, Karen. I really do.” Unfolding his arms, he gestured at himself with a wave of a hand. “Look at me, I’m like the complete opposite of what a girl like you looks for in a boyfriend.”

My jaw clamped down all by itself as I narrowed my eyes at him. The sympathy and guilt that had been flowing through me was soaked up by a sponge of anger. “Excuse me?” I said, taking a step closer to him. “Care to elaborate on what you mean by ‘a girl like me’?”

He only held my boiling gaze for a second and then looked down at his shoes. “Smart, brave, funny, and beautiful.”

My mouth dropped open silently and I wondered if I could have possibly been a bigger bitch. Damn, I totally suck when it comes to relationships. Of any type.

He looked back up and shrugged. “No biggie. I’ve been losing to guys like Detective Braddock all my life. Even before Activating sent my IQ into the four hundreds.” He turned around and walked back to the newly installed device. “My own brother screwed me over more than once, swooping in to win the affections of a girl I liked first. I was just hoping that this time, I’d be the one to come out on top.”

I walked over and put my hand on his arm. “Daniel, I’m sorry if I … led you on. I like you. But as a friend.” I tried to produce a genuine smile for him, but I felt as if the act was an epic fail.

“You’re not romantically attracted to me. I get it. Believe me, I get it.”

“Daniel, I …” What could I say? That he wasn’t my type? He was intelligent and kind. Always helpful and shy, in a painfully cute way. He just wasn’t what got my motor to running. And telling him that to his face would be as damaging as if I’d went ahead and punched him. “I trust you,” I said, stepping around so that I could look into his eyes. “And that’s something very few people in this world have. I know you want more, but could we at least remain friends?” I lowered my voice, willing it not to crack. “It would mean a lot to me if we could still be that.”

He stared at me for a few seconds and then nodded, reaching up to rub a fingertip at the corner of one eye. “Yes. We can still be friends.” He exhaled softly. “I’m sorry if my … crush … made you feel awkward. You’re one of the few who has seen me as something other than the Guy Who Makes Our Toys. I guess I just hoped that what you were seeing was something that you wanted for a relationship.” He shrugged again. “It’s okay, Karen. Really.”

“Yeah?”

He nodded and then jerked his thumb at the chamber. “I really need to get this thing calibrated, so …”

I took my cue and smiled as I turned to leave. Then I whirled back around and gave him a hug, careful not to crush his spine. “Thank you,” I whispered into his ear and released him before he noticed that the lump that had appeared in his pants was pressing into my thigh. I gave him another smile and left the room, feeling at least a smidge better than I had earlier.

When I got back upstairs, the news channel had moved on from the constant loop of my underwear fight and was showing a segment on the new bridge being built over the river. Rocket was the only one in the room and he gave me half a glance from his spot on the sofa, but wisely kept his mouth shut. His brief gaze alone was enough to convey that I’d managed to slip even further down the ladder of acceptance.

I refrained from giving him the finger and left the room, going to the kitchen. Darla was still there and didn’t look up from her phone as I pulled open the refrigerator door and peered inside. Footsteps came down the hall and I closed the door and turned around as our Clueless Leader stepped into the room. He looked between the blonde and I, pointing his finger at us.

“Which one of you two babes ordered Chinese take-out and didn’t ask if anyone else wanted anything?”

I gave the other girl a confused glance and then looked back at him. “What the hell are you talking about?”

He jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “Chinese. Take. Out.” He said each word slowly as if talking to a small child.

I walked over to the doorway and peered into the briefing room. On one of the jumbo screens was the video feed from the lobby. I stared in stunned silence for a few moments at the man standing patiently next to Joelle’s vacant desk, hands pressed flat against his thighs.

I sighed and walked towards the elevator. “I’ll handle this,” I said over my shoulder to the two of them.

Captain Awesome’s voice drifted down the hall after me. “Make sure we get extra duck sauce.”

When I stepped out of the elevator, I noticed that he hadn’t moved or changed position since I’d seen him on the screen upstairs. Either his patience was still the stuff of legend, or someone had called down to tell him I was on my way. He looked thinner than I remembered, and there were tired circles around his slanted eyes. It looked as if there was a great deal more gray in his thinning hair.

Though it was Sunday afternoon, he was dressed in a suit and tie, black shoes shined to a level of gloss that threatened to blind the unwary. Heaven forbid he dress casual and look relaxed out in public. Retired for ten years and still looking the part of a professor.

He glanced over at me as I approached and a small smile slowly spread over his face. One that didn’t completely reach his dark eyes.

“Musume,” he said as he raised his arms and held out both hands to me.

Daughter. But was I really? I glanced down at his hands, but refused to accept them. I crossed my arms over my chest instead. “Hello, Father.”

The smile faltered a bit as he slowly lowered his arms. “You are looking well, Kaori. How have your new friends been treating you?”

I shook my head. “Seriously? You dropped by to see how I was doing?” I huffed and uncrossed my arms, planting them on my hips. “What do you want? I haven’t seen or heard from you in almost five years. What force possessed you to make contact now?”

He flinched and looked down at the floor.

“You always had a temper, Kaori,” he said softly. “Even as a little girl. From your mother’s side of the family I think. She had trouble controlling it as well.”

“I don’t want to talk about my temper!” I shouted. “I want to know what you’re doing here.”

He jumped at my words and slowly brought his face back up to mine. He released the breath I hadn’t known he was holding and a deep sadness flowed into his eyes. “Very well. I am here on behalf of your mother.”

“I don’t have a mother, as I recall.”

A shake of his head followed a soft sigh. “I do not wish to fight with you, musume. The bad feelings have gone on for far too long.”

“And who’s responsible for that?”

He met my gaze with an unwavering stare. “All of us. After Tomiko, we stopped being a family and turned into hostile strangers.”

“Fine. We all fucked it up.”

“Language, Kaori.” His voice slipped from possessing an edge of regret to the tone he’d used to correct me all my life. “There is no need for profanity.”

I couldn’t help the smirk that formed on my face. “Why try to fix shit now?” The slice of childish rebellion didn’t feel as good as I’d thought it would.

“Because,” he said, not taking the bait. “She’s asking for you. You need to go see her.”

I glared at him as hard as I could manage. If I’d had heat vision, my father would have been nothing more than a lump of charcoal on the lobby floor. “Go see her? Do you remember the last thing she said to me?”

He looked down at the floor, unable to meet my stare. “Things have changed, Kaori.”

“Don’t call me that. That’s not my name anymore. And of course things have changed. Now I’m a member of a famous and well-respected team of heroes.” My jaw was clenched tightly enough to shatter a diamond. “Do you remember what she said, Father? Right after she told me to leave and never come back?”

He didn’t raise his eyes from the examination of his shoes. His head nodded just the slightest bit, though. “She said … she couldn’t love a daughter who was different.”

“Actually, the word she used was freak. Wasn’t it?”

Another of those nearly imperceptible head bobs. “Hai.”

“Okay. So go home and tell your wife that her freak daughter doesn’t have anything to say to her.” I turned around and started back towards the elevator. “I don’t have anything more to say to you, either.”

“She’s not at home, Kaori. She’s at the hospital.”

Something in his voice made me stop walking and I looked back despite myself. “The hospital?”

He raised his head to look at me, tears brimming in those dark brown eyes. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen my father cry. He hadn’t shed a tear at Tomiko’s funeral. He bore that sadness with typical Japanese stoicism.

“She’s dying.”

CHAPTER 15: CLOSING OLD WOUNDS

After my father’s gut-slamming revelation that my mother was dying, we stared at each other silently for a few seconds before I forced myself to ask, “Of what?” Though I had a pretty good guess.

“Cancer,” he said softly. If this had been a normal day, with people coming in and out, Joelle doing her thing, and the usual traffic on the street outside, I’d never had heard him. “Breast cancer,” he added.

Her mother—my Grandma Jenny—had succumbed to the same illness when I was only six. Apparently, the gene responsible ran down the female side of my family, a ticking bomb that could go off at any point between puberty and menopause.

Fortunately, Martin had disarmed that particular threat the first time I’d let him mess with my DNA, removing me from the chain and promising that it was out of my lineage forever. I really hoped that was true.

“She needs you, Kaor … Karen.”

I clenched my jaw and shrugged disinterestedly as I turned around and continued my journey to the elevator. The woman, as far as I was concerned, had been dead for years. This was just a matter of her body finally catching up with my feelings. I placed my palm on the identification pad and waited for the doors to reopen.

“She’s at Queen Memorial. Room 1217.”

I didn’t turn around. “Good for her. Hope she’s got a nice view of the city.”

“Kaori, please.” The begging chilled my blood and brought the hairs on my neck to standing.

The elevator dinged and the doors slid open as I swallowed the heavy lump in my throat. “Goodbye, Father.” I said. “I’m sorry for your loss.” Then I stepped inside the car and risked a final look back before the doors closed.

He stared at me, face unreadable. I had no doubt he was judging me for my refusal to rush to his wife’s—not my mother’s—side in her hour of need. I’m sure my resentment hurt him, even though that wasn’t my intention. I didn’t fully blame him for the way things had developed between us. In reality, he’d been nothing more than an errand boy, his only crime was always giving in to Rebecca’s whims and demands.

“Please, musume. She loves y—”

The doors cut off his words and I slumped against the titanium wall of the elevator, leaving a small dent in the surface. My vision blurred and warm wetness slid over my cheeks. Repulsed at my reactions, I stood up and attempted to wipe away the tears as fast as they came. I wasn’t about to let this get to me. Rebecca Hashimoto had become persona non-grata in my mind. She meant nothing to me at all. Why should I care that she was dying?

I don’t
, I told myself.
That bitch made her bed, now let her rot in it.
However, if I really didn’t give a crap, why did I feel like something inside of me had been scooped out and replaced with cold mud?

The elevator stopped and the doors opened quietly, but I didn’t immediately exit. I stood there, staring at the tiny foyer without really seeing anything, until the panel beeped at me in annoyance. Get off or stay on? I wiped at my eyes again and stepped out of the car. The doors closed behind me and I went on the hunt for Manpower.

I found Greg in the briefing room, thankfully alone. He glanced up as I entered and immediately rose to his feet.

“Karen, what’s wrong?” he asked. Guess my stoic mask wasn’t as good as my father’s.

“I talked to my father. Downstairs just now.” I said, my voice attempting to crack. I swallowed hard and bit down on my lower lip.

He tilted his head slightly to the side, with that look on his face guys sometimes get when they weren’t sure if they should act pleased or concerned. “Oh? Did he stop by for any particular reason?”

To try to repair a broken relationship? Or because his wife told him to and he obeyed like a good little puppy? Maybe to see firsthand if his wayward daughter had really turned her life around? All very good reasons, mind you.

“My mother is dying.” Four words. A statement that shouldn’t have meant any more to me than mentioning that dinner was in the oven. Of course, if that were true, why did my rebellious eyes release a deluge the exact moment the last syllable left my lips?

“Oh … shit. Karen, I’m sorry.” His face fell and he took a couple of steps in my direction and stopped, arms slightly apart in preparation for the hug he obviously felt I needed.

I waved him off and rubbed furiously at my dribbling eyes as I sat down hard in one of the seats, actually making the dura-steel groan. “It’s okay. We … haven’t spoken in a while. Years, actually.”

“I guess you guys had some type of falling out?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I had a little brother, Tommy. He died a few months after my Activation. After that, things between us fell apart. I’d figured I’d never see or hear from her again.” I waved my hand in the direction of the elevator. “Then my father shows up and drops this news on me.”

He sat down in the chair next to me. “Is there anything I can do? Any of us can do?” His hands rested on the table, fingers interlaced. “Do you need to go be with her?”

Did I? I wasn’t sure. “I … don’t know. Maybe.” I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “I think I’d like to go check on her. At least see her.” I glanced at him, hoping he could see the need for confirmation on my face. “That’s the right thing to do, isn’t it?”

He nodded. “Yeah, probably. At the very least, you’ll be able to say to yourself that you tried to bridge the gap. Do you want me to have Darla cover your patrol?”

I shook my head and stood. “No. I think … I think I might need the distraction afterwards. Thanks, anyways.” I sighed and remained where I was for a few moments before pushing a half-smile on my face and went to get changed into my uniform. I didn’t want to have to come back here a possible crying mess to suit up afterwards.

Greg’s voice called to me down the hall. “It is the right thing, Karen. I sincerely believe that.”

# # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

“Excuse me,” I said to an older brunette sitting behind a semi-circular desk right outside the twelfth floor elevators. “Can you tell me where Room 1217 is?”

She gave the black and yellow uniform a suspicious look and then pointed behind her. “Down the hall, first left. Even numbered rooms are on the right.” Her eyes met mine and her mouth formed a hard line. “You aren’t here to start a fight, are you? This is the terminal patient ward.”

I shook my head and tapped the Double G on my chest. “No, ma’am. I’m one of the Good Guys. Just want to check on a patient.”

That skeptical look remained but she seemed to relax a bit and nodded. “Okay.” Then she went back to her computer screen, effectively dismissing me.

I followed the receptionist’s directions and when I turned onto the hallway to my mother’s room, I nearly collided with my father. He took a startled step backwards, confusion flitting over his face as he noticed the uniform first and the person wearing it second.

“Kaori?” He looked me over again and a tiny smile appeared. “You came.”

I nodded, crossing my arms over my chest. I still didn’t trust myself to touch him. One moment of uncontrolled anger and he’d be sharing a room with his wife. “I did.” I looked over his shoulder at the door. “How … how is she?”

He frowned. “No better. She was in some pain, so the doctor gave her something to help.” His frown deepened and his fidgeting hands vanished into his pants pockets. “She’s asleep.”

“Oh.” I nodded and went to leave. “Guess I’ll come back later, then.”

He shook his head and one of his hands flew out of a pocket and rested on my arm. “Kaori.” When I turned back, he gestured to the room. “At least look in on her. I want to be able to tell her that you came by. Please?”

I couldn’t take any pleasure from his pleading. I’d imagined, many times, both of them groveling at my feet. Actually seeing my father like that didn’t make me feel superior. Just the opposite. I sighed and gave a single nod. “Fine. I’ll poke my head in.” I glanced at the closed door and then back to him. “Just for a minute. I’ve got a city to keep watch over.”

His head bobbed up and down a few times. “Of course. Thank you. It would mean so much to her to know that you were there.”

I pulled my arm free from his loose hold and walked over to the door. I stood outside for a few moments before screwing on my resolve face and going inside.

I closed the door behind me, leaving my father alone in the hallway. The air smelled of disinfectant and impending death. The only sounds were a steady beeping from a monitoring machine and the soft hum of the air conditioning.

I stepped further into the room, my attention moving from the flowers and the beeping machines to the bed and the figure sleeping upon it.

The woman had her eyes closed and her chest rose and fell slowly. This was not the same woman who’d birthed me, raised me for eighteen years, and then thrown me aside like yesterday’s rubbish. This woman was frail, with dark circles around her eyes, and sallow skin that looked to have the tensile strength of tissue paper.

One emaciated arm was draped over top of the blankets, and a clear tube snaked out of the back of the hand, slithering up to a hanging bag of liquid. Even from across the room, I could read the word ‘Morphine’. Another tube rested on her upper lip, connected to a large oxygen tank secured to the wall behind the bed.

I walked softly as I could across the tile floor, stopping next to the bed. I looked down at her, freezing as my hand flew up to my mouth, keeping the oncoming gasp contained in my throat. I stared at her with distraught surprise, trying to reconcile the realization that her hair, those long, crimson strands she’d passed down to me, was gone. Only little patchy tuffs of fuzz remained.

She had been so proud of that hair, constantly reminding people that color like ours “didn’t come from a bottle.” As a child, she had insisted that we both wear our hair long and styled in the same wavy pattern. My first real defiant act—undertaken at the ripe old age of twelve—had been to hack most of mine off with a pair of scissors.

I think that was the beginning of our falling out. That was when the bonds started to break. Tomiko’s death was just the final straw.

I stood beside the bed, staring down at the woman I no longer recognized. A woman nearly at the end of her life’s race. I watched her breathe for several minutes, noticing the shallowness of each expansion of her chest. I could hear the air being forced into her nose, encouraging her to continue to live. I placed my hands on the railing and leaned closer to her.

“I hate you,” I whispered to my unconscious mother. “I hate you because you gave up on me. I hate you for making me feel like something less than human. I hate you for being more concerned what my Activation would do to your social standing than to what it did to me. I hate you for making me feel like I’d done it on purpose just to upstage you.”

My hands tightened subconsciously around the titanium tube beneath them. The metal flattened in my grip. The world around me shrunk, dwindled down until it all that comprised it was me and her. Daughter and mother.

“I needed you. Couldn’t you see that? Father didn’t understand, and I expected that. But I thought at least you would.” My vision blurred and my voice felt like rough pebbles in my throat. “I should have known Tommy would follow me. I should have been careful. I should have been looking out for him.” I shook my head, squeezing the railing even more tightly. “But you shouldn’t have blamed me for what happened. I already blamed myself plenty.”

The tears that slid down my cheeks felt hot and sticky, like tacky syrup left in the sun. They gathered on my chin and dripped onto the backs of my hands. I let them come. They’d been waiting so long, there would be no stopping them.

“Every day I carry my hate and anger and it flows through me, coloring my world in red bloody swatches. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.” Each iteration was more hushed than the one before, until my voice was a stand of broken reeds, brushing together in the breeze. “Please don’t die.”

My trembling knees finally quit and I sank down beside the bed, sobbing into the side of the mattress. Thirty minutes prior, I would have laughed at the suggestion that I would be lying on the floor bawling over my mother’s deteriorating health. Hell, I might have actually raised a glass in hopes to a speedy demise. Now, actually being here and seeing how low she’d been brought, all I could think about was the fact that she would soon be gone.

Forever.

The tears stopped flowing after a few minutes, but I remained on the floor with my head resting on the bedside. I was so caught up in my own thoughts and feelings, I didn’t know I was no longer alone until I heard a voice coming from the other side of the bed.

“Hello? Miss, are you okay?”

I jerked my head up and peered over the top of the bed to see a nurse on the other side, a clipboard in one hand and a pen in the other. She looked to be in her mid-30s and the smile on her face seemed to bring a little light into the otherwise dreary room. “What?” I asked, still recovering from the surprise. “Oh, yes.” I pulled myself to my feet and nodded. “I’m fine.”

She turned to look at the data flowing across the front of the beeping machine. She jotted the information down on the clipboard before looking back at me, smile still firmly in place. I wasn’t sure if she was taking care of her patient or sashaying down a pageant runway. “You must be Kaori. Or do you prefer Kayo?” She shrugged as she released a little laugh. “I’m never sure who’s got a secret identity and who doesn’t anymore.”