So Over It (11 page)

I turned and looked out the window, at the vast darkness of the Pacific Ocean. Was Grammy really okay with me leaving? Papa had seemed proud, like he thought I’d made the right decision, but Grammy had cried when I told her.

“It’s not that I don’t want to be here, because I love being with you and Papa. I just don’t want to be away from my family right yet,” I’d said, in tears myself. I didn’t want Grammy reacting like Justin had. I didn’t want her calling me out for the horrible person I was.

Grammy patted my hand and put on a smile. “You’re a sweet girl,” she said. “And we want you to visit as soon as you can.”

“Just as soon as Justin moves from across the street,” I said, and Grammy laughed and laughed.

My first Saturday afternoon back in Kansas City found me where many others had—standing on Heather’s door-step. I knocked with my elbow since my hands contained cups of Sheridan’s custard. Tucked under my arms were bridal magazines and a couple sketches I’d drawn. Knowing Heather, she probably had more ideas than she needed, but the project excited me too much to stifle creativity. It felt good to be productive.

Heather whipped open the door and threw her arms around me. “You’re here!”

I hugged back as best I could with the magazines and ice cream.

“Come on in,” she said, her blonde hair swishing as she stepped aside.

I stepped into her living room, finding it as I normally did—a chaotic mess of half-folded laundry and various sewing projects. “I can’t believe Brent’s seen this and still wants to marry you.”

Heather laughed, her eyes sparkling. “You should see
his
place. Come on, we’re in the kitchen.”

We? As in Brent? I blushed at my joke. I’d never have said it in front of him. I barely knew the guy.

I followed her around the corner into her narrow kitchen and stopped in my tracks. Jodi sat at the table, shiny odds and ends scattered before her. It looked like they’d been making jewelry.

“Hey,” I said.

Jodi smiled. “Hey. How was Hawaii?”

“Great.”

“It’s so unfair that a trip to see your grandparents means a Hawaiian vacation,” Heather said as she pulled down a water glass for me. “Both my grandparents live in Peoria, Illinois.”

“Gotcha beat. Mine are in Wichita and Peculiar, Missouri,” Jodi said with a roll of her eyes.

I couldn’t stand holding the ice cream any longer and set it on the counter. “Sorry I didn’t bring you any, Jodi. I didn’t know you’d be here.”

“That’s fine. I’m trying to lay off. I’ve gained five pounds since summer started.”

I imagined her and Connor seated on the grassy slope at Sheridan’s.
Our
grassy slope. I couldn’t even find consolation in her gaining weight. The extra pounds seemed to make her prettier.

I looked at the table and saw that they hadn’t been making jewelry, they’d been making invitations. “Are these for the wedding?”

“Aren’t they cute?” Heather held up one and admired it. “Jodi thought of them.”

Of course she did.

“That ribbon’s still in my car.” Jodi stood. “I’ll grab it and get out of your way.”

Heather looked crushed. “You’re not coming shopping with us?”

“No, I—”

“We need you. Don’t we need her, Skylar?”

What else could I say? I cleared my throat. “Sure.”

Jodi smiled. “I have to work. Thanks, though.” She glanced at me, her dark eyes seeming to search my face. “Skylar, will you help me bring in the ribbon?”

How much ribbon could there possibly be?

With Heather watching, I couldn’t exactly call her a lazy bum. “Sure,” I said again and trailed after her through Heather’s living room.

With the front door secured behind us, Jodi said, “I actually just wanted to talk to you for a minute.”

I thought I’d steeled myself for the news of her and Connor getting together, but I suddenly found breathing difficult. And it wasn’t just the muggy air.

“I know things have been weird between us for a while now, for lots of reasons. I . . .” Jodi swallowed and looked away. “I don’t want it to be like that. I want us to be friends again.”

I snorted. The idea of Jodi and me being friends? Flat-out hysterical. I’d been counting down the days until she packed up her car and headed to Vanderbilt. “I really don’t see that happening.”

Jodi sighed. “I’m not stupid enough to think it’ll be easy. We’ve both done awful things—”

“What have I done?”

“You’ve dated two of my ex-boyfriends. And one of them you
knew
I still had feelings for.”

“You never had feelings for Connor. All he ever was to you was a convenience—”

“That’s not true,” Jodi said in a sharp voice. Her eyes throbbed with pain. “But I was actually talking about Eli.”

“Eli.” I blinked a few times. “You guys had been broken up for three years when he and I got together.”

“Still.” Her voice shook as if she held back tears. “He was my first love, and I wasn’t over him. And you’d promised me you wouldn’t go there.”

“I never would’ve except—” I clamped my mouth shut before my secret escaped. Only Eli, Connor, and Abbie knew about Aaron. Even Aaron probably didn’t know what he’d done. He’d been drinking a lot, and I might just be a blur to him.

His face swam before my eyes—time hadn’t dimmed it. His penetrating brown eyes, his square jaw, his mop of dark curls.

“Except what?” Jodi sounded impatient.

“Nothing,” I said. “Look, I’m sorry about me and Eli. For lots of reasons. But it’s not like I went after him or Connor
while
you were dating. Not like you did to me.”

She swallowed. “I know. And I’m so sorry about that. I was a different person back then. That’s not me anymore. Surely you of all people can understand that. Our relationship with Christ changes us.”

I thought of senior prom, of Connor crushing me by asking Jodi. It’d spurred my second rum-and-Coke night, my second time around with Eli. In the last few months, we’d done more physically than we ever had when we dated, more than I’d even
thought
about before I became a Christian.

And I thought of my last two weeks in Hawaii, the way I’d distracted myself with Justin.

“It’s not that simple,” I said.

Jodi hadn’t been at this as long as me. Soon she’d figure out how the old Jodi still lurked beneath the surface. She’d learn how easy it could be to slip into your old skin. To tell yourself it was okay, that you weren’t hurting anyone.

“I better get back inside.” I turned away from her, then paused. “But for what it’s worth, I’m sorry for what I did.”

As we browsed Kaplan’s Fabrics, Heather said yet again, “I’m still so bummed that Jodi couldn’t join us.”

Like I didn’t already know this. When Jodi had brought the ribbon inside, Heather begged her once again to come along. Then she bemoaned it at least twice on our short drive to the Plaza.

I kept my mouth shut. It seemed safer.

Heather’s hand lingered on a bolt of white silk. “She’s such a sweet girl. And she’s come so far since this winter. I’m sure you’re really proud of her.”

So it appeared no one had filled Heather in on Jodi’s and my falling out. Well, I sure wasn’t going to volunteer. “Have you decided what kind of white you want?” I asked. “Pure white? Off-white?”

“I’m thinking something more along the lines of this.” Heather abandoned the white she’d be so taken with and pulled out a pale, rosy silk.

“You’re not wearing white?” How strange. Heather seemed the traditional type of bride. Sure, she wanted something funky for style, but a dress made of shining white suited pure Heather.

“No. Not white.” Heather looked at the white silk and said with measured words, “It’s not the right choice for me.”

And then I knew.

“Oh.” I had no idea how to respond. I wanted to say the right thing, something that would let Heather know that it didn’t bother me, that I still looked up to her. My head buzzed with about a zillion questions.

“This one’s pretty, don’t you think?” Heather held the rose against her skin.

“It is,” I said, slow and careful. “But I think you should reconsider white.”

“I said no white.”

She looked desperate for me to drop it. I did.

It was stupid—I knew it was stupid—but I wanted to see Connor.

If he and Jodi really had gotten together, if Lisa had been right about that “vibe” in Starbucks, then I wanted to hear about it from him.

But of course, I had no reason to see Connor. It wasn’t like the school days of our breakup, where we shared three classes and lunch, plus rode to and from school together. Most days I’d wished for the summer, for the escape. Now it would have been nice to know there’d be excuses to bump into him, rather than driving to his house and bearing the shame of seeking him out.

After a raging internal debate as I drove away from Heather’s, I decided to endure the humiliation.

I second-guessed myself as I dawdled up the walkway. As I punched the doorbell. As I waited for the chaos that normally ensued when someone came to the door at the Rosses’ house.

Cevin reached the door first. He yapped and clawed to get out.

What had I been thinking? Clearly jet lag had played a part in this decision. I took a couple steps back. Could I make a break for it? I hadn’t even thought out what I’d say to him. Never a good idea with me. I did not do well with improv.

The curtains on the nearest window moved and Curtis’s grinning face appeared. “It’s Skylar!” His voice came muffled through the glass. “It’s Skylar!”

A second face appeared in the window, a little rounder, a little older—Cameron. He gave me his jack-o’-lantern grin. “Skylar!”

Okay, this was nice. Hopefully it’d outweigh the blow of Connor telling me he’d moved on with Jodi.

The two boys rushed out the door and slammed into me, their arms tangling around my waist. Cevin danced around our ankles, yipping as he pranced. Their enthusiasm made my heart soar.

“Hey.”

The sight of Connor standing in the doorway—bare feet, swim trunks, and wet hair—dried my throat.

I swallowed. “Hi.”

“I heard you were back.”

Because he smiled, I tried to do the same. “From Abbie, I assume.”

“No.” Connor looked uncomfortable. Right. Jodi.

“You’ll come to my party, won’t ya?” Curtis sashayed around me, his big hazel eyes dancing along with him.

“Of course.”

“We’re having a pool party.” He punctuated this with jumping a couple times. “With Spiderman! And chocolate cake!”

“Sounds sweet.” I glanced from him to Connor. Nobody said anything. “Well . . .” I took a couple steps backward. “I just came by to make sure you guys knew I was coming. To the party.”

“Can’t you play with us?” Cameron asked. “We’re gonna play basketball. You can be on my team.”

“No, I have to go. But . . .” I glanced at Connor again. “See you guys at the party.”

“Wednesday,” Connor blurted. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “We’ve got a church softball game on Wednesday. At 6:30. If you want to come.”

I nodded, my heart pounding. “Okay.”

He seemed surprised. “Okay.”

“Okay.” I took several more backward steps. “Bye, guys.”