Society Girls: Sierra (10 page)

“Hell, no.”

“Why are you shaking?”

“I need to see Sierra.”

“She’s busy.”

“Alex and I already had this conversation.
I’ll wait.”

“Not out here, you won’t. You’re shaking
like a crack addict and we don’t need that look in our lobby. Let’s
go to one of the conference rooms.”

I jump up and follow her. She’s Sierra’s
mentor, so she has to know where she is, and maybe she’ll even help
me. If I can just calm down and stop freaking everyone out.

“What did you do?” she asks me once we’re
seated at a big round table.

“How do you know I did something?”

“Please. I have a husband. I know all about
the guilty man look.”

“I fucked up.”

“At least you realize it. I’ll give you
points for that.”

“I do. I know what I did was bad.”

“Do you know why you did it?”

“Um, yes? No. Maybe. Are you a psychiatrist,
too?”

“I have many talents, Joel. So does everyone
else who works here. Sierra wants to work here with us. It’s very
important to her. Having her boyfriend freak out in the lobby
doesn’t look good.”

Oh no. They can’t hold me against her. It’s
not her fault. At all. “Don’t punish her because of me.”

“We won’t. I just want you to realize that
you can’t behave like this here. Sierra is serious about wanting to
work with us, and you need to respect that. I’ll also tell you
again that you should try and figure out why you did what you did.
It might stop you from doing it again.”

It takes me less than a minute to realize
that I do indeed know why I did it. Why I treated Sierra that way.
It’s fucked-up, and so wrong, but I have to own it. “I know
why.”

“That was fast, which earns you another
point from me.”

“What do I win if I get enough points?”

“Maybe Sierra.”

“I don’t want to disturb her during
class.”

“It’s her free hour. She’s studying.”

“How can I earn more points?”

“You already did when you told me not to
pull her out of class.”

She picks up her phone, and makes a call. I
can only hear her side, but it sounds like she’s asking someone to
grab Sierra from the archery range. They do archery here? How is
that studying? I’m not going to worry about that now. I have other
things to focus on. Mainly groveling.

When she hangs up, I can’t help commenting
on her phone case. “Is that a cat with a crown on it?”

“Oh, yeah,” she tells me with a smile. “I
call Brayden ‘Crown’ for obvious reasons, and he calls me ‘Cat’
because I was once a cat burglar. He had this symbol designed for
me when he asked me to marry him.”

“Oh, wow. I didn’t know about the cat
burglar thing.”

“Most people don’t. I have a feeling you
might be staying around if you can get your shit together with
Sierra, so I don’t mind sharing it with you.”

“Thanks for telling me. I want to be around,
and well, the cat thing is kind of ironic, actually.”

“In what way?”

“I call Sierra “Gatinha”
which means
kitten
, but is also used to tell someone you think they’re cute and
sexy in my country. So basically, you’re the Cat mentoring the
Kitten.”

She smiles. “Nice. Just remember that both
cats and kittens have claws…and we don’t mind using them when we
have to.”

I smile back, and then turn at the sound of
the door opening. “Hey, Darce, what’s…he doing here?”

“He knows he fucked up. He was prepared to
sit in the lobby for hours to wait for you, he was shaking like a
crack whore when I first saw him, and he didn’t want to take you
from class just to see him. I don’t know what he did, and it’s not
up to me to offer him forgiveness, but I think you should hear him
out.”

“Thanks, Darcy.”

“Don’t thank me yet. She hasn’t agreed to
talk to you,” she says, standing up, and walking to the door. “If
he pisses you off, you have permission to ban him from the
building, Si. Just let Alex know.”

Sierra nods at her, and waits until the door
closes to look at me. Her eyes look wary, and more than a little
hurt. It kills me that I did this to her. Because she loves me, I
have this power over her—the power to wound her greatly. I didn’t
feel the responsibility of it until I used it. Trying to protect
myself from being hurt is no excuse.

“What are you doing here, Joel?”

“I needed to see you.”

“I’m at work. Couldn’t this have waited
until later?”

“Would you have seen me later?”

“No,” she says, looking me in the eye. “I
don’t really feel like seeing you today.”

“I understand.”

“Do you?”

“Yes. What I did to you…to us…I was scared,
and instead of talking to you about it, I tried to push you
away.”

“What are you scared of? Not going back to
baseball?”

“No. I mean, yes, that scares me, but I was
more scared of you last night.”

“Me? That blow job I gave you was pretty
scary, huh?” she asks, sarcastically as she rolls her eyes.

“Yes, actually.”

“Excuse me?”

“Can you sit down, please, and I’ll try to
explain?”

She hesitates for a moment, and then sits.
“Go ahead.”

“I need to get back to baseball, Sierra.
It’s what has always made me happiest in my life, and I don’t know
what my life would be like without it. This past year has been
harder than I’ve let anyone see. I refused to give up, even when my
body was giving up on me, but there were nights that I thought
about everything being over. Nights filled with alcohol, random
women, and yes, tears, as I contemplated a life without baseball. I
know I can’t play forever, but I’m still young enough to have a
least a few more years left in me. I’ve got a college degree, and
options outside of baseball, but I can’t leave it yet. I just
can’t. Not even for you.”

“I would never ask you to
give up baseball. I
haven’t
asked you to give it up.”

“Yet you came to me when I was in the middle
of practicing last night.”

“I came to you because I missed my
boyfriend. I’m sorry that your middle of the night fucks just
weren’t cutting it for me anymore.”

“I have to practice if I’m going to make it
through Spring Training.”

“And I have to sleep so I
can pay attention in my classes and pass
my
training. Yet, every night when
you come into bed and wake me up, I have sex with you for hours,
even though I should be sleeping. I just wanted something for me
for once.”

“For you? Is making love with me a chore? I
make you come every damn night. That’s not for you?”

“No. It’s not. And please don’t insult us
both by pretending that it is. You wake me up because you’re so
pumped up about getting better and staying in the batting cage
longer and longer. Those orgasms are for you, so you can tell
yourself that you’re being a good boyfriend and taking care of me.
But I need more than orgasms. I could get those from any guy I pick
up at a bar.

“A good boyfriend would have had dinner with
me at least once this past week, he would’ve asked me how my day
was, or how my studying is going, and maybe, just maybe, he would
wake up long enough to give me a kiss goodbye in the morning.
That’s the kind of taking care of I need. I think I deserve it,
too.

“I get that your career is important to you,
but you don’t seem to understand that mine is important to me, too.
I’ll never be the girl who just wants to lounge around and spend
your money, or be on your arm because you’re a hot baseball player.
Even if I didn’t have a football god for a brother, I’m just not
that kind of girl. I like my independence, and I value myself
enough to know that I’m more than arm candy.”

My head is spinning at what she’s just said.
I came here to apologize for last night, but it seems I have much
more to be sorry for. She’s right about my focus being all about
baseball this last week. I need to focus on my career, but I also
need to focus on her. The two aren’t mutually exclusive, although
I’ve made them that way lately. I could’ve had dinner with her, and
I damn well could’ve kissed her in the morning instead of burying
my head in the pillows and ignoring her as she got up for work.

“I don’t deserve you.” There’s so much more
I need to say, but that’s all I can get out right now.

“Right now, I’m not sure you’re wrong.”
Damn, she’s not giving me an inch. Not that she should, but it
still stings.

“Can I take you to dinner tonight?”

“My mom’s flying in tonight.”

“Oh, I didn’t know.”

“You didn’t ask,” she says, looking like she
might cry. “You know what hurts even more than you ignoring me, or
not being interested in me for anything besides sex?”

“No.” I’m not sure I want to know. In fact,
I’m positive that I don’t. I need to, though, if I have any chance
of fixing this. “Please tell me.”

“You haven’t spoken even one word of
Portuguese to me until last night. It took me putting your cock in
my mouth for that to happen.”

Holy shit. I slide out of my seat to kneel
next to her chair. I take her face in my hands and look her in the
eye. “Eu te amo. Eu sinto muito,” I tell her, meaning every word,
because I do love her, and I’m very sorry for what I’ve done to
her.

“It’s going to be hard when baseball season
starts or when I have to travel for business and we’re apart. I’ll
miss you, but it’ll be okay if I know you miss me, too. I didn’t
feel that from you this past week. You need to focus on getting
back to your team, and I want that for you so, so much. I just need
a little bit of you, too.”

“You have all of me. I can’t give it all to
you right now, but I’m yours. There are no rabbits in my future. I
promise.”

“Rabbits?”

“Oh, um, shit. I meant bunnies. Jen called
them rabbits and it just slipped into my head.”

“Jen? Oh Hell, did she come to see you?”

“Yeah, while I was working with
Waverly.”

“She shouldn’t have.”

“I’m glad she did. If I’d lost you because I
was focusing on baseball, and only baseball, I’d never have
forgiven myself.”

“Wait, you just said she interrupted your
session with Waverly. You need to go.”

“I’m right where I need to be, Gatinha.”

“I just said I wouldn’t interfere with
baseball.”

“You’re not. I did this. Not you. You’ve
been supportive and wonderful, putting up with my stupid ass while
I ignored you and treated you like shit.”

“When you say it that way, I really sound
pathetic.”

“You can punch me a few times if it will
make you feel better. Or hit me with an arrow somewhere non-life
threatening.”

“An arrow?”

“I thought I heard Darcy say you were doing
archery.”

“Oh, yeah. I was. They have some fun stuff
for us to do here in between torturing us with Science and
Languages.”

“Cool. Maybe you can show me one day.”

“Maybe. I don’t need to punch you or shoot
an arrow into you to prove I’m a strong woman. I just need to walk
away if you treat me badly again.”

“I won’t.”

“I hope not. Listen, I have to get back, but
thanks for coming by. We’ll talk soon.”

“How long is your mom in town for?” I ask,
standing when she does.

“Just the one night. She was visiting our
aunt in California, and we convinced her to stop here before going
home.”

“Oh, okay.”

She bites her lip and looks at the floor.
“If you have time, you could come to dinner with us tonight. Zack
and Ainsley will be there, too.”

“Yes. I want to go to dinner.”

“Great. I’ll text you the info.”

I impulsively pull her to me and hug her
tight. She hugs me back, and I just stand there breathing her in,
thankful that I didn’t screw things up so badly that we can’t go
back from them. And promising myself that I’ll do everything I can
to never hurt her again.

Sierra

My parents aren’t the type who enjoy a fancy
restaurant more than once a year, so we’re taking my mom to a
really good Mexican restaurant on the fringes of downtown. I
decided to dress with the theme, putting on a tight black mini
dress that has an off the shoulder lace overlay. I didn’t go all
out with my hair and makeup because this isn’t a date. It’s a
dinner with my mom, and my maybe-boyfriend.

I texted him the restaurant and time, and he
said he’d be there. I shouldn’t be nervous. He’s seen me naked and
experienced my morning breath, yet he’s still around. Or at least
he’s promised to be from now on.

When I get to the restaurant, I see Zack,
Ainsley, and my mom getting out of Zack’s truck. I beep, so they
see me and wait. I run over to my mom as soon as I get out of the
car, hugging her tight. I love my parents. I know some people don’t
have good relationships with theirs, but mine are great. Sure, they
disciplined us when they had to, and they didn’t let us get away
with any crap, but I’ve always felt loved and wanted. I know Zack
feels the same way, too.

“I’ve missed you,” my mom tells me when we
pull apart.

“Me, too. You have to come visit more often.
Especially since Zack and I are both here now.”

“I know,” she says, linking her arm with
mine as we walk into the restaurant in front of Zack and
Ainsley.

“Hi,” Joel says, standing up from one of the
benches when we walk inside. “They said they didn’t have a
reservation for you, so I put our name in for a table.”

“I could’ve done that,” Zack grumbles.

“You weren’t here,” my mother reminds him,
swatting his arm. “Thank you, Joel. It’s nice to see you
again.”

“You as well, Mrs. Taylor,” he tells her.
“You look lovely tonight.”

“Dude, that’s my
mom
.”