Sojourner (23 page)

“You’ll feel nothing.  I’ve shielded you from everything, including the cold.”  His gaze snaps forward and we hurtle toward the grey mass just ahead.  I cringe, expecting impact. Instead, we sail through it.  Lev gently releases me with one hand and at first I panic and try to grab for his arm.

“I’ve got you.  Trust me.”  Then he reaches out into the clouds and runs his fingers through the grey steamy tufts.

A moment later we emerge above the cloudbank into a midnight sky clearer than I remember seeing in a long time.  Above us, a black canopy with light twinkling overhead greets us.  The only sound I hear is my own heartbeat and the rustle of Lev’s wings in the still air, and at once, Lev’s wings stop flapping, stranding us in this bit of the heavens, hovering over the world I know.

“This is beautiful,” I murmur, awed by starlight.

“Yes, it is.”  Lev kisses my temple.  “It’s where I come when the rest of the world is out of harmony, and I feel as though I’ve lost my way in the madness of human life.  It restores me.”  He slowly wraps his free arm back around me.

“Is this where you came when we argued?”

“Yes.  I wanted to be alone, then Celia told me about the mess in your locker, and I knew that I had to watch over you.  I just thought I could do it from a distance.”

“So you thought it wouldn’t hurt not to have you in my life?” I whisper, remembering the last nightmare.  My eyes close but I can’t drive the memory away.

“I knew you’d eventually get over my absence.”

“You’re wrong.”  I shake my head.  “If you think that, you really don’t know me.”

Although Lev’s embrace tightens, he doesn’t answer, and I just have to hope the way he is holding me is enough of an answer for us both.

“You ready to move again?” he asks, still staring at the map of stars.

“Sure.  Where are we going?”

“You’ll see,” he promises.  Then his wings swish through the air and he starts into a dive, racing through a thick tangle of clouds.  When we burst through, the whole of our small, imperfect town lies sprawled below.  A few lights here and there punctuate the blackness spread like a miniature movie set.  His speed makes me nervous.

“Can we slow down?”

“I’ve never lost a mortal yet, and I don’t plan on starting with you.  But yes, we can.”  His wings stop the frenzied motion and opt for a slower wave.  From up here, it looks like a perfect little sleepy town where nothing bad happens.  A storybook village, but even those have an evil side.  Likewise, Hauser’s Landing has its own darkness.  And no matter what I do, that darkness is waiting.  That thought makes me shudder, and Lev’s hold tightens.

“You all right?”  His warm breath brushes my face.

“Yeah.”  There’s no point in vocalizing my fears.  It won’t change anything.  So instead I watch the little town grow as we continue our descent, Lev’s wings drawing back slightly as we ride the air currents.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see,” he promises.

Although I’m getting pretty familiar with the town, I’ve never seen it displayed like this, so I struggle to find landmarks to orient me.  The first one I pick out is the school, probably because that seems to be around where we head.  Smiling, Lev raises one arm and points to a flock of geese, their ‘v’ pattern sweeping across the sky, very close to us. 

“Look at that.”

Mesmerized, I watch the birds soar past, their bodies seeming weightlessly graceful.  The warm air flips my hair before my face and I pull a strand back to clear it. 

“This is why I like your world, Elizabeth.  It never fails to surprise me.”

“That makes two of us,” I mutter, shaking my head as we swoop lower, now passing the school as we fly toward the cemetery.  Lev’s wings tilt, slowing our airspeed.  We drop low enough so it seems we are barely hovering above ground.  Then his feet touch and he gradually comes to a stop just in front of the cemetery gate.

“Please tell me you didn’t bring me here to play golf.”

“At night, in a cemetery?”  Lev arches his eyebrows as his arms unwind from around me.  “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“Nope.  That was a blind date back in Dallas.  Ever since then I just don’t do cemeteries.”  I look at the way the moonlight breaks through the tree branches and scatters light across the old rusty gate.  Although the full moon illuminates much, the grounds seem dark, reminding me of my fears as a kid.

“You aren’t scared of a few dead people, now are you?” Lev asks, taking my hand to lead me toward the entrance.

“Why would you ask that?”  Now that I’m not in Lev’s embrace, the cold air has found me again and the wintry blas, which drifts off the river not too far away, leaves me shivering.

“Because you’re shaking.”

“I’m cold,” I insist.  “You should be, too, without a shirt.”  I glare at his bare chest, amazed at how even in the moonlight the skin radiates its own perfect glow, as though the sun has bronzed it carefully.  Even his hair appears a soft gold as it softly flows to the edge of his neck.

“I told you that your temperatures don’t affect me.  I feel neither hot nor cold in your world.”

“Do you feel anything at all?”  I brush the hair back from my face.

“You.”  Even in the moonlight, the blue of his eyes appears its true color, undiminished by night and shadow.  His voice is rough with time and emotions.  He nods towards the gate.  “Shall we?”

“Why are we here?” I ask softly, suddenly trepidatious.  After all, I’d never expected to run into something as supernatural as Lev.   If he were possible, what other creatures might exist that I just hadn’t been aware of.

“None which will tangle with us tonight,” Lev teasingly whispers in response to my thoughts as he squeezes my hand.  “Now come on.”  He begins walking, pulling me past the gate and into the cemetery.  His gaze remains ahead, as though he’s focused well past the graves on either side of us, and it’s a good thing he’s leading because I can’t see all that well.  I’d have found a headstone the hard way.

“Why do you think I’m leading?” he mutters.

I shake my head and abruptly stop.  “Okay, Lev.  Enough with the head hopping, okay?”

“You said you wanted to know what angels do.”  He laughs and shakes his head and I give him a really dirty look that causes him to sigh.  “Very well.  I’ll stay out unless it’s necessary.”

“Thank you.”

He holds out his hand for mine and I take it.  We keep going until we reach my mother’s headstone where Lev stops and looks down.

A chill sweeps through me and I shudder.  “What are we doing here?”

“She wanted me to tell you she loves you.”  He says the words so simply, as though she’s standing right there, and I simply can’t see her.

“What?”  I pull my hand from his and step closer to the headstone.  “How do you know that?”  I touch the cold black marble.  “She’s not even here, just what’s left of her body.”

“You’re right.”  He folds his arms across his chest.  “She’s dead to this world, Elizabeth, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t alive in another one where you can’t see her.”  He walks up behind me and looks at the stone.

Tears prick my eyes and I don’t know what to say.  There’s a million questions I want to ask, but none of them will make not having her in my life any easier.  The wind, unbroken because there are no trees around, is freezing and I shiver.  Lev reaches out to me, but I stay his hand.

“Celia said you carry spirits from this world.”

“Yes.” 

I touch the headstone, my fingers carefully tracing her name.  “Did you carry my mother’s?”

“Yes.”

My shoulders sag, and I feel like I’m going to start crying because in all the years I’ve been able to understand what death is, this is the first time I’ve thought about her circumstances and actually tried to envision what happened.

“Were you with her when she died?”

“Yes.”  His voice is whispery and deep.

I know the last question I have to ask, but it’s so hard.  Tears bead in my eyes and I try to swallow them but there are too many.  “Did she suffer?”

“No.”  His hands rest on my shoulders, and suddenly the cold wind is gone, replaced by his warmth.  “I removed the pain.  There was only light.  She felt as though she were drifting to sleep and waking in another place.”

My shoulders cave and I fall to my knees, my head against the stone, letting the tears flow.  In all the years I’d never felt sorry for myself for losing something I couldn’t remember.  I’d tried to tell myself I could manage somehow but that didn’t mean I didn’t miss her or it wasn’t hard because it was.  But I saw no point in grieving for what had been lost when I had no chance to find it again, and all the years of never crying, of never knowing suddenly catches up with me, and I sob loudly, feeling only the raw grief ripping at my heart.

Lev waits patiently for me to come to my senses again, his hands remaining upon my shoulders.  He never says it will be all right.  He knows that right now words mean nothing.  They can never save nor heal me.  They sure can’t bring back the dead.  Finally, when I’m able to cry no longer, I wipe my face and look up at him.

“Thank you,” I whisper, slowly rising, my vision bleary.

“For what?” he asks, wrapping his arms around me.

“For being with her so she wasn’t alone when….”  I can’t say it.

“I knew she was your mother, Elizabeth.  Except for extraordinary circumstances, I can’t interfere with life or death.  I couldn’t stop the events that took her life.  I could only make them easier to bear.”

“What makes me extraordinary, then?”  His chest is so warm, so comforting.

“Because you taught a duty-bound angel that love matters more than life.”  He puts his hand under my chin and forces me to look into his eyes.  “I have never been moved by a human before.  You were the exception.”

“I don’t understand,” I whisper, watching tears shimmer into his ocean eyes.

“You helped save me.”

From the east we both see the first few traces of pink and blue breaking across the horizon.   “We should get you back so you can get ready for school,” Lev says, wrapping his wings around me.  The shimmer of his wings unfolds in a brilliant whiteness, and we’re airborne.

“Lev, what about my father?  Do you know what happened to him?”

His jaw clenches.  “Yes.”

“Tell me,” I beg softly.

“Not now.  That’s another story for another time.  Morning has come, and we’ve shed darkness for a little longer.  Don’t ask me to drag you back.”

Chapter Fifteen

Tonight Jimmie has his only evening off this week, and I celebrate by making lasagna, his favorite.  Although I’m expecting a few rounds of Playstation games and some heavy joking as usual between us, Jimmie is strangely silent, as though something heavy rests on his mind.  By the time I’ve served the lasagna, breadsticks, and green beans, I can’t take the silence anymore.

“Okay, Jimmie.  Spit it out.”  I pick up my glass and fill it with water.  Then I grab his.

He fiddles with the food and his fork.  A lack of appetite with Jimmie is never a good thing.  He now pushes his plate away, and his eyes flash in my direction where I stand at the sink.