Soldiers of Fortune (25 page)

Gertie whipped around and took off running for the boat. I was a good thirty feet behind but made up ground fast, passing the angry men and sprinting around Gertie. “Move it!” I yelled as I passed.
 

Gertie picked up speed and we rounded the corner of the Swamp Bar to the bank where the boat was parked. Ida Belle, true to her word, must have been listening for the fray and already had the boat untied and was in the driver’s seat, ready to go. I slowed to let Gertie pass me and she bailed into the boat, crashing on the bottom. I shoved the boat away from the bank with my foot and jumped in after her.
 

I paused long enough to help her to an upright position in the bottom of the boat and jumped into my seat. Ida Belle didn’t hesitate a second before slamming her foot down on the accelerator. The boat took off from the dock like a bullet shot from a gun. The bandanna flew off my head as I turned to see the angry men jumping into a ski boat.

“How fast can they go?” I asked.

“Not as fast as us,” Ida Belle said, but a tiny crease of worry inched across her brow.
 

I had no doubt the airboat was faster in a drag race, but the problem with bayous is they weren’t very straight or wide. I turned around to watch as the men launched their boat from the bank and took off. The boat leaped on top of the water and pursued at an alarming rate. Gertie leaned over the side of the boat and looked behind us.
 

“They’re gaining on us!” she yelled. She moved back to the center of the boat and lost her grip on her bandanna that she’d been clutching in her hand. It shot between Gertie and me and into the giant fan, then came out of the back of it a second later in pieces.
                         

“Hold on,” Ida Belle said and made a sharp left into a narrow channel. I clung to the bars, barely managing to keep my seat. Gertie didn’t even try to stay upright. She simply flopped over in the bottom of the boat and waited until we had straightened out again before inching back up to a sitting position.

I looked back, thinking surely we’d lost them with that move, but the ski boat was speeding along behind us. Ida Belle glanced back and frowned.
 

“I can’t lose them,” she said. “We’re almost back to town. I can’t just dock behind your house with them on us.”

“I have an idea,” Gertie yelled. She flipped open the top to the bench and disappeared behind it. A couple seconds later, the top dropped back down and Gertie emerged.

Holding a fire extinguisher.

Ida Belle’s eyes widened. “No!” she yelled and threw her hand over her eyes.

But it was too late.
 

Gertie let loose a stream of spray right onto us. I felt the white foam hit me and threw my hands up to keep it from pelting my face. My sunglasses were completely covered and I couldn’t see a thing. But I could hear yelling behind me. I whipped around in my seat and ripped off the sunglasses in time to see a blizzard of foam hit the guys behind us.
 

Ida Belle made a hard right and we shot into the bayou behind my house. The man in the passenger side of the ski boat had managed to duck behind the console and avoid the worst of the spray, but the driver looked like the abominable snowman. He wiped his hand across his eyes and slung a handful of the foam over the side of the boat, then opened his eyes.

But it was too late.

He’d missed the hard right and was now barreling straight for the bank. I heard both men scream like girls as the ski boat hit the bank and ran straight into someone’s backyard clothesline. White sheets from the clothesline hit both of the men and wrapped around them. It looked like something from a Scooby-Doo cartoon—ghosts driving a boat on land.

Ida Belle let out a hoot but never slowed. Minutes later, she drove the airboat halfway up the bank in my backyard and we bailed out. The back door to my house flew open and Ally ran outside, her eyes wide.

“Oh my God!” Ally cried. “What happened to you?”

“It’s a long story,” I said.
 

“Well, there’s no time for it,” Ally said. “Apparently Carter has been trying to reach you and couldn’t. I just got off the phone with him. He’s on his way over here.”

“Now?”

“He’ll be here any minute. And I have a feeling that whatever this is, he won’t be happy about it.”

Panic set in. No way did we have time to change clothes and shower.

“Sit down,” Ida Belle said.
 

“What?” This was no time for sitting. This was time for running all the way back to DC.

“I have a plan,” Ida Belle said and pointed to the lawn chairs. “You and Gertie sit down.”

She jumped into the airboat and grabbed the fire extinguisher, then jumped back onto the bank and shoved it in Ally’s hands before taking a seat next to us. “Spray us with it,” she said.

Ally’s mouth dropped open. “What?”

“Hell no!” I said. It was already going to take an entire tube of toothpaste and maybe even an electric sander to get the taste out of my mouth.

“Spray us,” Ida Belle said. “Trust me.”
 

Ally’s expression said we’d clearly lost our minds, but she directed the hose at us and sprayed. I squeezed my eyes and mouth shut and forced myself to stay seated as the foam pelted my face and upper body.

“What the hell is going on here?” Carter’s voice sounded behind us.

I prayed that whatever Ida Belle had in mind made any kind of sense, but I didn’t hold out much hope. I wiped the foam from my eyes and squinted as Carter stepped in front of us. The look on his face was a mixture of disbelief and fear. He looked over at Ally.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

Ally froze for a moment, then shook her head. “Don’t look at me. I’m just following orders.”

Ida Belle wiped the foam from her mouth. “Skin treatment,” she said.

“What?” Carter sounded as incredulous as I felt.

“I read it on the Internet,” Ida Belle said. “It’s supposed to make your skin look ten years younger.”

“Fire extinguisher foam?” Carter asked. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Makes sense, really,” Gertie said, spraying foam as she spoke. “It’s moist enough to put out fire.”

“You’re fully dressed,” he said.
 

“Would you prefer we sit out here naked?” I asked.

“I…uh…of course not.”

I struggled not to smile. He probably wouldn’t mind if one of us sat out here naked, except for the legality of it. “Besides, we’re just treating our faces,” I said.

“You’ve got it all over you,” he argued.

“Have you ever tried to apply fire foam in a small area?” Ally asked, getting into the act. “We started in the kitchen and it took us an hour to clean up the mess.”

I nodded. “Not to mention we scared the cat half to death. He’s probably packing a bag as we speak.”

Carter stared a couple seconds more. “I…well. I need a beer.” He headed back toward the house. We all turned around to look as he walked and waited until the kitchen door was closed before we started laughing.

“Oh my God,” Ally said. “That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“The funniest part,” Gertie said, “is that he bought it.”

“I’m not convinced that he did,” I said, “but he can’t come up with any logical reason to explain what we would have been up to that resulted in this.”

Ida Belle nodded. “And with luck, he never will.”

“I don’t think anyone’s imagination stretches as far as Gertie’s reality,” I said. “And it’s not likely those two goons are going to report what happened.”

“Even if they do,” Ida Belle said, “what proof do they have?”
 

“There’s not many airboats in Sinful,” Gertie said. “But on the other hand, it’s their word against ours.”

“Okay,” Ally said, “someone please tell me what happened, because I can’t stretch my imagination to come up with any explanation for this.”

“Grab the water hose and spray us off,” Gertie said. “We’ll tell you while we’re drip-drying.”

“Tell her while she’s spraying,” Ida Belle said. “A quick trip up the bayou in the airboat and we’ll be dry.”

I flicked some foam off my arm and felt my stomach clench. “I can’t do either.”

“Why the heck not?” Ida Belle asked.

“The tattoos. I’ve got to get in the shower and get these tattoos off of me. The foam was covering them when Carter was out here, but I can’t rinse off and stroll inside wearing sleeves. Carter will freak. And a boat ride is no explanation for these.”

“You’ve got tattoos?” Ally asked and leaned forward to inspect my arms. “I thought that was a long-sleeved shirt with designs. Now I really want to know what you guys were up to.”

“We can fix this,” Gertie said. “Just hurry inside and upstairs for a shower.”

A huge glob of foam ran off my arm and plopped onto the grass. “Too late for that,” I said. “Carter’s probably sitting in the living room watching TV. I can’t get by him without him seeing.”

“What do you need to take it off?” Ally asked.

“Soap,” Gertie said.

“Okay,” Ally said. “I’ll go get some soap and a sponge from the kitchen and we’ll scrub them off out here.”

“And if Carter comes back outside before we’re done?” I asked.

“Then we’re out of luck,” Ida Belle said.

“I think our luck ran out about twenty minutes ago,” I said.

“I’ll be right back,” Ally said, and hurried off.
 

Ida Belle put her hands on her hips and looked at Gertie and me. “I’ll wait for Ally to hear what prompted our great escape, but what I want to know now is if you found out anything.”

“Oh, yeah,” I said and filled her in on Benedict asking the bartender about lumber, and Nelson and his hooker friend Lynne.

“You think it could be the same Lynne?” Ida Belle asked.

“If she’s not, it’s a hell of a coincidence,” I said.
 

“True. So Nelson and his hooker could be our New Orleans connection,” Ida Belle said.

“Once we saw them talking to Benedict,” I said, “Gertie sneaked over to try to overhear their conversation.”

“And?” Ida Belle asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. “Things got hairy and we bailed before she could tell me anything.”

Ida Belle looked at Gertie. “Spill, woman. And this better be good because I’m assuming this listening adventure you were on is also what caused our need to flee.”

“How come everyone always assumes it’s something I did?” Gertie asked.

“Was it?” Ida Belle asked.

“Yes,” Gertie said, “but that’s not the point.”

“Who cares?” I said, trying to stop the argument before it got off the ground. “Just get to the good stuff.”

“Okay. Benedict was bitching about a delay in getting business off the ground, and Nelson said that some things couldn’t be helped but now that he was here, he would take care of potential problems.”

“The delay being due to the explosion,” I said.
 

“That’s what it sounds like,” Ida Belle said. “What else?”

“Nelson said he had some things he had to take care of for Celia,” Gertie said, “and that if he managed to get them done, he’d have carte blanche over Sinful and with her blessing.”

“Do you think he’s talking about us?” I asked.

“Maybe,” Ida Belle said, “but there’s also Carter and Deputy Breaux to consider. As long as they’re in place, Nelson is under watch.”

“True,” I said. “Did you hear anything else?”

Gertie nodded. “Benedict said he needed cash to buy supplies, and Nelson told him to ‘come by tonight at nine’ and he’d give him the funds and they could discuss the plan.”

“Come by where?” I asked. “Surely Nelson isn’t staying with Celia.”

“I can’t imagine she’d allow that,” Ida Belle said. “Celia is more than willing to use Nelson for her own gain, but I don’t think she harbors any illusions as to what kind of person he is.”

“She’s just mistakenly assumed she can control him,” Gertie said. “She doesn’t know how deep he’s gotten into the criminal end of things.”

“Does he have friends in Sinful?” I asked.

“I doubt he has friends anywhere,” Ida Belle said. “Even if he did, he wouldn’t conduct criminal business in someone else’s house. Even Nelson isn’t that stupid. My guess is he’s staying at the no-tell motel.”

“Is that really a thing?” I asked.

“Technically, it’s the Bayou Inn,” Gertie said, “but decent people avoid it like the plague. It’s located off the highway about twenty minutes from Sinful, but most people choose to drive into New Orleans to stay. The sheriff’s department gets called out there a couple times a month, and that’s probably only when the motel employees get desperate. God only knows what’s going on there every day.”

“Sounds like Nelson’s kind of place,” I said.

“So what do we do?” Gertie asked. “We have some damaging leads but no evidence. For all we know, Nelson and Benedict could be starting an online porn business starring Lynne the Happy Hooker Dispatcher.”