Some Girls Do (22 page)

‘She’s only here for convalescent care so—’

‘Please don’t kick her out,’ Claire interrupted, hating that she was reduced to begging. ‘We really need this. I work full-time, and need her to be a bit more mobile before she comes home.’

‘Don’t worry,’ Theresa said, waving her hand in a calming gesture. ‘We’re not asking her to leave. If she was one of our permanent residents, we’d have to look at the situation very carefully. The welfare of our old people is paramount. However, as it’s only for another couple of weeks, I’m sure we can manage. But maybe you could have a little word with Mum? We really can’t afford a repeat of last night. Do you think you could get her to stick to the rules for the rest of her stay?’

‘Yes, I’m sure I can,’ Claire said, relieved. ‘Thank you.’ She had never imagined she would feel such abject gratitude to Theresa Byrne.

‘No problem.’ Theresa’s smile was genuine this time, so delighted was she to have the upper hand. ‘Maybe you could talk to her friends too. People mean well, but …’ She paused. ‘Does Mum have a problem?’ she asked, almost in a whisper.

‘Sorry?’

‘Mum – does she have a little problem?’

‘Well,’ Claire said, feeling confused, ‘she has a weak heart … and severe arthritis. You know that. I’d say she has a lot of problems.’

‘A drink problem?’ Theresa mouthed the words, raising her eyebrows.

‘No!’

‘No shame in it, you know,’ Theresa prodded.

‘I know, but she doesn’t have a drink problem. She enjoys a drink, like the rest of us – but it’s not a problem.’

‘Well, if you’re sure,’ Theresa said doubtfully. ‘There’s lots of help available, you know, if—’

‘Thanks,’ Claire said, standing up to go. ‘I’d better go and see her now. And thanks, too, for letting her stay.’ Theresa stood and they shook hands. ‘I’ll make sure she doesn’t break the rules for the rest of her time here.’

When she had her hand on the doorknob, Claire turned back to Theresa. ‘Her name’s Esperanza, by the way,’ she said, wishing she could say it without her hands sweating and her voice shaking.

‘Sorry?’ Theresa frowned in confusion.

‘My mum. Her name’s Esperanza. Esperanza Kennedy. But everyone calls her Espie.’

It was such a lovely day that she pushed her mother outside in her wheelchair to sit on the lawn.

‘I got a severe talking-to from Theresa about you,’ Claire told her.

‘Oh dear, am I in the doghouse?’

‘She thinks you have a drink problem.’ Claire grinned conspiratorially.

Her mother threw back her head and laughed her hearty laugh.

‘She was being all smarmy and sympathetic. Trying to get me to shop you.’

‘But you held up under questioning?’

‘I did. I gave her nothing.’

‘You’re a good daughter. I’m glad I didn’t abandon you in the forest when I was skint.’

‘Me too. Although I do sometimes wonder what my life might have been like if I’d been taken in by a kindly woodcutter who raised me as his own.’

‘Oh!’ Espie gasped, her eyes lighting up. ‘Do you think
Theresa
has a drink problem? People who have one are always trying to project it onto someone else.’

‘Probably. But so what if she does? She tells me there’s no shame in it.’

‘That’s all right, then. So, am I being expelled?’

‘No, but you’re on a warning. She says you’re a disruptive influence on the others.’

‘God, it’s worse than bloody school.’

‘She said someone broke their wrist last night.’

‘Yes – June. I do feel bad about that. But we were just having a bit of fun. They expect you to sit around all day drinking tea and watching some orange gobshite on TV getting people to guess the price of stuff. Or else it’s American chat shows with people crying because they’re too fat or because they’ve lost a load of weight and they’re so happy. And they call their diet a “journey”, and talk about it like it’s some kind of spiritual experience. Jesus wept! And, after all that excitement, we’re supposed to be tucked up in our beds at eight, fast asleep, just when there might be something on telly that you’d actually be interested in watching. We may be old, but we’re still people!’

‘I know, Mum, but you have to behave for the rest of your time here. You really need to be a bit better before you come home. I can’t take any more time off work and—’

‘I know, I know,’ her mother said in a conciliatory tone. ‘I’ll be good. I’ll be a model old lady for the rest of my stay, promise.’

‘Sorry. I know it’s horrible, but it’s not for much longer.’

‘It’s fine. Don’t mind me – I’m just having a rant. It’ll do you good anyway to have a break from worrying about me. I know it’s a strain on you.’

‘Anyway – good party?’

‘Excellent party. There are some really interesting people in here. I’ve made some terrific friends.’

Claire wasn’t surprised. Her mother made new friends wherever she went. She had a talent for it. ‘Mum, I was thinking of going over to London next weekend.’

‘Oh, you should!’ Espie said immediately. ‘Is there anything particular on?’

‘No, I just want to visit a … friend.’

‘One of your internet friends?’

‘Yeah,’ Claire said, jumping on the explanation gratefully. Anyway, it was true – she did know Mark from ‘the internet’.

‘It’s a great idea. It’ll do you good. Oh, there’s June now,’ Espie said, beckoning to a tall, solidly built old lady with her arm in a sling.

‘Sorry I can’t shake,’ June said, when her mother had introduced them.

‘How’s the wrist?’ Espie asked her.

‘Ah, it’s fine. Hurts a bit, but it was well worth it,’ June said staunchly. ‘I haven’t had so much fun since my son and his wife dumped me in this kip two years ago.’

‘Speaking of your son, is he going to sue?’

June snorted. ‘No fear of him. When he realised he couldn’t very well sue this place for negligence and still leave me here to rot, he backed down pretty quickly.’

‘Well, there’ll be no more booze parties in my room, I’m afraid. Theresa had a word with Claire, and apparently I’m leading you all astray. But there’s nothing to say we can’t have a tea party, is there?’

‘Nothing at all. And we don’t need booze to enjoy ourselves.’

‘Exactly. The company’s the main thing. So, my room after dinner?’

‘I’ll be there.’ June smiled.

When she left the nursing home, Claire didn’t feel like going home to read in the garden. She wanted to be with people, feeling an overwhelming need to laugh and chat and let off steam. Her brother Ronan lived nearby, so on an impulse she decided to drop in on him and Liz. They would probably be spending a day like this in the garden, and she envisaged them all sitting there, drinking cold white wine and chatting while the children ran
around, periodically dragging her into games of hide-and-seek or chasing. She hadn’t seen her nephews, Adam and Ben, in a while, and she loved spending time with them. Cheered by the idea, she hopped into her car and drove the short distance to Ronan’s house.

There was no response at first when she rang the doorbell, and she assumed it was because they were in the garden. The car was in the drive, so she knew they were at home. She was just pulling her mobile from her bag to let them know she was outside, when she heard the thundering of feet in the hall, and six-year-old Adam flung open the door.

‘Claire!’ he exclaimed, a big grin lighting up his face. ‘Yay!’

‘Hi, Adam.’ She bent down to hug him. It had been a good idea to come. Adam’s welcome was just what she needed.

‘Everyone’s in the garden,’ he said, running down the hallway ahead of her to the back of the house. ‘Claire’s here!’ he yelled, bursting outside through the kitchen door.

Claire’s blood froze as she followed him – because when Adam had said ‘everyone’ was there, he’d meant everyone. Everyone except her. Ronan, Neil, Liz and Michelle were sitting around the garden table with the remnants of what looked like a very boozy lunch, while their children played football together on the grass. It was very much the idyllic scene she had pictured in her head – but without her.

The children were happy to see her, Adam and Ben and their cousins Holly and Cian all rushing up to greet her enthusiastically, imploring her to join in their game and unaware of any undercurrent. But her brothers and their wives were awkward and embarrassed. When she caught Michelle making a ‘yikes’ face at Liz, she just wanted to vaporise. Damn, she thought, trying not to cry, why had she come?

‘Claire!’ Liz said, recovering first. ‘This is a nice surprise. Sit and have a drink.’

‘No, I won’t stay,’ she said, struggling to keep her voice even. ‘I was just passing and I thought I’d pop in and say hi.’

‘Come on,’ Ronan said, standing and pulling out a chair for her. ‘Have a drink. Were you in with Mum?’

‘Yes.’ She walked slowly towards the table. If she ran off now, she would look pathetic. ‘I won’t have any wine, thanks,’ she said to Liz, who was passing her a glass. ‘I have the car.’

‘You could have a half-glass? Or a spritzer?’

‘I’ll just have some mineral water,’ she said, spotting a bottle.

Michelle poured her a glass and passed it to her.

‘Have you eaten?’ Liz asked, surveying the table. ‘There’s not much left but—’

‘I’m fine, thanks. I’m not hungry.’ She buried her face in her glass, gulping water to stop herself crying. Her throat ached. Why couldn’t they have invited her? She could have done with this today. She felt so unwanted, like an outsider in her own family.

‘We decided to do this at the last minute,’ Liz said, as if sensing how she felt. ‘It was such a gorgeous day. You have to strike while the iron’s hot in this country, don’t you?’

‘We’d have asked you if we’d planned it,’ Ronan said.

‘It’s fine,’ she said, dredging up a smile. The last thing she wanted was to let them see how hurt she was. ‘I was kind of busy today anyway.’

‘Besides, she probably wouldn’t have wanted to come,’ Michelle said to Ronan, as if Claire wasn’t there. ‘I remember when I was single, the last thing I wanted to do was hang out with a bunch of couples.’

Jesus! Claire couldn’t believe she was playing the couples card. Was Michelle actually suggesting that she needed a
date
to spend time with her own family?

‘How is Espie?’ Michelle asked.

‘She’s fine – in great form.’ Claire wasn’t about to enlighten Michelle on her mother’s misdemeanours. They didn’t get on, and the whole incident would probably end up as an anecdote in Michelle’s column – spun so that it would read as yet one more example of what Michelle had to put up with as a long-suffering daughter-in-law.

‘God, I haven’t been in to see her at all yet,’ Neil said. ‘It’s so busy at work. I suppose we might as well wait until she’s home now,’ he said to Michelle.

‘Well, she’s there for two more weeks,’ Claire said.

‘I want to go and see Granny!’ Holly yelled, as she ran past, chasing a ball.

‘We’re going in tomorrow, aren’t we?’ Ronan consulted Liz, who nodded.

‘We should all go and give Claire a break,’ Michelle said, smiling kindly at Claire. ‘You’ve been visiting every day, haven’t you?’

‘Yeah, but I don’t mind.’ She wanted to tell Michelle that spending time with her mother wasn’t an irksome chore on a par with grocery shopping or doing the ironing, but she gritted her teeth and said nothing.

‘Well, you can have a day off tomorrow,’ Michelle said. ‘We’ll take over and you can have a nice rest.’

Claire was relieved when the children started nagging her to play with them again, happy to let them pull her away to bounce with them on the trampoline.

She felt weary and ground down by the time she got to Luca’s. His friendly face and sweet, welcoming smile were balm to her battered soul, and she was sorry she hadn’t come back earlier. In fact, she was sorry she’d ever left his bed that morning. Now that she was there, she was desperate for him to put his arms around her, aching for him to hold her and kiss her. The longing to feel close to someone had become almost a physical pain.

‘Have you eaten?’ he asked, when they got inside. ‘Do you want to—’

She shook her head. ‘I’m not hungry. Could we just …’ She nodded to the bedroom.

‘Get right down to it? Sure.’

‘It’s just I haven’t had any time with you today so …’ She would scream if he didn’t put his arms around her in the next ten seconds, but she couldn’t exactly tell him that. ‘Do you mind?’

‘No, of course not.’ He frowned at her in concern. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah, I’m fine.’ She had forgotten how intensely Luca could look at you – like he could see right into you. She was unable to hold his gaze. ‘I just don’t want to waste any more time.’

He continued to study her face for another minute, and she could only hope she didn’t look as close to the edge as she felt. ‘Okay, no problem,’ he said finally. Then he sauntered into the bedroom and Claire followed him.

She expected him to pull her into his arms as soon as they went in, but to her consternation, he sat on the edge of the bed, leaving her standing by the window.

He leaned back on his hands and gazed up at her. ‘Take your clothes off,’ he said.

‘What?’ she breathed, her voice barely audible.

‘Your clothes,’ he said, his eyes glittering. ‘Take them off.’

She drew a breath to protest, but checked herself when she saw the implacable glint in his eyes and understood. This was a lesson. It was what she was here for, after all, wasn’t it? Blushing furiously, she grabbed her top by the hem and pulled it over her head. She willed him to close the distance between them and do the rest for her.

‘Go on.’

‘Sorry?’

‘Keep going,’ he said, nodding at her bra.

Oh, shit
. He wasn’t going to meet her halfway. She really couldn’t cope with this, today of all days. She felt dangerously close to tears. ‘I can’t,’ she said.

‘You can’t? How do you get undressed at night when I’m not there?’

She threw him an angry look. ‘You know what I mean. I can’t just stand here and strip in cold blood while you watch.’ She sighed, hanging her head. ‘I’m shy. What’s wrong with that? Why does everyone have to be sassy and—’