Some Kind of Normal (13 page)

The crap thing about floating on a cloud is that eventually the cloud dissipates and there's nothing left to keep you up there, suspended above a life you no longer recognize. There's only the fall and the hope that nothing gets hurt on the way down.

I'd been falling since Wednesday night, and so far the ride down had been gentle enough, but this is my life we're talking about, so I should have known things would get rough.

Friday started off okay. I managed to score the last of the strawberry freezer jam for my toast. Win!

The sun was shining. Double win!

And the kiss that rocked my world was still percolating in my brain, summoning sighs and smiles when it wasn't exactly appropriate. Case in point. The night before at dinner, while my parents went about their charade, Mom making small talk and Dad looking like he actually cared, my mind drifted to the old mill. I closed my eyes and could practically feel the heat of the sun, Trevor's sweat-slicked skin, and the ache his kiss left me with.

“Why is your face all screwed up?” That was from my little brother, who was in the process of making an epic smiley face out of his mashed potatoes.

“It's not.”

“It kind of is,” Dad said.

“No,” I said, digging into my food. “It's not.” My tone said “don't bother me,” and I tuned out the rest of their conversation. The good thing about all the tension at home was that it was a lot easier for me to get away with being a bitch. Mom was afraid to say anything because she was guarding her secret and didn't want me to spill, and Dad was just confused. I guess he thought if he left me alone, I'd eventually morph back into the girl he knew.

Funny how lies do that to people.

But now it was the Friday of the long weekend, and there was a world of possibilities before me.

Trevor hadn't asked me to go to the Fourth of July celebrations with him. Or the cookout down at the park. Or the overnight trip to Link's parents' cottage near Baton Rouge. There was still time…right?

Dad had already left for his part-time gig at the used car dealership in town. I know. But he was surprisingly good at it, mostly because everyone trusted the pastor. If only they knew.

Mom came down for breakfast already dressed, which surprised me. She'd taken some time off work since her
episode
, and as far as I knew, she wasn't due back to her office job until after the long weekend.

She didn't say a word about the crumbs left on the table or the fact that I'd put the empty jar of jam back in the fridge. She even overlooked the coffee grounds smeared across the garbage container.

Something was up. I wasn't sure it was a good up or a bad up, but when she took a sip of coffee and cleared her throat, I knew right then that I wasn't going to like what she was about to say.

“I hear they're calling for rain this weekend.”

Okay, opening with the weather wasn't a good sign at all.

“What's going on, Mom?” I so didn't want to play games with her. Not now. Not when I knew that she played by a whole set of rules I knew nothing about.

She opened her mouth to say something but sighed instead and took another sip of coffee, her eyes settled on me over the rim of her cup. She looked tired. Sad and maybe a little scared. She finished her coffee and set her mug on the counter, pushing at it with her forefinger until it was a safe distance away from the edge.

She was starting to freak me out a little bit.

“Mom?”

“The weather looks good in New England,” she said softly.

Wait. What?

“For the long weekend, I mean.”

I stared at her for so long that she shifted, her eyes sliding away from mine.

“Maybe longer.”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Everly…I can't…I need some time away to think things through.”

“I'm not going with you.”

“I thought I could stay here and things would just go back to the way they were before but—”

“I'm not going with you.” My heart was beating nearly out of my chest, and I took a step backward, legs crashing into a chair and sending it skittering across the linoleum floor until it rested against the pantry door. New England? With her brother and his five kids? No. Way.

“I just can't. I need to be away from your father, because I can't breathe when I'm around him. I can't function. I can't think.”

“You seemed to do a good job of it last night.” My voice rose as anger clogged my throat. “Both of you. Acting as if everything is great and wonderful and, you know,
normal
.”

“Yes, well, pretending is hard.”

“No kidding. I've been doing it for over four hundred days. Do you know how long that is? Four. Hundred. Days. It's like an eternity. My entire senior year was a big fat lie.”

She smoothed her hands down the front of her skirt and tightened her ponytail. Was that gray I saw threaded through her dark hair?

“I understand this has been hard on you, and I can't apologize enough for my lapse in judgment, for what I put you through, but…” She frowned. “You never did…the other day… you didn't tell me how you knew.” She sniffled. “About your father, I mean.”

“I didn't tell you because you didn't ask. You didn't ask because you'd just overdosed on sleeping pills.”

“I didn't—”

“Jesus, Mom. Cut the crap. You can lie to yourself all you want, but don't lie to me.” I shook my head. “Not anymore. I mean, what else is there for me to know?”

Something in her face changed, and my stomach dipped at the look in her eyes. I was cold, which was ridiculous because it was hot in here. So. Freaking. Hot.

“What else is there?” I asked angrily.

But she was all closed up tighter than a locked box. She cleared her throat again and grabbed the rag from the sink. Guess my crumbs were finally getting to her.

“You will not take the Lord's name in vain again. Do you understand me?”

Unbelievable. That's what she was going to focus on?

“I need you to pack your things,” she said briskly.

“I'm not going with you,” I said again, the tears in my eyes sitting heavy in my throat as well. “Trevor…he needs me.”

I
need
him.

“I need you,” she said firmly.

“You need your husband,” I shot back, and if I could have taken the words back, I would have because she looked small. Defeated. And I knew I had done that. “I can't fix this for you, Mom. I just can't, and it's not fair of you to expect me to.”

Her bottom lip trembled, and she leaned back against the sink. “Everly, I don't know how long I'll be. Isaac will be at Bible camp for two weeks and then we'll be at my brother's place. Right now, our plans are indefinite.”

“You're just going to run away?”

She didn't have an answer for that one, so I pressed on.

“Are you getting a divorce?”

Wow. Imagine the scandal. Pastor Jenkins cheats on wife and drives her out of town. His flock would diminish overnight.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I mean, I don't know. I love your father, you know…” She shrugged and tried to smile through her tears. “Even if we don't end up together, I'll always love him. I just hope that he can find his way back to me. I hope he can forgive himself for his sins and find a way to fight for us.” She blew out a long breath. “That's why I need you to hang on a little longer, and please keep this to yourself. It's not as cut-and-dried as you think. If word gets out, he'll be destroyed. We'll go on and survive, but your father won't. He won't come back from this.”

Holy. Cow. I so didn't understand adults, but then again, I guess I wasn't supposed to.

“I'd better say good-bye to Isaac.”

She tossed the rag into the sink. “I told your father you'd be coming with me.”

Huh. So that's why he'd lingered in the kitchen this morning. He'd been trying to say good-bye without saying good-bye.

“I'll send him a text later. Give him the heads-up.”

For a moment I thought Mom was going to force the issue. Her lips thinned, and if she kept frowning like that, she was going to have perma lines between her eyes.

“You're sure?” she asked.

“I am.”

“Okay, I'll leave some cash for groceries, and there's always your dad's debit card.” She worried her bottom lip and attempted a smile. “It will be good for you and your father to spend some time together.”

I snorted.

Her frown deepened. “He's your father, Everly. When all is said and done, there is still that, and he deserves your respect.”

I wanted to shout at her. To scream and tear out my hair. I wanted to tell her that respect is earned. That just because you're an adult doesn't mean you get to break the rules and get away with it. That being a liar and a cheat isn't something to look up to.

I got what she was saying. But love and respect are two different things. I would always love my dad, but right now, the respect thing was more than a little iffy. It was pretty much nonexistent.

“Okay.” She pushed away from the counter. “I think it will be good for you and him to have some alone time.”

“Sure.”

Not a chance in hell, but I wasn't about to tell her that. I had plans for the weekend, but they sure as heck didn't involve my dad. In fact, I was contemplating doing something so out of character that I was surprised Mom didn't see it plastered all over my face.

I let her hug me. Kiss the top of my head. I said my good-byes to Isaac, who looked confused as ever, the poor kid.

“You're not coming?” he sniffed into my neck.

“Buddy, I'm too old for Bible camp.”

“I don't mean camp.”

I knew what he meant. When had Mom ever gone away without all of us?

“Not this time.”

“Dad's not either,” he whispered.

I hugged him. Hard. “I know, but you'll have a blast at camp, and just think of all the fun you'll have with your cousins.”

He wrinkled his nose. “They're all girls.”

“I know.” I gave him one more kiss. “You won't have time to miss me, and I'll see you before you know it, okay?”

I watched them load bags into her car, and after one last hug, they drove down the street and disappeared from sight.

And then I dug out my cell, scrolled past my dad's name, and called Trevor. He answered on the first ring.

“Hey,” he said, all husky scruff that told me he'd just rolled out of bed.

“It's Friday,” I replied.

A pause.

“Yeah. I think you're right about that.”

I smiled at the teasing note in his voice.

“Friday, July 3.”

“Huh. You're two for two.”

“So are you taking me to Link's cottage for the long weekend or what?” Holy cow. What was wrong with my mouth? Run on much?

A pause. A long, painful pause as my cheeks flooded with heat. I sank down to my knees and pulled a pillow off the sofa to cushion the fall. Oh God. What had I just done?

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to stop my heart from beating, because it was making me dizzy. Or maybe it was just the
stupid
that was making me dizzy. The
stupid
that ran through my veins. I wasn't good at this whole seduction thing. If that was even a thing.

“Are you offering to be my roomie?”

“Maybe.” I barely got that out. “I mean, I suppose I could be persuaded.” That was an epic line.
Epic.
Gonna have to remember it for future use. Not.

“Are you flirting with me, Everly Jenkins?” he asked so softly I had to strain to hear him.

“The fact that you have to ask reiterates my lame attempt, but yes.”

“Good to know.”

Another pause.

“Everly?”

“Yes?”

“It's working.”

“The flirting?”

“The flirting,” he replied.

I exhaled. “So that means…”

“It means that we blow off study session. It means that Link will scoop up his girl, and he and I will be there to pick you up at noon. Are you sure about this?”

I was off the floor and already heading up to my room, so yeah, I was pretty sure.

“There are only two bedrooms up there, and Brent has already claimed the sofa.”

This was obviously his way of warning me that we'd be sharing a room, which was sweet. But I was kind of done being sweet. I wanted something more.

I thought of my father. Of how he was living a lie. Pretending to be happy when all he was doing was destroying what little bit of happiness his family had. What was the point in living like that? What was wrong with being true to yourself and being honest?

I wanted Trevor. That was my truth. That was my honesty. I wasn't exactly sure how far I was willing to go, but I trusted him enough to know I'd be safe. He was the one who'd pulled back at the old mill, not me.

“That's okay,” I said when I reached the top of the stairs. “You can sleep on the floor.”

He laughed, and I felt a bit of the heaviness in me lift. “Now you're being cruel.”

“See? I suck at flirting.”

“Actually you don't.”

“Don't what?”

“Suck.”

“At flirting?” God, Everly. Just. Stop. Talking.

“Yeah.” I could picture the grin on his face. “At flirting.”

Good to know.

I went in search of luggage and tried to ignore the little voice in the back of my head. The one that kept asking me if I knew what I was doing, because I was pretty sure that Trevor Lewis didn't go away for the weekend with a girl and not expect a few things to happen.

Namely sex.

I knew Hales and Link had already done it. They'd barely waited a week after the drive-in, but then Hailey had never been the kind of girl to wait for something that she wanted. I kind of admired her for that.