Some Kind of Wonderful (12 page)

Chapter 20

ASCENDING TO THE THRONE

L
adies and gentlemen, the captain has turned off the Fasten Seat Belt sign. The flight attendants will be coming through the
cabin with a selection of brunch options."

On Saturday morning, Camille looked over at me from her window seat and frowned. "It's crazy that we're already heading back
to the city. Can you believe how fast this vacation flew by?" she asked.

It was funny—there was a time when I thought this was the never-ending vacation from hell, when my stay in Nevis had seemed
like an interminable nightmare. But pretty much as soon as I had reconnected with Camille, the trip had been a nonstop blast.

Sitting next to her on the plane, with TZ and Rob passed out in front of us, and Kennedy and Meredith clinging to each other
on the other side of the plane, far away from my sphere of recognition . . . I did feel a little bit bummed-out that we were
already on our way home.

"No," I said to Camille. "I can't believe it's over."

"At least you'll always have your memories," TZ said in a mocking falsetto voice from in front of us.

Camille and I both kicked his seat. "Shut up,TZ," I said. "Go back to sleep and dream of scratchy necklaces around your whole
body."

"Flan, you're killing me," he groaned.

Camille and I giggled and clinked our glasses of sparkling water together. We turned our focus to selecting our brunch options
from a touch screen on the front of our seatbacks. Camille ordered the awesome-sounding croissant French toast, and I was
toying with the idea of an egg white omelet with spinach.

"I feel like such a heifer after this week. I should probably get something light," I said.

"Like a tasteless, floppy egg white? Whatever, Flan! We're growing girls who are taller than half the boys on this plane.
We need our fuel. Plus, we're still technically on vacay. Indulge!"

"Okay, okay. You twisted my arm." I laughed.

Minutes later, the flight attendants brought over two trays of crispy, delicious French toast, with warm maple syrup and fresh
strawberries.

"I say we close our eyes and try to pretend we're still in Nevis," Camille said. "I'll probably be doing that all week. In
class, my French teacher will whack me on the head with an eraser like she always does when I zone out."

"Is your French class name still Isobelle?"

"Oui oui!
And is yours still Madeline?"

"Bien sur."

"We used to have so much fun in French. Remember the day we tried to make crepes, and we got batter all over the slide projector?
Madame Virgily was like,
'Psss,
you klutzeee girlzzz! What huzzzband will love you if you cannot make proper crrrepe?'"

Both of us busted out laughing, and then I said, "I really miss having you in my classes."

"Ditto," Camille said. "Obviously you should just drop out of Stuy and come to Thoney!"

"You say that jokingly," I said, "but the truth is, I've been thinking seriously about it. I've already talked about it with
my mom."

Camille's eyes got as big as her plate.
"No. Way."

"Way. It's not definite yet. I still have some thinking to do. But especially after hanging out with you on this trip, I have
to say it's really tempting."

"Wow. Well, I won't try to sway your decision
too
much. I know you have to figure it out for yourself. But please please please please please come back!" She grinned. "See,
I'm totally staying out of it."

"Part of me wants to," I said. "But what about Kennedy? Am I up for all that drama and competitiveness again? I don't know."

"Okay, here's the thing," Camille said. She put down her fork, like whatever she was about to say would require our full attention.
"You know how everyone is super insecure in middle school?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that's why people like Kennedy can get away with acting psycho. Most people are followers, and they'll just do whatever
the Queen Bee says. That's why Miss Mallard's was so painful. That's why
you
stood out, because you were the only one who'd stand up to Kennedy."

"I don't know . . . I guess."

"But high school's not like that. It's definitely not like that at Thoney. I'm telling you, Kennedy's really not even that
cool."

"But she's still so high and mighty."

"She's a little fish in a big pond now. And all the girls who used to follow her around," she said, raising her hand sheepishly,
"yours truly included . . . well, everyone's sick of her. None of us sees any reason to let her boss us around all the time.
The whole class is pretty much over it."

"I bet that pisses her off," I said.

"Like you wouldn't believe." Camille laughed. "That's probably why she's gotten even bitchier this year, if that's possible.
She's just lashing out and trying to control whatever and whoever she can."

I craned my neck around to see if I could get a peak at Meredith. I could see her chatting away, but I couldn't see Kennedy's
face. Then, all of a sudden, Kennedy bolted up from her seat, grabbed her pillow, and started angrily tramping up the aisle.

"Where are you going?" I heard Meredith whine.

"You told me you were going to take a nap for the whole flight," Kennedy said. "You even brought your eye mask. And now you
won't shut up for one second. You're driving me effing crazy."

I watched Meredith slump down in her seat and figured that was the end of her run with Kennedy. Bummer—but I wasn't going
to say I told her so. At least when she got home, she'd have Judith to return to.

Seeing Meredith look bummed out did make me sad, but it was also really gratifying to glance around the plane and see people
buzzing about Kennedy's bitchy outburst.

I turned back to Camille. "So she doesn't rule the school?"

"Absolutely not," Camille said. "In
fact—
•"

"Oh, boy," I said. "I know that tone of voice. Do you have an idea?"

"Well, it just so happens that there seems to be a vacancy for who's ruling the ninth grade at Thoney. And I was thinking
. . ."

"If I came back . . ."

"It could be you and me!" Camille said.

I thought back to the dream I'd had when we first arrived in Nevis, before I knew half of what was in store for me. How I'd
imagined myself walking down the halls at Thoney with girls practically bowing down to me. That had been a funny kind of fantasy,
but it wasn't actually what I'd want my life to be like.

I knew then that what I wanted was just to have a tight group of cool friends to go through school with. We didn't have to
rule over anyone; we just had to have a good time.

"So ruling the school," I said. "What exactly does that entail?"

"Um, probably something like . . . hanging out with each other every possible second, sharing lots of clothes, planning some
non-lame school social functions for a change, ranking at the top of the class, and having blowout parties with the boys every
weekend."

"That sounds like one of your best ideas yet," I said.

"Told ya," she said.

And once that had been settled, both of us snuggled back in our seats and let a week's worth of exhaustion overtake us. I
didn't wake up until Camille tapped me on the shoulder to point out the glittering skyline of New York City out the window
right below us.

"Welcome home," she said. "Now vacation's really over. We can only deny it for so long."

I watched the city glide below us—the Empire State Building, the little stacks on stacks of Midtown buildings, the vast greenness
of Central Park—before we veered east to land at LaGuardia.

"You know what," I said as the plane's wheels touched back down in our city, "I think we're going to be okay."

Chapter 21

IT'S RAINING REJECTION

B
y the next day, Nevis felt like a slip of a dream. Tucked into bed and listening to Feist drown out the freezing November rain
pelting my windows, I found it pretty impossible to believe that only forty-eight hours earlier, I had been diving off a cliff
at sunrise.

Now I hunkered down in my room, surrounded by my unpacked suitcase and a whirlwind of papers and books. Every time a burst
of thunder rumbled, Noodles would start whimpering and running around in circles like a maniac. I was spending a lot more
time calming him down than I was actually studying.

Also, I was keeping pretty busy screening calls from Adam.

Why? What was my problem? We hadn't seen each other in over a week and most people would probably be chomping at the bit to
see their S.O. ASAP. But when I got off the plane yesterday and had two messages from him, I suddenly felt a little bit stifled.

  
Hey, Flan, it's Adam. Hope you had a good
time on your vacation. Chicago was really
cool, too. Anyway, just wanted to see when
you're getting back to the city. Give me a call
when your plane lands.

Followed by:

  
Hey, Flan, it's Adam again. I know I just
called you, and I know you're still on your
flight home. But I just walked by the Fresh
store on Bleecker, and they're having a sale, so
I thought of you because I know you like their
soap and stuff Anyway, I was hoping we
could talk sometime soon. Call me.

They were such nice, normal messages, but for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to pick up the phone. I'd texted back to
say how nice it was of him to call, and that I'd missed him, and that I was tired from the long flight . . . and that I'd
give him a call today.

But now it was Sunday night, and he'd left another message for me this afternoon. I still hadn't returned any of his calls
and was feeling increasingly guilty about it. I guess some part of me knew that we needed to have a talk. But I was trying
to put it off because at this point, I wasn't sure exactly what to say. How bad of me would it be to just wait to see him
at school tomorrow?

"Knock, knock," my dad said, poking his head into my doorway.

"Hey, Dad."

"You two okay up here? I know Noodles is a noodle about thunderstorms."

I lifted my comforter to expose a trembling little fur ball snuggled up against my side. "He's a wimp," I said.

My dad gave Noodles a scratch and then pulled a surprise attack on me: he produced the cordless phone from behind his back.

"Adam's on the phone," he said, covering the mouthpiece. "Said he's been trying to call your cell but thought you might have
lost it."

My dad looked across my bed and saw my iPhone sitting right next to me on my pillow. He raised an eyebrow and held out the
phone to me.

I took a deep breath and the phone from my dad, who disappeared as quickly as he'd shown up. It was now or never. Maybe when
I started talking to him, all the right words would just come to me. Yeah, right.

"Hello?" I said, feeling the same butterflies in my stomach that I'd felt when we first started dating . . . only now I was
feeling them for a much less fun reason.

"Hey!" Adam said. "How are you? Good to finally hear your voice. What are you doing?"

"Oh," I said, feeling like a liar before I said a word. "I'm good, not much, you too."

"Me too what?"

"Um, it's good to hear your voice?" I said, like it was a question.

"Oh," he said. "Cool. So how was the trip? Did you guys have a blast?"

It was the first time I'd thought about how I would sum up Nevis in sound-bite form. There was so much to explain that I wasn't
sure I'd even be able to get into it all with Adam.

"Yeah," I finally said, "I really did have a blast. How was Chicago?"

"It was a good time. I mostly hung out with my cousins. We just watched a lot of football, talked a lot of football, played
a lot of football. How can you go wrong with a lineup like that?"

"Definitely," I said, trying to make my voice sound peppier than I felt. "Sounds awesome."

"So, I was hoping we could see each other soon," he said.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow in between third and fourth period."

Adam always walked me from English to my gym class because his health class was on the same floor as mine.

"Actually . . . I was wondering, what are you doing tonight?"

"Probably just staying in," I said, wondering if he could tell that I was scrambling to make up an excuse. "I have to get
some stuff ready for school tomorrow."

"What if I came over and walked Noodles with you? You have to do that anyway, so I won't be taking up too much of your time,
right?"

"Adam, it's pouring out!"

"All the more reason why you shouldn't be out walking him alone. My dad has the world's biggest collection of golf umbrellas.
Can I come over in an hour?"

An hour later, I was fastening the Burberry raincoat SBB had bought for Noodles when I first got him. The rain hadn't let
up at all, and I was starting to wonder about this plan. Maybe Adam would come to his senses and cancel.

The doorbell rang.

I opened the door and there he was, taking up the whole doorframe and looking great in a Bears hat and a black North Face
rain jacket. He held up the biggest umbrella I'd ever seen and produced a Ziploc bag of turkey bacon from his pocket.

"I come prepared," he said, stooping down to give Noodles one of his favorite treats on earth. Noodles jumped into Adam's
arms and wagged his tail uncontrollably. Adam held him up and said, "This dog has better fashion sense than half the people
at Stuy."

He stood up and we hugged. Adam gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

"Missed you," he said, looking down at the floor. He seemed suddenly shy around me.

I opened my mouth to say something, but a bolt of lightning crashed through the sky, causing Noodles to duck under my legs.
The leash got all tangled up around us, and I practically fell into Adam.

"We should probably get going," I said. "Noodles might not last that long out there."

We started walking the usual route, down Perry to Greenwich, and then made a left on Barrow. We ended up right by St. Luke's,
my favorite park in the city. But now, with the gates locked and the rain shimmering down in the darkness, it looked kind
of forbidding.

"Whoa," Adam said. "This place looks cool." He leaned up against the gate and peaked in. "Have you ever seen this before?
It's like a secret garden."

I thought about all the time I'd spent in St. Luke's over the years. The headbands Camille and I had woven out of wildflowers.
Or the time when a busload of elderly Italian tourists spooked Noodles, and he got loose and went running for his life right
into the park. The first time I'd been kissed.

"Yeah," I said, "I've been here a couple times."

It was just another reminder that Adam and I orbited different spheres. He was perfectly nice, and so considerate, and he
was definitely some of the best arm candy at Stuyvesant. But what I was realizing more and more was that arm candy was the
last thing I needed.

What I needed was someone who made me want to dive off a cliff. It wasn't specifically about TZ, because I really didn't think
of him that way, but there was something exciting about him. It made me realize that I wasn't exactly dating Adam for all
the right reasons.

I used to think it was so nice to be able to fall back on the knowledge that this really great guy was into me whenever I
got down in the dumps about something. But more and more, I was realizing that I didn't need a guy to fall back on. I had
myself, and I had some of the best friends I could imagine if I ever needed something to fall back on. If that was all that
Adam was to me, then was it really fair for me to keep pretending we were more?

We looped back around to my brownstone, and Noodles was beyond thrilled to be off his leash and released into my warm, dry
apartment. Adam collapsed his colossal umbrella, and the two of us took a seat under the shelter of my stoop. We looked out
at the rain.

"So," he said. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I said, but I knew I sounded hesitant.

"What's on your mind?"

I turned to him. "A lot, actually."

"Talk to me." His face looked concerned.

"Well, I've been thinking . . . " Why was it so hard to say this? "I've been thinking about transferring back to private school.
My parents and I have been talking about Thoney."

"Oh," he said. He sounded worried. "I mean, I'd hate to see you go. But I understand that this year hasn't been the easiest
for you. I know you have to do what you have to do."

"Really?" I said. I don't know why I was surprised that he was being so supportive.

"Totally. I mean, it's cool seeing you every day and walking you to class and everything, but it's not like you're moving
to Yemen. Though separate schools . . . it'll be weird."

He put his arm on my back and started giving me a massage. It was amazing how strong even just one of his hands was.

"I could tell something was weighing you down tonight," he said.

"You could?"

"Yeah, you've been a little withdrawn. But it's understandable. You're going through a lot. At first, I was wondering whether
it had to do with us. I don't know, like if your feelings had changed or something. . . ."

For a second, we just looked at each other. It was hard to tell whether he knew what I was going to say next.

"Adam," I said.

He nodded and pursed his lips. "This isn't just about school, is it?"

I shook my head. A tear ran down my cheek. I didn't even know what to say.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

He rubbed his jaw. "No, I'm sorry, too."

"Why are you sorry?" I asked, confused.

"It's my fault that you feel this way. I mean, I know I get really intense about football. I was thinking about us a lot when
I was in Chicago, when I had some space to figure things out. I actually wanted to talk to you tonight, too. I'm not sure
this is the best time for either of us to be in a relationship."

"You're not?"

He shook his head.

"Wait, you were going to break up with me, too?"

"I didn't want to; I just worried about us. You know, both of our lives are super busy right now . . . "

He trailed off.

After a minute, I tried to smile. "I'm going to miss you a lot."

Then he smiled, too. "I know." Then his smile disappeared. "I was worried about having this conversation all weekend. You're
a great girl, Flan. I felt lucky when I was with you."

I nodded, knowing that I could return the compliment without telling a lie. Adam was awesome; he just wasn't for me. I put
my head up to his neck, and we snuggled for a moment in the rain. "I feel the exact same way about you."

He gave my ponytail a tug. "Friends?" he said.

"Definitely."