Something Had to Give (6 page)

Jackie wasn’t shy when it came to boys. In fact, she already had a boyfriend who was already in high school. She managed to keep him a secret from her parents and had so many clever ways of sneaking around to see him. We were just 14 and he was 17 with a car and job. Jackie bragged about being spoiled with new outfits weekly and a pair of diamond earrings. He had invited her to a party the upcoming weekend and suggested that I come with Derrick.

“It will be fun! Nothing like the lame parties the kids here have.”

“I can’t just invite him to a high school party. Besides, there is no way my parents would let me go.”

“Sure you can invite him. It’s the best way to break the ice and if you don’t like him, you still have me and Brian to hang around.” Jackie had a plan for everything and I knew she wouldn’t let it go that easily.

“Well, maybe you’re right, but like I said my dad will never in a million years let me go to a high school party.”

“Well that’s why you don’t tell them!”

“No way, I am not lying to them!” Even if I tried, I wouldn’t be able to lie to Daddy. I was pretty sure that he would see right through me.

“I’m not saying that you have to lie. Just tell them you are spending the night at my house. It’s not a lie. You just have to leave out the fact that we are going to the party.”

“I don’t think so Jackie—” Before I could get my reply out, Jackie was calling Derrick over. If I could have gut punched her without getting suspended, I definitely would have.

Derrick casually came over and Jackie did all the talking while I did my best to hide my anger and uneasiness. “Hey Derrick, my boyfriend Brian invited me and Cheryl to a high school party this weekend. Want to come with us?”

It was obvious that Jackie’s invite caught Derrick off guard. It took a minute for him to respond. “A high school party, huh? Well I guess it sounds OK, count me in.”

“Sweet! Give Cheryl your phone number and we will call you on Friday with the details.”

I loved Jackie to death, but I swear that was one day I could have choked her out! I was so caught off guard that it took several minutes for me to get myself together enough to pull out a sheet of paper for him to write his number on. Either he didn’t notice or was too nice to call me out. Either way, I had his number. Yes!             

“See how easy that was? Now, there is no backing out. This weekend, we are partying.”

I can’t say that I was OK with the plan for so many reasons, but I felt stuck. I didn’t want to let Jackie down and I didn’t want to miss my opportunity to hang out with Derrick. As the day of the party got closer, I had to keep telling myself that Jackie was my best friend. She wouldn’t take us to a party that would put us in harm’s way. Friday came and all during school I kept coming up with different scenarios of what the night would be like. In science class, Derrick came up to me for the first time ever.

“Hey, I wanted to make sure that party was still on for tonight.”

“Yeah, Jackie says it is.”

“Great. Well, I’m looking forward to it.” If he was excited and Jackie was excited, what was wrong with me? I found comfort in thinking that maybe, he meant that he was looking forward to hanging out with me.

That evening as Daddy drove me to Jackie’s house I tried my best to act normal, but I felt bad about not telling the complete truth about our plans for the night.

“So what are you crazy kids going to do tonight?” Daddy asked as we pulled in front of Jackie’s house. It was a question that I was hoping he wouldn’t ask. I didn’t want to lie.

“Oh, you know that silly teenage girl stuff.” I replied, trying to leave it as broad as possible.

“OK, well hope you two have fun.” The look on Daddy’s face told me that he didn’t believe me and that he knew something was up. However, he didn’t press the issue.

That evening as we were getting ready I continued to have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach despite Jackie’s reassurances, I really just wanted to call Daddy to come back and pick me up.

“Nothing is going to happen. You just worry way too much. Just relax; it will be fun. You’re my best friend, she continued, I wouldn’t have invited you if I wasn’t 100% sure that everything was legit.”

Maybe I was just feeling guilty about lying to my parents or maybe I did worry too much. Whichever the case, I had to push those feelings down and muster up my best fake smile. After all, Jackie was right; she had not ever led me astray. Jackie’s parents were a lot more lenient than my parents. As we were leaving, she simply yelled over her shoulder that we were going “out” and no other details were required.

We had to walk down the street to meet Brian, but we could hear the music from his car as soon we hit the end of the driveway. The closer we got to the car, the more I felt my teeth vibrate from the bass. The smell of the cigarette smoke and weed smacked me in the face as I opened the car door to get in. I diverted my eyes as they embraced in a kiss and noticed an open beer bottle. Finally, they came up for air and Jackie introduced us. As he turned around to greet me, I was mortified at his blood shot red eyes.

“Nnnicce to mmmeeet you Seril”, he slurred.

He was obviously heavily intoxicated, but Jackie seemed used to it. I on the other hand, was mortified. My feelings of mortification quickly escalated to sheer terror as Brian drove at excessive speeds swerving in and out of lanes and running two stale red lights. To make matters worse, he came just inches from hitting Derrick who was on the sidewalk waiting for us at the entrance of his neighborhood. Brian and Jackie found it to be hilarious, but Derrick and I did not. I could tell that he didn’t want to get in the car and I couldn’t blame him. Still, I was silently begging him to get in and not leave me alone with them. My thoughts must have shown through on my facial expressions and I was relieved when he climbed into car.

The ride to the party was just as traumatizing as the ride to pick up Derrick. At first I felt like I should try to at least hold small talk with Derrick since I had dragged him into the situation. It was impossible though, with the loud music. After a while, I just had to grasp on to the door handle, close my eyes, and pray we would make it alive. When we arrived, I had been sweating so badly that my pants were wet like I had peed. Derrick had a look of confusion and disgust on his face and I instantly felt horrible. I didn’t want that to be the start of our first date. Brian finished his already open beer before he reached for two more to offer to us. We both declined but Jackie was happy to indulge. We had both laughed at sneaking tastes of our parents’ wine, but had both agreed that beer was disgusting. To see her willingly chug a beer was shocking. It was slowly starting to hit me that I didn’t know my best friend as well as I thought I did. My mind instantly went to finding Derrick and I a ride out of there as soon as possible even if it meant calling Daddy or Shanna.

Mentally, I made note of the street names, while profusely apologizing to Derrick. “I had no idea it was going to be like this. Jackie had me thinking this was going to be something totally different.”

“It’s cool”, he replied as he scanned the area. “I kind of expected it.”

“Well, I didn’t! I’m going to call my sister to come and get me. She can give you a ride home too if you want”

Derrick didn’t reply immediately, but as we got closer to entering the party and saw what was going on inside, he agreed. “Yeah, I think I’ll leave with you guys. This really isn’t my thing.”

Jackie and Brian staggered into the party ahead of us drinking their beers while Derrick and I made our way to the kitchen in hopes of finding a phone. As I searched over bodies, beer cans and red SOLO cups, I began to panic at the thought that I would not find a phone. Finally, Derrick tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a cordless phone. I made my way outside dialing Shanna’s cell phone number. The sound of despair in my voice was obviously evident because she did not question what I was doing at a high school party or give me a hard time. I gave her the address and we hung up after she told me that she was on the way. With a sigh of relief, Derrick and I went back inside to tell Jackie we were leaving and planned to wait outside for Shanna. Jackie was nowhere to be found.

“You think we should split up? We may find her faster that way.”

“I don’t think so. I don’t want to get separated from you”

Just as I replied, I saw a glimpse of a red shirt going into the bathroom; the same red shirt that Jackie was wearing. “I think I see her”, I said pulling Derrick in the direction of the bathroom. It felt like we had to make football moves to get to the bathroom door, which was locked when I tried to get in. Concern turned into panic when Jackie wouldn’t answer the door after several minutes. After Derrick took his turn at knocking at the door, it finally opened and there stood Brian. Nothing could prepare me for what I saw as I looked around him. There was Jackie bent over the sink snorting lines of cocaine off a mirror. Cocaine? Who was this person that I called my best friend? There wasn’t time to process it all. Acting on instinct I knocked the mirror to the floor sending glass shattering everywhere. As Jackie attempted to stand up straight, she fell back on the toilet beside the sink. She looked like death as she sat down and in a matter of moments, her eyes rolled into the back of her head.

“Jackie!”

I yelled and shook her as hard as I could until her eyes opened momentarily. Suddenly, she slumped over and fell into me knocking us both onto floor. As I struggled to get her off of me I yelled out to Derrick go get some help, and call 911. While Derrick went to find a phone, Brian stood in the doorway watching us like a scene in movie. I was so angry with him that I wanted to take a piece of the broken glass and jam it in his neck, but I knew my efforts had to stay focused on Jackie. She was leaning on me breathing heavily before things went from bad to worse. She began to shake, calmly at first and it then became evident that she was having a seizure. Her whole body was shaking violently and I could no longer see the pupils of her eyes, only the white. I was frantic at that point. I was yelling for help and yelling at Jackie to stay with me. Her head was in my lap and I wrapped my hands around her upper body in a vain attempt to make her body stop shaking. I had no idea what to do as a crowd gathered around the door. It seemed liked several minutes passed before the shaking stopped. All I could do at that point was pray as we waited on the ambulance to arrive.

It was one week and a day after my best friend took her final breaths in my lap, that I attended her funeral. At her funeral I stared at her resting peacefully in her casket, trying so hard not to be angry with her. Instead I tried to focus on all the good times we had. Still, I couldn’t help but feel like our whole friendship had been based on lies. It was like Jackie had two lives. She had deceived me into thinking that I had a friend for life. There were so many unanswered questions that everyone was looking for me to answer and I just didn’t have the answers. I wanted to know just as much they did. It was a beautiful service for Jackie that hundreds of students and teachers from our school attended. It hit me when they lowered her casket into the ground that I would never see her again. Watching them cover her casket with mounds of dirt made it final. Jackie was gone and somehow life would have to go on.

I had never been so glad for summer vacation to come, as I was that year. The end of my eighth grade had been such torture for me. Those who didn’t flood me with questions of what happened to Jackie would whisper when I walked by. I mostly kept to myself never feeding into the rumors or giving too much information to anyone. If it weren’t for Derrick I think I would have lost it. There were counselors available, but I never got anything worthwhile from my conversations with them. It seemed more like a fishing expedition to find out what students at the school were on drugs. Mainly, I felt as though they were trying to figure out if I was on drugs. So, I made the decision to stop going to the weekly meetings since it was much easier to talk to Derrick. We had grown close in the weeks following Jackie’s death. It was nice to have someone to talk to who knew what really happened and believed that I was not on drugs.

I was ready for summer even though it wasn’t going to be a typical summer for us. Grandma had sold the house and moved into a retirement community where Shanna and I could not stay the whole summer. Instead, there would be a family trip later in the summer before Shanna left for college. We attended Shanna’s high school graduation and despite the recent events, we managed to give her a nice celebration. I also had to prepare for the trial date that had been set for early July for Brian. He was facing multiple charges after Jackie’s death. Both Derrick and I had to testify, which unfortunately meant having to relive the horrific night over again. It wasn’t enough that I relived it almost every night in my dreams. I thought about getting a job, but Daddy kept such a tight leash on me that he decided I should just take the summer to relax. It was weeks before either of my parents would look at me without a look of distrust and hurt. I had lied and broken a bond of trust that no number of “I’m sorry” could fix. Surprisingly Shanna was the only one in the house that seemed sympathetic towards me. She had arrived to the party after they had loaded Jackie’s body into the ambulance and sat with me at the hospital. She had also been the one to call Jackie’s parents to tell them to come when I couldn’t find the words. She didn’t tell me how stupid I was like I expected. For once she was in my corner.

My excitement for the start of summer quickly waned, as boredom became an everyday thing. There was only so much television I could watch and Mommy was always too busy cooking or cleaning to do anything fun. Shanna worked full-time to save money for school and Daddy was doing his usual travelling for work. Derrick and I talked daily but he also had a summer job. There was no way I could ask anyone to drive me to see him, so wandering around the neighborhood was how I killed time. That summer was the first time in years that I had spent time at the creek. Each day I would ride by Jacob’s house, but I couldn’t make myself look in that direction. While the house was being rented, I held on to hope that Jacob’s family would come back to at least check on the house, but that never happened and eventually a new couple purchased the house. I still felt a sense of sadness at the creek thinking about losing Jacob and now Jackie, but it also gave me a sense of peace. I could sit there and just be alone with my thoughts and mostly it broke up the monotony of sitting at home all day.