Something to Talk About (24 page)

Twenty-One

I
n the aftermath of her mother’s confession, Em looked at Clora and felt nothing but empty, a wind tunnel of nothing. Not angry or even resentful, just empty. “You will never, ever breathe a word of this to Dixie—do you understand me, Mama? If you so much as speak her name with ill regard, I’ll never see you again, you hear? You keep your secrets close to your chest the way you have for well over thirty years, but you will not hurt my friend with your angry recriminations.”

In direct opposition to Em’s dry eyes and wooden words, Clora sobbed openly. “I’m sorry, Emmaline. I’m so sorry. I never wanted you to know. I never wanted you to pay for what I’d done.”

Em sighed, brushing her skirt to smooth the wrinkles in it. “But I did pay. You kept a leash on me so tight, all I wanted to do was get away. You smothered me with your words from the divine and this righteous path you claim we should all be walkin’. All because
you
did wrong. You veered off the path, Mama. You were cold and disapproving, and while I want to hate you for all of it right now, I don’t. I just don’t know you. I don’t know anything.”

Clora’s face, puffy from tears, a startling contrast to her stern facade, made Em sad. “I didn’t want you to make the same mistakes I made.”

Em looked down at her mother—she looked so small now. Small and afraid. “And I didn’t, did I? You sure taught me. But while you were teachin’ me, you stole my joy. You made me afraid. You kept me from making the same mistakes you made, but at the same time, you made me resent you, and I won’t allow you to do that to my boys. Hear me now, Mama—you will never bring your negativity around them again, or you’ll never see them again. I will not have you taint them with your bitter regret the way you tainted me. Life is meant for livin’, enjoying the people you love, laughter, friends and the freedom to do all those things. Maybe you should try it.” Then she held her hand out to her mother and waited.

Clora reached up and let Em pull her from the floor. When they were eye to eye, she felt like she was seeing her mother for the first time. Really seeing this person who no longer had to live with a painful secret—who’d let the cat out of the bag after so long and had nothing else to keep her warm. “I have to go now, Mama, but I need you to think about what I said. Really think about it, and know I meant it.”

Clora gave her a brief nod, a small indication she was going to reevaluate.

Em gave her a quick hug, feeling the tremble of her mother’s shoulders. “Bye, Mama.”

She took a long breath before making her way out of the kitchen and out the front door, leaving behind the place where she’d earned her own angry resentments. She clung to the railing along the front porch, keeping her head high for all the eyes of Plum Orchard to see.

A car came to an almost screaming halt at the curb. “Dixie?”

The passenger door opened and a long leg attached to a cowboy boot touched the curb.

Em froze. Jax. At her mother’s house? Why was he here?

She didn’t have time to think about it before he was pulling her into his arms in front of everyone peeking out of their windows. “Don’t ever do that to me again,” he muttered against her hair, tightening his hold on her.

Jax’s words, his gentle admonishment, made her crumble. Tears began falling down her face as she clung to him—right there on her mother’s front porch.

Huge, gulping sobs of relief escaped her throat. “Don’t cry, honey. Jesus. Please don’t cry. I know everything. I swear to you, I won’t let Clifton take the boys. I know a lot of people. They’ll help. But don’t leave, Em. Don’t run away from this. Stay here and fight with me.”

Em sniffed against the soft leather of his jacket, resting her cheek on his chest, letting go of the tight rein she’d kept her emotions in check with. “This is certainly crossing the line between nothing personal and personal, Sir Hawthorne,” she teased.

The best part about that was she didn’t care. She didn’t care if everyone saw her with Jax. She didn’t care if they disapproved. She was going to do what she’d told her mother to do. Live.

He rested his chin on top of her head. “I see your personal and raise you a possible monogamous commitment.”

“High stakes indeed,” she said on a happy giggle. “This coming from a man who didn’t want any personal entanglements, either.”

“That was stupid. I was stupid. I apologize for my stupid. Can you ever forgive all that stupid?”

“Can you forgive mine?”

“We could have a round of forgiveness sex. That might help. Is that on your list?”

“Isn’t that the same as makeup sex?”

“It’s very similar, in that sex is involved. It’s just sex with the promise of maybe a movie with our kids? Dinner?”

All her doubts disappeared at the mention of their children. “What are you suggesting, Jax Hawthorne?”

“I’m suggesting you let me tell you all my dark secrets.”

“Like?”

“Like, Maizy isn’t my biological child and while Reece is her biological mother, she had Maizy with my best friend Jake when she left me for him. Jake died just after Reece ran away and named me her guardian.”

Em wrapped her arms around his waist and burrowed her nose in his chest. Jax was just a little more amazing than she’d given him credit for. And she didn’t care who Maizy belonged to. She didn’t care how she’d come to be Jax’s. She only cared that Jax was the kind of man—a wonderful one—who’d raise someone else’s child. “So that makes her less yours? What is it you’re trying to say here, Hawthorne?”

“You’re not surprised she isn’t mine?”

Her heart ached, tightened, released. “I don’t care that she isn’t from your man parts. Does it really matter how she got here? She’s beautiful and full of life and she offered to beat someone up for Gareth. That you’d raise your best friend’s little girl under such hurtful circumstances, and wear barrettes, says something about you. So get to the point, would you?”

“I acted like a total ass when you found Reece’s picture the other night because for a long time now, I was angry with her. I was angry with Jake for stealing her right out from under my damn nose. I didn’t just lose a girlfriend—I lost my best friend of twenty-two years when they ran off together. He was like my brother. He was my brother. I never spoke to Jake again when he left with Reece. And then he died.”

And left Jax his most precious possession. She felt Jax’s ache—the grief that kept him rooted in one spot. “So you never had the chance to make amends then.”

“No, and every day since he died, I’ve been trying to make it right. Come to terms with it.”

Suddenly, she understood. He was apologizing over and over to Jake though Maizy. “With Maizy.”

Jax sighed a ragged breath. “I know it sounds crazy, but I thought if I could just focus on her, put all my energy into giving her everything Jake would have, somehow, I’d make it up to him for kicking him out of my life.”

“And Reece?”

“I was angry that she just up and left Maizy only a couple of weeks after she was born. She hasn’t seen her in almost six years.”

Em’s heart twisted into a tight knot. She didn’t want to judge Reece. She didn’t know what her demons were, but to leave without ever knowing what it felt like to have that tiny head nuzzled under your chin as you rocked. To never know what it felt like to hear Maizy sigh with contentment in her ear as she drifted off to sleep. To miss her first steps, to miss everything? Her life would never have been the same. “And now?”

“I saw her today. I spent the past month hiding from her because I didn’t know what she wanted. She popped up out of nowhere after six years and I panicked. Now I know, and I’ve made my peace with her—with Jake.”

“Your peace?”

The rumble in his chest, the pause in his words, was a signal to Em, the meeting with Reece had been painful. “She never wanted Maizy. I won’t claim to understand it. I won’t even try, because I can’t go there. She wanted me to know she’s not interested in seeing Maizy, and she’d sign papers to that effect.”

Em pulled away from him. “I don’t know that I know how to respond to that without usin’ the Lord’s name in an inappropriate way.”

Jax pulled her back into his embrace, resting his chin atop her head. “That’s why you’re the girl for me, and Reece never was.”

“I’m sorry, Jax. I’m sorry for Maizy, too.”

She felt his smile against her hair. “I’m not. Maizy and I have other plans.”

“And what exactly are those plans?”

“Well, first up, I plan to make you fall madly in love with me.”

Em fanned herself and giggled. “My goodness. I don’t know that I’ve ever been courted quite this way.”

“You were only courted once.”

She flicked the collar of his jacket. “Is this the part where you make me fall madly in love with you? Because if so, we have work to do.”

His low chuckle rippled in her ears. “Touchy, touchy. Then, you know, after you fall madly in love with me, I plan to sweep you off your feet.”

“The children...”

“Already know each other. Now they’ll just get to know each other
with
us.”

This man. This man who made her heart pound and her soul full wanted her. Her. “So that madly in love part?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Could be working.”

Jax tipped her chin up and kissed her thoroughly, reminded her why he was so hard to resist since they’d set out to keep things impersonal.

“Ahem.”

Em’s head shot up. Dixie? “What are you doing here?”

Dixie’s red head popped out from behind Jax. “I was the driver of the escape car.”

“Escape car?”

“After what I just saw sitting on your kitchen counter, I thought surely you’d come to murder Clora,
sister
.”

Em began to protest, to apologize, but Dixie stopped her, her eyes warm. “Don’t, Em. Don’t you dare blame yourself for our parents’ bad behavior. And everyone wonders why I was such a hellion. Hah! Just look at my genes.”

Em reached for Dixie’s hand. “Dixie. Oh, my God, Dixie. I never wanted you to find out. I would never want to hurt you.”

Dixie grinned. “How could it possibly hurt me that you’re my sister?”

“Technically, I’m your half sister. The good half, anyway.”

“Half schmalf. We’re blood now, Emmaline Amos, and don’t you forget it. The question here is, are
you
okay, honey? Clora?”

Em looked past Dixie toward her mother’s house. “I have a lot to think about. Everything’s changed. Yet, it all just makes sense now. As for Mama, only time will tell.”

“We’ll have a good sit-down once we get everything else settled, okay?”

“You’re not mad about this? You loved your daddy, Dixie. You talked about him like he was your knight in shining armor.”

Dixie sighed; the breath she released held resignation. “He was, or at least that’s what I let everyone believe. I knew my daddy was a philanderer. Mama never let me forget it. She stayed married to him for a reason, Em. Surely you know that reason was the prestige of the Davis name and all that money. But while she held on, she never let him forget he was a cheat. I loved him regardless. Because he was the only person at home who showed me any kind of approval.”

Em fought hard not to share her disbelief, her disappointment, that the Ethan Davis she’d admired from afar was, after all, only human. “I didn’t know, Dixie. I don’t think anyone knew.”

Dixie nodded, her expression sad. “That’s because it was a Davis family secret. I won’t say I’m not shocked by how close to home he played, or that your mama kept this from all of us for so long. I wouldn’t be surprised if my mama had somethin’ to do with makin’ her keep that secret, and if she did, I’m sorry, Em. You were entitled to as much as me.”

Em stayed silent. Dixie had more than her share of disappointment with her mother. She wouldn’t add to it.

Dixie peered at her. “My mama knew, didn’t she, Em?”

Her mouth went dry, her next words thick. “Accordin’ to my mother, yes.”

Dixie nodded. “Looks like Pearl and I have some talkin’ to do.” She shook off her visible disappointment and put a smile on her face. “Let’s forget about how I feel for the moment. The question is, are
you
mad? This is huge, Em. A huge part of your life kept from you. It has to hurt.”

Em closed her eyes, still shaky. “I’m not mad, no. Maybe I haven’t processed it all yet? Or maybe it’s because it explains everything about my mama? It’s funny, but the part about your father bein’ mine isn’t what sticks out in my mind right now. It’s the part about us bein’ half sisters. It’s plum crazy after our history.”

Dixie gave her a tight hug. “I dunno. I feel like it’s the icing on the cake of our friendship. We’ve come full circle. I am a little sad, though. Sad that I was so awful to my own flesh and blood.”

Em grinned. “Sadder than when you thought I wasn’t your flesh and blood? Because that would cut me so deep, Dixie. After all your apologizin’ and everything.”

Dixie laughed. “I’m sad that I treated you that way, relation or not. My point is, if my father had to have a child from a torrid affair, I couldn’t have picked better than if I’d picked you myself.”

She knew Dixie was just joking, but the word
affair
brought up a new crop of issues. “I’m illegitimate.”

“No. You’re Emmaline Amos. My best friend, and now, my sister. Who uses the term
illegitimate
anymore, anyway?”

Dread began to fill her stomach. This meant more gossip. “Everyone in Plum Orchard.”

Dixie made a face at her, dismissing the notion. “Everyone doesn’t count, Em. Only the people who love you count.”

“What do we do now, Dixie? How do we explain all of it?”

“Well,” she drawled, a twinkle in her eye. “First we call up Pearl and tell her the Davis family will has some fixin’ to be had. Then we go find the person who sent you that birth certificate and we end this once and for all.”

She’d never explored past the idea that it was all a joke. “Who do you think it was?”

Dixie planted her hands on her hips. “Who do you know that has more time on their hands than a clock, not a single request on her dance card and loves to make trouble?”