Somewhere In-Between (7 page)

The sandy patch of beach along the Fraser River was a local hangout, difficult to drive to, and far enough away from town for privacy. But it was dangerous. A few years ago two teenage boys, emboldened by alcohol, had played chicken, wading deeper and deeper into the swirling river in the darkness. They were both swept away by the treacherous current, their bodies not found until the following day.

“Darla would never go there,” Julie had reasoned as they bumped down the steep narrow road leading to the river valley. “She knows it's out of bounds. She promised… she promised.” She wasn't sure if she was trying to convince Ian or herself.

“She's a teenager,” Ian said, braking on a sharp turn. “But let's hope you're right!”

She wasn't. As they came to a skidding stop, their headlights illuminated the group of teenagers milling around a huge bonfire, scrambling to hide beer cans. She immediately located Darla's shocked face in the crowd.

All the way home a hysterical Darla swore it was the first time she had ever gone there. She had just wanted to see what the big deal was. She'd only had a few sips of beer. She would never be invited anywhere ever again after her parents had barged in and broken it up. “How could you do that to me?” she had wailed. They grounded her for a month.

Despite her whining protests, the punishment stood. Except for school, play rehearsals and performances, she was confined to the house for one full month. She had a week to go.

While the audience filed back in, Julie turned once again to check the landing to see if Ian had come in during intermission. Beyond disappointed, she was closing in on furious to see no sign of him. Two aisles over she spotted Kajul's parents, reclaiming their seats. Acknowledging Mrs Sandhu's wave, Julie couldn't help noticing the bouquet of flowers that overwhelmed the woman's lap. Their daughter Kajul, whose name always sounded like ‘Casual' to Julie, was anything but. The dark-haired, doe-eyed teenager, playing the part of Frenchy tonight, had taken on the role of the beauty-school-aspiring, high-school drop-out, as if the character was written especially for her. The proud bouquet suited her.

Julie glanced down at her own small offering and smiled inwardly. It too was just right. The single rose marked a special occasion in their family. Ian had brought one to the hospital the day Darla was born. Every year, along with the yellow candles, Julie placed a single yellow rose—Darla's favourite colour—on her birthday cake.

At the end of the performance, after the final curtain call, the cast formed a reception line in front of the stage. Darla gushed over her flower, accepting it with a formal curtsy, and then throwing herself into her mother's arms and jumping up and down as if she were ten years old again. “Wasn't it wicked, Mom? Did you like it?”

“Like it, my God, I loved it,” Julie shouted to be heard above the din. She stepped back and held her daughter by the shoulders to look into her eyes. She knew her own were filling up but didn't care. “You were so good... so… so wonderful… I'm so proud of you.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“I'm sorry your dad didn't make it, he must…”

“It's okay,” Darla said offhandedly, her gaze straying beyond Julie's shoulder. “I knew he couldn't make it tonight. He called before you got home. I thought you knew.”

“Oh.”

“He's coming tomorrow night,” Darla said, reaching past Julie to grab a white leather sleeve, and pulling Levi between them. She stood on her tiptoes and whispered something into his ear, and he nodded a silent reply.

“Mom,” she said, turning back to her, “there's a cast party after we're cleaned up here.”

Julie raised her eyebrow; she didn't want to have to say it out loud. Darla knew she was still grounded.

“Pleeease, Mom. Just this once. Please, please. The whole cast is going.”

Julie hesitated. “Where is it?”

“At Wade Morrey's, the guy who played Danny. He lives up on Cottonwood Drive,” Darla's eyes pleaded. “Kajul's going. Honestly! Her parents are letting her. You can ask them. They're right there.”

Julie glanced over at Kajul, standing between her parents, beaming behind her wild bouquet.

“Levi will drive us,” Darla said. “Say it's okay. Pretty please, Mom.”

Julie was aware that she was being played. Still, she had to trust Darla again sometime. She checked her watch. It was just past nine thirty. Not that late. The entire cast was going. How could she say no? She had hoped to share this excitement, this moment, with Darla and Ian. She had envisioned the three of them cuddled in front of the TV with a bowl of popcorn and a blanket while Darla rehashed every nuance of the evening.

“Come on, Mom, it's only ten minutes from our place. We'll be home by midnight.” Darla tugged on Levi's arm. “Won't we?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I've got a hockey practice tomorrow morning.”

Looking from her daughter's hopeful face to Levi's, Julie shook her head, half in exasperation, and half in surrender. “All right then,” she said, holding his gaze, “but promise me you'll see her home safely by midnight. I'm counting on you.”

“Yes!” Darla gave her a quick hug. Then as if afraid she'd change her mind she turned away pulling Levi with her.

As he allowed himself to be tugged away, he glanced back over his shoulder. “Don't worry Mrs O.D.,” he said, “I promise I'll bring her home before midnight.”

Watching them disappear in the crowd she wondered if Ian would have caved in so easily. Probably not. It might be difficult to explain to him why she had let Darla off the hook, before her grounding period was up. But Ian wasn't here, so whose fault was that?

Outside the school doors, Julie pulled up the collar of her coat and wrapped it tighter. The cold night air smelled crisp and clean. The rain had stopped, and she looked up at the full moon in a star-filled sky as she made her way to the car. The temperature had dropped in the last few hours leaving a crystalline sparkle on the asphalt parking lot. She hoped that this weather would not last until Wednesday like it had last Halloween when all the trick-or-treaters showed up at her door shivering in the frigid wind.

Pulling out of the school parking lot she turned right, instead of left to the highway and the shorter route home. She would just spin by Ian's office; see if he was finished, she told herself. Maybe they would have a nightcap together. Downtown she slowed the car in front of his office, a renovated two-storey Heritage home on the corner of Pinewood Street. The windows were dark.

Was this why I gave into Darla's request so easily, she wondered, because of some anonymous voice on the telephone? Was that all it took to turn her into a madwoman who chases around town late at night checking up on her husband?

She turned into the alley. Two vehicles were parked in the empty lot behind the office—Ian's Jeep and a silver Lincoln Towncar. Pulling up beside the Lincoln she switched off her motor. She stared at the familiar vehicle, could almost smell Valerie Ladner's heavy-handed Tabu perfume. In all the years she had worked with Valerie at Black's Real Estate, they were never close friends. But they were cordial business associates. Just that afternoon, as she rushed out of the office, Valerie had given her a message to pass on to Darla to ‘break a leg' tonight. Julie knew that she was going through a difficult divorce and Ian was her accountant, but at this time of night?

Staring up at the unlit office Julie struggled with the burning sensation rising in her throat, then threw her car door open and climbed out. She had a key to the office. Slamming the door behind her she strode over and stomped up the back steps. But as she approached the landing she slowed down. What was she thinking? Exactly what was she going to do? Burst in and throw all the lights on, hoping to discover… what?

She stopped, spun around and fled back to the car. Inside, feeling like a fool she resisted the urge to bang her forehead against the steering wheel. She shoved the key in the ignition. Then, not caring that the motor screeched, she gunned it and sped out of the parking lot.

On the ten-minute drive home she practised deep breathing, while she talked to herself.
Drive slowly. Don't jump to conclusions. There are multitudes of explanations for this.
She just had to take the time to figure it out. He had phoned, hadn't he? She hadn't had the chance to ask Darla the details of their conversation. Perhaps he and Valerie had worked late and then walked to a nearby restaurant for dinner. That made sense. Realtors' accounting can be complicated, even more so during a marriage break-up.
There's probably a message on the phone at home explaining everything.
But there wasn't.

By the time Julie was ready for bed at 11:30 there still was no call, and no Ian. Fighting her growing anger she locked all the doors. Darla had her own front door key, and Ian had an automatic garage door opener. If he doesn't have his key to the inside garage door, that's his problem.

Upstairs, brushing her teeth in the ensuite bathroom, she spotted a bottle of Ian's sleeping pills next to his sink. Unlike Ian, Julie had never felt the need for them, but tonight she was so keyed up. This weekend was going to be busy, with two open houses and a buyer transferring to town. Her day would start early tomorrow and she needed sleep. She picked up the bottle. One should do the trick. Ian always took two, but he was used to them. She shook out one of the tiny pills and placed it under her tongue, letting it dissolve as she climbed into bed. Darla would be home in less than half an hour. Even if the sedative kicked in before that, Julie had always been able to sleep with one ear listening for her daughter.

Opening the nightstand drawer she retrieved the eye mask her sister had given her. She rarely used it, thought of it more as a joke, but when she wanted to give Ian a message not to disturb her she donned the black silk mask. She did so now, securing the elastic strap behind her ears and blocking out any light. She didn't want to face him tonight; didn't want to think about any of this. She liked her life exactly the way it was and a part of her suspected that beneath her anger was a growing panic that things were about to change. To divert her mind while she waited for Darla, she laid in the false darkness and reviewed her pending sales, mentally opening each file, checking the subjects, closing dates.

She drifted off into a dreamless sleep, while out on the highway, her happily-ever-after world was about to shatter with the unheard metallic scream of steel against concrete lamppost.

Less than two hours later she had clawed her way up from oblivion to Ian's hands digging into her shoulders, shaking her like a rag doll— the scent of Tabu perfume filling her nostrils.

Dad saw me. I wish he hadn't, although there wasn't a whole lot I could do about it. I watched his car come up the highway, then pull over on the side of the road. Who wouldn't stop to see if they could help at the scene of an accident so close to home? Certainly not Dad. But he got more than he bargained for, an image that will stick in his mind forever. The police had arrived only a few minutes before. He would have heard their sirens on his way home.

The blue and red flashing lights illuminated his face as he climbed out of his car. He took a few tentative steps, froze, and then bolted past the vehicle wrapped around the lamppost on the side of the highway. He pushed his way between the officers and dropped onto the ground beside Levi, who was hunched over, shoulders heaving as he held me in his arms. But how could that be? How could I be there, and here—wherever here was—watching?

Both Dad and I looked down at the same motionless face. In the same breath of time, we took in the smudged greasepaint that the cold cream had missed at the temples, the diamond-shaped glass shards imbedded in the bloodied forehead, and in the limp hand lying on the ground, crushed yellow rose petals spilling out of the open palm. In the same instant we both knew. Dad shoved Levi aside and pulled me into his arms. I could hear him moaning my name over and over again, but I heard it from another place.

For Dad the pain was so unbearable that a part of him shut down right then. To protect himself, I guess. Probably a good thing because what he really wanted to do was smash somebody's face in, and the closest living person to him was Levi, and a couple of police officers. I sure didn't want to see him hit Levi. And punching out a cop, not so good.

For me the realization was simply a surprise, like, Oh, okay. So this is how it happens. There was no pain. And no feeling of sadness, no fear. Just curiosity. Like, where am I, and how did I get here?

The last thing I remembered was Levi cursing, and then white light. Yeah, white light. Just like all those creepy movies.

In that absence-of-sound-and-colour place, I relived the past. To say my whole life flashed before me would be wrong, because it was like, just that evening, which seemed to play out in real time, starting with Levi driving us to the high school earlier to put on our make-up and costumes before the play. Wedged together on the front seat of his rusted old blue Chevy Malibu, Kajul and I had hammed up our characters. Levi, as always, concentrated on the road, ignoring our giggling and ad libbing.

Every now and then I would check out his profile from the corner of my eye. I was still certain that, with his dark handsome face, he would have made a better Danny than Wade Morrey. I had even tried to talk him into auditioning for it. There hadn't been any real hope behind my prodding, but hey, ya never know. Still, Levi acting? Pretending to be anything other than who he was? Not a chance. Anyway, hockey was more important, and I knew that. He was good, really good, at it.

Grease
turned out to be totally sick. It made no difference how many times we had rehearsed the play, or even the final dress rehearsal, the real thing just blew me away. When I was up on that stage in front of an actual live audience, I suddenly realized that I could do this. I was good at it. Maybe I had found something that I could practise and learn to love as much as Levi loved his hockey. Hey, I even thought that maybe I would become an actress, a singer. Why not? Mom and Dad had always drilled into me that everything was possible, that I could do, become, anything if I wanted it badly enough.