Songbird (Songbird, #1) (45 page)

It was the way Riley stroked my hair when we were in bed, and I closed my eyes, finding the repetitive motion soothing.

I was getting sleepy, as I always did when my hair was stroked, and I needed to go to bed.

“Did you want to stay the night?” I asked Marcus. I knew he had been drinking as much as I had, so shouldn’t be driving.

“Ah, yeah, okay, sure.” He sounded surprised, and I laughed to myself at his tone of voice.

I sat up. “You can have the couch, which is lumpy, or you can share with me, as long as you don’t snore.”

He gave me a half-smile. “I’ll share with you.”

We started getting ready for bed. I got changed in the bathroom while he got changed and jumped into bed. When I came in, he was already under the covers on my side.

“Scoot over, you, that’s my side,” I said, smiling at him, and he shifted over, grinning at me. “So tell me,” I said as I climbed into bed, “is there anyone in your life at the moment? Anyone on your radar, so to speak? You never talk about it.” I lay down, facing him, and he mirrored my position.

“There is, actually, but it’s complicated. They’re a friend, and I don’t want to ruin the friendship.”

I smiled to myself; he had to be talking about Jason. “Well, I think you should go for it. You’ll never know if you don’t try.”

He bit his lip. “Okay, I will.”

“Good!” I kissed him quickly on the lips. “Good night, Marcus. Thanks for a great night.” I rolled over and turned off the lamp.

I felt Marcus slide over towards me. “Do you want me to stroke your hair again, or tickle your back?” he asked softly.

“Sure, why not?” I replied sleepily.

Marcus brushed my hair to one side, and then slowly started tickling up and down my spine and over my shoulders, his breath warm against the back of my neck, just like Riley’s always was. It was comforting, and I closed my eyes and started to drift off.

My eyes sprung open as I felt Marcus softly kiss the back of my neck and shoulder as his hand slid up my stomach to cup my breast. He was pressed behind me, and I could feel he was aroused as he rubbed against my back.

I sat up quickly, and flicked on the lamp. “What are you doing?”

He moved away, a little amused. “What do you think I’m doing? I’m going for it.”

“But what about Jason? Aren’t you two …
friends
?”

His face dropped as he realised what I was referring to. “What? You think … I’m not … No, there’s definitely nothing …” He sat up, the sheet dropping down dangerously low around his hips.

“What the hell? Are you naked?” I looked down at the sheet barely covering him.

He smiled sheepishly, his dimples scarcely showing. “I was just trying to get comfortable.” His look turned serious, and he ran his hand through his hair. “Let’s just get one thing clear: I am straight, always have been, always will be. Jason is a mate; that’s all.” He paused, gathering his thoughts before continuing, “I’m not interested in Jason. I am, however, crazy about you. I thought you knew. God knows everyone else does.”

I dropped my head into my hands. Fuck, how could I be so stupid? “I’m sorry, Marcus. You’re a great guy, and you’ve been a fantastic friend.” He rolled his eyes but I continued. “But I’m with Riley, you know that.”

“Riley’s not here; he never is, but I am. I’m here for you every day, whenever you need me. You deserve someone who puts you first, always.”

I thought about something that Kelli had said to me; “one day with Riley and nine apart was better than ten days with someone else,” and it was true.

“If I gave you the wrong idea I am really sorry, Marcus. I honestly thought there was something going on with you and Jason. If I’d known …” My apology trailed off. I didn’t know how to finish it.

Had I inadvertently led him on in some way? All the innocent hugs and joking around had somehow led to this?

“I’m sorry.” It was all I could manage to say.

I started to lean over toward him to hug my friend, but then remembered he was naked, and pulled back quickly.

He chuckled, amused at my lapse of judgement. “You can hug me if you want. I won’t bite … much.”

I slapped his arm lightly. “Marcus!”

He looked at me resignedly. “It’s okay. I guess I read more into things than were really there. Call it wishful thinking.”

He climbed out of bed and stood, facing me front on, completely naked and still somewhat aroused. My eyes flickered down—I couldn’t help it—but I managed to lift them again back to his face.

He smiled at me, his eyes twinkling, obviously pleased that I’d so noticeably checked him out. “Let me know if you change your mind.”

He bent down, picked up his clothes and left the room, leaving me still sitting up in bed, stunned.

He poked his head back in a moment or two later. “I’m going to head off now.”

Of course he was. I couldn’t expect him to stay after what had just happened, but I felt a pang of regret that things had gone so terribly wrong.

“Are you sure? You shouldn’t be driving. You’ve had too much to drink.”

He looked at me with renewed hope written all over his face, and stepped toward the bed. “Do you want me to stay?”

I shook my head. “Only on the couch.”

He stopped, and then took a step backwards towards the door. “I’ll walk home. I need to clear my head. I’ll talk to you later, Tara.”

I heard the front door close, and silence filled the apartment. I laid back down, replaying the event over in my mind, then picked up my phone and sent Riley a text.

I really, really miss u babe. I wish u were here. Xx

I
WAS
woken up the next morning at six am to the phone ringing. I picked it up, and checked the caller ID.

With a delighted smile in my voice, I answered, “Good morning, babe, how are you?”

His voice was heaven to hear. It had been nearly a week of hardly any form of communication. “I’m tired, but good; I miss you too though. Is everything all right?”

Sighing, I rested my free hand on my forehead … where to start, and how much to tell? “I’m fine, I just miss you heaps. I’m really lonely with Kelli and Jason away, and I was really looking forward to seeing you this weekend. I guess it hit me last night just how much I miss you.”

“I know, babe, and I’m sorry we had to cancel. Don’t you still have Marcus there to keep you company? I thought you were going to the concert with him. You should try to spend some time with him so you’re not by yourself so much,” he suggested helpfully.

My eyes welled, tears threatening as the debacle of last night came flooding back.

“I don’t know if Marcus will want to hang out with me that much anymore.”

Shit, why did I say that? I knew what was coming.

“Why not? What’s happened with Marcus?”

I didn’t know what to say, so in my still half-asleep state, said nothing.

“Tara, what’s happened with Marcus?” Riley’s voice was a little more urgent.

“Um … well …” Here goes nothing. “You know how I told you he was friendly with Jason? Well, apparently he’s not that friendly … he’s straight.”

I paused, not really wanting to head down this track.

“Okay, so he’s straight. Why wouldn’t he want to hang out with you, though? You’re a great girl; gorgeous, funny, smart …” He stopped and I waited for the penny to drop. “Oh, he thinks you’re gorgeous, funny, and smart too, doesn’t he?”

I closed my eyes, but the image of Marcus standing naked in my room the night before crept into my mind. Opening my eyes, I stared at the ceiling. “Apparently so, but I told him nothing could happen because I’m with you.”

“He tried something on you?” His voice was a little higher pitched than usual as he processed what he was piecing together. “That mongrel. I’ll fuckin’ kill him when I see him.”

“Nothing happened,” I reassured him. “Please don’t be angry with Marcus, it’s hard to convince people I have a boyfriend when you’re never around. I feel like a kid with an imaginary friend. I just miss you so much.”

Tears started to flow and I couldn’t stop them, so I let them fall. “I can’t stand only seeing you once in a blue moon; it’s so hard. I know I have friends here, but I don’t want Kelli, or Jason, or Marcus … I WANT YOU, and you’re never here. I know you had this career long before you met me, and I know it’s selfish of me to want you to myself, but I don’t care. I want you here, with me. I can’t do this long distance thing; it’s killing me … I just can’t …”

“Please, Tara, don’t say it.” His voice was calm, too calm, but it instantly soothed me. “Please don’t say you can’t do this anymore. I know it’s hard, it is for me too, but I love you so much. I can’t do this without you.”

Trying to stem the flow of tears, I took a couple of deep breaths and listened to Riley’s breathing on the other end of the phone.

“I’m fine.” I finally managed.

I knew I was still shaken by what had happened with Marcus, and it was adding to the impact of missing Riley.

“I love you, too, I just miss you all the time. We need to work something out, and soon.”

He agreed, his voice filled with relief. “We will work something out. In fact, I already have a couple of ideas I’m following up. In the meantime, I’ve put in for a few days leave at the end of this month. We can spend the whole time together, just the two of us.”

I sniffled, as I smiled at the phone. “Great, what do you want to do?” I asked, instantly going into planning mode.

“Absolutely nothing.” He laughed. “Just stay in bed and hold you.”

“I think I can manage that.”

I went into
Songbirds
that evening just before opening time. I didn’t have to work, but I wanted to speak to Marcus to make sure everything was okay between us. As soon as I walked in the door, I knew they weren’t.

He looked up at me as I walked over to the bar, but he didn’t hug me, and he could barely manage a smile.

“Can I talk to you, Marcus, please?” I asked, pointing towards the back room.

“Um, I’m kinda busy right now, Tara. Can it wait?” He couldn’t even look at me as he spoke.

“No, it can’t wait. We need to sort this out.”

He paused for a moment, and then resignedly nodded his head and ushered me down the hall.