Sorority Girls With Guns (18 page)

“
What?” I ask her.

“
We have to buy ketchup, too,” she whines.

I roll my eyes. “You've been reading thrifty blogs, but you guys haven't been thinking outside the box, have you?”

“
What do you mean?” Tiffany asks, as I start for the checkout line.

“
It means, we might need ketchup, but we don't have to buy it.” I point at the junk-food slophouse at the front of the store. “They have all kinds of tiny ketchup packets, and I bet they won't even notice if we all just take two.”

“
Isn't that stealing?” Tiffany asks.

“
Not really,” I say. “There's no sign up that says those condiments are for customers only. I looked on the way in.”

“
Yeah, I don't think they'd care unless we were taking, like, ten a piece,” Morgan says. “Besides, we've eaten there before, so technically, we are customers.”

“
That's right – I had a hot dog at the one back home just last week!” Tiffany says.

Morgan sighs as we reach the checkout line. “I just wish we didn't have to eat veggie burgers so we could get nice clothes. This really sucks.”

“
No, I'm grateful to the universe that we're getting such a good deal on food, even if it does taste like crap,” Tiffany says. “Besides, I think our trip to the outlet mall was actually a success.”

“
Are you high?” Morgan asks. “We couldn't find anything in our size that wasn't defective.”

“
No, but did you hear what the clerk said?” Tiffany asks, showing the cashier her phone so he can scan the coupon. “About Feebayers? Maybe that's the universe's way of telling us how to solve our problem. Richard
did
say we could earn money, as long as we didn't use our family connections to get a job. How about buying some of that outlet crap and selling it on Feebay?”

“
Well, the clerk said people are always returning stuff they bought on Feebay,” I say, handing Tiffany my three dollars so she can pay the cashier. “So it doesn't sound like they're too successful.”

“
But some people make a lot of money selling on Feebay,” Morgan says, as we make a beeline for the cafeteria. She snags three ketchup packets and walks off quickly.

I follow suit, with Tiffany trailing behind me. “Yeah, I had to do a report about it for Econ last year.”

“
Your professor made everyone do an Econ report for the class? I had Dr. Haynes and he made it an optional thing for extra credit,” Morgan says.

Tiffany and I stare her down. “Oh, right,” she says, stuffing her hands in her pockets. “Well, let's go home and cook this crap.”

                                                                    
***

   “
This veggie burger tastes like something food eats, and we still don't have that much money left to spend on clothes,” Morgan complains, rolling up her second ketchup packet so she can squeeze the last drop out of it.

“
I'm grateful that we have food to eat,” Tiffany says, although she's wrinkling her nose at her half-eaten veggie burger, too. “There are so many starving people in the world.”

“
Yeah, and back before we went on this
budget
,” I say, pointedly, since we can't mention the bet in our video. “We had a lot more money to donate to those people. We used to collect canned food for the homeless shelter every week, remember?”

“
You're right,” Morgan says around a mouthful of veggie burger. “We'd all buy at least two cans a week for the sorority house collection, and if no one else brought any, we'd go get a few more.”

“
And I always put some in your collection box when I came over,” I say.

“
But now that we're on a budget, we can't afford it,” Morgan finishes. “So the world was actually a better place before we were...on a green budget.”

Tiffany sighs. “You know, we could still take all that money we were going to spend on clothes and use it to buy food for the homeless.”

Morgan and I stare at her for a moment. I break the silence. “You want to spend your clothing fund on donations, Tiffany? Go ahead.” I point to my cell phone. “We're recording here.”

Tiffany sighs. “Well, I've donated a lot in the past, and I will again in the future. I'm sure missing a week or two won't hurt anything.”

“
Yeah, that last box of food we brought over ought to last them a while,” Morgan says. “Besides, I'm thinking about donating the rest of these veggie burgers.”

“
I saw a coupon earlier for two dollars off two cans of soup,” I say. “It's a brand that's only a dollar a can anyway. We'll get some and donate them on our next trip to the store, and we'll be going green by using coupons scanned from our phone.”

“
Meanwhile, why don't we go back to the Feebay idea?” Tiffany asks. “If we could make money doing that, we could afford to buy clothes and donate to the less fortunate.”

“
Maybe, depending on how much we make,” I say. “Not everyone gets rich selling online, you know. I remember from that report I had to do for that boring Econ class – not everything sells well on Feebay, at least not anymore. You have to find items that are in high demand and are hard for people to find, at least in some areas of the country.”

“
And we wouldn't get our money immediately, right?” Morgan asks. “How does that work, anyway? They send us a check?”

“
No, they use something called Payout. The money goes into your account as soon as the buyer clicks pay.” I finish off my veggie burger and dig through my suitcase for my Oreo stash. “These were on sale for $2.50 the day we left for our trip,” I explain to Morgan's raised eyebrows. “Want one?”

She and Tiffany both grab one. Or four.

“
So if we bought something and sold it today, we'd get the money today?” Tiffany asks.

I sigh. “It's not that simple. Most things don't sell the first day. Especially at a profitable price. And if you don't already have an account set up, it can take several days just to get your checking account and credit card verified...”

“
You have an account though, right?” Tiffany scrunches up her face. “You bought something for your Halloween costume on there, right? The hairpiece?”

“
Yeah, that's right.” I went as Dolly Parton. “And I actually sold some stuff on there last year, after Brad dumped me. You know how he used to always give me dumb gifts that clearly displayed how little he understood me? I sold every one of those stupid things on there just to annoy him.”

“
Even the ice cream maker?” Morgan asks.

I roll my eyes. “That was the first thing I sold. I can't believe he expected
me
to make him ice cream. What an idiot. I only got ten bucks plus shipping for the damn thing.”

“
And that corset thing he expected you to wear?” Tiff asks.

“
I know.” I shove the Oreos back in my suitcase before my friends can clean me out. “Seriously, do I look like the type of woman who wants to squeeze herself in a corset just so some guy can spend twenty minutes getting me out of it? What about that sounds like a turn-on?”

“
Nothing.” Morgan looks plaintively at the suitcase as I zip it closed. “How much did you get for it?”

“
Actually, almost twenty-five.” I take a sip of water, from a plastic cup provided by the oh-so-generous management of Motel One. I've refilled it three times today, every time on camera to demonstrate how green-friendly I am.  “Apparently, someone out there thinks it's a turn-on.”

“
So you have an account set up and you can sell stuff.” Tiffany pulls out her cell phone. “I have pics of everything we saw at the outlet mall. Let's see what we can get for it.”

“
Clothing is one of the hardest categories,” I say, but I pick up my own phone and open the Feebay app. “It has to be the right brand, in the right size, and sometimes only certain styles and colors do well.”

“
See how much Rock Revival jeans are going for,” Tiffany says, her good mood refusing to surrender.

“
Okay, women's size four?” I pull up an advanced search, which will show me what items actually sold for, if they sold at all. “Hmm...let's see....$45, $46.50, $67.00, $52.03, $49.99,  $54.70, $48.00...”

“
Hang on.” Morgan's fingers fly over her phone, and I assume she's pushing the calculator app to its limits. “That's an average sale price of $57.89.”

Tiffany's eyebrows disappear under her bangs, which is probably a good thing, since she hasn't had them plucked in almost a week. “That's like, an eighteen dollar profit! Let's go back to that mall right now!”

“
Whoa, wait a second.” I toss my phone on the bed. “Most of those sellers had a higher feedback number than me. Some people will pay more for a seller with a longer, better track record. Also, you're not figuring profit right. First, you have to add tax.”

“
That's almost ten percent.” Morgan shrugs. “Say $44.00 for our cost then. That's still an almost fourteen dollar profit margin. Wait – do we pay shipping or does the buyer do that?”

“
The buyer usually does, unless you choose to offer free shipping,” I say. “Prices usually go a little higher on free shipping items, but you lose more of your profit margin. And there's no guarantee we'd get more with free shipping, so I wouldn't recommend that.”

“
Okay, so we won't do free shipping,” Tiffany says. “That way we can keep all fourteen dollars profit.”

“
That's an average,” I remind her.”One of those pairs of jeans only went for $42, which would be below our acquisition cost.”

Tiffany frowns. “Why is someone selling so cheap if they're losing money?”

“
It's possible they found those same jeans somewhere  for a lot cheaper than $39.99,” I say. “Or they could be a gift someone doesn't want.”

“
Idiot.” Morgan snorts.

“
Or they could have shoplifted those jeans.”

“
Yeah, well, that would lose us the bet,” Tiffany mumbles, covering her button.

“
So, we'd need to get at least $44,” Morgan says. “Since the average sale price is $51.99-”

“
But we haven't gotten to the biggest problem yet,” I say. “Have you ever heard of a final value fee?”

Tiffany stares at me blankly. Morgan winces. “I have a feeling I'm not going to like this,” she says. “What is it, two or three percent?”

“
In clothing and most of the popular categories, it's almost fifteen percent,” I say.

I see the wheels turning behind Morgan's blue eyes. “$37.40!” she yells. “If we sold for $44, we'd only make $37.40, so we'd actually lose $6.60!”

“
Noooo!” Tiffany wails, flopping onto her bed face down. “How does anyone make any fucking money with this thing?”

“
By buying stuff for way less than the prices we saw at that outlet,” I say. “Or dumpster diving. Apparently, some dumb rich people throw away some really good stuff. And that would be very, very green.” I've actually been planning this since I came up with the idea, but I was going to wait a few days. Since Tiffany got started on the Feebay idea, we might as well start now.

Morgan frowns. “Most people I know donate stuff instead of throw it away.”

“
That's the other thing,” I say. “You can sometimes buy stuff at thrift stores and sell at a profit.”

“
Thrift stores!” Tiffany sits up, like a zombie rising from the dead on one of those stupid CW shows. “I didn't even think of that when I went shopping before our trip!”

Morgan looks at her watch. “We don't have time to go before the party.”

“
No, but we could go tomorrow.” Tiffany looks at her suitcase. “I guess I can find something to wear tonight.”

“
I'll Google the nearest thrifts,” I say, closing the Feebay app. “You have to remember though, not all thrifts have a lot of great stuff to sell. Some mostly have worthless mart-store stuff.”

Morgan's eyes go wide. “You're right. We don't want to hit the ones in this area, we want to find a wealthy area with a lot of rich people and visit the nearest thrift shop to that!”

“
You're right.” I stop, my finger poised above the screen. “I know how to do that, too. We learn how to find the richest areas in marketing. It'll take some research, but I can find the best thrift within, say twenty miles.”

“
It'll be a road trip for tomorrow!” Tiffany says.

“
Yeah.” I put down my phone. “Let's just hope they have a lot of good stuff, or else we'll just be wasting money on gas.”

“
I'm sure they'll have great stuff,” Tiffany says. “If I think good thoughts, good things will happen!”