Soufflés at Sunrise (24 page)

“He is a bit better. More of a range.” Chase couldn’t argue that. Kai was an amazing pastry chef.

“Then let’s go with him. Sexy name, pretty guy, good chef. Can’t lose.”

Chase heard a grumble of agreement.

“Are we signed off on that choice?” Tommy asked. “If so, I can take it to Basil and the other judges, get it all locked in.”

One of the people in the room cleared his throat. “Are they going to fight us like the judges did last season?” he asked.

“No. That was… unfortunate. The judge had a personal stake in that contestant. I don’t think we’ll have any problems this time. Nicolette’s been hopped up on oxys most of the season, She’s too looped to give a shit. Basil’s more interested in furthering his career than any of the contestants, and Emilio won’t want to make waves.”

Chase couldn’t believe what he was hearing. They were just picking who won? Talking about how one of the judges was so high that she barely knew them. Jesus. When did the levels of bullshit end?

Chairs scraped on the floor, and Chase knew he had to get out of there before one of them saw him in the hallway. He walked quickly but silently on his trainers until he was out of the hallway and in the main kitchen area. It was empty except for Kai.

“Hey. You okay?” he asked, his eyes narrowing with concern. “You look like a fucking ghost.”

It wasn’t bad for their first words since his lame little “hey” on Friday after the challenge. Chase spoke before he had time to even think about it.

“We need to talk. Let’s get on the shuttle, and I’ll tell you what just happened when we get back to the condo.”

On the shuttle, Kai kept quiet, stared ahead with his earbuds in his ears and didn’t talk to anyone. He looked nervous. Chase felt bad about what he was about to do. He hadn’t really talked to Kai in the past few weeks, and this was their first real conversation other than the one where Chase shot him down?

They’re cheating to make sure you win. It’s all rigged.
Chase didn’t know how he was going to say it.

H
E
STILL
didn’t know what to say when he and Kai were alone in their room, each on his own bed facing the other. Chase gripped the comforter and took a deep breath for courage.

“Listen, I just overheard something, I’m really damn sure I wasn’t supposed to hear it and I’ve been trying to figure out if I should tell you or not. If it was me, I’d want to know, so yeah. I’m going to tell you.”

Kai looked confused. Chase didn’t blame him. He’d be confused too if someone came up to him all dramatic like that. It had taken him all of a minute of self-torture to realize he wouldn’t want to be kept in the dark. So he told him. That the suits decided ahead of time who they wanted on their pretty posters and all over their website. That it was fixed every year. That Kai was their lucky choice that time.

“Fuck!” Kai exclaimed as soon as Chase finished talking.

“Yeah,” he said. “Fuck.”

Kai clearly needed to pace, so Chase stayed on his bed and tucked his feet up underneath himself, giving Kai plenty of space.

“What the fuck is going on? This is what I’ve wanted ever since I moved here, you know?” Kai said, clearly building up to a good rant. “I’ve worked my
ass
off to get this far, and now I’m given it—what—because they think it would make good TV? A pretty poster? Fuck that, Chase. Fuck that. I’m a
chef
.”

“You’ve earned this,” Chase said quietly.

“No shit,” Kai snapped. “You’re damn right I have. But I want to win this in a fair fight. I want to win because I beat the best, not because they like my face.”

He collapsed onto the bed next to Chase and dropped his head to Chase’s shoulder. “What the fuck am I going to do?”

Chase twisted enough to press a kiss to Kai’s head. He didn’t know what made him do it, but it felt right. Kai needed him, and all of a sudden that trumped anything they’d argued about. He didn’t know what the hell he’d do if he were in Kai’s position. “You’re going to go and win
Burned
.”

“No,” he said softly. “I don’t think I am.”

“No?”

“I wouldn’t win this in a fair fight, Chase.”

“What do you mean?”

Chase twisted in his seat, almost worried at what Kai was going to suggest next. This was dangerous territory for both of them. “We all
know who’s the best, and it’s not me.”
Polly.
She’d been slowly
showing everyone that she knew exactly what she was doing. She had the whole time.

“What does that mean, though? For you or for her.”

Kai shrugged like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I want to throw the competition.”

Chase kissed him. Hard.

“L
ISTEN
,” K
AI
said. “I’d still really like to talk to you. About
everything that happened.”

The poor guy looked like he was about to pass out, so Chase nodded, knowing one kiss was not going to be enough to fix everything they’d been through in the past few weeks. Despite all the bullshit, this was
Kai
, and all of the feelings Chase had developed for him hadn’t gone away.

“Sure,” Chase said carefully.

“Really?” Kai sounded shocked. That wasn’t surprising really. Chase had been throwing off any attempt Kai had made to talk to him for days now.

“Yeah, of course.”

“Wow. That came out of nowhere.” Kai still looked shocked. He was probably waiting for Chase to take it back.

“Yeah, I guess I’m ready for us to move on from this deep freeze. In whatever way we need to do that.” He smiled at his knees. “I guess that’s why I kissed you.”

“Hey,” Kai said, like an idea had just come to him. “Why don’t we go back to my place this weekend? Just to get away from here for a while.”

Chase drew back a little. “Isn’t it a bit soon for that? I mean, there’s still a lot for us to talk about. I don’t want to rehash old arguments, but….”

“Okay.” Kai took a deep breath, blew it out, then pushed his hair back from his face. “I’m listening. Seriously.”

For a few moments, Chase fiddled with a loose thread on the knee of his jeans. Then he looked up, trying to gauge Kai’s mood, how he’d react. The last thing Chase wanted was more arguing, more stress and pain and angry words. That wasn’t what they were supposed to be about.

“I know why we’re both here,” he said, then laughed a little at how philosophical he’d gotten. “It’s a competition. We both came here to win, and I’ve always respected that about you. You play for keeps, you know?”

“Chase—” Kai started, then stopped and shook his head. “Sorry. Go on.”

“You’re a fantastic chef, Kai. You deserve to win this thing. But it felt like you were willing to stomp all over me to get that title, despite everything that was happening between us. And then that made me wonder if our relationship—or whatever it is that we have together—is something you manufactured to keep me down and stop me from beating you.”

“Shit,” Kai muttered, the sound harsh. “Shit. I didn’t do that, Chase. I swear—”

“I know,” Chase said. “I know. But it felt that way.”

Kai took a deep breath, let it out noisily. “You’re right about a lot of things,” he said. “I’m an arrogant dick half the time. I promise you, though, I never used you to try and win this competition. What I have—had—with you, it’s nothing to do with
Burned
. I promise.”

“Okay,” Chase said softly.

“Being with you, the way we were, it sort of brought out a lot of my insecurities. That connection we have? In the bedroom? I’ve never felt like that before. I’ve never let anyone see me that vulnerable. When you came out of your shell in the ice cream challenge, I felt like I’d been ripped open and anyone could see the person I become when you fuck me.”

“Do you even hear yourself?” Chase said, his voice suddenly hot. “Do you hear how stupid that sounds?”

“Yes!” Kai cried, throwing his hands in the air. “Yes. It sounds ridiculous. I know that.”

“I’m not trying to make light of your insecurities here, but Kai….”

“I’m sorry, Chase,” Kai said. He grabbed both of Chase’s hands and squeezed them gently until Chase looked up at him. “I’m so sorry. I hurt you and I didn’t mean to.”

Chase rubbed his thumbs back and forth across Kai’s hands. “Thank you. For saying that.”

Kai leaned in and dropped his head back to Chase’s shoulder, taking a deep breath of Chase’s warm, comforting scent.

“Kai?” Chase asked.

“Hmm?”

“Who do you
want
to win? Me or you?”

“We don’t even get a choice in that,” Kai said.

“That’s not what I asked you.”

Kai looked at Chase, then shook his head. “I don’t want me to win, and I don’t want you to win. It’s not about that. I want my food to be judged against your food, and I want whoever is
best
to win. Like I said to you before, we’re equals in that kitchen, even if we’re not in the bedroom.”

Chase smiled slowly, then leaned in to brush his lips over the corner of Kai’s mouth. “Let’s go to your place for the weekend, yeah?”

C
HASE
COULDN
’
T
believe how relieved he was to be back in Kai’s apartment. It seemed like another lifetime ago that they were here together, happy, no drama. He wanted that back. A big part of him wondered why the hell he’d waited so long to try to get it. Whatever it was, that was over and he was with Kai, and things, hopefully, were back to normal. Chase didn’t know what would happen in bed, if they’d even get to that place, but he knew he’d be happy with cuddling, maybe some talking, cooking each other dinner with the food they’d bought from the market on the way. If that was all that happened, Chase figured he’d be happy with it.

“You wanna make dinner first?” Kai asked. He still looked really unsure of himself. Chase hadn’t meant for that to happen; he’d just been processing things at his own pace.

“Yeah, let’s make dinner. You in charge of the fish?” he asked.

“I was going to. You want a macadamia crust?”

Chase smiled. “You said that’s the way your grandma makes it, right?”

“All the time. She’s the one who taught me how when I was a kid.”

“Then macadamia crust it is. It sounds delicious.”

They cooked and ate and reconnected. There wasn’t a huge talk; they didn’t really require one, as far as Chase was concerned. It had dragged on too long already, and rehashing things yet again was more likely to drag up bad feelings than resolve them. Time to move on and make each other happy again.

Chase didn’t want to wallow in the anger anymore anyway. Yeah, part of him did, wanted to hold Kai down and make him listen, but sometimes that wasn’t what he needed, and after so long, all he wanted was to touch, connect skins, feel everything. Kai came out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his hips. He’d dropped weight since the beginning of the season—ironic since they spent their days making sweets, but he was gorgeous still, and Chase had missed him. They didn’t have many days left to make up for lost time, but Chase was planning to take advantage of every single one.

T
HE
WEEKEND
was idyllic. Far less awkward than Chase would’ve thought after nearly three weeks of barely speaking. It was like that one hug opened the floodgates and he and Kai went right back to the way they were… after a good night in bed, that was. Chase couldn’t believe how much he’d missed it. Actually, he could. What he really couldn’t believe was how long he’d gone without Kai’s laugh, or his hugs, or the way he whimpered when Chase sank into his body. He was so relieved to have it back. It was like part of his body knew there’d been something wrong, but he didn’t even realize it until it was right again.

Sunday came way too fast. They had to get back to the studio that night, but Chase wanted one more trip to the beach. He had felt closest to Kai there, or, well, in Kai’s bedroom, where everything could fall away like it didn’t exist. But there was something about the crashing water and the warm air, the smell of saltwater and the distance stretching ahead of them as far as either could see, that just made things seem easier. He and Kai packed up the car with their belongings to take back to the condo. They’d decided to stay at the beach as long as they could and grab some dinner on the way back in that night.

Chase felt it as soon as his feet hit the sand. His flip-flops were off, and his hoodie too, even though the day was more balmy than truly warm.

“You happy to be here?” Kai asked.

“I love this place. I really missed it.” Chase had almost tried to find a way out there on his own during the past few weeks when he’d needed to think, when there had been too much and too many people around him. But somehow it hadn’t seemed right without Kai next to him, so he’d gone up to the roof or stewed in their room facing the wall with his back to Kai. Chase felt so much better. So much better.

“What do you want to do today?” Kai asked. “I have a Frisbee, or we can set up the volleyball net that’s in my car.”

“Maybe later,” Chase said. He reached out and wound his fingers through Kai’s. “I just want to hang out with you for a while, if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, of course.” Kai smiled and scooted closer. He’d been really clingy all weekend. It was cute, Chase had to admit, that strong, feisty Kai felt like he had to cling to Chase and get closer.

“You know, we’re going to be okay,” Chase said. “I’m okay with what happened.”

Kai kissed his shoulder. “I’m not. I don’t think I’m going to get over it, but I suppose I’ve learned my lesson.”

“Don’t let your ego get in the way?” Chase smirked.

“No. That really wasn’t most of it.”

Chase’s eyebrows quirked.
Really? Perhaps we should’ve had this conversation a couple of weeks ago.
“Oh? What was it, then?”

“I was scared.” Kai shrugged. “Yay. A guy was emotionally scared,” he mocked. “Stop the presses. But really. I saw how confident you were that day, how much it reminded me of how you are when we’re, you know, playing. And I loved it. But at the same time, I felt like people could look at me and see how much I like to be controlled sometimes, and it’s the most irrational thing in the whole damn world, but I freaked out.”