Souls of Aredyrah 1 - The Fire and the Light (36 page)

Alicine walked over to him, a skip in her
step. She was practically beaming. Their eyes met and Reiv could
not disguise his trepidation. Alicine’s smile wavered as she turned
her gaze to the jar. For a moment neither said a word, then she
held out her hand.

“Come,” she said. “Let’s sit over there on
the mats.” Her voice sounded cheerful, but cautious. She kept her
hand extended to him, but he did not take it.

“Where is Jensa?” he asked, glancing toward
the door.

“Nannaven sent me home early, so since I’m
here, Jensa left for a while. I think she needed a break from you.”
She laughed.

Reiv nodded, but realized that his lungs had
stalled. What was he so afraid of? It was only Alicine, not—

“Do you want to move over there?” she asked,
motioning to the mats.

He nodded again and studied Alicine’s face.
Golden firelight danced across her cheeks, alerting him to the
unexpected beauty of her features. For a moment his perception of
her blurred, as though she had transformed into someone else and
was luring him through some mysterious female power. He forced his
eyes from her face, only to find them staring at the rich streams
of hair cascading over her breasts. A strange sensation wound
through his body, twisting through every fiber. He forced his lungs
to exhale, but the air escaped raggedly. Before he could think what
he was doing, he reached his hand out to hers and she took it.

They knelt and faced each other on the mat,
Reiv looking nervously at the gloved hands splayed across his
thighs, Alicine at the bottle of salve clutched within her own.
Neither spoke, muted by the awkwardness of the situation. Reiv
stirred restlessly. There was still time to change his mind. He
could simply get up and run full speed out the door.

“You’ll have to take them off,” Alicine said,
motioning to the gloves.

A million fears flooded his mind. He did not
attempt to remove the gloves. He did not have the courage.

“Here, let me,” Alicine said, taking one of
his hands in hers. She tugged gently at the glove, but he balled
his fist and tried to pull it from her. She held fast, as if
waiting for him to reconsider. He swallowed, then cautiously
relaxed his fingers. One by one she opened them, until his hand lay
unmoving in hers. Then she removed the glove.

Reiv went cold at the realization of Alicine
looking at his hand, his hideous, deformed, impure hand. His eyes
shot to hers, expecting to see horror there or pity. But he saw
neither. She was looking at his hand as if she had seen it a
thousand times. He frowned at the mottled hand cradled in her
perfect one and felt as though he were going to be ill. He bit back
a moan but did not remove his hand. He found he could not move at
all.

Alicine took his other hand and removed the
second glove, then reached for the jar at her side and opened it.
She dipped out some of the sweetly scented ointment and held one of
his hands in hers, then massaged the thick lubricant into it.

He winced. “I can do it myself,” he said.

“I know, but I need to see how the treatment
reacts to your skin.”

Reiv watched as Alicine’s slender fingers
caressed his badly damaged ones, working the lotion in between
them, massaging the tender skin and tight muscles. He thought her
hands must be soft, though he could not know for certain. So many
parts of his hands were numb from the injuries, and of those parts
not numb, he usually felt only discomfort. But he had not forgotten
what it felt like to be touched so tenderly. He knew the pleasure
touch could bring. He closed his eyes as his thoughts returned to
Cinnia.

Cinnia had touched his hands many times, and
he found himself imagining her doing so now. He recalled the feel
of her hand in his, the featherlike touch of her fingertips as they
explored his body, the softness of her lips as they brushed across
his. He had always taken pleasure in Cinnia’s touch, just as she
had always taken pleasure in his. But the touch of her hands and
her lips was all he had ever known of her. It occurred to him that
had they been wed, he would have known so much more of her by now.
He envisioned her in his arms and a lusty passion took root.

The awakenings of his body forced his eyes
open, and he realized it was not Cinnia caressing him so tenderly;
it was Alicine. He thought to pull away from her, to deny it was
even happening, but then his eyes trailed along her arms and up to
her bare shoulders. Her skin was a rich tawny gold, nothing like
Cinnia’s, and he found himself fascinated by it. His gaze moved to
her lips, and he watched them, imagining how they might feel
against his. He told himself not to think of her that way, to turn
his thoughts away. But the power of her femininity was far greater
than any power he had within himself. Cinnia was gone from his
life, but Alicine was not. She was here; she was now. He squeezed
her hand in his. “Alicine,” he whispered.

Alicine blushed and looked away. She
attempted to remove her hand, but this time it was he who held
fast.

Reiv leaned in closer and felt Alicine’s warm
breath upon his face. He reached out to her, but then he hesitated.
She would surely be revolted by his touch, and he did not know if
he could bear it. To his complete surprise, she took his hand in
hers and raised it to her cheek.

Reiv cupped Alicine’s face in his hands and
stared into her eyes. He felt as if he were falling. He clenched
his jaw with determination, but it was hopeless; he could not
distance himself from the bottomless pit into which he was
plunging. He brushed his lips across hers, his kiss soft and
gentle. To his delight, she returned it. Then his passion
intensified, and he kissed her hard and deep. He ran his hands down
her neck and along her shoulders, entwining his fingers in her
hair, willing himself to feel the silkiness of it.

He moved his mouth to her neck, tasting her
skin, breathing her scent. His senses blurred, and his mind raced.
He felt her lips searching for his, and he met them with a desire
he had not felt in a long time. For a moment he was terrified it
was only a dream, and yet he prayed more than anything that it was.
He knew he should stop, that he had to stop, but she was kissing
him back. Didn’t that mean she wanted him? His body reacted to the
thought of it, and he leaned further into her, wrapping her in his
arms, drinking in the pleasure of her. It all felt so familiar.

“Cin . . .” he whispered, tracing his lips
along her bare shoulder.

Her hands moved between their bodies and
inched their way up his chest. His heart raced wildly at her touch.
He felt her palms press against him, pushing with gentle effort. At
first he did not recognize her signal, or perhaps he only denied
it. She was telling him to stop, but he felt desperate to ignore
it. The needs of his body were more powerful than his common
sense.

“Please . . .” he whispered as he pressed his
body to hers.

He felt her tense then, and she shoved her
hands against him with a strength he could no longer deny. She did
not want him. He realized then that she was shaking, and her eyes
were wide as though in terror of him. He stared at her, breathless
and bewildered, then leaned away in sudden self-loathing. What was
he doing? How could he have forced himself on her like that? He
felt overwhelming shame consume him. He had misunderstood. He had
gone too far. He struggled to his feet. “Alicine. Forgive me.”

Her chest rose and fell rapidly. “I’m—I’m
sorry if you thought—but you said it yourself,” she said. “Sin. And
it is a sin, outside of marriage I mean.”

At first Reiv didn’t know how to respond,
then he realized he had called her ‘Cin’. He shook his head and
backed away. “That is not what I meant. I mean, when I said ‘Cin’ I
was thinking of—” He stopped mid-sentence as his mind scrambled.
Was it better that she think he had spoken another’s name during
the heat of passion, or that somehow he was taking pleasure in the
idea of committing a sin? Then he realized it didn’t matter either
way. There could never be a future between them. Neither of them
belonged here, she least of all. She was only here for Dayn, and it
would be Dayn she stayed or left for, not him.

“I am sorry,” he said, his voice strangely
level. “I should not have done it. Not with you. Never with you.”
He hated the words as he spoke them. He wasn’t even sure he
believed them, but he had to make sure that she did.

“I have to go,” he said, and bolted through
the door and into the gathering darkness.

* * * *

Dayn walked through the door and froze,
startled by the sight of his sister kneeling before the hearth,
sobbing into her hands.

“Alicine? What’s wrong?” He rushed over and
knelt to face her. She lowered her hands and turned her face
away.

“Alicine, tell me.” He glanced at the jar by
her side, then noticed the gloves lying on the floor nearby. A
mixture of fear and fury grabbed his gut. “Did something happen
with Reiv?”

For a moment she did not respond, then she
took a gulping breath and said, “Don’t be concerned. I offered Reiv
an ointment for his hands. That’s all.” She picked up the jar with
a trembling hand and placed the lid back on it.

“What happened?”

“He, I mean, I helped him take off his gloves
and—”

“He
let
you?”

“It was—difficult. But I managed to convince
him.”

“And?” Dayn persisted.

“And I treated them with some salve.”

“So why are you crying?”

“His hands, Dayn. It’s so sad what he’s had
to endure.”

Dayn grew silent as he scanned her face, her
neck, and her shoulders. His face grew hot.

“What is it?” Alicine asked, shifting her
eyes from the intensity of his gaze.

“Your face,” he said, but it sounded more
like an accusation than a statement.

Alicine wiped the back of her hand across her
cheek, smearing the ointment that lingered there. “Oh, it’s from my
own hands, nothing more.”

But the shine of it wasn’t just on her
face.

“Did he touch you?” Dayn asked, his voice
rising at the thought of it.

“Dayn, please.”

“He did! He touched you!” He rose abruptly
and stormed toward the door. “He’ll rue the day he dared touch my
sister!”

“No, Dayn, wait!” Alicine threw herself out
to stop him.

Dayn stopped and turned, shocked by the
despair in her voice, alarmed by the sight of her desperation. He
hurried back and put his arm around her, then guided her up and
over to the stool.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I won’t leave. I
promise.”

“I want to go home, Dayn. I want to go back
to Kirador.”

“Back to Kirador?” Dayn choked, startled by
her unexpected announcement. Surely she didn’t want to go back now;
they had only just arrived. She had to give him more time. He shook
his head. “I can’t go back. Not yet. Please.”

Alicine grabbed his hands in hers. “We don’t
belong here, Dayn. We’re too different.”

“I’m not different here. It’s only in Kirador
that I’m different.”

“But you belong with us. You belong with your
family. It doesn’t matter where you were born, does it? What
matters is that Father and Mother love you and that I love you. You
belong with us.”

“But Brina loves me, too.”

“She barely knows you,” Alicine snapped.
“Besides, where is she? She’s not here, and likely never will
be.”

“She’s my mother, Alicine. My true mother.
Are you implying she doesn’t care?”

“No. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” Alicine
stood and stepped away, her back turned to him. “I just want to go
home.”

“Alicine, you know I would do anything for
you, and I promise you will return home. I’ll take you there
myself, I swear. Just, please, not yet.”

Dayn held his breath. Would she accept that?
Would she be willing to cling to that promise for just a while
longer? Or would she insist that they leave now? And if she did
insist that they leave, how could he possibly refuse her?

Alicine stared out, her face void. “All
right, Dayn,” she finally said. “We’ll stay. For a while.” She
wiped the wetness from her face. “I’m sorry I upset you. It was
selfish of me. I know it’s too soon.”

Relief flooded through him. “I promise,
Alicine, I’ll take you home. I will.”

* * * *

Reiv did not come back that evening, nor did
Jensa. Alicine and Dayn ate silently at the table, neither saying a
word until Nannaven returned. The thick and silent aura of emotion
blanketing the room could not have escaped the Spirit Keeper, but
she asked no questions. She watched the two of them warily, but
went about her business, allowing them to work it through at their
own pace.

It grew late and eventually the two of them
excused themselves to their bedrolls atop the roof. As usual
Alicine tossed and turned, then ended up on her back, staring at
the sky. Across the way Dayn awoke from a disturbing dream and
glanced at his sister, noting the blanket twisted between her feet.
He raised up on one elbow and watched her silently.

He felt movement behind him and turned his
head to focus his eyes in the darkness. It was Reiv, making his way
to his own mat nearby.

“Reiv?” Dayn asked quietly. “Where have you
been?”

Reiv stopped and stiffened his back. He
looked in Dayn’s direction, then turned and knelt down to rearrange
the wool blanket that was his bed. Plopping down onto his back, he
rested his head on his arms and gazed at the stars. “I had some
business to attend to,” he replied after some time.

“What sort of business?” Dayn asked.

Reiv didn’t respond and continued to stare at
the sky.

Dayn sat up. “What sort of business, Reiv?”
he repeated.

Reiv turned to face him. “I will be leaving
in the morning.”