Soulshine (22 page)

Michelle walked alone on the Ottawa streets, pondering what she should do now that she was alone in unfamiliar territory. The staff at Fletcher University Hospital offered to call her a cab to take her where she needed to go. She replied that she was not sure how or when she wanted to go home. There was still the issue of her car. She didn"t even know if she wanted to find out if it was salvageable or not. She thought of simply having the insurance company let her know the status of the vehicle…
but how would they know how to contact me?

Whenever I think of that car, I think of Evan,
she thought as she stopped to look out from a street bridge suspended over a river.
I should probably hate him for turning me into someone destined to go through herlife… year after year for who knows how long… alone. How can I possibly find someone to love me as I am… and how can I bear to watch every friend I make grow old while I stay like this? I hate you, Evan Troy. You said that you would never leave me… but you never said that this might happen. You should have given me all the facts and possibilities before giving me that elixir… and even then… you should have asked my permission.
Michelle then looked to the sky and reflected back to when she was but a young girl in love.
And what would I have done had he said all those things? Probably takenthe elixir, Michelle… that’s what you probably would have done.
Michelle looked down into the river below.
Maybe the drop would kill me before I drown. I feel so all alone.
She hoisted herself up on the wall and felt intimidated by the rapids below.
There’s got to be another way. I drank an elixir to get me into this situation. Maybe I can drink some poison to get me out of this situation. Evan was an experiment. I’m not an experiment. There’s no good reason for me to go on like this.

Michelle walked to the end of the bridge and squeezed herself between the last post of the bridge and the beginning of a chain link fence that made its way down the embankment to the river below. The dirt was thick with brush and she slipped a few times trying to navigate down to the river"s edge. Her last slide brought her to the bottom of the hill with a rush of momentum, as her body ached from dragging against the sticks and stones along her descent, and ended with the tips of her shoes touching the water. Then she cried, more so for the sharp pain in her heart than for the annoying pain on her skin from the fall, went under the bridge, braced herself against the wall, and slowly lowered her head under the water.

There is a fine line between a dream and a nightmare. Sometimes one deep sleep can produce a mixture of both dream and nightmare. Chemicals reside in the human brain, and the brain consists of distinct areas where short-term and long-term memories are kept separate from each other. Intense dreaming can cause the chemicals from these two areas to inter-mingle, causing images and scenarios uniting unlikely memories dwelling deep inside the subconscious, like people who are long dead with those who are relatively new acquaintances.

The mind, as well as the will and emotions, is also tied to the soul. Evan"s soul was entrenched in a prolonged state of sleep and the images it conjured up caused his sleep to be anything but a period of rest.“Father! Father! Take me to the play! I want to be with you!”

“Of course, Father. How come you never take me anywhere?”
“I… didn"t know you were here. How come you"re young again, Alex? I thought you were…”
“Dead?”
“I brought him to see you perform… since you never bothered to do it.”
“Gerasimos! You"re alive too? How did you get to England? When did you learn to speak English?”
“I"m sharing the elixir with everyone. You were very selfish with the portion you received. It"s a good thing I gave some to Alexander. He told me that you wouldn"t let him or his mother partake of the gift of youth.”
“It… it wouldn"t have been fair to either of them! There was only enough for one.”
“Oh… stop trying to fool your own son. You hid the rest of the elixir after you gave it to… that girl.”
“I… didn"t think there was enough for two. I was even surprised that it worked.”
“Surprised? I told you what to expect. You wanted me to die, didn"t you? Just so you could be the only one with the gift of eternal youth… well, you and that girl.”
“Michelle? Where is she? I want to see her.”
“Did you lose something… or should I say… someone?”
“She… I haven"t met her yet. How do you know her?”
“I have the rest of the elixir. You will never give it to her. She will die… just like your wife and son.”
“Where did Alexander go?”
“He"s dead.”
“He was just here.”
“To live is Christ… and to die is gain. Alexander is at peace. You are neither living nor dying. You shall suffer for eternity for your sin.”
“Paul? Are you judging me? I…”
“Silence! Answer to God!”
“Stop! Leave me alone!” Evan fled from the Royal Shakespeare Theater. He strained for speed but felt like his legs were weighed down. It seemed to take forever to reach the end of the Stratford road. As he took a turn, he found himself at 32 Grove Street in Riverside.
I’m supposed to have dinner here, but it looks like nobody’s home. I better ring the doorbell and see if anyone comes to the door.
“Eric… is it you? Can you hear me? Eric?”
“Yes, I hear you.”

Michelle, cold, wet and shivering, trembled as she placed the collect call with the operator at a phone booth near the bridge. She did not have many coins on her and hoped that the call would be accepted. “Hello?”

“Will you accept a collect call from Michelle Fleming?” said the operator.
“Michelle Fleming? I"m not sure I know a Michelle Fleming.Nova, do you know any Michelle Fleming?”
Michelle"s voice cut in. Her voice cracked. “Sunbeam? Evan and I met you when we were in San Francisco, remember? We"ve written to each other over the years.”
“Soulshine? Hey, Nova, it"s Soulshine! Yes, we"ll take the call.”
“Very well,” said the operator as she removed herself from the call.
“How"s Evan doing, Soulshine? God, we really need to come up with a name for him.”
Michelle sniffled. “That"s one of the reasons why I called, Sunbeam. Evan"s… gone.”
“He left you, honey?”
“No… well, yes… he… died.”
“No way,” gasped Sunbeam. “Hey, Nova! Soulshine"s Evan died. Ain"t that a shame? Is there anything we can do, Soulshine? God, that Evan really loved you. I never saw any guy so in love with agirl.”
“I didn"t know who else to call. I didn"t want to call home. My mother would probably ask me to come home, and I don"t want to go there just in case my father returns.”
“Why"s that, Soulshine? Did your daddy leave your mom?”
Michelle could hardly get the words out. “Oh Sunbeam, it was terrible. My father… shot and killed Evan.”
“Oh wow, that"s heavy, man. Nova! It was her old man that did him in! Honey… where are you? Do you want us to visit you?”
“No… I was thinking of maybe going out to California to see you. I"m in Canada… Ottawato be exact.”
“When did all this happen?”
“This past week. There was a car accident and Evan got rushed to the hospital. As he was being transferred to another hospital, my father found us and… killed him.” Michelle broke down and cried.
“Honey? Soulshine? Hey… remember why he called you Soulshine, alright? You shine, girl. Can you afford a plane ticket to come out here? Just let us know when you get here and we"ll pick you up at the airport. You need friends right now, sweetie.”
“I think I"d like to come out to visit sometime, Sunbeam. I… just need a friend to talk with right
now
. I… almost killed myself tonight.It scares me that I"m even thinking about it. I just don"t see any other way out of my predicament.” Michelle stopped talking as she was not ready to divulge the details of her physical state.
“Oh,no. Well, we"re both glad you didn"t go through with that. Nova… she"s really having a bad time.”
“Tell her she can talk to us any time, Sunbeam,” chimed in Nova. “We love you, Soulshine!”
“Did you hear that, Soulshine?”
“Yes. Tell Nova I said thank you very much.”
“I will. So let"s talk, Soulshine. Better yet… you talk and I"ll listen. That"s what you need.”
“Well… I already told you about my dad and Evan. Sunbeam, I just didn"t know how I was to go on. My life is a mess without Evan. I want to die.”
“Don"t say that, Soulshine. You have so much to live for. You"ll be okay. You"ve got friends, honey.”
“Don"t worry. As much as I want to die… I could never go through with it. I"m… pregnant. I couldn"t kill an innocent baby growing inside me.”
“Pregnant? That"s… good news. You"ll make a wonderful mom, Soulshine. But… hey… it"s a bummer that the kid will never knowits daddy. But you"re strong enough, Soulshine. You"ll see. Your memories will make Evan very alive to your kid. When is the baby due?”
Michelle hesitated. “I… don"t know. It"s a long way off.”
“Soulshine, do me a favor, will you? Just imagine me giving you a great big hug over the phone, okay? I know it sounds weird, but you need a hug from a friend right now.”
“Thanks, Sunbeam. Just knowing that you care makes me feel better. Maybe I can imagine Evan giving me a big hug.”
“Yeah… yeah… that"s cool, Soulshine. I bet his spirit is hugging you right now. I believe in spirits lately, you know.”
“Sunbeam, I think I know what I need to do now. Listen… if I decide to visit, I will call you and we"ll make plans.”
“Okay… hey, call me anytime. Use the name Soulshine and I"ll remember right away. We love you, honey.”
“I love you guys, too. And Sunbeam…?”
“Yeah, Soulshine?”
“Can you please remember the name Michelle? Evan came up with the name Soulshine, and it really is painful to keep hearing it.”
“Okay, Michelle… you got it. Michelle is a pretty name.” Michelle cried. “Honey… are you okay?”
“I will be. It"s just that… Evan always said the same thing aboutmy name… and that Beatle song with my name in it was his favorite song. I guess no matter what you call me, I"ll be thinking of him.”

The voice was strangely familiar to Evan as he regained consciousness. “Well… you responded to the name Eric, didn"t you? I thought it was you.” He focused on the eyes and the smile of the gray-haired lady looking over him as he lay in a bed. He felt as though he drifted from a nightmare into an alternate reality.

“The one and only. You"re looking pretty good… except for that leg.”
“I"m not dreaming now, am I?”
“No… but it sounded like you were having a nightmare just a minute ago.”
“You were in a very deep sleep,” came a voice from the other side of the bed. “The kind of deep sleep that can induce a nightmare. The drugs had a lot to do with that.”
“Who are you?” asked Evan.
“Your keeper… for lack of a better term.”
“I expected a doctor.”
“I guess you could call me that, too. After all… it looks like your treatment is coming alongnicely.”
“What kind of hospital is this? You"re not even dressed like a doctor. You look like a… monk.”
The man chuckled. “I"m just putting on appearances, Evan… or is it Eric?”
Evan looked at Jean. “I guess it"s either. I changed my name to Evan. I… thought it sounded better.”
“Relax… you can be yourself here. Your friend, Jean, helped ensure that you arrived safely in our care.”
“You... you were the volunteer in the hospital… the one that got the stationary and envelopefor me.”
Jean nodded. “They call me Auntie Blue at the hospital. I can"t blame them. I"m old enough to be the aunt of most of the nurses there.”
“Auntie Blue… Jean?”
“I always wore a lot of blue. But what about you? You actually look younger than you did thirty years ago. How did you pull that off? By your account, you should be… oh… about sixty years old.”
“I told you I thought he was closer to twenty back then, Jean,” spoke a new voice entering the room. “But that would put him at around
fifty
today. I must say that you look great for whatever your age is, Eric.”
“It"s Evan,” said the monk. “Eric was just a passing phase. I"m not aware of his original name, but I am pretty sure it is Greek. Am I right, Evan?”
Evan looked at the two men. “Bryan… Bryan Moore! And who are you?”
“I"m Brother Hawkings… Oliver Hawkings. At least that"s
my
latest moniker. I don"t change mine nearly as much as you change yours, however. So you recognize Mr. Moore?”
“Hello, Eric… or should I call you Evan? The last time I saw you, I was on my way up to New Brunswick for a magazine article. When I came back, you had moved out and nobody knew where you went.”
“Sorry about that, Bryan. It… was a spur of the moment decision, and I had no way of contacting you. You were going up to meet some benevolent monks, if I recall.”
“He certainly did,” said Oliver. “Bryan is a most engaging fellow. While here, in the course of conversation, he happened to mention a friend in New York that he had known for a number of years who maintained a youthful appearance… and the age he was passing himself off as did not seem to fit.”
“The gray coloring around the temples just didn"t convince me,” said Bryan. “But of course I gave you the benefit of the doubt.”
“So you drove all the way up to New Brunswick just to talk aboutme to the monks?” Evan looked at Oliver. “So am I in New Brunswick? Is this the place you went to visit, Bryan?”
“Yes… and yes,” said Oliver.
“Eric… Evan, I really did come up here to do the article on the Brother"s Keepers Hermitage. But you know me… I love to talk about everything. I probably mentioned you to dozens of people duringthe years we shared that apartment… but when I happened to mention you to Brother Hawkings, something just clicked in his head.”
“Don"t get Bryan wrong, Evan,” said Oliver. “I didn"t let on to Bryan. I just silently wondered and thought nothing else about it after Bryan left to return to New York.”
“Then I brought the whole subject up again just this past week,” said Jean.
“Yes,” said Oliver. “Luckily for you, your friend Jean was in the right place at the right time… faithfully volunteering at Ottawa General Hospital.”
Evan looked at Jean. “
You
just happened to be in Ottawa?”
“I"ve lived in Ottawa for years, Eric. You don"t mind that I call you Eric,do you?”
“No… if it makes it easier for you. Though I prefer Evan. I made a promise to someone that I would not change my name again.”
“Would that be the young girl that was with you in the hospital?”
“Yes… Michelle. Where is she?”
“She"s not here,” said Jean without looking Evan in the eyes.
“Not here? But she was going to ride in the ambulance that I was in and the older lady…
you
… were the one escorting her to the ambulance.”
Jean got the courage to look Evan in the eyes. “We"ll discuss that in a minute. You had asked how I happened to be in Ottawa.”
“I want to know where my… wife is.”
“Your… wife? We need to talk, Eric. She"s a minor. How can she be…?”
“She is
not
.”
“Let me fill in the blanks for you before we talk about Michelle. Do you recall me telling you years ago that I was raised in Ontario?”
“Yes.”
“Well, my family lived in Ottawa. After my father died, my mother started taking ill, so I moved back up to Ottawa about ten years ago. I started volunteering at the hospital and stayed there even after my mother passed away.”
“That explains your presence at the hospital.”
“Yes… it was purely coincidence. Anyway… Bryan and I always kept in touch… and when you were admitted… I did a double and a triple take. I couldn"t believe my eyes. Then I dismissed the thought… figuring that it couldn"t possibly be you… especially after I checked the name on the roster… Evan Troy. But the next time I talked to Bryan, I happened to mention the uncanny resemblance.”
“But,” said Bryan. “I still didn"t suspect it was really you... even when Jean mentioned that the patient was in a strange yet terrible state of unexplained decomposition. The doctors were stumped, according to her, so naturally I thought of Brother Hawkings and the Brother"s Keepers. They had done so much marvelous medical work, I wondered if they could possibly be able to help this young man named Evan Troy.”
“You just happened to recall these monks after twenty- something years?” questioned Evan.
“Not at all,” explained Oliver. “Bryan and I had been conversing over the years by telephone. He always wanted to return for a follow-up story, but… I was reluctant to have him visit again so I kept putting him off… but we
did
keep in constant contact. You, above all people, understand not wanting to maintain visual contact with someone over a long period of time, don"t you, Evan?”
Evan squirmed. “You seem to know a lot about me, Brother Hawkings.”
“Let"s just say I understand very well, Evan.”
Bryan interruptedto continue the story. “So when I happened to mention the coincidence that Jean noticed… that the patient looked like you… Brother Hawkings put two and two together…”
“And came up with four,” smiled Oliver. “The patient happened to look like a man who did not appear to be aging,
and
the patient"s bodily damage just happened to be causing rapid decomposition. It was a combination we have witnessed firsthand for ourselves.”
“So you kidnapped me.”
“To help you… yes. How are you feeling?”
“To tell you the truth… I"m feeling better than I was when I left in the ambulance. Speaking of the ambulance… I still need to know what happened with Michelle.”
Jean sighed. “I… led her into a different ambulance. Actually, she was in the ambulance you were supposed to be in.”
Evan closed his eyes. “So she was taken to Fletcher University Hospital with no patient in the back of the ambulance?”
“Um… that"s correct.”
“Why?” Evan asked angrily.
“Evan,” offered Oliver gently,“we know a lot more about you than you think we do. The girl could not be brought here. As Jean intimated earlier… isn"t she a bit young for you? I mean… even for your physiological age?”
“Brother Hawkings… I"m in love with that girl. No… I"m in love with that
woman
. Love has no boundaries. Who is man to judge another man"s love?”
“Are you saying that all of Christianity comes down to loving God and loving humanity without shame?”
“As a matter of fact… yes.”
“Aha! Spoken in the true spirit of Eustace Tewksbury!”
Michelle hailed a cab and had the driver take her to the Ottawa airport.
It’s a good thing Evan had me hold all our money for safe keeping before he was transferred to Fletcher University Hospital,
she thought as she entered the terminal. The ticket lines, as usual, were long. Yet, due to her mind still racing from what seemed like a terrible nightmare, she hardly noticed the time go by before she was at the front of the line.
“May I help you?”
“Yes… are there any flights to Providence?”
“Rhode Island… in the States?” asked the ticket person.
“Yes.”
“Not anytime soon. There is a flight to Boston in a few hours.”
Michelle thought about the close proximity of Boston to Providence. She had never really had to concern herself with geography, since her family rarely went on trips together and Evan knew enough on the subject for both of them during the time they embarked on a life together soon after her high school graduation. But she picked up a lot along the way, and she was rapidly adjusting to being able to take care of herself.
“I"ll take it.”