Sounds of Yesterday (23 page)

“Have you ever fucked him?”

It’s my turn to spit up water.

“You know what, Cindy, it’s getting late.” Tyler stands and grabs his phone, typing something. “Liam, I’m going to have Jordan drive us back.” Liam nods and stares at Cindy with a look that I can only compare to as looking at someone you want to throat punch then kick in the stomach.

Cindy sits up straighter and pierces me with her perfectly made smokey eyes.

“Everyone thinks it. You two are always staring at each other. I just–”

“Cindy.” Tyler stands in front of her. “Get up.”

“I’m talking. Don’t interrupt me.” She rolls her eyes and looks back at me. “I want to know why you have an A plus in his class.”

“Because I know music.” I stand up and grab my purse from the floor. “Not everyone has to get on their knees for an A.” I’ve heard stories of students failing so they seduce their teachers. I’m not one of those girls. The only man I’ll ever seduce is Alex.

“No, they just date a billionaire and have him payoff the professor because his girlfriend sucks
him
off.”

“What is your problem?” I seethe.

“Back the fuck off her you moronic airhead,” Zach growls.

“Get the fuck out of my house.” Liam stands and grabs her purse from the floor, tossing it into her lap. “Don’t ever bring her back here, Ty.”

“Trust me. She won’t be around anymore.”

Cindy stands and shoves Tyler out of her way. “You’re hiding something and I’m going to figure out what it is. There’s something off about you.”

There must be something wrong with my face then because kids from high school said the same thing. I was the loner, the weirdo, the fucking
terrorist
. They tormented me because I was quiet. They seriously thought I was going to harm them when I didn’t give two fucks about them before the rape. After the rape is when they should have been scared. I wanted to punch them in the face until their teeth came out.

“You should focus on studying. Seems you’re failing that class,” I say calmly.

She flips me off and stomps out of the room.

There’s a heavy silence that gets interrupted by our breathing.

“I’m sorry,” Tyler apologizes to me. “You didn’t deserve that.” He walks to the door and adds, “I’ll make sure she leaves.”

Liam grabs a trashcan and starts cleaning up the mess we’ve made. I have no idea what just went down nor do I want to delve into it so I help him.

“Not everyone thinks you screwed him, by the way. Tyler and I just joked about that.”

“He’s Emily’s father, to even joke about it is sick.”

Liam stops himself from throwing an empty water bottle into the trashcan and looks up.

“He’s your
dad
?”

“More like sperm donor. We don’t even like each other.” I grab some food wrappers and crinkle them up, handing them to Liam. “If you could keep that a secret, I’d appreciate it.”

He grabs the wrappers and throws them into the trashcan. “She’s a fucking idiot, if you really think about it. Our exams are online. Cohen grades us on exams and participation.”

“Yeah and the fact that he’d fail me if given the chance doesn’t help her case.”

“I still can’t believe he’s your father.”

Neither can I. The man I called my father walked out on his family and never cared to check up on us. He was a drunk. He was keeping us from being a happy family.

“What I miss?” Tyler asks, walking into the room. “Cindy’s gone. Sorry again about that.”

“Cohen is Emily’s father.”

Both Zach and I stare at him like he’s an idiot.

He gets the look.

“Oh, you wanted me to keep that from Tyler?” I nod because
hello
, it’s a secret for a reason. The less people who know, the better.  “Sorry.”

“He’s your father! Holy shit.” Tyler’s eyes widen and he rubs his jaw. “How are you in his class?”

“No one knows. The dean is his fiancée’s father and since he never told her he had kids, it kind of won’t appear anywhere. So I told him not to make passing easy. He said he wasn’t. I’m just a regular student.”

“What a prick,” both Liam and Tyler blurt.

“I know.”

We finish cleaning up and Liam announces that his driver can bring us back to the dorms.

When I ask Tyler how Cindy went home, he said he told Liam’s driver to make sure she got into a taxi. She wasn’t worthy of Jordan’s services. He also adds, “No one disrespects my best friend’s girl like that. We got you.”

We walk past the piano room when an older woman walks toward us.

“Liam, honey! I made some food for you and your friends to take with you. It’s your–”

A woman with bright blue eyes moves Tyler to the left after handing him a bag with tupperware then she stands inches from me.

Liam is staring at her like she might lose it and he’s calculating what to do next.

“Hi,” I say because no one is speaking and this woman is just staring me and it’s starting to become extremely awkward.

“You have the same eyes,” she whispers. She looks at Liam then back at me and tears pool in her eyes. “I’m sorry. This is embarrassing. You just remind me of my daughter.”

Daughter?

Liam said he was an only – oh,
OH.
Shit.

She grabs my shoulder and squeezes. I feel her heartache and longing in that squeeze. She drops her hand and turns to kiss Liam on the cheek. “I’ll tell your father that you’re doing well.” She kisses Tyler on the cheek next and wishes us a safe trip back to the dorms.

Liam’s driver is waiting out front for us.

We don’t speak of Liam’s sister.

He’s extra quiet during the ride.

It’s four in the morning, and I’m awake. I’m awake because my ‘sperm donor’ called last night to tell me that he’s in serious heat for an anonymous claim stating that he and I have had an inappropriate relationship since the beginning of the semester.

I waited all week to see if Cindy would say something. Looks like she did.

What a bitch.

I sit up in bed and stare at my piano.

Music is my life and I will not let some chick with problems fuck up my future. I throw on clothes and head to Alex’s room. I call him once with no luck. I knock on his door a little louder than someone should at this time but I’m hopeless.

My father can’t get himself out of this problem. Having this reported or even investigated will tarnish
both
of us.

The semester ends in less than a month. We can’t have something like this happen. We’re related for crying out loud. But that doesn’t help either. The board will probably assume I’m passing because he’s my father. Why couldn’t he just ignore me in class and call my name when needed? Why did he have to be caught staring at me longer than a professor should look at his student?

I call Alex one more time. I feel like all hope is lost when I’m about to get his voicemail but by some miracle, he picks up. “Em? What’s wrong?”

“I need your help. I don’t know what to do.” I sniffle and cry harder when I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. “I’m outside.”

“I’m coming.”

He hangs up and opens the door in a matter of seconds. He looks me up and down before pulling me inside.

“What happened?”

“Cindy reported a false statement saying that my father and I are screwing or something.”

Zach stirs in his sleep so I lower my voice. I don’t want to wake people up. I hate dragging people into my problems but I feel like Alex is the only person who can help me. He said he could help when we first learned my father was my professor. Maybe he can talk some sense into these people.

“She went to the dean but since he’s basically family, the board is involved. Alex, I can’t have this on my record. I can’t fail this class either. I’ll do whatever they want, just please help me get rid of this.”

“Hey, baby, calm down.” Alex rests my head on his bare chest as he rubs circles on my back. “What did your father do?”

“He told them I was his daughter and that the allegations are shit. But now they’re looking into him playing favorites. I passed my tests and did everything everyone else did. I’m passing on my own.” I know this because you can’t cheat on the exams. I’m the one taking the tests. I participate in class even if I don’t want to.

“I’ll take care of this. Don’t worry about it.”

“How?” Alex doesn’t answer and then it hits me. He won’t
talk
to them. How can I be so stupid?! “With money?”

He nods and I pull back.

“It feels so wrong. It’s your money. Is there any other way? I can pimp myself out by wearing–”

“I don’t give a shit about the money. I care about
you
. And you’re not pimping yourself out.”

“But
you
will.”

He takes my face into his hands. “Don’t you know I’ll do anything to protect you.”

I cry softly and nod because I know he will. He wanted to take care of Pierce but I made him promise not to. It’d only cause more problems. Alex’s family has connections but Pierce’s family is connected by well known police officers and lawyers and all those higher ups. I don’t ever see them betraying some kid they love just for some money that can possibly get them kicked out of their jobs and thrown into jail if ever found out. Corruption over family is one thing. Corruption over money brings in a whole lot of mess.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” I wipe my face and grab onto his hands. “Name it and I’ll do it.”

He cracks a small smile and leans in to kiss me. “Make it up to me with your smiles and laughs,” he pulls back and wipes away more tears, “and kisses and hugs. Love me. Make it up to me with lots of babies and the promise of maybe, hopefully becoming my wife some day.”

I laugh and rest my cheek against his palm. “You could have just said sex, you know.” Any man would have turned that into sex and blowjobs for life or something but he added the promise of a future…with me.

“I know but I want so much more.”

So do I.

“You’re perfect.”

“I know.”

He chuckles and wraps me in his arms. If I could stay in this perfect, happy bubble for the rest of my life, I would. Without hesitation. Alex and me against the world.

“I hate the world we live in,” I confess. It’s disturbing and dark. So many psycho people are out there hurting others. I miss growing up and not having to deal with anything. Being an adult fucking sucks.

“So let’s create a world where it’s just the two of us.”

“Yes. A million times yes.”

We fall onto his bed and I stick to him like glue until his alarm goes off for the last day of classes before Thanksgiving break. All this shit better get fixed.

Cindy better watch out if it doesn’t.

***

Walking into my music theory class, my eyes glance all over the room to see if my father is anywhere to be found. Surprisingly, he is. He doesn’t acknowledge me and I’m fine with that. Next, my eyes land on Cindy and she’s all dimpled similes and perfectly made-up Barbie face.

We get broken up into our smaller groups for the next fifty minutes. When time is up, Cindy walks up beside me and juts her chin out like she’s some damn queen of the country. “You and Alex are like playing with toddlers. You dangle their favorite toy in their face and they’ll do anything to get it back.”

“Get away from me,” I say, hitching my bag up on my shoulder.

“Tell Alex I’ll have fun spending all of his cash.”

I punch her in the face.

Okay, I don’t but in my head I do.

I walk up to my father and he surprisingly speaks first.

“Thank you. Whatever you did…just, thank you.”

Thank you would never be enough to say to Alex. I owe him so much more. I never wanted him to spend his money on me and now look where we are. It feels wrong. I feel like the people who use him for his name.

“How’d the fiancée take the news of you having previous children?” I say, changing the subject. I don’t want to know what Alex had to do. I’m just glad my father is here and I’m not being looked into. I came here because it’s where I wanted to start over. I will not be thrown into the same hateful world I was in back in high school. I will not let others bully me or look at me the wrong way over something that didn’t even happen this time. I want a clean break. Having this problem taken care of is how that will happen for me.

I am Emily Spencer and I will be known for my music. Not for some childish rumors.

“She wanted to know how a man could just discard said children.”
Ouch.
“She wants to meet you. Officially. And Declan. Some day.”

“That probably won’t happen.” His life and my own will probably never cross again after I’m done with this class. We will go back to being two people who share the same blood and don’t talk to one another.

He smiles and nods. “Probably not.”

“Okay…so, have a happy Thanksgiving.”

I turn on my heel and head out of his classroom.

I stop short when he calls out my name and jogs toward me.

“Emily, I don’t think your mother ever told you this but she really wanted children. It was her only wish. A boy and a girl.” I nod because she’s always telling Declan and me that we were planned. It’s hard to believe but for her sake, we let her believe we actually think that. “I loved her enough to give her that wish.”

“Even though you never wanted children.”

He rubs his jaw and looks down before nodding. “All I wanted was to make her happy.” He lets his arms dangle by his sides as he locks eyes on me again. “I always wanted to teach music and well, having you and Declan made me think I could start younger than I intended. I pushed you both and your mother saw it. It was wrong. Declan never liked music so it all fell on you. You were good. For a kid.” I roll my eyes and he laughs. “The drinking made everything worse. I’m sorry for the life we created for you. I was never meant to be a father.”

I look around us, at this college where people who
want
to study music come to. I’m here because I fell in love with music. I fell in love watching my father play in the garage. I fell in love knowing my tiny little fingers could create magic. Because that’s what music is to me. Magic.

“I found a reason to live because of you.” Music was my escape, my savior. Without it, who knows what would have happened to me. “My therapist says I should forgive you some day so I can move on from feeling lonely and rejected all my life. Maybe I can.” Small steps, right? Just because my father abandoned me doesn’t mean I need to feel like everyone else will.

“God, please tell me I didn’t fuck you up beyond repair and now you need therapy.”

I actually chuckle because he’s serious. I brush my hair behind my ear and shake my head.

“No, I was raped last year.”

We both still.

I can’t believe those words actually left my mouth.

I have never spoken them louder than above a whisper to someone other than family.

“Uhh, I have…class…bye.”

I turn and run to my next class because for the rest time since it happened, I wasn’t afraid to say that statement. He was the third person I’ve ever said that too that didn’t know. First was Declan, second was my mother. Both of them told my friends for me. Declan was the one who went to the police station and that’s how the shit storm started. He went right to one of Pierce’s dad’s buddies. Word spread faster than a wildfire after that.

I lose myself in the rest of my classes. I don’t want to think about how my father feels knowing his
blood
was violated. I don’t even want to know
if
he cares. He can possibly forget I said that so he can move on and focus on working things out with his fiancée.

I text Alex asking if he wants to grab some food before we head back to the dorms. They’re all leaving for break and I’m still undecided. I want to spend some time with Sallie and the kids so they’re not alone. Charlie is thinking of visiting Mom. They’ve gotten closer over the last few months and Mom mentioned that them dating can be happening soon. I hope it does. They dated for two years before Charlie came to Florida to help his sister out. They can rekindle that spark.

Alex: I have a surprise for you. Meet at my dorm. Food is present, fyi. :D

He doesn’t need to say more. I walk past students who do double takes once they notice who I am. It’s been like that since late August. I’m the girl dating Alexander Sawyer. They want to know how I managed that. They can go fuck themselves.

I spot Sophie and Zach walking in the opposite direction near Eaton, lost in their happy, lovey dovey bubble so I head into the building without saying hi. They won’t notice me anyways. They’ve got their googly eyed love shades on.

I push the call button for the elevator and wait.

A person stands beside me, with music blaring from their headphones. It’s muffled but I know that beat and those lyrics by heart.

I turn and spot the guy who gave me the Sebastian plush toy, Kellan, nodding his head, looking down at his phone. He’s oblivious to who’s beside him so I look straight again and tap my fingers to match the beating of the drums against my thigh.

The elevator doors open and we step in. When the song comes to an end, we’re on our floor. Kellan pushes his headphones down so they’re wrapped around his neck. He starts walking out of the elevator then looks over at me.

“Well, aren’t you sneaky! Go ahead, ladies first.”

“Thanks.”

He walks beside me but manages to give me space in the narrow hallway.

“Did you see
Bring Me the Horizon
last month in Orlando?” I ask.

Kellan looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. Or became an alien.

“You know who they are?”

“Can You Feel My Heart is always on repeat.” His eyes get wider. “I wanted to see them but I was busy. I missed so many concerts so far. Damn college.”

Kellan laughs. “If we had that dinner, I would have known this about you.”

I roll my eyes. I gave him forty bucks for that toy and I told him to go buy himself food. I was being kind.

“What about lunch some day? You can eat a salad or a carrot or whatever other bunny food chicks like, and talk music with me.”

We stop in the middle of the hallway, him at his door, me at Alex’s.

“As long as you know I have a boyfriend then I can do lunch,” I answer, knocking on Alex’s door. It doesn’t hurt making some new friends. And people who want to talk about music, sign me up. I’ll just bring a friend and my bottle of mace with me. You know, because it’s the smart thing to do.