Southern Admirer (Southern Loving Book 2) (21 page)

Farrah's eyes traveled to where Jasmine was
looking. “Let’s go.”

They were safely secured in Farrah’s car. Every
once in a while Jasmine would look back to see if someone was following them.
She couldn’t wait until they were behind the secure gates of McBride ranch.

“What’s wrong, Jasmine?” Farrah asked, looking at
her with worry expression on her face. “You haven’t eaten anything and you
abruptly left in the middle of lunch.”

“I think someone is stalking me.”

Looking out the window, she tapped her foot
repeatedly. Her hands had just stop shaking the moment she spat the words out,
though that didn’t necessarily stop the sweat that forming on her. Jasmine knew
she could confide in Farrah.

“What!?” Farrah’s eyes became huge like silver
dollars, she looked back for a quick second and glanced back at the road before
looking at Jasmine. “You’re joking,” Farrah said in a short breath. She grinned
nervously. “It’s all a joke, right?”

Jasmine turned her shameful gaze away from her
friend. “No…I wish I were joking,” she answered. Sinking further into the
passenger seat.

Her heart returned back to its normal heart rate.
The memory of the night she was stranded on the side of the road resurfaced in
a flashback.

“Jasmine?” Farrah said, and Jasmine slowly rose
her gaze to her. “Your father is a former detective, not to mention your
brother and significant other is the freaking law.”

Jasmine sniffled. She hadn’t realized she had
started to cry, that was very rare of her.

“I know,” she choked out. “It’s so crazy because I
never did anything to anyone!” she said, her voice rising as a result of
desperation. “Maybe it’s all a coincidence.”

“I’m sorry, Jasmine…” Farrah consoled
sympathetically. “But if you don’t tell Shane, I will, this is some dangerous
shit to be handling on your own.”

“I-I don’t know…I…there is already a lot of stuff
I haven’t told him,” she admitted.

“Being stalked and nearly assaulted overrides
everything.”

She sat there for a minute struggling with the
idea of telling Farrah the secret that was kept her walking on egg shells with
Shane. “Two years ago, I was in grocery store shopping when I ran into Sarah
McBride. She was this delusional woman who thought I was trying to steal Shane
from her,” Jasmine said, over the soft sound of the ticking of the turn signal
and the R&B music playing over the stereo.

“Were you?” Farrah asked.

“No,” she sighed rubbing her temples. “I was young
and smitten with this sexy cop who happened to be my brother’s best friend. He
didn’t mind me being around because I was his best friend’s baby sister. Yes, I
pined for him but I knew that he would always be out of my grasp.”

“Good,” Farrah said as she steered the car onto
the highway. “I guess that Sarah knew about this crush.”

“Yeah! They came to my going away party for
college. Sarah pulled me to the side and told me that I was an evil bitch who
was interfering in her marriage. She was drinking that night so I brushed off
the argument.”

“But…”

“When I went to college I made sure not to communicate
with Shane during that time. We would always give a gift. For Christmas, he
purchased me this pink Coach Leather tote that was personalized with my
initials. For his birthday I had a cup made that said the ‘Number 1# Cop,’—”

“What did you buy him for Christmas?”

“Do you know the reason why Shane became a Texas
Ranger?” Jasmine played with the watch on her wrist. “He loved old western
movie actors from John Wayne, Butch Cassidy, and Clint Eastwood. On days that
he didn’t work or when he was sick he spent his time looking for those old
western movies to watch. So I bid on these classical western movies.”

“That’s a very personal gift.” Farrah mused as she
continued drive down the stretch of highway.

“It wasn’t like everyone didn’t know he liked old
western movies.”

“Jazzy, you knew the man wanted to be a Texas
Ranger after he spent his childhood watching old western movies.” Farrah
glanced over at her. “I bet he cherished those gifts you gave him.”

Jasmine furrowed her eyebrows at the words. “What
do you mean?”

“I mean, his wife didn’t even purchase him a gift
that sentimental.”

Jasmine rolled her eyes and let out a nervous
laughter at Farrah’s words. “Well, after Christmas Sarah became this person I
didn’t recognize. She picked fights with me. Called me late at night; telling
me to stay away from Shane. Sarah and her sister, Savannah, drove three hours
to Houston to accost me about my relationship with Shane. Needlessly to say,
Sarah came to my college for a knockdown, drag outfight.”

“No, she didn’t,” Farrah gasped. “It makes sense
now.”

Jasmine rolled her eyes. “Please enlighten me.”

“Well let’s see, there is this young pretty female
giving my husband gifts and she had that dreamy look in her eyes when she
looked at him…you’ll be surprised how a wife would look at another woman who is
paying attention to their husband especially when there is a problem in their
marriage,” Farrah said.

A shudder went down Jasmine’s spine.
Were Shane
and Sarah having problems?
Is that why Sarah was so quick to argue with her.
Did Sarah commit suicide because of her?

“Two years ago I saw Sarah before she died. She
started spewing all this false information about me. Screaming how I was having
sex with her husband. I tried to calm Sarah down but nothing I would say was
working. Sandra lied to Sarah and told her that Shane and I were having an
affair.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Farrah shouted.

“Yep, the next morning I woke up to being told
that Sarah was in a car accident.” A single tear slid down her face. “When
Sarah left the store, she was a mess, I should have gone with her…I should have
talked to her, pleaded for her to believe me.”

“And do what? Get yourself killed.” Farrah sighed
and shook her head. “You haven’t told Shane. You’re going to regret it if someone
else besides you tells Shane about the night you had with Sarah.”

Jasmine nodded her head in agreement. It was
easier said than done, she thought. She would regret it if someone told Shane
before her, she knew that people had the ability to twist the truth. Shane
wasn’t just her lover, father of her child but he was also her friend, no
matter how difficult things were between them, Shane always was upfront and
honest with her. He trusted her. She sighed. Sometimes she felt she didn’t
deserve Shane.

“He is going to hate me,” she said.

“Shane is an upstanding guy, just have faith and
tell him the truth,” Farrah said as she made the last turn onto McBride ranch.

Jasmine nodded her head in agreement. She knew it
was time to tell Shane the truth, even if it would cause more damage in their
already fragile
relationship.                            

***

Later that night, Jasmine tossed and turned. When
sleep finally came she bolted up from her bed, skin damp with sweat and panting
from the nightmare she’d awoken from.

Jumping out her room, she ran to the crib to check
on Shay, who was sleeping peacefully, she stood there for a minute watching her
little tummy rise up and down. Picking up the baby monitor, she strolled down
the hallway to Shane’s bedroom, slowly opening the door she peeked inside the
room. For the life in her, she couldn’t think of the last time she had a bad
dream. Jasmine wanted so desperately for Shane to hold her, to calm the nerves
down. Tiptoeing into the room, she sat on the bed.

“What are you doing?” Shane asked in a voice
filled with sleep.

“I…” She looked into his soft green eyes and
immediately she was lost for words. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.

Shane sat up and scooted down on the bed until he
was sitting next to her. “What’s wrong?”

“You’ve been honest with me, since day one and I
owe you it to you to be honest.” Jasmine sat up and scooted down on the bed
until she was sitting next to him.

“What’s wrong?” Shane reached out and touched her
arm, which was comforting. “Are you okay? Why are you sweaty? Sweetheart, talk
to me.”

“Night terror,” she replied, squeezing his hand.
“Tonight I relived a nightmare. Something that happened years ago. No matter
how I try to forget I cannot forget the past and the words that were said.”

“You don’t have to—” Shane started to say.

“No,” she interrupted. “I can’t continue to allow
myself to love you without you knowing each and every flaw. I was told the
other day that love is always the explanation, it’s the eraser that wipes the
slate clean. I want you to think about that when I tell you what happened.”

“Come with me,” Shane said standing up, taking her
by the hand and leading her to the kitchen. Sitting her down at the breakfast
nook, he made himself busy by brewing coffee.

“Do you need any help?” she asked from her seat at
the table.

“Nope, I’m going to make my famous coffee with a
little something extra.” He looked back and smiled at her before going to the
liquor cabinet. “Ha! Found the Kentucky bourbon whiskey.

He was finally happy and the news she was about to
tell him was going to negate that. When the coffee was done, she watched as he
poured bourbon and honey liqueur into a coffee mug, adding coffee and topping
it off with whipped cream.

“Bottoms up,” he said, pushing the steamy mug toward
Jasmine.

Pushing the steamy mug toward Jasmine he waited
for her to take a sip.

 “Mmm,” Jasmine moaned as she sipped her
coffee. “This is perfect.”

Shane nodded his head in agreement with her.
“Daddy taught me how to make it and one day when my son is the legal age limit
I will pass down the recipe to him.”

Jasmine savored the unique flavor of the liqueur;
it had the right touches that added a unique spiciness with a rich taste of
honey. “I…talked to Sarah before she died.”

The glass mug was an inch away from Shane’s mouth,
as he openly stared at her. “Can you repeat that?”

She spent the next ten minutes telling him about
Sarah and how her attitude changed on the day she graduated from high school.
She mentioned to him about the time Sarah and Savannah came to Texas Southern.
Lastly, she came to Sarah’s final days on this earth.

As her story continued to unfold, his eyes became
more and more narrow and by the time she finished he looked angry. “She died
thinking that I had an affair with you!” he bellowed.

“It…”

“I don’t want to hear your stupid excuses!” He
began to pace the kitchen.

“Look, you can hate me or even add it to the long
list of things you hate about me.” Jasmine voice cracked as she stood up and
walked out the kitchen but not before Shane grabbed her arm. “I’m telling you
because I can’t stand to live in this house under false pretenses.”

“Love is an eraser, right?” he asked.

“We need a huge eraser to get over the fact that I
caused Sarah’s death.” Shane looked at her with a shocked expression on his
face. “I saw the accident file in the drawer,” she continued. “I needed pen and
paper to write down the address for my interview.”

Shane cradled her face in his hands. “Sarah was
sick. Don’t ever think you were the reason she killed herself. She suffered
from bipolar disease and depression.”

As the tears streamed down her face, Shane was
there to brush them away. In the back of her head, Jasmine thought about how
selfish Sarah could be to end her life. As she listened to Shane talk about how
every day was a battle for Sarah as she suffered from mental illness, she
realized they were here left trying to make sense of the decision she made.

“I asked her for a divorce the day she killed
herself….this is the first time I’ve said it aloud that Sarah killed herself.”
He took a deep breath and backed up from her.

Silence greeted them, until Shay started to cry.
Without another word to him, she walked back to her bedroom. She sat in bed
breastfeeding in the dark, when she caught him standing in the doorway looking
at her.

“What are you thinking about right now?”

“That love is one of those things that find you
when you least expect it,” she replied.

“Every day I fall in love with you,” he said,
coming into the room. Shane crawled into bed next to her. “I’m thinking how
people fall in love in mysterious ways, maybe it’s all part of the plan.”

“What plan?” she asked softly.

“Resuscitating each other.” He paused and turned
the light on by the nightstand. “We found a place to let our hearts collide.”

“Love hurts and it gets hard sometimes…but I know
that it is the only thing that makes us stay alive.”

“It can heal.” He took her hand and brought it to
his mouth. “I swear it will get easier.”

“Settle down with me,” his voice was like a whisper,
as his eyes stared into her. “This is a feeling I don’t want forget…this is
what it means to be in love with someone.”