Spark & Blaze (A Guns & Hoses Novel) (9 page)

Evan heard the door to the station close and thought he was alone in the truck bay. He had already stripped out of his bunker gear and was standing in his sweaty jumpsuit wishing he had a spare uniform to change into
.

Lesson learned
, he thought.
Bring more than two uniforms to work
.

There wasn’t anything he could do about having clean clothes, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t take a shower to at least clean the sweat off his skin. That was his plan when he rounded the engine to head toward the station house door. He pulled up short at seeing Malone leaning casually against the door that would lead him one step closer to a shower.

It was obvious to Brett that Carmichael didn’t expect anyone else to still be in the truck bay. Still, expected or not, Brett knew that the rookie would need to dump his guilt on the firefighter he had interacted with most recently before the kid’s death. That just happened to be him, so Brett wanted to get the guilt-laden accusations out of the way as soon as possible.

“What the fuck?” Evan was slammed with instant anger at seeing Malone. “You going to tell me how I fucked up on the scene?”

“No,” Brett replied honestly because Carmichael actually did extremely well. Their last shift was beyond brutal, but the rookie wasn’t more than a gopher.

And look how he freaked the hell out
, a small voice in Brett’s mind whispered, but he pushed it down.

Evan didn’t even register Malone’s reply before he started ranting again. “I did my fucking job. We got two people out of their fucking crunch-mobile. Where did I fuck up with that? Huh?” Evan yelled and stepped closer to Malone.

Brett unfolded his arms and pushed off the closed door to the station. He took two steps and they brought him almost chest to chest with their angry rookie.

“Yes, you did your job. You helped get those people out of the Forte and now they are recovering in the hospital,” Brett agreed and only paused long enough to brace himself for what he was about to say next. “You also did your job, your best, when you tried to save Charlie.”

Silence stretched between them and Brett knew that the longer Carmichael didn’t say anything, the worse it would be when he finally spoke. Brett looked over the rookie and fought not to grimace at how tightly wound the guy appeared. He knew it was because Carmichael was dealing with his first death of a child.

“Yeah, I took care of Charlie,” Evan spat out harshly. “But by the time
you
let me do my fucking job, there wasn’t much I could do. If you had done your fucking job or gotten the fuck out of the way, I could’ve saved that fucking kid!”

Carmichael paused to huff in a breath, but Brett already planned to interrupt. He knew this was a tirade that the rookie needed to work through because he had done the same shit to Flame after the first kid he tried to save died. Still, that didn’t stop him from speaking again when Carmichael paused.

“If you were me, the first one to get to Charlie’s side cramped in that crunched up backseat... What would you have done that you think I didn’t?” Brett’s tone was gentle and his voice was soft. Both seemed to take the rookie off guard. Brett remembered how that felt.

“I would’ve done something. Anything. Stopped his bleeding until we could fucking extract him!” Carmichael yelled.

Brett almost hated himself for what he was about to ask because he remembered the pain of the helplessness of the situation that was thrown under the glaring light of reality.

“Did you find where he was bleeding out from?”

“Fuck you! I would have if you didn’t waste time in there with him!” Evan shouted and shoved Malone hard. “I only needed a few more minutes and I could have found the bleeder.”

Evan pushed Malone again and when the man didn’t react, aside from going with the movement until he was outside the bay door, Evan’s anger spiked even higher and he didn’t even try to rein it in.

“But no! I didn’t have the fucking time because you didn’t get the fuck out of my way fast enough!”

Brett acted on the next open palm shove that Carmichael landed on the center of his chest. He grabbed the rookie’s wrists to stop him from pulling away. Brett didn’t mind being the target for Carmichael’s distress, but unlike Flame when he lost his shit, he wasn’t going to be a punching bag.

“I did my job. You did your job,” Brett reassured Carmichael.

Brett pulled Carmichael closer until the only space between them was where he held Carmichael’s wrists in his hands. Close enough to feel the rookies panting breath on his face. Close enough to kiss. Still, Brett didn’t release his hold on Carmichael’s wrists because the rookie’s hands were now clenched into fists. He didn’t want to give the rookie a chance to swing because if they came to blows, Brett was sure he could do some serious damage to Carmichael before he got the guy under control.

“Sometimes, there is nothing more we can do,” Brett spoke softly and continued to hold Carmichael’s pain filled gaze.
“
We can only do our job.
The guilt, anger, and heartbreak we feel is normal, but it’s not our fault
. It’s. Not. Our fault. It’s. Not. Your fault.”

Silence settled around them again and Brett sensed the moment that his words finally registered in the rookie’s mind. He also sensed when Carmichael finally accepted them as truth. All the fight drained from Carmichael and he collapsed forward into Brett.

Uncontrollable tears began to fall and an anguished sound escaped Carmichael’s throat. Brett released his hold on Carmichael’s wrists and pulled him to his chest to close the remaining distance between them. The rookie didn’t fight him when Brett wrapped his arms around him. No, Carmichael fisted Brett’s jumpsuit and buried his head into Brett’s neck.

“It’s not your fault,” Brett repeated over and over softly while he held on to Carmichael in order to comfort the man during his totally justified breakdown.

Brett ignored the hot wet tears against his neck and truly felt bad for the rookie. The last two shifts had been beyond brutal for all of them. They had seen more death over the last couple of shifts than Brett had seen in the last six months. He had years of experience to learn how to compartmentalize the bad and the devastating from the good. Carmichael on the other hand, was so new to the job that Brett wouldn’t be surprised if all the death over the last two shifts caused him to reconsider the career he had chosen.

Slowly, Evan got himself back under control. The strong arms that held him helped ease the pain in his chest. He gave no thought that it was a man, Malone, who he didn’t even like, who eased his feelings of guilt and heartbreak over not being able to save little Charlie.

Finally, Evan lifted his head from the crook of Malone’s neck, but didn’t release the bunched up fabric in the man’s jumpsuit that he had clenched in his hands. He couldn’t raise his eyes to meet Malone’s because he didn’t want to see the pity in his co-worker’s gaze.

It wasn’t until he startled under the touch of Malone’s hands upon his face that gently thumbed away his tears that Evan finally met Malone’s eyes. Sincerity and compassion shone from Malone’s deep chocolate gaze. Later, he would blame the lack of seeing pity in Malone’s gaze for what he did next.

Brett met Carmichael’s pale gray eyes that were full of hurt while he wiped away the rookie’s tears. However, before he could even speak again to reassure the man that everyone at the station had been where he was now, and before he could lower his hands from the rookie’s tear stained cheeks, Carmichael aggressively leaned in and kissed him.

Brett was totally caught off guard when Carmichael desperately attacked his mouth. However, his unpreparedness didn’t last long. His hands that still caressed Carmichael’s cheeks applied more pressure on instinct to hold the man’s head right where it was so he could deepen the kiss.

His inappropriate arousal skyrocketed and his cock became painfully hard when their bodies eliminated even the smallest space between them. He could feel Carmichael’s arousal pressing against his, but a small voice in Brett’s mind told him this whole erotic encounter was wrong and that Carmichael was reacting to the stress of losing his first kid on the job. Shit, he was sure the rookie didn’t even know what he was doing or realize how his body was reacting.

Still, Brett didn’t pull away from Carmichael’s mouth like he should have. Any thoughts of closet doors never crossed his mind. No, the only thought he had was to enjoy the feel of Carmichael’s body against his and the taste of the rookie on his tongue.

The feeling of being held and kissed like it was the last kiss he would ever have before the end of the world, crashed down around Evan and was all consuming for several minutes. He reveled in the sensation for what felt like hours before his mind snapped him back to reality.

One moment he was feeling high from the contact and the next he was horrified by what he was doing. He jerked back so quickly away from Malone that he stumbled and almost planted on his ass before he caught his balance.

“Oh God,” Evan panted out in embarrassed shock at what he had done to Malone, again. “I am so sorry!”

Evan continued to back away from Malone. His cock throbbed painfully and he could still taste Malone on his lips and in his mouth. It was a taste he wanted more of and that realization along with his hard-on after kissing a man,
a fucking co-worker
, not only confused the hell out of him, but scared the shit out of him as well. He wasn’t gay and knew Malone wasn’t either so he needed to put as much distance between him and Malone as possible.

“Sorry,” Evan repeated in a shocked voice.

Brett watched Carmichael stagger back away from him and resisted the urge to follow. The look of confusion-laced horror was written clearly on the rookie’s face while he apologized before he turned and fled into the station house.

For several minutes, Brett remained frozen in place. Carmichael’s lip lock left Brett almost shell-shocked. Not enough to realize his stupidity at giving into his lust for the rookie in the middle of the station’s driveway, however.

“Shit,” Brett muttered and willed his dick to go down.

Clearly, it didn’t want to cooperate and Brett couldn’t blame the damn thing since it was only reacting to the replay of Carmichael’s hungry kiss that Brett couldn’t seem to banish from his mind. There was no way in hell he could go inside until he got his body back under control.

Never before had Brett prayed for the tones to go off, but he prayed for them now. He desperately needed the distraction of an emergency.

Evan burst through the station house door so harshly that several heads turned his way. He ignored them all as he took the stairs two at a time up to the bunk room.

Why the hell did I kiss Malone?
Again?
If it was anyone else, would I have sexually assaulted them?
Shit, I’m not gay
.
What the fuck is wrong with me?

Evan grabbed his still damp towel from where it hanged on the bar at the end of his bunk. He also grabbed his toiletry bag before he quickly strode into the shower room. His mind continued to swirl even while he tried to will his hard-on, the hard on caused by a
guy
, away.

I like chicks
, Evan reminded himself.
Why the hell did I react to Malone that way? The first time was a fluke, wasn’t it? Fuck!