Special Forces Savior (10 page)

Chapter Fifteen

After stopping at a local supercenter to get food, the burner phone and some other supplies they needed, including clothes for both of them, they’d made it to Derek’s cabin. He mostly came out here when he wanted to be alone, needed to get away from people, or the city, or both. The next nearest building was over five miles away. He’d never even considered bringing someone else here, especially a woman.

The cabin was sparse: two bedrooms, one bath, a living room and a kitchen. No real decorations, everything was built for function. Derek hadn’t ever given the lack of coziness any thought, but it occurred to him now that Molly was here.

He didn’t know what he expected from her as they’d walked through the door, both of them holding bags from the store. Not complaints about the house, Molly wasn’t a complainer. Maybe just a nose turned up or a forehead creased in distaste.

But she’d only just looked around and said, “It’s perfect.”

They’d made a quick meal of pasta and salad. Molly was still drinking as much fluid as she could, to continue to offset the drugs and dehydration. Then, when he noticed she was falling asleep at the kitchen table, he’d shown her to the bathroom so she could take a quick shower, then had tucked her into the bed.

She had looked at him as if she had something to say, but then whatever was going on in that mind of hers had to take a backseat to what her body needed. And what her body needed was rest.

Derek watched her fall asleep as she was trying to start a sentence.

She didn’t wake up for another fourteen hours.

He knew rest was the best thing for her, even more than eating or drinking, so Derek let her sleep. He did check on her, even took her pulse a couple of times to make sure it was steady, but she slept peacefully and deeply so he left her to it.

“Hi.”

He looked up from yesterday’s newspaper that he’d been reading through. “Feeling better?”

“Much. So much better.”

She looked so much better. The swelling in her face had gone down considerably, and the bruises looked less angry. Her skin had a more healthy hue to it, not chalky as it had been.

“I’m just going to take a shower. Brush my teeth. I feel like Sleeping Beauty.”

Derek nodded. “Sure.” He couldn’t stop looking at her.

She looked like Sleeping Beauty, or any other princess, with her rich brown hair falling loosely around her face. She normally kept it pulled back in a braid at work, almost certainly to keep it out of her way at the lab. But down like this she looked infinitely more touchable.

Derek realized he was staring at her and she was staring back.

“I think everything you need is in the shower.”

Molly nodded slowly and turned away. “Not everything,” he heard her mutter. But chose to ignore it.

Derek made more food, sandwiches this time, while Molly was in the bathroom. The cabin had seemed the perfect place to bring her, but now he realized that he hadn’t thought things through completely. What it would be like to be enclosed with Molly in this small space. No reprieve.

Derek turned to the window that was in front of the sink. Yeah, she was safe from whatever might do her harm out there.

What about what might do her harm in here? Him.

He wanted to go for a walk. Take a drive. Hell, go for a swim out in the lake. Anything to create some distance between them. Physical distance. He needed to refortify. But he couldn’t risk Molly’s safety.

It had been okay while she’d been asleep. He’d even gotten a few hours’ sleep out on the couch. But having her awake, right in front of him? What was he going to do?

Derek turned from the window to find Molly standing there, awake, right in front of him. Her hair was damp and hanging loose around her shoulders and back. She had on a T-shirt and sweatpants, both incorrectly sized and cheaply made, and blue socks.

Derek had never seen anyone so beautiful in his entire life.

He knew he was walking on dangerous ground here. One wrong step, one wrong word—hell, one
right
word—and he was going to start kissing her and never stop.

“I was wondering if you’d still even be here when I got out.”

“I couldn’t leave you.”

“I’ll bet you wanted to, though. Considered it. Withdraw because we had a moment.”

Derek didn’t want to address exactly how correct she was.

“Here, I made you a sandwich.” He pushed the plate toward her. She looked for just a moment as if she might refuse it so they could continue the conversation, but then her stomach growled loudly enough for him to hear it across the room. He raised an eyebrow at her.

Molly huffed just the slightest bit at being betrayed by her own body, then sat down and promptly demolished her sandwich as well as some fruit and leftover salad. Derek ate with her.

“I finally don’t feel like I got hit by a truck,” she told him. “I’m sore, but I can tell that the last of the Ketamine is finally out of my system.”

Derek stood and began clearing the dishes, but she stopped him. “I’ll do it. You fixed lunch. But do you mind fixing some coffee? I feel like I will finally truly think the situation with Belisario is behind me if I can just have some coffee.”

Molly was well-known for her love of all things coffee. “Sure,” he told her. “But you’re going to have to live with Folgers because I don’t have any of that froufrou stuff you make at work.”

“That froufrou stuff keeps the lab running, so do not knock it.”

Derek made their coffee—he knew she also liked hers black—and they walked into the living room. For the first time he wished the cabin had a television or a radio or something. Anything to distract him from the fact that Molly Humphries was sitting in the oversize chair next to the couch with her legs tucked underneath her, sipping coffee. Wearing mismatched clothes under which Derek happened to know she could not be wearing anything because they’d forgotten to buy her underwear last night.

Derek swallowed hard.

“So, can I ask you something?”

Oh, yes, please dear heavens, ask him something. Ask him anything to get his thoughts away from her lack of undergarments.

“Shoot.”

She paused for just the slightest moment. “Do you actually remember the night we spent together having sex three years ago?”

Derek had to give himself credit, he at least didn’t spew his coffee. But it was close.

“Molly—”

“No. Do not
Molly
me.” Her tone brooked no refusal. Where was the woman who had barely been able to get a sentence out around him a few days before? She’d certainly found her voice now. She set her coffee cup down. “I have spent the last three years acting like a total nincompoop around you.
Mousy Molly
. Do you think I don’t know everyone calls me that?”

“Molly—”

She shook her head. “No, I deserved it. They were right. I have been mousy. Ridiculous.” She took a breath, seemed to be mentally regrouping. “I thought I was going to die yesterday, Derek. In an ugly, horrible way.”

Derek breathed deeply through his nose. He had thought the exact same thing.

“I was afraid.” Her voice got softer.

“Anybody would be afraid under those circumstances.”

“I tried to keep it together.” Her shoulders straightened a little. “I
did
keep it together.”

“I have no doubt about that.” Just the way she’d handled herself in the jungle, under the roughest possible physical circumstances had proved that. Although Derek had already known Molly was strong.

“Somewhere in the midst of all this, I decided I wasn’t going to waste time with you anymore, Derek, wasn’t going to be timid and wait. Life is too short. You either want me or you don’t. I know that’s a hard decision for you to make for some reason. So I’m going to help us get to the bottom of it. Do you remember us having sex three years ago or not?”

He wanted her. He wanted to yell it at her. But instead he sat back in his chair a little farther. Tried to feign a relaxed stance he very definitely didn’t feel.

“Molly—”

She shot out of her chair as if it was on fire. “No. Just answer the question.”

Derek couldn’t sit either, but as he stood he was careful to stay far away from Molly. If he touched her now all would be lost. He walked over to look out the window. Look anywhere but at her.

“Yes. Yes, I remember.” He remembered it all. Every touch. Lick. Moan.

“Was it just a one-night stand for you? You got what you wanted and that was it?”

The hesitation in her voice pulled at him. He turned back to look at her. “No. Never that.”

“Then why have you been distant since then? Was it because I wasn’t a better friend? You were upset that night and just wanted a friend and I forced it into something more...”

This was worse than her thinking he only wanted a one-night stand. He stuck his hands deep in his pockets. He cut her off. “Get something straight. I came to your house that night with every intention of taking you to bed. Short of you slamming the door in my face, that was an inevitable conclusion.”

That got her attention. Evidently she had never considered the possibility that he’d come there to deliberately seduce her.

He very definitely had. Yeah, he’d had a few drinks, but not nearly enough to stop him from his plans.

“Sometimes I’ve seen you looking at me,” she said. “
Caught
you looking at me is a better phrase, and I would think I saw something in your eyes. A heat. But then all the other times you were always so distant. I never knew what to expect.”

Derek had been so busy just trying to keep himself away from her, he hadn’t really taken into consideration what his actions might be saying to her. She was more astute than he’d realized.

Which...he should’ve realized she would be.

“Molly.” He took a step toward her, then stopped. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“For hurting your feelings in any way. For making you doubt yourself.”

“Did I misread what I saw? Was it all in my imagination?”

Lie to her. That was all he needed to do. One tiny lie, let her down easy, and this crisis was averted. Moments passed. It was his tactical advantage and he knew he should take it.

But looking into her precious brown eyes, her sweet face, he couldn’t do it. “No. You didn’t imagine it.”

She took a step closer. He took a step back.

“Why, Derek?” Her question was barely more than a whisper. “Why have you stayed away from me all this time? You’ve had to know I wanted to be with you.”

“Molly, our worlds don’t mix. I’m not the right person for you.”

“Don’t you think I should get to be the judge of that?” She took another step closer. She was studying him as if he was something in her lab, a piece of evidence she was trying to figure out.

He tried to take another step back, but found his back was already against the window, so there was nowhere he could go.

“Molly, you don’t know the things I’ve done. Decisions I’ve had to make in the past. Some really questionable decisions.”

She stared at him for a long moment. “We’ve all made questionable decisions.”

“Not like mine.”

“I know we all have a past. And I know enough about you to know that you’re not still making questionable decisions, at least not lightly. You have to make the hard call sometimes, Derek. I understand that. It’s part of being a leader in something as important as Omega Sector.”

She took another step toward him.

“I’ve killed people, Molly. Not just people chasing me through the jungle like yesterday. Too many people when I was in Special Forces.”

“Hard, I know. But part of your job,” she said softly.

“I was always told by my commanding officers to bring the mark in alive if I could, dead if I had to. I always chose
dead
, Molly. These were bad guys, terrorists, yeah. But I set myself up as judge, jury and executioner. Every time.”

“You want to lump yourself in with those terrible people, you think I don’t understand, but you’re not one of them, Derek.” She moved closer to him.

“I once shot a man at point-blank range right in front of his family.” He was desperate to get the words out before she touched him. “In front of his children.”

That stopped her movement toward him. He knew it would.

“I had orders and there were reasons he needed to die. But there were other ways I could’ve done it. Ways that wouldn’t have traumatized children.”

He turned and looked back out the window. He didn’t want to see her eyes now, see disappointment or disgust or whatever he would find in them.

“Our worlds are different. Someone like you doesn’t belong in mine.”

He didn’t expect to feel her arms slip around his waist, or her head laid against his back. “You’re right. You made a bad decision. A wrong decision. And you’ve tortured yourself for it ever since.”

She put her hands on the sides of his waist and urged him to turn around. “Answer me one question honestly, and if it’s true, then I’ll agree with you and promise I’ll leave you alone.”

He nodded.

“Would you do the same thing if you could do the whole situation over again now?”

Derek closed his eyes. No. Every day for the past ten years he’d wished he could go back. Do it differently.

“No. I’d find another way.”

“Exactly,” she whispered.

“But you still don’t get it. No matter what, I would still kill him. His blood would still be on my hands.”

“Derek, that’s part of your job. What kind of person would I be if I judged you for taking lives if it means protecting the innocent?”

“But I saw your face when I killed those men in the jungle. The horror, disgust.”

“Yes, but not directed at you. Directed at them. The one that almost fell on top of me had already described what he planned to do with me once Belisario was finished.”

Derek was running out of arguments for why they should be apart. Both for her and for himself.

“I don’t want to hurt you. I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt you.”

She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’m stronger than I look. You’re not going to hurt me.” She pulled him down to her and pressed her lips against his. He felt her grin. “At least, if memory serves you won’t.”