Spill Over (29 page)

“My lit agent.
It’s not what he reps, but he has a good friend he wanted to pass it along to, if that’s okay.”

“Uh…”

“Did you not want it to be published?” Dad asks.

“No. I mean, yeah, I did. He liked it?”

“He
loved
it. Then he teased me about
being the commercial fiction writer I am when my son’s sure to win awards.”

“Holy Shit.”

Dad peers over his
glasses as if in warning.

“Sorry.”

“Can he pass it along?”

“Yeah.” I’m stunned. In shock. Someone loves my writing. Someone who doesn’t know me.

“Good.” Dad smiles.
“It’s a nice way to make a living.”

“Guess so.” I nod and look at our surroundings.

“You never thought I made much, did you?”

“I…”

“I don’t make what your mom did, that’s for sure. But I’m a saver, always have been.”

“Oh.”

“You’ll far surpass me, I’m sure. Not that it’s about money.”

“You’re on an Oyster, Dad. And I’m starting to learn that’s kind of a big deal.”

His grin is proud. “You got me there.” His eyes go back to his computer.

“Lit agent. Crazy. Thanks, Dad.”

“I’m so proud of you, Antony.” Ou
r eyes meet again. And the thing
that
hits me now is
I’m looking into Dad’s eyes for real, they’re the same brown eyes as Mom’s, but really, the same brown eyes as mine. I wonder how much more we
have in common.

- - -

Five emails a day. Ten if I really want it. This is what I tell myself. It’s been three days since my day at the beach. Amber’s cramming for her finals. I don’t take home-school classes that force finals. I’m pretty much done with school. Dropping a few tears is part of email and mail and all that, but I’m surviving it. It’s not searing like it was. It’s almost like resignation, or maybe that love’s so mixed in with the sadness that it feels different.

Dad’s voice mixes with Amber’s on the back deck. I close the computer. Today I’ll be done with five.

I watch Amber through the crack in the door as I sit at the table
.
She’s talking with Dad in her light bubbly voice. She’s wearing what she always does, but her
hair
looks shinier or something, and I think she even might have put on some ma
keup. I can see her lashes
from here.

“You
two have fun.” She waves as D
ad steps off the boat and meets
Lynn
on the dock.

Our eyes catch
through the door
, and like a moron, I’m frozen to the spot. This isn’t like me at all. I don’t freeze around girls. Especially not ones I like. Especially not ones
like…
well, Amber is how I was going to finish that, but I guess she’s the only girl who has made me freeze.

“Hey.” Her voice is soft, smoot
h, sexy even. Amber can be sexy.
I just don’t think she ever means to be. Maybe that’s part of the appeal.
She steps easily down the steep stairs, closing the outside door behind her.

My heart starts hammering. Hard. What’s different? Amber and I have hung out loads of times.

“Cat got your tongue?” She smirks.

She’s definitely wearing makeup, and my eyes go from
her face to her throat. She has
a nice neck. Long and slender like the rest of her. She swallows twice.

“Does anyone say that anymore?”

H
er cheeks warm to a soft pink. “I think I just did.” But her voice doesn’t have the sarcastic bite I expect.

“Where did our parents take off to?” I ask.

“Movie, in Tacoma.”

“In Tacoma?” We have hours. Half the night.

“Y
eah.” The whisper barely escapes her lips.

And there’s no way she isn’t thinking the same thing I’m thinking.
We’re alone, and she wants to be here.

I drop my pencil, stand up
,
and now I’m looking down on her. The warmth of her radiates and touches
me
before I touch her. This is so intense, like a movie or something. Maybe now I’m supposed
to keep it this way
.

Our lips touch and it’s
electric, hitting me hard.
Our kiss deepens as I slide my arms around the curve of her waist.

She breaks away, the sound of our breathing between us and nothing else. Our face
s
are close. Her hands still clutch the back of my shirt. Her eyes are down
,
and I want to kiss her everywhere. Her forehead, her eyelids, her cheeks, her soft lips.

“What’s different?”
I ask because something’s different.

“I just…” her eyes dri
ft toward the ceiling. “When we were a
t the airport,
Hélèna
…”

I hold in a chuckle. “Going to tell me now what you two talked about?”

“She said you loved me. She said that I should loosen up, that you’d take good care of me, and that I shouldn’t be so afraid of first e
xperiences.” Amber’s
eyes finally meet mine.
There’s something like determination on her features, but she still manages to look soft, kissable.

And the warmth of it spreads through my chest.
Love.
“She had a couple things right. My throat starts to close up, but I need to get it out. “I probably suck at taking care of people, but I want to take care of you.
Though, I can’t imagine you needing anything I have to give.
” My mouth is open, but how do I make the words come?

Everything about Amber is soft, vulnerable. This isn’t something I’m used to seeing from her. Her mouth is soft, her eyes, even her body is relaxed as she stands.
Watching. Waiting for words to come from the guy who loves his words so much. And now to say the most important thing, he can’t find them.

“I love you.”
This is
the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done in my life. More life-changing than anything I’ve ever done with any other girl. Ever.

She takes the last small step until she’s standing between my legs
as I lean against the table
, her arms slide aro
und my back and
our faces come together. We stand
, still for a moment. Long enough for me breathe in the fresh scent of her, the faint smell of her minty toothpaste.

Her eyes blink frantically for a few moments, enough that I know she’s trying not to cry. I’m sort of amazed I have this affect on her.
“I love you,” she whispers.

I try to memorize her face, her smile, every feature.
This is the most real
,
un-horrible moment I’ve ever been in the middle of.
“I think you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”

She snorts, such an Amber thing, and her eyes look down.

“I’m serious.”

“Right. I’ll never believe that, not after seeing
Hélèna
.”

“You’re everything, Amber. You’re beautiful. Inside and out, in a way that no one I’ve ever known…”
T
he memory of Mom hits me hard, right through my chest. “My mom would have adored you. She’d be so happy to see me like this. I think it’s what she wanted for me when she sent me out here to begin with.”
I don’t have to shove Mom away anymore. She’s here, but not chained like a weight as she used to be.

“For you to
fall in love with
the gi
rl next door?” H
er blue eyes find mine again. Nothing but tease sparkling in them.

I try to hold in my smile.
“
I don’t know
.
But, she’d love you.”

Amber’s arms tighten around me.

“Stay here tonight. I’ll tell your mom anything. I’ll say that I saw Mom on TV or something and didn’t want to be alone, even though
it’ll make me sound like a total wimp.”
I can’t imagine her leaving me tonight.

“It won’t make you sound like a wimp. It’ll make you sound sensitive.”

I laugh. “That’s girl talk. It’s okay. I don’
t mind sounding like a wimp. N
ot for you.”
I trace the side of her tanned face.

“You want me to stay?”

“
If you kiss me
.”
I smirk.

“
Just one?
” Her
lips are close. S
o close we almost touch.

“
Maybe a few more than one…” I press our lips together, but she laughs.

And man, f
eeling this much makes me miss M
om, but now I know there’s more.
I als
o don’t mind that they’re mixed.
E
very
time I think about Mom it’ll be mixed, and that’s okay.
I believe there’s more. More life, more love, more to look forward to. And even this, with Amber. It’s a first for me cause
I’ve never been in love before. Not even close.

Twenty-Three

I’ve finished the work for my senior year, and graduation is a bit anti-climactic, but at least high school’s over.
Seems like a good time to
finally sit down with the stack of
real
mail and start opening.
There’s a lot
to go through.
They each used to feel and look like a w
eight. Now they’re a challenge—
something to conquer and take care of.

I open the attorney’s first. It’s exactly what I expect. It all comes to me. All the millions she’s kept stashing. The apartment’s mine. The car’s mine. It’s all mine. I feel the way I knew I would. I don’t want any of it. I want Mom.
But the knowledge that I don’t get to have her, doesn’t hit as hard as it did a week ago.

There are
some small life insurance checks deposited into her account that I didn’t know about. Her accountant has sent close to
twenty
envelopes. I’m be
yond what the bank will i
nsure. W
here
do I want the money?
Please contact him right away.

Two more offers have been made on the apartment. The figures are high.
What am I going to do?
Go back to New York? Continue to
hide
on Dad’s boat?

No. I can’t keep hiding.
I have to get back to New York. A
nd soon.

- - -

Once I make the decision
for real
, I’m frantic to get started. To get out of here. I pack in minutes.

Dad hugs me tightly, and I hug him with the same force. Sucks that we didn’t take the time
to know one another
before now.

“If you need help with anything out there, you call and I’ll be there.”
His hand stays on my shoulder.
“I plan on coming in a month or two no matter what, okay?”

It’s not condescending like I would have taken it not long ago. “Thanks.”

“You need a ride to the airport?”

“I called a car.”

He smirks. “I’ll bet you did.” He knows I haven’t hardly spent a penny of my new money.
“Amber?”

I shrug. “I got her a seat
on the plane
, but I don’t know if she’ll take it.”

“If she doesn’t now, I bet she will later.”
He ruffs up my hair just like Mom used to do.

“Maybe.”

“Love you, son.”

“Love you, Dad.”
I put my arms around him one last time before step
ping off the back of the boat
. A
lone
.
D
ad knows
this is how I want to go, and
he gets it.
He gets me. Finally.

As I make my way to Amber’s
, my heart’s banging in my ribs
, telling me that something big i
s about to happen. Please let it be something good. So far this feeling has gotten me noth
ing but disappointment or
tragedy.

I knock on the door of Amber’s boat and wait.

She steps out with a smile that falls as she takes in my expression,
and
the bag slung over my shoulder.