Spiraling (14 page)

I ran my fingers through Devon’s hair in an effort to comfort him. He glared at me. Then he rolled his shoulder and stepped away. I backed off, folding my arms across my stomach and rubbing my elbows. If he didn’t want me to touch him, I wouldn’t.

“Grab a plate,” Lia said.

Devon turned around and grabbed the top plate with his unburned hand. He held it out toward me, but I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to take it so I didn’t move.

“You going to take it or not?” he asked.

I took the plate cautiously. “Thanks.”

He stared at me for a second, squinting. Then he turned around and handed the next plate on the stack to Lia. I stepped back against the counter, waiting for Devon or his sister to make the next move. Neither did. Instead, they both stared at me as if I was supposed to do something.

“Help yourself.” Lia gestured to the stove.

“That’s okay.” I shook my head. “Go ahead.”

She looked at Devon and shrugged. Turning to the stove, she stabbed one of the pork chops with her fork and lifted it out. She set it on the plate with the fork still stuck in it and handed it to Devon. Then she took the plate and fork he was holding, repeating what she’d just done. She traded the second plate for the one Devon had given me. When she’d finished handing out the pork chops, she spooned a dollop of mashed potatoes on each plate. I felt silly standing there holding a skewered pork chop slightly covered in runny potatoes, but I didn’t say anything.

I followed Devon and Lia when they went into the dining room. Devon set his plate down and then pulled out one of the chairs. I expected him to sit down, but he walked around to the other side of the table. I took a step forward, but hesitated, not sure if he’d pulled out the chair for me. He hadn’t been the most accommodating person all night, so it wouldn’t have surprised me if he was just walking around the table to get something before he sat down. Lia took the chair at the end of the table, glancing from me to her brother and shaking her head. Devon stood on the other side of the table for a second. Then he plopped into a chair roughly and dragged his plate closer. I watched him carefully as I sat in the chair he’d pulled out for me.

Dinner was excruciating. Devon’s attitude didn’t improve and he spent most of the meal avoiding his sister’s attempts at conversation. She tried to talk to me a few times, but I had no idea what to say to her. Everything I’d done that night seemed to be the wrong thing. I decided it was best to keep my head down and my mouth shut.

After dinner, I helped Lia take the plates into the kitchen. When I offered to help with the dishes, she chuckled and told me not to worry about it. She went to give the baby a bath and I followed Devon into his room, still feeling incredibly unwanted. I looked around nervously while he sat on the edge of his dresser smoking a cigarette.

“You’re being really quiet,” he said after a few minutes. “Something wrong?”

“No,” I lied.

I didn’t want to get in another argument. As it was, I was barely holding myself together. All I wanted to do was cry. The way he acted reminded me of Chad. The only difference was that I actually cared about Devon. Losing him would be like losing oxygen. Just the thought was suffocating.

“What do you want to do now?” he asked after a few minutes.

“I don’t know.” I shrugged.

“That’s a big help.”

“I’m sorry. Maybe you should just take me home.”

“Do you not want to be here?” he asked.

“You don’t want me to be,” I answered.

“Why would you say that?”

“Because. It’s pretty obvious you’re mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you.”

“It feels that way.”

He stared at me as he finished his cigarette. Then he smashed it into the ashtray on his dresser and crouched down in front of me. Drawing in a deep breath, he gently took my hand and held it between both of his.

“Hey,” he said softly, waiting for me to look at him. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve been an asshole, but it’s not because of you. There’s a lot of shit going on right now. You just kind of stepped in the middle of it.”

“You mean with Lia?” I asked.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “With Lia and work and some other stuff. And on top of that, my head is fucking killing me.”

I used my free hand to brush his hair out of his eyes. “What’s wrong with your head?”

“I’ve had a headache all day.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I know.” I sniffled. “But I’m still sorry.”

“Come here.”

He stood up and pulled me to my feet. Then he wrapped his arms around me. A tear slipped down my cheek as I snuggled into his embrace. It was the first time he’d shown me affection all day. After hours of feeling like I was standing on the edge of a breakdown, desperately trying to keep it together, I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Devon gently ran his hand over my hair, kissed the top of my head, and whispered, “I love you, Baby Doll.”

I had no idea if he meant the words or if he was just saying them to make me feel better. Right then, I didn’t care. I wanted to believe him, so I did. It wasn’t that hard. I was in love with him. I would have believed anything he told me.

The day back after break was a strange day. I met Joy at the base of her driveway and listened to her recount Sunday’s sermon. Kennedy waited until Joy’s report was almost concluded before she joined us. She smiled at me as she walked up, and I knew she’d timed her arrival intentionally.

“Good morning.” Joy greeted her. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Kennedy answered. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“You’re later than normal,” Joy said. “It’s almost eight.”

“I had to wait for the dryer,” Kennedy replied. “Mom forgot to switch the clothes before she went to bed last night so I didn’t have any dry jeans to wear.”

“You could have made sure they were dry yourself.”

“I could have. But I didn’t.”

“Obviously.” Joy sighed.

Kennedy turned to me as we started walking. “I didn’t expect to see you this morning,” she said. “Why didn’t Devon pick you up?”

“He doesn’t have a car anymore,” I said.

“What happened to the one he’s been driving?” she asked.

“That was RJ’s car,” I answered. “Lia kicked him out over break, so—”

“Kicked
who
out?”

“RJ.”

“Oh.” She chuckled slightly. “I thought you were saying she kicked Devon out.”

“No.” I shook my head and smiled.

“So, who’s RJ?” Joy asked.

“Lia’s boyfriend,” I answered. “Well,
ex
-boyfriend now. He’s worthless.”

“Worthless?” Joy furrowed her brow.

“He is,” I said. “He doesn’t have a job. All he does is sit around the house all day smoking pot and watching TV while Lia works two jobs. And he won’t even babysit, not that Lia would trust him. I can’t believe she put up with him for as long as she did. I wouldn’t keep a man around that acted like that.”

“Why would she need a babysitter?” Kennedy grinned, trying not to laugh at her own cleverness. “Devon’s old enough to watch himself, isn’t he?”

“Funny.” I scowled at her. “She has a little boy. Casper. He’s really cute. You guys should see Devon with him. It’s adorable.”

“I’m sure it is.” Kennedy rolled her eyes.

“What’s that about?” I asked.

“Nothing,” she said. “It’s just… I don’t get what you see in that guy. He’s so not adorable. I mean, what is up with the whole scruffy look? Did he lose his razor, or something?”

“I kind of like it,” I replied.

“How do you kiss a guy with all that on his face?” She moved her hand in a circle in front of her face.

“The same way you kiss any other guy.”

“I like how Jay’s face is always smooth.”

“That’s because Jason
can’t
grow facial hair.” I chuckled.

“He shaves.”

“What? His peach fuzz?”

“Whatever. At least my boyfriend doesn’t look like a homeless biker.”

“I don’t care what you say. I think he’s hot.”

“I think he needs a haircut,” Joy said. “It annoys me how it’s always in his face. What is wrong with a neat crew cut or something?”

“I like his hair the way it is,” I replied. “There’s nothing wrong with it.”

“Joy’s right, Tori.” Kennedy pointed at Joy and nodded. “He wouldn’t look bad cleaned up, but the whole grunge look isn’t really my thing.”

“I guess it’s a good thing he’s not your boyfriend then, huh?” I said.

“I guess,” Kennedy replied.

We walked the rest of the way into the school. Joy scurried off at the mouth of the side hall, convinced she would be late for class. Kennedy and I chuckled at her. As usual, Kennedy was missing something and had to search for it in the mess she called a locker. She squatted down and pulled everything out onto the floor. I tried not to step on anything as I opened Devon’s locker and put my bag inside.

“What are you looking for, Hon’?” Jason asked as he walked up with Chad.

“I lost my notebook,” Kennedy answered. “I didn’t take it home over break, so it should be in here.”

“That sucks.” Chad chuckled.

I glanced at my ex-boyfriend. He stood behind me, amused by Kennedy and Jason searching through the mess on the floor. Jason had knelt down to help her when it became apparent she wasn’t going to find it on her own.

“Hi, Tori.” Chad looked at me. “How’ve you been?”

“Fine,” I answered.

“That’s good. Are you still hanging out with that stoner?”

“I’m still with Devon, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Sorry. I couldn’t remember his name.”

“Sure, you couldn’t.” I rolled my eyes.

“Tori, I—”

“Found it!” Kennedy announced.

“That’s great,” I said, closing Devon’s locker as she and Jason got up off the floor. “I’m going to head to class. I’ll see you later.”

Nothing eventful happened all morning. Devon didn’t show up to school, but that was hardly a surprise. I’d gotten used to him ditching classes whenever he felt like it. At first, I’d liked his disregard for convention. The longer we were together, however, the more it bothered me.

The following day, he was back at school, but he was in a foul mood and his friends didn’t make it any better. As soon as Carter sat down at lunch, Jeremiah started picking on him. It was normal for Devon’s friends to give each other a hard time, but for whatever reason, Devon wasn’t having it that day. When Jeremiah reached across the table to take Carter’s lunch tray, the look Devon gave him made me shiver.

“Leave him alone,” Devon said.

“Relax, D.” Jeremiah chuckled. “I’m just messing with him. Don’t get your panties in a wad.”

“Fuck off, Jer,” Devon retorted.

“You fuck off.”

“Who’s fucking off?” Jake asked, joining us in the already crowded booth.

“D,” Jeremiah answered. “He’s being a dick.”

“Isn’t he always?” Maimy laughed.

Devon glared at her for a second. Then he turned to Carter and said, “I’m going to take off.”

“Where you headed?” Carter asked.

“I have that thing,” Devon answered.

“You need a ride?” Carter offered.

“Sure.” Devon nodded.

“You’re leaving?” I asked nervously, concerned that he would leave me alone with Jake, Jeremiah, and the girls.

“Yeah,” Devon answered. “You want me to walk you to the locker before I go?”

“I guess.” I shrugged.

We got up from the table. Devon put his arm around me as we walked out of the cafeteria with Carter. Lunch wasn’t over for a while, so the halls were empty aside from an occasional teacher.

“I’ve got to go get my keys,” Carter said. “I’ll meet you out at the car.”

“Be there in a few,” Devon replied.

Devon and I walked the rest of the way to the short hall. He retrieved his jacket from his locker, sliding it on before he took a pack of cinnamon gum out of his pocket.

“Want a piece?” He held out the pack.

“No, thanks.” I shook my head. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine. You practically bit Jeremiah’s head off.”

“Jeremiah’s a dick,” he said, sticking a piece of gum in his mouth.

“Yeah, but he’s still your friend.”

He glanced down the hall and shifted his weight. “You want to come with me?”

“Where?” I asked.

“I have to go to Beaumont to see my probation officer.”

“Are you in trouble?”

“No. I just have to check in every couple weeks.”

“Oh.” I looked at the floor. I didn’t like talking about his probation.

“After, we can hang out at the house for a while before I have to go to work.”

“I can’t. My mom would kill me if she found out I skipped school.”

“Okay. So, what about later?” He brushed his fingers across my cheek.

“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Maybe. I’ll have to ask my mom.”

“I get off at six. I can stop by after that.”

“Okay.” I looked up and nodded.

He leaned closer, whispering, “I love you,” before he kissed me. I grabbed his jacket and rose onto my toes as I kissed him back. The sound of someone clearing their throat diverted our attention. We turned toward the end of the hall to see Mr. Frasier, the junior English teacher, staring at us.

“PDA, Mr. Sharpe,” Mr. Frasier said.

“Yes, sir,” Devon replied, taking a step back.

I giggled as Mr. Frasier walked past us. The teacher shook his head, disappearing around the corner into the main hall. The second he was gone, Devon and I were in each other’s arms again, but it didn’t last long. Mr. Frasier stepped back around the corner and cleared his throat for a second time. We pulled apart quickly, smiling at him.

“Last warning, you two,” Mr. Frasier said. “Get your hormones under control.”

“Yes, sir,” Devon replied.

“Yes, sir,” I echoed, giggling.

Mr. Frasier grinned and walked back around the corner.

Devon turned to me and smiled. “Sure you don’t want to come?”

“I wish I could, but my mom would seriously kill me.”

“It’s all right.” He cupped my cheek in his palm and put his forehead against mine. “I love you.”

“I know.” I sighed. “I love you, too.”

“Don’t pout, Baby Doll.” He chuckled. “I’ll stop by after work.”

“You better.”

“I will.” He smiled.

He kissed me one more time before he left. I watched him walk away before I turned around. Reopening his locker, I sorted through my books and tried to arrange them neatly on the shelf with his. After a few minutes, people filtered in from the cafeteria. Kennedy walked up as I dug my biology book out of my bag and double-checked to make sure I had my homework. I talked to her for a few minutes, but the conversation was strained. I got the impression that she didn’t really want to speak to me, so I made up an excuse about finishing homework and went to class early.