Spurs and Heels (21 page)
Authors: Heather Rainier
Tags: #Fiction, #Romance, #Western, #Erotica, #General
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“Is it like how I feel? My body is satisfied, but my heart wants you cuddled up, with your head on my chest. I miss your scent. If I could hold you, I’d be all right.”
“Yes. That’s how I feel.”
“I’m sorry. The phone sex was supposed to help us feel better. I didn’t mean to make you feel worse.”
“I think I’d be feeling this way, regardless of whether I’d come or not. I’m just sentimental and foolish.”
“I guess we both are. Do you think you can sleep?”
“Yes. Talking to you helped, knowing you feel it, too.”
“I do.” To him, it sounded like she was still trying to hold herself together. “Maybe the release will help you drift off faster. I hope you feel better in the morning. Then it’ll only be a few hours until you’re home.”
“You’re right,” she said, her voice hitching again. “I have to go in to the store after lunch tomorrow, but maybe we can see each other after I get off work. I’m visiting with my family for a little while in the morning.”
“Good. That’ll get your mind off the blues. I’ll see you after work.
Get some sleep.”
“Okay, honey, I—”
“Yeah, darlin?”
“I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”
“G’night, darlin’” he murmured, smiling into the darkness.
I love
you, too.
* * * *
Juliana couldn’t deny that her heart had throbbed a little harder with each mile that drew them back to Divine from Tillman.
Everybody had chatted quietly on the way back, but her mind had been filled with thoughts of Ash and her conversation with him the night before. Their phone sex had been outrageously hot and her heart
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pounded with the memory of the way he’d talked her down from it afterward, when she’d missed him and needed him so much. The need she’d felt last night echoed in her body now.
She’d wanted so much to say those words and would’ve if he’d been there with her. The love she felt for him made her feel vulnerable and her chest ached. She felt exhausted from the last couple of days, but her heart was in a full gallop as Adam pulled the SUV onto the long curving drive to the Divine Creek Ranch.
A ranch hand came to check in with Jack, and Juliana heard the hand tell him that Ash was in Divine running errands. Her eyes stung with suppressed tears as she loaded her things into her car and bid everybody good-bye. Her eyelids felt like sand coated them as she squinted out the windshield. She squelched the urge to tear up because she had to go in to work. There was no point in arriving at the store looking like a tear-stained drama queen. She wondered if perhaps she should call Dr. Guthrie and hoped that she wasn’t coming down with a cold or the flu.
She did her best to focus and by the afternoon she felt much better. She had catch-up work that needed to be accomplished today and thought about the plans she’d made to visit Discretion with Grace and Teresa. They’d told her about the store, and she’d been intrigued by the concept and was looking forward to meeting the owners in the near future.
She needn’t have worried about the store. All was in order, and the stockroom and sales floor were both running like a well-oiled machine. Leah and Evelyn greeted her in her office, and she gave them the highlights of the last twenty-four hours, minus the more personal details regarding Michael’s monstrous grandparents.
When she saw Ash that night, he was his usual, attentive self.
After supper, they made up for the night before, by going to bed early and staying entwined after making love until it was time for him to get up and return to the ranch before dawn.
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Chapter Eighteen
The following week, Juliana got a call from her cousin Allen. He would be in Divine on official business and called to find out if she wanted to meet him for an early lunch. She happily agreed to meet him at Rudy’s. She and Allen had always been close growing up, working together in the restaurant, doing the same jobs. He was the one who’d taught her to dance, and she looked forward to introducing him to Ash. He’d told her he was bringing a surprise with him.
Allen took one look at her and said, “Okay, spill your guts.”
Juliana sighed as she sat in the round corner booth at Rudy’s, and Allen scooted in beside her. “I can’t hide anything from you, damn it.”
“You look miserable. What’s eating you?”
“About six foot, three inches worth of big, handsome, blue-eyed cowboy, that’s what.”
“Um, I think that might be a little too much information.”
Juliana suppressed a small smile and thumped him in the ribs.
“You know what I meant.”
“So there’s someone in your life again? That’s good news, if he’s treating you well, that is.”
“Ash is great. He’s Jack, Ethan, and Adam’s foreman out at their ranch. He’s hard-working and has good manners.”
“That’s great news. Somehow I could never picture you with that other guy, the real estate agent. He seemed too…”
“Soft and smarmy? Yes, I agree. Lying, cock-sucking, cheating bastard.” Juliana said it with a smile, realizing she hadn’t thought of Lawrence at all in weeks.
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Allen grinned and chuckled. “Damn. Tell me how you
really
feel.”
“Ash is awesome.”
“I’m sensing a ‘but’ in there somewhere.”
She nodded tensely. “I’ve gotten myself into a situation.”
The waiter approached to take their orders and bring their drinks.
Once he left, Allen turned to her, speaking quietly because the restaurant was becoming more crowded.
“What’s up? You want to talk about it? You know you can tell me anything.”
“Well, as you can probably tell, I’m head over heels in love with him, but I haven’t told him.”
“Why?”
“Because the time never seems right, and when it’s right, we were usually talking on the phone like when I was in Tillman. He told me he loved me on Valentine’s Day but said he didn’t want me to say those words until I was really sure. With our work schedules, we haven’t been able to get together much, and when we are…I just chicken out every time.”
“He’s giving you the chance to tell him without feeling prompted.
With all that red hair and Grandma Lila’s temper, I’ve never known you to be a chickenshit before. That’s new.”
“Shut up!” She felt her cheeks heat up. That sounded exactly like something Ash would say. “So what’s my surprise?” she asked eagerly, changing the subject like the chickenshit that she was.
“Mom and Aunt Violet went through Grandma Lila’s jewelry box.”
“Really?”
she asked, her surprised exclamation drawing the momentary attention of several diners. She lowered her voice. “And everybody was okay with that?”
“It’s been a while since she and Grandpa passed. Everybody agreed it was time. Before she passed away, Grandma Lila made a list of things that she wanted to go to specific people. It’s a good thing,
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too. Otherwise, there’s no telling if these would’ve come to you,” he said as he pulled her grandmother’s engagement ring and wedding bands out of his pocket and held them out to her. She started crying and he added “My gut tells me you’re going to need these soon.”
She held the rings in her fingers and looked at them before she reached over to hug Allen. Of all the things that could’ve been passed down to her, these rings were the most precious.
“Would you say yes if he asked?”
She nodded happily. “Yes! I would.” She felt her cheeks tingle when several restaurant patrons looked over in curiosity.
“Grandma must’ve known that special things like this would be a bone of contention. Personally, I think it’s pathetic that it took this long for them to agree to deliver the items on the list to their rightful inheritors. Grandpa must’ve made a list at the same time because they gave me Grandpa’s wedding band.”
“Wow. I can imagine the big stink all this caused.”
“No, I think Grandma and Grandpa got it right. We’re the youngest of all the grandkids and the least likely to inherit much, but we’re also the only ones that are still unmarried. And yeah, Tillie was
pissed as hell
. She thought for sure all the wedding bands would go to the oldest grandchild, whether they were already married or not.”
Tillie was Allen’s much older, married sister. He held out the weathered, plain man’s gold band to her.
“It’s not right that they should be split up, Juliana. I want you to have it, as well.” Juliana was struck dumb by his selflessness.
“Besides, I have no immediate plans to marry,” he said softly as he opened her shaking hand and placed it in her palm. She could hear the regret in his voice.
She closed her hand and put her arms around his neck and whispered, “I’m so sorry, Allen. I know how much you loved her.”
“I let her down. I had no idea what she was going through until she was gone. I never told Teresa how I felt about her. She deserved better than someone who couldn’t even put two intelligent words
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together in her presence. I kept thinking she’d come back. She looks so happy with her men, and I think they’ll make fine fathers to Michael.”
“Allen, the right woman is out there for you. Shouldn’t you hold on to this for when she shows up?”
“No, I want the rings to stay together. And I’m happy knowing you’ll have them. Plus, it’ll really piss Tillie off when I tell her that I gave it to you,” Allen added with a dry laugh.
Juliana wiped tears from her cheeks as she snickered, “Well, you know what they say? It’s better to be
pissed
off
—”
“—than
pissed
on
. Tell the man you love him. If you’ve learned anything from my wretched love life, it’s that you need to learn to trust your feelings and go for it.”
“Yeah. There’s just one little hitch that’s presented itself to my happily ever after,” she whispered so that there was no chance of being overheard.
“Now what?”
“Ash is going to be a daddy.”
Allen looked down at her sitting beside him in the booth, smiled, and kissed her forehead.
“I found out this morning.”
“You’re going to have to buy me dessert if you want me to not go blabbing
that
news to your folks.”
“Don’t you dare. Not until after I talk to Ash and they have a chance to meet him. I guess I have to go pay a visit to him after we eat, huh?”
“Sooner, the better. When do you expect the new arrival?”
“Late September, early October. Plus, I have other changes to make in my life. I think I’m ready to move on from my current position.”
They talked while they ate then Allen grabbed the check off the table before she could. He hugged her again after he paid the bill, and they parted ways to go back to work.
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Back at work, the break room was abuzz with plans for a going-away party for an employee who was moving out of state. Her husband was in the military and being reassigned to a base in North Carolina. Several of the ladies had planned a surprise send-off for her that night at The Dancing Pony.
When Evelyn asked her, Juliana allowed her to load all the decorations and housewarming gifts for the young lady’s new home into the trunk of her Camaro to take over there that evening.
Distracted, she tried out different lines to tell Ash the news. She grew more and more regretful that the news that she truly loved him had to come with the news she was also pregnant.
Juliana didn’t regret the baby at all. That surprised her because she witnessed up close and personal what it was like for Teresa with Michael.
She was grateful that she hadn’t had any morning sickness.
Although if she had, she
might
have tumbled to the fact that she was pregnant a little sooner. She was already two and a half months along.
Her stomach twisted up in knots imagining all the scenarios and Ash’s reaction to the news.
She finally gave up trying to concentrate on work. Finishing what absolutely had to be done, she told Evelyn and the other employee planning the going-away party that she’d see them at The Pony at the appointed time that evening.
* * * *
Juliana took the opportunity to stop in and say hello to Teresa, hoping to find some courage along the way. A little while later, three of Teresa’s homemade tacos in hand, Juliana drove around to the first red barn and pulled up near the door. There were ranch hands going about their day, and when she asked one of them where she could find Ash, he pointed through the side door of the barn to the corral located there.
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Carrying the tacos, she made her way through the pristinely clean barn and out the door. Ash stood by the corral, presumably watching one of the other ranch hands working with a lively young colt.
Her phone rang in her pocket, and she slipped it out to answer it.
“Hello?”
“Hey, it’s Allen. Mom would kill me if I forgot to mention it, and I almost did. When she was looking at Lila’s ring, she thought that one of the diamonds felt a little loose in its setting. You might want to have a jeweler take a look at it. That’s it.”
“Are you on your way back?”
“About halfway there now.”
“Will you thank your mom for me? And thank you, Allen. You’re very special to me.”
His deep, raspy laugh came through clear on the line. “It’s because I’m just so fricking precious. You tell your man the news yet?”
Over the knot of nervousness reforming in her throat, she said,
“I’m about to.”
“Oh! Good luck. Let me know how it goes. I promise, I won’t tell anyone.”
“’Kay, love you.”
“Me, too, bye.”
She put the phone away as she made her way over to the side of the corral where Ash stood. She removed the rings and placed them in her skirt pocket.
When she looked up, Ash was watching her from across the corral. His hat was pulled down low against the sun’s glare, so she couldn’t see his eyes very well. She smiled nervously and waved as she approached him.
“Hi. I brought you a snack. Teresa sent them for you.” She wondered if he could even hear her over the lump in her throat. He didn’t move from the spot where he stood, his boot hitched up on one
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of the pipe rails of the corral. He spoke indistinctly to the ranch hand, who led the energetic colt from the corral back to the barn.
Ash seemed tense as she approached, and she wondered if something had happened that morning to make him act this way. He was taking over duties as foreman for Angel. Maybe he needed to play it cool for the other ranch hands so they’d respect him. She could understand that, to a point.
She sidled close to him, and he took the paper sack she offered.
He thanked her politely, looking out across the corral. No hug, no kiss, he didn’t even look into her eyes. Wasn’t this taking “playing it cool” a little far?
Nervously, she finally spoke when he said nothing else to her. “I–I have some news to share with you.”
“Oh, yeah?”
A chill swept from her tailbone to her neckline at his cool tone.
“U–um, yeah.”
He looked down at the ground, so she couldn’t see his face. “You can save yourself the trouble, Juliana. I already know your news.”
Stunned, she looked at what she could see of his profile. “You already know? How? How could you know?” Doctor-patient privilege applied to her test results, but she knew that people gossiped. She couldn’t make the connection between the staff at Doctor Guthrie’s office and the Divine Creek Ranch. That couldn’t be it. The only other person who knew was Allen.
Ash quickly clarified for her. “You were overheard at Rudy’s. A hand was there while you were there. He told me what he heard.”
“Oh.” He did know. Her heart raced wildly. He wasn’t happy about her news. What did she say now?
“Seems you drew some attention to yourself.”
“Oh.” Damn it, was that all she could think of to say? Strong, mouthy Juliana had left the building evidently.
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“It’s okay, Juliana. I understand how you must feel. But you gotta remember we never made any real commitments to each other. Just play it cool and do what you have to do.”
“I don’t understand.” Never in a million years would she have guessed
that
would be his reaction to news that she was pregnant.
“I already know your news. You don’t have to explain yourself.
Take care of
whatever
yourself, and don’t worry about me. It’s not that big a deal, okay? You’ll be fine.”
Whatever?
Her voice shook a little and cold shivers swept over her skin. “But Ash, I needed to tell you. You needed to know how I feel.” This was her fault for putting off telling him the obvious. Clearly, he didn’t mean that he didn’t have feelings for her. She could see it in his eyes whenever he looked at her.
“I think I have a pretty clear picture of how you feel. I heard about your news in great detail. I don’t care. It’s obvious you and I don’t feel the same way about each other. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here telling me all this. Do what you have to do.”
A sob escaped from Juliana’s throat, and she unconsciously leaned her forehead against his triceps, which was stretched up so that his forearms rested on the top rail of the corral. “But I—Ash, you don’t understand.
I love you
,” she said in a shaky whisper, her fingertips brushing against his ribs.
The tension coiled in his muscles, and he stepped away from her, leaving her to wobble forward as he withdrew from her. She felt a fault line open in her chest at his hasty withdrawal.
“Then you’re even more confused than I thought, Juliana, if you can stand there and tell me that,” he spat out in a sarcastic tone. “
That
is not something I’ll ever be ready for, and I can’t believe you’d even think about it. I thought you knew me. I don’t
share
.”
He was angry because she’d hoped he would want to share a life with her and their baby. She couldn’t believe her ears. How had she so stupidly misjudged him?
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The fault line quaked in her chest as she remembered his words after they’d had unprotected sex. He’d told her he would take responsibility for his actions. He’d lied. Not that she would’ve accepted it, but he didn’t even make the offer of paying for an abortion. As the thought slammed into her, anger came close on its heels, and a fierce, protective instinct inside of her roared to the surface.
“I came here to share the news with you. You already seem to know. So, I guess I’ve done what I came to do. Nice knowing you, cowboy.” She turned on her heel and walked back to the side door when realization slammed into her. She faltered a step but kept going, her head held high.
She didn’t realize how much she’d come to enjoy all his little endearments. Calling him cowboy reminded her that he usually responded in kind with city girl or darlin’.
Now she saw how meaningless all of that was to him. It was just part of his southern charm. He probably called the girl at the convenience store down the road darlin’. It meant nothing to him, just like she had meant nothing to him but an easy lay, just like the baby meant nothing. There were no endearments forthcoming now because she was an inconvenience.
Juliana nodded to Angel and Joaquin, who both bore surprised and concerned looks on their faces as they watched her pass. Realizing she must look like crap, she put her hands to her face and wiped away the deluge of tears that she had been unaware of until that moment.
What useless things those tears were. They were wasted on him. He could go fuck himself if he thought she would treat this as casually as he did.
She buckled her seatbelt and started the Camaro. She drove down the long drive, remembering a far different reception the last time she’d driven down this driveway at Teresa’s wedding. By the time she made it back to town, depression and fatigue had taken hold.
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Making an impulsive decision, she sat in her car and made three phone calls, to Doug Woodworth in Morehead, Leah and Evelyn at the store, and to Allen. She cried her eyes out through the last one, and Allen wanted to return to Divine and kick Ash’s sorry ass, but she told him it wasn’t worth it. Then she went inside and began packing her bags.
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