Stacy's Song (12 page)

 

I put off making any kind of declaration. When in doubt, don't do anything.

I wouldn't see the band until late the next week. I told Michael I could only stay an hour for band practice. I had Christmas shop
ping to do. Having been so sick
I had postponed any thought of buying presents.

Greg offered to take m
e shopping that evening. “It's
selfish on my part,” he explained. “I have to buy gifts for my parents, grandmother and two siste
rs. So if you help me with that
I'll be your chauffeur for the evening.”

I knew in my heart I should not have sh
own up for band practice at all
but Michael was all excited about the competition for Battle of the Bands and somehow this didn't seem the right time to tell him I was quitting. It could wait a few more days, I decided, feeling like a lowdown coward.

Barely an hour after rehearsal began the doorbell rang. Michael seemed annoyed at the interruption
as Liz went to answer the door.

Greg followed
her into the living room. “Well
,
I'm ready to take you shopping,” Greg said cheerfully. “So let's get rolling.”

Michael's mouth turned downward. “We're in
the middle of a rehearsal here
,
Lawson. Why don't you come back later?” Michael stood up and walked toward where Greg stood.

“Look
,
Norris
,
Stacy and I have a date. Stay out of it!”

Michael jutted his square jaw and moved closer to Greg. “This is my house. Get out!”

“With pleasure. Stacy
,
please get your coat.”

I started to move but Michael seized my arm in a viselike grip. “I want you to stay with us. What we're doing is important.”

“Michael
,
please
let go of me! You're making a big deal out of nothing.”

But he wouldn't let go. And then, Greg was beside me. “Let her go, Norris! I swear if you weren't blind I'd—”

“What? Would you do this?” Michael's hands bunched into fists; he lunged at Greg and struck one short but hard blow to Greg's hunky bod. The air whooshed from Greg's lungs.

Jimmy jumped between them
holding Michael away from Greg.

“Don't underestimate us blind people.”

“Cheap shot, Norris! Come on Stace
,
I don't want people saying I took advantage of a handicapped kid.”

“Yeah
,
that's right. Go on and leave with Tom Terrific here!”

“You don't give me much
choice do you?” I faced Michael hands on hips
seething with anger.

For his part
Michael's face was red like a blood sun. “Oh, there's always a choice, but I think you've already made yours. Yeah, go with him…the cheerleader and the jock. You're a perfect pair, one more superficial than the other.”

“You creep!” I shouted at him. Then I gr
abbed my coat and followed Greg
slamming the front door behind me.

I was shaking inside as we drove away. The evening was ruined; I could barely concentrate on shopping. Michael had been impossible before, but tonight was the ultimate. He was totally out of control. What was wrong with him?

*
***

The following school day was the last one before Christmas vacation. Everyone was in a festive mood. Besides the fact that it was Friday, we had ten days off. None of the
teachers'
assigned homework, except for my physics instructor, generally referred to as the Grinch, but I knew I would have to do some studying anyway, probably quite a lot of studying.
Still, it was a fun day.
I felt much more calm and relaxed.

The orchestra performed with the glee club and did a special presentation of Christmas and Chanukah music. It was when we were
putting our instruments away
getting ready to leave that Liz approached me.

“Stacy
,
can we eat lunch together? I
need to talk to you.”

“Sure,” I said.

I'd been eating lunch almost exclusively with Karen and the other cheerleaders who sh
ared my lunch period. But today
Liz and I sat off by ourselves. I slid a Swiss cheese sandwich out of the brown paper bag I brought from home and munched as Liz opened a milk container.

“Michael is
sorry about the way he behaved.”

“He should be.” I met her level gaze.

“He got carried away. He
cares about you
,
Stace.” Liz's large gray eyes misted
soft and sad.

“He doesn't care about
me. He just wants to control me
,
to use me like I was a pu
ppet. When he pulls the strings I'm supposed to jump
an
d if he doesn't get his own way
he becomes mean.”

“I'm sorry you see it that way.” Liz's voice was quiet and cool.

“I don't know how else to see it.” I
put down my sandwich. Suddenly
it tasted like sawdust.

“It's just that Greg has taken so much from him already.”

I looked at her in total confusion. “What are you talking about? What's Greg got to do with this?”

“Michael wouldn't like me to say.”

“You already said something so don't you think you ought to explain?”

Liz licked dry lips. “Greg and Michael were best friends. They did everything together for years. But Greg was always jealous of Michael because he was the better ath
lete. When Michael became blind
Greg never once visited him or even called. He dumped Michael lik
e a sack of garbage.” Her great gray eyes took on a cold
metallic glare of indignation. “After the accident, Greg demanded Michael's spot in the line-up as clean-up batter and first baseman/pitcher. Greg lost no time making himself the star of the team. He could have cared less about Michael. I think he was actually glad.”

“You don't think your interpretation is just a little prejudiced and one-sided?”

Liz shook her
head
. “Oh, Stacy, I just hope one day, you find out about Greg before he hurt
s you! Sure he can be a charmer
,
say all the right things
,
but deep down
he's selfish. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. He's also ambitious. Don't you be blind!”

“Let's not talk about Greg anymore. Look, there's something I need to tell you, something important.” I cleared my throat, which felt raw. “My father's been upset by my grades. I'm not doing very well. He insists I give up at least one of my time-consuming activities.” I paused, hesitating to continue. But Liz wat
ched me intently. “The thing is
he wants me to stop playing with the band.”

Liz let out a small gasp. “You can't do that! You cannot quit the band. We're a team. We depend on you.”

“I'm not important. You can replace me. That's a fact of life.”

Liz shook her head again with vehemence. This time her honey hair fell into her face. “No, we need you! There has to be another way. From
the first time I heard you sing I knew you were right for us
,
for Michael.
Don't desert us.
”

“Look
,
I can't go against my father. Will you tell Michael for me? I think it's best if I don't see him again. We'd only end up arguing. We seem to have that effect on each other.”

“If you're
set on this, you're going to have to tell him yourself. He deserves that much from you.” Liz raised her chin in a mutinous gesture.

She was right but the thought of telling Michael face to face was more than I could stand. “You're sure you can't tell him for me?”

She folded her arms over her chest. “Some things a girl just has to do for herself.” At that point, Liz go
t up from the table. “Excuse me
,
I'm going to the bathroom.”

“Aren't you going to finish your lunch?”

“No
,
I'm not hungry anymore. In fact
I feel like throwing up.”

I watched her go and felt a terrible burden of guilt, like a mountain climber
carrying a heavy backpack.
I had done what I had to, and I couldn't help feeling rotten about it.

*
***

That evening when Greg picked me up to go to a party at Karen's house, I was still depressed.

“Not in the mood for a great party tonight?” Greg asked.

“Bah
,
Christmas, humbug,” I said in my best Scrooge imitation.

“I hope that was a joke,” he said with an easy smile.

“It was,” I lied.

“You look nic
e,” he told me. It wasn't true
but I could always count on Greg to say the right thing.

Randy and Karen hosted the party. Karen glowed in this atmosphere. The entire jock crowd was present and everyone was in high spirits. I tried to enter into it. I was grateful Mr. Kemp had cancelled our usua
l Friday Teen Night at the club. H
e was having a special show for the holidays so at least I didn't have to face Michael tonight.

I wanted to have a good time and
forget about the band. As usual
Greg was the center of inter
est. All the guys talked to him and
all the girls admired him. Here I was, the date of the most popular boy in school. I tried hard to feel part of it—maybe a little too hard.

Greg and I danced together and he held me very close during the slow dances. Karen had a great stereo system in her basement family room; the sound was fantastic. But my mind was elsewhere and I stepped on Greg's toes with my big feet a number of times.

“Sorry, I'm so clumsy,” I said, red-faced with embarrassment.

“That's okay,” he said with a crooked little smile that indicated I hurt him but he was too polite to admit it.

About eleven o'clock, Greg turned to me. “Let's go somewhere private.”

I gave him a dubious look.

“Not what you think. I just want us to talk a little.”

That surprised me because Greg and I hardly ever talked except about trivial things. I thought maybe he wanted to discuss what happened with Michael the night before. I followed him into the den and watched while he closed the door. “Maybe thi
s isn't the right time or place
but there are things I've wanted to say to you for a while now.”

I gave him a questioning look.

“I thi
nk you and I
hit it off. I like you. I like your family a lot. Our backgrounds are similar and so are our interests. We've got everything in common, everything going for us.” He took my hands in his. “What I'm trying to say is that I want you to be my steady girlfriend. I don't think of anyone
else the way I think about you
,
Stace. Anyway
,
I'd like you to accept my school ring and wear it. I also want you to have my football varsity sweater.”

I stared at him in surprise.

“Maybe I shouldn't have sprung this on you.”

I had trouble finding my voice. “Greg, I'm
honored and I'm truly flattered
but can I have a little time to think about this?”

“Sure.” Still, he looked at me with surprise as well as disappointment.
Clearly this wasn't the response he'd expected.
“Hey, this isn't a marriage proposal or anything. I just thought you'd like to be my special girl.”

I leaned over and kissed him, a quick peck on the cheek.

“That's no kiss,” he said, and wit
h a big grin
gave me a firm smack on the mouth.

And still
I didn't feel anything. Why was that? Any normal girl would have been jumping out of her gourd with joy. Having a guy like Greg interested was the greatest th
ing that could happen to a girl.
S
o why wasn't I thrilled?

But I wasn't. The things Liz had said about Greg stayed with me, made me uneasy.

I excused myself, telling him I wanted to see if Karen needed any help in the kitchen. But Karen wasn't in sight and so I went upstairs into her bedroom to comb my hair and freshen my lipstick and try to think a little.

There I ran into Cindy Ellis. I started to turn and leave but she stopped me. I wasn't in the mood to be clawed by a cat this evening.

“Just a second, Stacy. I've been meaning to tell you something. You can relax. I'm no longer interested in Greg. I've got another boyfriend, as you might have noticed.” She shot me a patronizing smile and continued to comb her long, golden hair.

“I don't much care,” I told her. I figured with some people it was best to be blunt.

“You should care. In fact, you should be keeping a close watch on Greg.” Our eyes locked.

“I don't have to do that. I trust him.”

Her eyes were sharp, blue daggers. “Serious mistake! I ought to know. A lot of girls want to snare Greg. Oh, I agree you have nothing to worry about—at least not from me, but then there is your dear friend Karen.”

“You're incredible. Karen and Randy are inseparable.”

She shrugged.
“Not always. Karen and Greg have been out together. You don't believe me, do you? Well, ask her. I doubt Greg would tell you the truth, but maybe she will.”

Funny how such a pretty girl could look so ugly. At that moment, if someone told me Cindy was trying out for the part of a witch in Macbeth, I'd have said it was typecasting.

“Greg did the same thing to me. Did you know he's dated every member of the cheerleading squad at least once? Don't look at me that way. I'm trying to do you a favor. You ought to thank me.”

“I would if I thought it was true, but to my way of thinking, you're just trying to get even.”

“You know Greg has this thing for cheerleaders. Ask yourself this question: if you hadn't been chosen for the squad, would Greg have given you a second look?” She gave me one of her superior smiles.

I turned on my heels and left. I wanted nothing further to do with Cindy.
His friends surrounded Greg
again, and I
didn't feel like being with him or them right at that moment, so I went back to the kitchen. This time, Karen was there, pouring a fresh package of chips into a large bowl. She looked great, dr
essed in a green silk shirt
that emphasized her auburn hair and sparkling green eyes. Was Cindy right? Had Greg been seeing her without me knowing about it?

“Can I help you with anything?”

Karen gave me a warm smile. “Thanks for asking, Stace, but everything's under control. I didn't go to much bother for this party. Still, everybody
seems to be having a good time
don't you think?”

“Terrific,” I responded without much enthusiasm. “I thought you'd like to be the first to know, Greg just asked me to be his steady girlfriend. What do you think about that?” I kept my voice even.

Her face seemed like a mask. “Hey, totally awesome. He's
a great guy
,
a real stud muffin
,
a hottie. I know you'll be very happy.” She smiled again and I thought I detected a touch of insincerity.

“I knew that was the way you'd react. But Cindy Ellis told me something I find hard to believe.”

“Oh, what's that?” Karen got some fresh plastic cups down from the cupboard over the sink.

“She told me you and Greg went out.” Karen dropped the cups on the floor. “Just once.” She stooped to retrieve the cups. Her eyes didn't meet mine.

“When was that?” I inquired.

Karen bit down on her lower lip. “Just this one weekend when he wasn't seeing you.” She still wouldn't look me in the eye.

“I see him every weekend,” I said in a quiet voice.

“Well, if you must know, it was when you were sick.”

“When I was sick?” I repeated the words, not comprehending them fully at first. “When I was sick!” I must have sounded
like a demented parrot. “Karen
,
how could you?”

She had her back to me now
and I saw it stiffen. “Grow up
,
Stace!”

“That's the one thing no one's ever accused me of before, not growing enough.”

“You know wha
t I mean. Look
,
Greg was lonely feeling blue
and Randy had this heavy studying t
o do for some major tests. Well
,
we just sort of talked together and then we just sort of decided to go to the movies. It was only that one time. Don't make a big deal out of nothing. You do that sometimes.”

“Come on
,
Karen. You're supposed to be my friend.”

“I am.” She whirled around, looking angry. “Aren't I allowed to like Greg? Cindy just told you to cause trouble, and you fell right into her trap. Anyway, you don't own Greg.” Her eyes were icy emerald shards.

“You're right, I don't.”

It seemed to me, I
didn't
want to own him either. In fact
I didn't want any part of him. Maybe Cindy was right about Greg. Maybe he was shallow and fickle. Liz had warned me after all. I walked back to the recreation room and watched Greg at a di
stance. There he was at the hub right in his element
charming them all to distraction. Cindy had returned to the room
. She was sitting with her date
but she had eyes only for Greg. All he had to do was snap his fingers and she'd be his again.

Greg noticed my pensive mood on the drive home. “You're awfully quiet,” he said. “That's not like you. Are you thinking about us?”

“That and a lot of other things.”

He glanced over at me, a puzzled expression on his face. “You're hard to figure
out
sometimes. Kind of complicated.”

We drove along through the darkness for a time in silence. Then I felt I had to speak. “Cindy told me something tonight that disturbed me. She said you went out with Karen.”

He let out an embarrassed laugh. “That girl will say anything to cause trouble. She's still angry I broke up with her.”

“Don't bother to deny that you went out with Karen. I confronted her. She admitted it.”

He looked upset. “She did? Well, what difference does it make anyway?
I like Karen. She's a nice girl
but I could never be serious about her.”

“It bothers me that you weren't honest about it.”

“Hey, I didn't lie. I just didn't mention it because I knew it would upset you.
But we weren't sneaking around
if that's what you think. I ran into a couple of kids I knew at the theater and I guess one of them mentioned it to Cindy. I'm not ashamed. I didn't do anything wrong.”

“I never said you did.”

He lif
ted his handsome chin. “Come on
,
Stace! You act like I betrayed you. We're not even that involved yet.”

“That's true, Greg. You have a right to date anyone you please.” I took in a deep breath and then exhaled it slowly. “The fact i
s
I think we should keep it that way.”

“You do?” Did I imagine it or did he sound almost relieved?

“Sure, we can always be friends, but I think we're both too young to get tied to just one person. It would be a major mistake.”

“You know
,
Stace,
you might be right about that.”

“I know I am. After all, we've both got college ahead of us.”

Greg pulled up in front of my house. Around us, the world was hushed in the peaceful slumber of night. He leaned over and planted one of his perfectly aimed kisses on my lips. 
“
Y
ou
are spe
cial.” He walked me to the door,
kissed me again, and we said goodnight.

I felt as if the dentist had injected me with Novocain. Greg's kiss was nothing more than swapping spit.

I was quiet coming into the house, stealthy as a cat burglar. I didn't want to disturb my family. I was lost in
thought,
as I got ready for bed. My mother came into my room just as I pulled down the covers.

“Did you have a good time tonight?”

“Okay, I guess.”

“Something wrong?”

“Greg asked me to be his special girlfriend and I turned him down. Dad will be sore, won't he?”

My mother sat down on my bed and studied me, her
eyes like searchlights. “That
doesn't matter. After all, you're the one dating him, not your dad. Greg does seem like a very nice boy though.” My mother's brown eyes glowed warm and kind but she also frowned with concern.

“I know he's
the kind of boy Dad wants me dating. It's just that when I'm with Greg, I don't feel much. I know I should, except I don't. And tonight I found out he went out with Karen while I was sick.”