Stalked For Love (2 page)

I covered my mouth to shelter the yawn that was coming up from deep inside, as my professor gave his lecture today. I was so tired, and I had so many things to do after class. Just the thought of what those things entailed, made me even more tired. Not to mention that I only managed to get two hours of sleep last night. Thanks to my roommate, Julie, and her boy toy, Ian. I sat there quietly at my desk but the truth was, I was already bored with this lecture.

This lecture was one of the last ones I’d ever have to hear, so I listened, but I was also distracted at the same time. It was Friday, and my entire weekend was fully booked, which has never really happened before. So while in class, I found myself mentally writing a to-do list, while I scribbled illegibly on my notepad. The school year was finally coming to an end. Graduation was days away, and I couldn’t be happier.

One week from now; I would be a college graduate, settled in my new place, and starting a new job soon after.
Hmm, not too shabby
. I thought, as I smirked to myself. “Something funny, Miss Moore?”

A firm voice had snapped me out of my mental deliberations, as I turned and made eye contact with
him
, my Professor. Once I saw the forbidden look on his face, a shiver ran through me, making me squirm. As if on cue, just like a synchronized swimming team, the entire lecture hall turned to stare at me. Professor Brennan had never complained when I would stare off into space while he lectured before, but I guess he wanted my undivided attention today.

But with only a few classes left, why would he choose right now to put me on the spot, in front of everyone? They all just stared at me, and I was flushed in embarrassment and very surprised at Professor Brennan’s annoyance, but not for the reasons you may think. Professor Brennan knew that I wasn’t like some of the other students, the ones who were barely progressing in his class. Oh no, I actually
wanted
to excel in my studies, and always took every available job, and extra credit assignment he’d offered.

In doing so, it helped me to advance in many ways throughout my academic career. So he knew I would always apply myself to his expert-tutelage, and I didn’t allow myself to become distracted. I was there to learn, and that’s what I did. Which is why I was so surprised by the tone he was using with me. He’d never used this tone with me before, or with anyone in my class. He always used a somewhat leveled tone when he spoke, an inviting tone if you will, that was
always
free from wrath.

I always assumed that, Professor Brennan was a person who probably didn’t get angry too often. He just exudes that type of demeanor, a very calm and controlled kind of persona. Therefore, the tone he was using with me at the moment, was definitely unheard before, literally. As I found myself just staring back at him, utterly speechless.

I noticed that his stare had now turned into a glare, as he impatiently waited for me to speak. But I was at a loss for words, I couldn’t speak to save my life.
What was wrong with me?
“My office, after class.” he stated, as I swallowed rather loudly.

“Yes, professor,” I muttered, and again the whole lecture hall turned back around, and began to ignore me, as they normally did. I self-consciously glanced around and saw that the attention was now off of me, and I exhaled. I didn’t like attention, and I especially didn’t like bad attention. It was rare moments like this, when I was very glad that college was almost over.

We had less than twenty minutes left in this lecture, and I had managed to get in trouble for the first time, in all my three years in his classes. I didn’t like it. I had never been told to see one of my professors after class, especially the one who I actually respected the most. But I guess there was a first time for everything, even if it happens when you only have four more days of college left.

I couldn’t believe that I actually disrupted his lecture and got somewhat reprimanded in front of everybody.
Great going, Jess.
I really didn’t like that I was told to see him after class, at the very end of my time at college. I hoped that the worst I would get from him was a verbal warning, if that. I took a deep breath as I stared at him as he spoke so intelligently, and then I glanced down towards the front two rows, that was filled with those google-eyed women. 

The woman who wanted him so badly, they should have written
please fuck me
on their foreheads. Yes, Professor Brennan was impressive, so impressive that he has an actual fan club. Can you BELIEVE IT?
A freaking fan club.
Out of all the professors here at Morgan State University, he was the most admired, which had generated an intense group of female fans. I never joined, but I understood why it existed. The man was gorgeous, stylish and very smart. He was the complete package.

When I use the word gorgeous, I don’t mean simply gorgeous, I meant breathtakingly gorgeous. He was tall, with black short hair, soft hazel eyes and a light five o'clock shadow that fit him perfectly. I could tell from how well he dressed for class each day, that his body was long and properly proportioned, it wasn’t hard at all to size him up. Besides, not just anyone would be deemed
impressive
in my book.

I would sometimes gaze at him while thinking how remarkable he must be in bed, but then I’d rid myself of those thoughts when I remembered that he was my professor. But seeing him daily in his tailored suits was always a beautiful sight in itself, especially the way his suit pants hung low on his hips.

Oh, and his voice was deep and worldly, like a warm salty breeze off the coast. He always spoke in a smooth and very educated way, making all the ladies giggle in the front two rows. Which is why I always sat in the back with the guys, so I didn’t have to hear his fan club distracting me too much.

I didn’t want to be too distracted while in class, so I sat where I could concentrate more aptly. Since I really didn’t take too much interest in the boys at college, I had nothing to worry about while sitting in the back with the guys. Because I, Jessica Moore, was a good enough distraction to myself, so I really didn’t need any help in that area, whatsoever.

It was more than just that; I wanted to be different and I wanted to succeed in life. I just didn’t want to end up telling the same story that everyone else would tell.
“When I was in college I partied, got drunk, had lots of sex, and barely passed my classes. The End
.” NO!! That was not going to be my story at all, and I was very happy and proud to say, that it wasn’t.

I worked my ass off to do the best I could for these past four years, and had succeeded in my goals. Now I was days away from graduation, with a 3.8 GPA. I had already secured a job, which to any normal college student was pretty freaking amazing. I was very proud of myself, and how far I’d come. So I never allowed myself to read too much into the gorgeous Professor Brennan, for two important reasons. I was determined to stay focused at all times and he was simply out of my league.

I exhaled and glanced down the row I was in and saw all the guys staring ahead, while a few sheepishly glanced over at me smiling. I gave back a tight smile in return, before turning back towards Professor Brennan, who was now
staring
at me, again.
Oh crap
! I knew I was definitely getting a warning now, as I groaned inwardly.

I would have to talk to him and make him understand, that I am sorry for being so, distracted today. I smiled and sat up straighter as he continued on with his lecture. I really didn’t want anything on my record, not one blemish. So I decided to save my roaming thoughts for later, and pay attention for the remainder of the class. I then glanced at my watch, and saw that we had only ten minutes left, and as I exhaled…

“Class dismissed. Miss Moore, my office, now.” he stated, and packed his bag and left the lecture hall. I nodded my head and quickly packed my bag, feeling the anxiety seeping into my veins. Once from behind my desk, I started walking towards the staircase, joining the long line of students trying to get to the bottom. Once I neared the bottom, I could hear the members of his fan club giggling and talking rather loudly and very inappropriately.

“
I wish he’d call
me
into his office after class, he’d never forget it.” A girl named Melissa giggled as she swung her blond hair over her shoulders.

“That man will haunt my dreams even after graduation, and many years to come.” A girl named Nicole stated, as she slowly licked her lips, and closing her eyes. They all began giggling again, until another girl spoke.

“As you all know, I have first dibs on
that sexy ass man.
Before I leave this school and by my calculations, I have less than a week… to taste him, and I will.”
Said the girl who was known as the
president
of his fan club, no doubt his number one fan. She made her crass statement with such an arrogance and determination, that I actually narrowed my eyes at her.

Her name was, Joy White, she was beautiful, popular and very rich. She had women envying her, and she always had guys begging her for a date. So when and how she set her sights on our Professor, was a mystery to me, but that didn’t stop her. Because rumor has it that a year ago is when she started his fan club, and the rest is history.

Professor Brennan was a man who probably had to literally fight the ladies off with a stick.
What a hard life that must be for him?
Nonetheless, all of them were in total denial to want this man so badly. He was our professor for goodness sake, and it was quite obvious that he was unattainable. However handsome he was, it still didn’t change the fact that he was a part of the faculty. There were very strict policies in place about fraternizing and so forth, to put it simply, it was strictly forbidden. But I could tell that quite a few of his admirers didn’t care too much about that, which was just insane to me.
Why risk your academic career over anyone?

I was so glad those girls were graduating, so they could end this childless obsession over our teacher. I just looked at them as they continued to giggle and chat openly about their infatuation with him, they were really pathetic. I quickly headed out the door, because I had other things on my mind, like, my move. I only had a few more boxes to pack before driving up to my new place, for good. So I hoped I wasn’t in too much trouble with Professor Brennan, because I needed to be on my way, as soon as possible.

To have an extreme interest in someone can sometimes become unhealthy, and can quickly become a fixation. A natural interest can easily become compulsive, and one could quickly lose control over their infatuation. When someone is obsessed, they've lost control of their feelings about the object of that obsession. Obsession; if there was a doubt what the word meant, there was none now. Professor Brennan is a man who is learning just how deep an obsession can overrun his actions as well as his emotions.

This was a man who had lost control over his feelings about her a very long time ago, triggering an intense infatuation that was beginning to influence his everyday life. There were times when he couldn’t even recognize himself, because he was so far gone. He just couldn’t control himself at times. Just the thought of her, has his heart pounding in his chest, and his body quivering in adulterated lust. He was a man whose interest in a woman had truly become unhealthy and compulsive.

It’s been three years since he first laid eyes on her, and his world was immediately turned on its head. It was more than just her smooth skin, long blond hair and shimmering blue eyes that had him so distracted. It was her character, her drive, her determination and guile, to be whom
she
wanted to be in this world. She was strong and capable of becoming so many things in her life, and he wanted her to be
his
.

This woman had truly done the impossible, and reopened his heart in ways that are refreshingly new, and irreversible. With his need to be closer to her, completely consuming his entire being, things were really getting to him. He was beginning to allow his irrational emotions, to overrule his rational thinking. He knew that lately, his actions were dangerous, erratic and the most extreme.

His fixation on this one woman had him doing things, that he’d never thought himself capable of doing. Because his fixation on this one woman had consumed him whole. His fixation on this woman could put him and his career in jeopardy. But there was no way he was giving her up, ever. He had no clue how to even start the process, or when the time would finally come for him to proceed. But it didn’t stop the path of his dreams for the two of them. He could already see them growing old together. He could see them being happy, and deeply in love.

As graduation nears, he knows that his time is running out and he needs to act fast. But he worries; this fixation of his on this one woman had a downside that he’s had to accept. Which was him finding a discrete way to be closer to her, which was all that he’s ever wanted, but it seemed impossible to have. But he’s found a way, but at what cost? This secret obsession and need of his to be closer to her … had become her worst nightmare.

***

Today was Friday, a very important Friday because school would be over in a few days. So by next Friday, she would no longer be his student. He didn’t know if that made him extremely happy or extremely anxious as he looked at her, sitting in her normal seat inside the lecture hall. Every few minutes his gaze moved to her, as if he had no control over his own actions at this point.

He found himself subtly watching her as she continued to look out a small window, which was something she did quite often, when she was thinking about something. He could tell that she obviously had something on her mind, and it wasn’t him.

In a lecture hall crowded with sixty students, he could barely concentrate. Jessica Moore was always on his mind, in ways that most would deem wrong, or disreputable. But he didn’t have time to care about that anymore, because time was running out. She would be graduating soon and he didn’t know what he was going to do. She was the one he wanted, the one he needed, but she was still his student… for four more days.

With each day that passed, it was getting harder for him. The pressure was mounting; the sleepless nights were increasing; all because of one insufferable dilemma. He still hadn’t figured out how to go about moving his relationship with Jessica Moore forward, and out of uncharted territory.

What had started as just a veiled attraction had turned into a very powerful yearning. What he thought about doing with her was forbidden, and unethical for one in his position. Nothing could take away from the fact that she was a student, who for three years, had taken his classes. But to him, she was so much more than a student. Now, she was an obsession,
his
obsession. 

She was the one who haunted his dreams. She was the one he desperately wanted, the one he desperately craved. It was so much more than mere interest, meager attraction, or even heated desire. He wanted her so badly, that he actually felt inadequate to surrender. He no longer knew how to stop the train of his thoughts of one day being with her. Or worse, the fear in his heart of never having her as his own. There was nothing more frustrating than wanting someone that you couldn’t have.

He found out very quickly, that it took a high level of discipline, to keep his feelings for her under wraps, and he’d succeeded. But over time, his longing had progressed into something else entirely. Something forbidden… something untamed… something that had completely overwhelmed him.

As he continued with his lecture, he kept wondering what was on her mind, as his brow furrowed periodically. Even as the minutes passed, he could see that her mind was obviously
not
on his lecture, and that began to irritate him. He then noticed a soft smile began spreading across her lips, while she stared out the small window, obviously still deep in thought. Immediately he became jealous, because he knew he wasn’t the reason for her smile.

He couldn’t take it anymore. Her obvious distraction today had pushed him over the edge and he wanted her attention, and he knew just how to bring her thoughts back to him—or at least back to the room.

“Something amusing, Miss Moore?” He watched as her gaze moved towards his, and locked. He could see the light blush starting to cover her cheeks, as she flushed in embarrassment. Her fingers tightened on the pen she absently held, her grasp so tight that her knuckles began to turn white. He could actually feel the coiled tension in her body steady tightening, as she sat there silently gazing at him.

His eyes never left hers as he gazed at her reactions, silently. While his mind raced, vividly imagining what it would feel like to cause those exact reactions from her; but in a very
different
way.  He then realized just how much things had progressed with him, far more than he’d ever thought possible. She was special to him, one of a kind special—and she had no idea. He found himself watching her as she looked at him speechless, still in shock obviously that he’d caught her being distracted.

“My office, after class,” he snapped.

“Yes, professor,” she muttered.

He continued on with his lecture, but he kept wondering what exactly was on her mind, but it no longer mattered to him now. It all played in his favor. Because of her being distracted, he found a way to use that to his advantage. In less than twenty minutes, he would be seeing her alone after class, and that was something he was already looking forward to.

He knew it was time to open the door for communication for them, and not as teacher and student. Because time was not on his side, and he didn’t know how he was going to see her once graduation was over. She had so much happening for her already; he knew that she was moving and starting a new job soon. So how would he begin his decent into her life? That question alone has haunted him every day, up until a few months ago. When he’d finally thought of a plan, one that he would ensure, paid off.