Star Struck (10 page)

I kneel down and unhook my amp after practice. A shadow appears on the ground in front of me
, and without even looking up I know it’s her. I can tell by the sweet scent washing over me. It causes my pulse to race. Reluctantly I look up.

“So I was thinking that we probably need some new music to play at the festival,” she says.

I stand up to face her. “Yeah, I’m working on some stuff.”

“Or maybe it’s time for my next lesson.” Her tone is so hopeful it breaks my heart.

“Star, you don’t need me to teach you how to write lyrics. I was just being a jerk before. If you want to write happy songs, that’s fine with me. It’s who you are. You should embrace that.”

Star’s face falls. “So what are you saying? That you’re backing out of our deal?”

“I’m saying that we never should’ve made a deal in the first place. I was just playing around.”

“Well, I wasn’t
, and I plan to hold up my end. You still haven’t learned how to get close to people yet, and I plan to teach you.” She lifts her chin exposing her neck, and I want to nibble on it.

All the more reason I have to put a stop to this. “I am close to people, Star. Ryker and I have been friends forever
, and my brother and I are close.”

“But you’re afraid to let in anyone new.”

“Oh, believe me, I let plenty of new people in,” I say with a light chuckle under my words so she’ll catch my meaning.

She narrows her eyes. “I’m not talking about the girls you hook up with from your fan club. I’m talking about really letting someone in.”

“Star.” I step closer to her and speak softly. “I know you’re just trying to help, but I don’t need saving. I’m happy with how I am.”

She shakes her head. “I guess I shouldn
’t be surprised by this. I thought you wanted to be my friend, but I should’ve known better. I see the way you treat the rest of the band members. I don’t know why I expected it to be different with me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, come on. You treat all of us like we’re crap on the bottom of your shoe. Like we should all be so grateful that the amazing Beckett even graces us with his presence.”

“That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is.” She sighs. “Every once in awhile I see another side of you, and I guess I just wanted to try to draw that out. But I’m done. Don’t worry. I won’t hold you to your deal. We’re bandmates, and that’s all we’ll ever be. I’m cool with that.” Star whirls away from me. “Bye, Beckett. See you next week.”

I watch her retreating back as she stalks out of the garage, and dread sinks into my stomach. It’s weird bec
ause I miss her already. I can tell that she’s serious. She’s not going to try to force the deal on me, and she’s not going to try to be my friend anymore. This should make me feel relieved. After all, it’s what I wanted, isn’t it? But I had kind of got used to her little advances and not so subtle hints. I’m not sure I’ll like it when she ignores me.

“What was that about?” Ryker sneaks up on me.

“Nothing.” I shake my head.

“She seemed upset.”

“No, she’s fine.”

“Are you?” Ryker eyes me suspiciously.

I shrug. “Of course.”

“Okay. If you say so.”

I turn away from his intense glance, wishing he didn’t know me so well. Star’s wrong. Being close to people is overrated.

13

Star

When I get home from rehearsal, the dorm room is empty. I think Lola is meeting Ryker somewhere after our practice, so I know I’ll be alone for awhile. Pulling my little keyboard out from under my bed, I set it on top of the covers. My emotions are so crazy right now. I know that the only thing that will soothe me is music. I kneel back down and brush my fingers over the stiff carpet until I find my folder of music. After yanking it out, I stand back up and brush off my legs. I sit on the bed and open the folder. I scan the handwritten songs, but my heart doesn’t connect to anything. Beckett’s right. My songs are all so happy, and right now I’m not happy.

Usually when I’m sad
my first inclination is to just pretend I am happy and move on. But for some reason right now I can’t do that. Beckett said that writing is therapeutic for him, and his lyrics are beautiful. Maybe I can channel some of my frustration into a haunting melody.  I grab a clean sheet of paper and a pen. Then I power up my keyboard, careful to keep the volume low so I won’t bother the rest of the floor. Placing my fingers on the keys, I close my eyes just like Beckett told me to. I picture his face, his body, his hands, his mouth, his tattoo, his rock hard abs. Opening my eyes, I shake my head. Okay, this is not helping.

After taking a deep breath, I close them again. This time I picture his dismissive attitude toward me; the way he acts like
he’s my friend one minute and my enemy the next. I allow my fingers to play around with the keys until I find the sound I like. I’m surprised that I decide on such a dark tone. Beckett has brought out a side of me I didn’t even know existed.  Words pop into my head, sentences strung together to relay my feelings. Reaching for the paper and pen, I scrawl the words out before I lose them. When I’m done, I drop the paper and start to play again, singing along.

The door pops open and Lola steps inside. “Hey, did you write that?”

I nod, clicking the keyboard off.

Her eyebrows lift in surprise “It’s a lot different from your normal stuff.”

Biting my lip, I gather the pages together and slip them into my folder. “Yeah, I was just trying out something new.” I roll my neck, working out the kinks from being bent over my keyboard all night.

“Beckett’s influence?”

“It was definitely inspired by him,” I mutter under my breath.

“Uh oh, what happened now?”

“Nothing.” I wave away her words. “How was your night?”

“Good.” She sits down on the edge of her bed and peels off her shoes.  “
Ryker said that one of his friends is interested in you.”

Here we go.
I know exactly where this is headed.

“Yeah, he’s come to a couple of your shows, and he’s been working up the nerve to ask you out. Ryker thought maybe we could double on Saturday night.”

“A blind date?” I groan. “You know how much I hate those.”

“I know you don’t like blind dates, but I think it’ll be fun.” Lola has that crazy twinkle in her eyes, and I know exactly what she’s doing. I’ve always felt like a stray cat that needs rescuing when it comes to Lola. She took me under her wing freshman year of high school, and she’s made it her mission in life to protect and help me. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s sweet, and she’s been incredibly supportive, but sometimes I wish she’d just let me work things out on my own. I’m not that same shy girl I was when we met. I don’t need her to manage my social life anymore.

“I don’t know,
” I say.

“You haven’t dated any guys since Spencer, and your fixation on Beckett isn’t healthy. C’mon, I think you should go out with us.”

I think back to rehearsal and how Beckett treated me, and I know she’s right. Only I don’t want to go on a blind date. Especially not a double date with Ryker and Lola. They are so happy together. If the guy ends up being a dud, it will be brutal.

“I’ll think about it,” I finally answer.

“Great.” She smiles broadly.

“Don’t get your hopes up,” I scold her. “I didn’t say yes.”

“But you also didn’t say no.”

True.

The crisp morning air brushes over my skin. I wrap my jacket tighter around my body and walk quicker, hoping to get my circulation going. Leafy trees bend down to meet me
as I take the pavement path that weaves through campus. My hair whips around my face emitting its floral scent into the air.  As I turn the corner, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out and smile at the text from Lola.

Maid report: Picked your clothes off the floor.

I stop walking and shoot off a reply.
Sorry. I was running late this morning.

You need to stop staying up all night crying over Beckett.

I was not crying.

Pouting. Same diff.

OK, Lola.  C U after class.
I tuck the phone back in my pocket and hurry forward. I pass a group of blond girls all giggling and chatting. Their voices are loud and I freeze when I hear a familiar name.

“So, tell me all about Beckett. Is he as good as I’ve heard?”

“Better,” the other girl replies, and they all giggle.

My stomach churns.

“I can’t believe he took you home after the show. That’s like my total dream come true.”

“So, don’t hold out on us,” another girl says. “Tell us how he was in bed.”

I inhale sharply and scurry away from them, having no desire to hear the response to that question. The thought of Beckett in bed with that tall blond girl is enough to make me want to hurl. Not that I should care. He’s nothing to me. Just the leader of my band, and that’s all. Isn’t that what I told him last night? Still, why does it bother me so much to imagine him with someone else? What is it about him? Why can’t I just move on?

Walking in a speedy gait toward my class, I think over my conversation with Lola the night before.
I didn’t give her an answer about the double date, but now I’m thinking I should say yes. It sure beats pining after a guy I can never have. And who knows, maybe the date won’t be so bad.

When Ryker introduces me to his friend Forrest, the first thought I have is that he looks nothing like Beckett. He’s good looking with his blond hair, blue eyes and tanned skin, but he’s more surfer boy than rocker boy. There was a time when this would’ve appealed to me. In fact, if I had met him a month ago I probably would’ve been attracted to him.

But that was before I met Beckett.

Sitting across from Forrest at the restaurant and watching him take a sip of his water, I wonder if I’ll ever stop comparing every guy I meet to Beckett. It’s just that I can’t get the fantasy of being with him out of my mind. I’ve already been with guys like Forrest. Guys who wear preppy shirts, comb their hair to the side, and are devoid of tattoos or piercings. Guys who are predictable, unassuming, and never take a risk. Those guys don’t get my blood boiling. They don’t make me feel hot like I’m burning up with a fever, and they don’t make my head swirl with dangerous possibilities. Where’s the fun in that?

“I really enjoy watching you perform,” Forrest says, pulling me out of my reverie.

“Oh, thanks.” I smile, tearing off a chunk of sourdough bread and stuffing it into my mouth.

Lola gives me a funny look, but I just keep chewing while my thoughts keep drifting to Beckett. I try to picture him in this fancy steakhouse
, and it makes me want to laugh. His jeans and tight t-shirts may not be the right attire. It makes me wonder where he’d take me on a date if we ever went out.

“When did you start playing?” Forrest asks, and again I work hard to keep focused on him.

“Oh, I’ve been playing since I was a kid.” I take the last bite of my bread and glance out the window at the dark sky. The guy seems nice enough, but I don’t feel like sharing my life story with him right now. In truth, I wish I’d never gone on this date in the first place. Going to a fancy restaurant is exactly the kind of boring thing Spencer and I did all the time. I’m in college now, I’m in a band, and I’m ready for some excitement. I think wistfully about my keyboard back home and the new song I wrote. I’d rather be playing somewhere than sitting here at a candlelit table with a white napkin draped over my lap.

“Hey, guys.” I lean forward, an idea formulating. “It’s open mic night at the coffee shop. Waddya say we head there after? I have a new song I could perform.”

Forrest’s eyes light up, reminding me of how I feel at the prospect of hearing Beckett sing. Maybe he’s looking for the same thing I am. “Sounds great,” he says. “I’d love to hear it.”

“Yeah, okay,” Ryker agrees, grabbing Lola’s hand. She just furrows her brows suspiciously at me. I squirm under the scrutiny of her gaze, wishing she couldn’t read me like a book.

When the waiter brings our food, Lola leans over and whispers harshly in my ear, “What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing.” I shrug.

“Forrest is a nice guy. Give him a chance.” She pins me with a glare.

“I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Everything okay?” Ryker raises his brows while staring in our direction.

Lola smiles and straightens up. “Yeah. Just girl talk, you know?”

“Glad we weren’t in on that.” Ryker laughs, glancing over at Forrest.

Reaching for my fork,
I look around the table. A hard knot forms in my chest when I capture a glimpse of Lola giggling at something Ryker says. Why couldn’t that be Beckett and me? Why did I have to fall for a guy who’s never going to fall for me? Lifting my eyes to Forrest, I assess him. Would it really be so bad to just give him a chance? Maybe if I did it would help me get my mind off of Beckett. Noticing me staring, he flashes me a genuine smile. He’s so nice it makes my heart ache. I could do a lot worse. An image of Beckett’s muscular arms painted with his tattoo, his piercing eyes and crazy good voice fill my mind.
I could also do a lot better.