Starbright (14 page)

A whimper came from the opposite end of the room.

Aidan dropped the chair and whirled around, sweaty and panting.

He frantically scanned the darkness. “Beth?”

He felt along the wall for the light switch and flipped it on. Beth huddled on the floor in the far corner, her legs pulled to her chest, her eyes red, and her complexion ashen. Knowing she’d been in the room the entire time and he could’ve hit her with his trophy added to his already insurmountable guilt.

Aidan rushed to her side and dropped to his knees, wishing to draw her into his arms but unsure as to whether she’d want him to touch her.

“I didn’t mean to lose it,” he said, his hands fisting his hair. “I just… I thought…”
His eyes skipped down her body, radiating the pain he felt at finding her looking so scared and vulnerable. “Are you hurt? Did I hurt you?”

Beth looked blankly at the floor in front of her. “I—I didn’t know it was like that,” she said, as though in a trance. “I mean, you told me it was difficult for you, but…”

Aidan took her hand in his. The action seemed to break her out of her shock. “Beth, I need to know if you’re hurt.
Please
.”

“I’m fine.” She offered a weak smile. “I—I just fell off the bed.”

Aidan’s next question took excruciating strength to ask. “Tell me the truth. Did I knock you off?”

Beth tucked her legs to the side and tugged on the bottom of her nightgown, as if she felt she wasn’t covered up properly. “No, you didn’t. Your screams and thrashing startled me awake. I tried to move out of the way and didn’t realize how close I was to the edge of the mattress. That’s all.”

The fact that she chose to stay on the floor spoke volumes to Aidan about how greatly he had scared her. His guilt rendered him at a loss for what he could do to convey how sorry he was. Sorry for frightening her. Sorry for putting her in danger. Sorry she saw firsthand how damaged he truly was.

“Damn it, baby.” Aidan squeezed his eyes shut briefly. “If I’d hurt you, I’d never forgive myself.”

“I promise I’m all right.” Beth touched his cheek tenderly, looking more at ease. If she was lying to him, it was the performance of her career. “What about you?”

Aidan bowed his head.

“I’ll be fine.” The words didn’t feel right—not on his tongue, his ears, or his heart.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

His long pause relayed his answer effectively, but out of courtesy he responded with a quiet, “No.”

Tears toppled down Beth’s cheeks. “I wanted to wake you… I wanted to help.” Tremors of remorse filled her voice. “I just didn’t know how.”

The sight of her crying was like a fist to Aidan’s gut. He pulled her into his arms and buried his face in her neck, holding her like it was the last time he’d ever have the privilege.

“You did the right thing,” he said hoarsely. “You had every right to hide from me.”

Beth shook her head against his bare chest. “I didn’t. I abandoned you when you needed me most. I just wasn’t prepared for… for…” A sob tore from her throat. “I heard you calling for me… but I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t move. Then you threw your trophy…” She shuddered with another sob. “I’m sorry, Aidan. I’m so sorry.”

With his lips to her hair, he said, “You did nothing wrong, baby. It’s me. All me.”

Beth cried harder.

Aidan settled her in his lap and rocked her gently, using all of his remaining strength not to break down as well. He couldn’t believe he’d turned their special evening into such a catastrophe. Part of him wanted to tell her to run. The selfish part of him couldn’t let her go.

He wasn’t sure how long they sat together on the floor before her crying stopped and he brought her back to the bed. He was just grateful that during that time he was able to convince her she had no reason to feel guilty or say sorry to him. He also apologized for being overly confident in his ability to stay awake, and for assuming he didn’t have to warn her about what to expect if he had a nightmare.

After Aidan turned off the overhead light, Beth moved across the bed from where he’d left her and patted the vacant spot beside her. “Come join me.”

Aidan eyed the bed hesitantly. “I should stay on the couch.”

The pout she gave him told him she’d feel wounded if he turned her down. It was ironic after all he’d put her through tonight.

His heart replied before his rational mind could. “Okay.”

He tucked her in properly and stood over her, brushing his hand to her hair. She looked up at him, surveying his face as if she was trying to find the man he was just hours earlier.

Aidan wanted to kiss her, cover her body with his, and show her how much he loved her, since he had yet to gather the courage to say it aloud. He wanted to remind her of the intimacy they had shared and how gentle he could be… how he would rather die than bring harm to her.

With the thought of how easily she could’ve been injured tonight, his muscles tensed.

Beth’s brow furrowed. “Aren’t you going to lie down?”

Aidan made his decision quickly and easily. He needed a break. He was still too raw to be around her—hungry for life affirming contact but too indisposed to make good decisions.

“I’m going to wash up first.” He leaned down to kiss her forehead and then headed for the bathroom with hurried strides.

“Aidan?”

He stopped walking and peered over his shoulder.

Beth sat up in the bed, clutching the sheets to her chest. Her wide eyes brimmed with moonlit hope. “Please hurry back.”

Aidan swallowed back the emotion that snuck up his throat. “Of course.”

The contented smile she gave him in reply was more than he felt worthy to receive.

As he turned on the bathroom light and closed the door, he vowed that her second chance wouldn’t be in vain. He would be diligent from now on in making sure he didn’t fall asleep with her until he was certain his nightmares were gone for good—which most likely would be never.

Aidan used extra caution not to look in the mirror as he toweled off and took a long drink of cold water. He knew the reflection that would greet him all too well and was disinclined to feel worse than he already did.

When he was done, he sat on the closed toilet lid and bowed his head to his hands, breathing in and out slowly. Beth’s scent was still fresh on his skin; the memory of having her body beneath him and touching her until she quivered with orgasm occupied his mind.

Aidan cursed low and hard and stood to pace the bathroom, fighting the urge to punch something. He craved a cigarette, craved an escape from the hotel to clear his head and wallow in his guilt over scaring Beth, as well as his inability to save his mother all those years ago. He couldn’t run, though. Not when Beth was waiting for him in the next room, for reasons he still couldn’t fathom.

Only when he was completely confident that he’d calmed down did he leave the bathroom and crawl back into bed. Beth snuggled up to him without hesitation.

It took almost an hour for her to drift off. Aidan wondered how she could sleep at all. He stared at the ceiling until the sun came up, obsessing over the fact that his nightmares had returned to the intensity and frequency they had before she had agreed to go steady with him.

No matter how strong the evidence, he refused to entertain the thought that perhaps his love for her wasn’t the true cure for his demons after all.

As the roar of Aidan’s motorcycle faded into the mid-December night, Beth closed her bedroom drapes and sat on her bed. Tonight, the studio car dropped her off at home as usual, and like every other evening, Aidan waited for her and walked her up to the apartment. Inside, they greeted Nathan and Olivia, who sat on the sofa watching television after spending most of the day packing for the big move on Sunday. Olivia finished work at noon and Nathan took the afternoon off to spend it with her.

Struck by the memory of Aidan’s good-bye kiss, Beth lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. She looked forward to their date tomorrow at the beach. She had lived in Los Angeles for over a year and had only admired the ocean from afar. Aidan told her about a secluded spot he wanted to show her, and she couldn’t think of a better way to spend her first California beach experience.

Filming had been especially strenuous today. With
Venus Rising
wrapping in less than two weeks, the cast and crew struggled to complete the final dance numbers, cramming in extra shooting time daily. Given all of her hard work, Beth anticipated the start of Christmas break.

Connie traveled to St. Louis each year with Matthew to spend Christmas with his family, so it would just be Beth, Aidan, Olivia, and Nathan together at Nathan’s house on Christmas Day. Returning home to Clarkson had crossed Beth’s mind, but she needed to stay in L.A. in case Mr. Mertz called her in for last minute adjustments to
Venus Rising
—an expectation that applied to everyone working on the film.

Although Beth wouldn’t see her parents, spending the holidays with Aidan was just as lovely. They were too close now to give each other a self-imposed separation anyway. Luckily, she was allowed to leave the city after Christmas, which meant Matthew’s New Year’s Eve show in Las Vegas was a go. She and Aidan would just have to ensure their joint trip remained discreet in order for their courtship to remain a secret from Mr. Mertz. The fewer obstacles they had to face at this stage of their relationship, the better.

Beth felt like a new woman since her night with Aidan in Santa Barbara last weekend, and she was more than ready to vacation with him again. She loved the feel of Aidan’s hands on her in new and exciting ways and felt increasingly confident in her ability to grow intimately with him.

Aidan’s nightmare was another story. Beth knew he suffered from them, but he said they’d gotten better. If what she witnessed in Santa Barbara was
better
, she hated to think what it was like for him at his worst. She was terrified during his outburst, but it wasn’t over her safety. It was over his.

She wanted to relieve his suffering but had no idea how. All she could do was assure him repeatedly he wasn’t to blame for his mother’s murder and promise she would stay by his side. She even invited him to share the bed with her afterward to reinforce she would never abandon him. They were a team and would work through this together. It would just take time.

Over the last week, Aidan talked to her about his nightmares if she asked about them, but he’d not once invited her to stay overnight at his house. Whether that was linked to what happened in Santa Barbara, she wasn’t sure. Professional help might be an ideal solution for him, but she knew he would never agree to see analyst. He viewed that sort of thing as the ultimate weakness.

“Beth!”

She sat up. “Yes?”

Olivia appeared in the hallway. “Nathan and I wrapped some more items from the kitchen. There are only a few more things in the living room to pack, so I’d say we’re right on schedule.” She walked into the bedroom and looked around. “Seems like you’ve accomplished a lot as well.”

Beth stood from the bed. “I’ve been packing here and there throughout the week after work. My efforts went a lot further than I thought.”

Olivia clasped her hands together. “I’m so excited to move finally.”

Beth smiled. “Me, too. It’ll be nice to have the extra room.”

Olivia’s complexion adopted a rosy hue. “Beth, um, I was wondering… do you mind if I spend the night at Nathan’s?”

Beth shook her head. “Not at all. I’ll be heading to bed soon anyway.”

“Are you sure? I really hate leaving you alone.”

“Yes, I’m sure.” Beth lowered her voice so Nathan wouldn’t hear her from the living room. “Besides, it would be good for you two to spend quality time together. You only saw him two days this week because of his work schedule.”

Olivia nodded. “All right. I promise I’ll be back bright and early tomorrow so we can have breakfast together and continue packing. Then I’ll call the moving company to confirm their arrival on Sunday.”

They stopped by Olivia’s bedroom so she could gather her overnight things and then made their way to the living room, which was full of cardboard boxes. Beth settled on the couch across from Nathan. Although she’d greeted him upon her arrival earlier, she had yet to talk to him properly about his day.

“How was your morning at work?”

Lines creased Nathan’s weary face. “It was okay. When Christmas holidays approach, it’s always crazy because Luther wants to make sure everything is on schedule, or if possible, finished before the union employees break for vacation. There are quite a few film crews and actors working overnight to stay on schedule. Those twenty-hour days are tough. I know you’ve been working later than normal, but at least you get weekends off. It could be a lot worse.”

Olivia snuggled up to her beau on the couch. “I don’t understand why Luther wouldn’t let them continue after the holidays. So what if they’re a day or two behind schedule?”

“One day lost costs Luther thousands of dollars, and some films are behind by much more than that.” Nathan shrugged. “It’s best to try to catch up before the holiday break. That way we can all enjoy our time off knowing every project is up-to-date.”