Starbright (The Starbright Series) (35 page)

             
“So who are you going to take to the dance?” I asked carefully.

             
“Don’t hate me,” he smiled, his charming Tristan smile and I immediately knew I was not going to like where this was going.

             
“Why?” I demanded, straightening my back and chewing on my bottom lip aggressively.

             
“Well, first of all, this is a funny dance because most of the eligible girls already have dates. My options were limited. No, worse than that! I didn’t even really have options!” he rambled on, gesturing a lot with his hands, which I knew was a terrible sign of things to come.

             
“Spit it out, Tristan,” I growled.

             
“Bree,” he said simply and my jaw dropped, literally it dropped as if it were on hinges.

             
“No you are not,” I laughed at the irony. And he was made about Seth? Ha!

             
“She was the only girl I felt comfortable asking,” he explained, but it wouldn’t have mattered if he told me she held a gun to his head and kidnapped his family. I couldn’t believe he was actually going with Bree.

             
He knew better.

             
He had picked his way through most of the high school, but never asked Bree.

             
“Oh really? You’re not doing this out of spite?” I pressed
, digging my heels into this argument and refusing to back down.

             
“Spite? Come one, Stel, you know me better than that. She didn’t have a date and either did I. It just made sense. You know she is a good friend of ours,” Tristan tried to remind me, but this he really did know better.

             
“She’s a good friend of
yours
,” I muttered, afraid my parents would hear. I reminded myself of Bree’s humanity and that she was one of the billions of reasons I resided on this planet to begin with, trying without success to get over her now rightful claim of Tristan. At least for the dance.

             
But it shouldn’t matter anyway.

             
I had Seth.

             
“You’re not really mad, are you?” Tristan had walked up next to me while I stewed about Bree. He placed a hand on my lower back, hoping for forgiveness. My head inclined immediately toward him, as if I
was
a sunflower and he
was
my sun. I felt each of his fingers as they
widened
across my back and felt his blood pulsing beneath his skin, the pads of his fingertips as they burned their mark into my flesh.

             
“Do you want to stay for dinner? My mom is changing it up a bit by adding meatballs to our spaghetti,” I turned to face him, forcing myself to keep some distance between us. I needed to change the
subject;
I needed to balance our relationship back in the realm of normal.

             
“Meatballs? Is this a special occasion?” he asked and we both laughed.

             
But he did stay, and he laughed and talked and enjoyed my family just like he always had. We would be fine. Things were changing in my life, but Tristan and I could survive the change. Things could stay the same.

             
No, I was determined. Things
would
stay the same.

             
“Stella,” mom stood in my doorway, that look on her face…. the one that promised me I was i
n for an important parental lecture
. “We should talk, sweet pea.”

             
“Sure, come on in,” I gestured to my desk chair with a confident sweep of my arm, even though internally my insides had twisted tightly together in anticipation for whatever this was about.

             
She walked inside my room, wringing her hands together. I sat up from my reclined position where I had been studying for a government test the next day and waited for her to continue. Some of my anxiety was relieved when I realized how nervous
she
was.

             
And then it was instantly replaced when nightmarish thoughts of an impending birds and bees discussion echoed in my head.

             
“Mom, you’re not here to talk to me about-“

             
“Your dad and I are sorry!” my mom blurted out suddenly, plopping heavily into my desk chair and twisting her long, platinum blonde hair into a knot a
t the base of her neck. Her ice
blue eyes were wide with intensity and her flawless skin glowed naturally as her sincerity seeped through her.

             
“Mom, what are you sorry for?” I laughed, knowing her fears were unfounded.

             
She was definitely not comforted by my candor though. Her brows knitted together in an expression I had only ever seen her wear when she was preparing for a mission. “We didn’t know, Stel. We didn’t know you
and Tristan would develop feelings for each other…. Honestly, we didn’t even know you
could
develop feelings for anyone other than Seth.”

             
“Mom, what are you talking about?” I breathed in a voice I could barely hear. My hands were suddenly shaking and I gripped the quilt Annabelle had made me as a little girl tightly in my fists.

             
“Tristan,” she said simply and the lump lodged in my throat that had been steadily making it harder to swallow grew exponentially larger and then dropped like a boulder into the pit of my stomach. “We never enforced boundaries between you two, or discouraged any feelings that we might have noticed developing between you. It’s j
ust that, well honestly, we assumed that once you met Seth, whatever feelings that had blossomed between the two of you would dissipate.
And you weren’t supposed to meet Seth for years yet.
Honestly, Stella, we didn’t know you’re feelings for Tristan were so deep and Seth is your intended, the Elders themselves matched the two of you….” she trailed off, her eyes pleading with me to understand.
I had never heard my mother ramble before. Ever. The sound of her nervous energy lacing words I was having trouble understanding shook me.

             
I wanted to reassure my mom that whatever weirdness was happening between Tristan and
I
had absolutely nothing to do with deep seeded and forbidden feelings between us. But instead of quickly explaining away her fears, my mouth kind of just fell open and I sat in stunned silence, realizing my mom and dad had actually expected me to fall head over heels in love with Seth the moment he walked into my life.

             
A flare of treacherous rebellion flared deep in my belly. I didn’t want to fall in love with someone because I was supposed to
or told to
or stop every emotion and feeling I had because someone else had decided my future.

             
I had been born for a specific purpose and even gifted my life on Earth with expectations for a future. But suddenly I wasn’t sure what my love life had to do with any of it.

             
I knew these were awful thoughts. And in the back of my head, I hoped they would disappear. Stars married Angels. That was the way things worked. Seth was my counterpart in
every
way
;
he would complement me in
every
way.
We would protect
E
arth
together
.

             
I just wanted our relationship to feel natural and not forced.

             
And I especially wanted to forget about Tristan.

             
No. I
needed
to forget about Tristan.

             
“Mom, you have nothing to worry about,” I promised, hoping to alleviate as many of my own fears as hers. “Tristan and I have always been just friends. You might not have given us boundaries, but we have them, believe me. And neither one of us plans on crossing them anytime soon.” I gnawed on my bottom lip, hoping I at least sounded confident. My internal organs had started to rearrange themselves into
compactly
wound knots, and the
nape
of my neck prickled
sharply
with
heat
.

             
“We trust you both, Stella,” my mom answered, sounding more parental than her apology had allowed for. “We know how hard you and Tristan have worked to maintain a platonic relationship. You both have respected your future amazingly well, and we applaud you for that.” She smiled sadly at me and that’s when I felt the “but” coming. “But, up until now Tristan hasn’t had any competition. Your father and I are concerned for how Seth’s presence could amplify feelings between the two of you. Already things are clearly strained between
you;
we just don’t want to see you lose sight of every other important thing.”

             
I breathed in slowly, thankful she had at least acknowledged what was happening between Tristan and me as important.
Although why I needed her to believe whatever was there was real, while I continued to willfully deny every bit of concrete evidence was beyond me.
I bit harder into my lip, letting her words float around me for
a while
before opening up completely to them and letting them settle concretely into me.

             
“You’re right about Seth,” I admitted, relaxing into the truth. “He has definitely stirred up feelings I don’t think neither Tristan nor I were prepared to face.
And I think they caught us both off guard.
But
please
don’t worry, we both know what’s at stake and we aren’t willing to jeopardize the entire human race because of jealousy or curiosity or…. a mutual past. Plus, I value Tristan’s friendship way too much to hurt him or Seth.”

             
My mom smiled at me for a few moments, her
sparkling
blue eyes softening into relaxed ease. “Annabelle was exactly what we needed when you were a baby. Actually, she still is what you need half the time
. Tristan and the entire Shield
s family came along with her into our lives and I have never once regretted the day that you and Tristan became friends. And even though I regret not treating your relationship with the caution and care that I probably should have, I will never regret the bond you two have developed after all of these years. Tristan is the reason we are here, the reason we
fight
a never-ending battle. Well, not
just
Tristan, but you know what I mean. Your job, your future…. your life, will never get easier, and never let you feel victory for very long. You need to remember why you
gave up
H
eaven and an army to fight with
,
to protect this planet alone
. And Tristan and Piper, Annabelle and everyone else that you’ve come to love along the way are like hundreds of lighthouses, sending out their beacons when the night is too dark for you to see
straight
or the Darkness swallows everything else around you whole. You will have those beacons of hope and love, of goodness and
fragility to
light your way, to remind you o
f why you will never give up this
fight.”

             
I smi
led at my mom when she finished. Her words had gone from piercing through me, to exposing those parts of my soul I thought I hid from everyone so well to comforting me and reminding me of everything I lived for. They soothed the open wound that was Tristan Shields and helped
suture the raw vulnerability
that made my soul feel as though it were torn in half.

             
With my mother’s reminder I could remember my purpose, remember that this life was not my own and that I served a greater purpose.

             
She walked over and gave me a kiss on the top of the head. “Stella, if you ever need to talk about…. this, I’m here for you baby girl. You can talk to me about anything.”

             
“I know mom, I will,” I promised. She left me, closing the door behind her.

             
With the click of the lock
I sunk back onto my bed, my head flopping heavily onto my pillow. I felt suffocated and
deflated;
even if it helped that my mom had seen through my pathetic attempts to hide my feelings. I knew there was more to my life than an impossible relationship that didn’t even exist.

             
But even with that knowledge I knew I had a battle in front of me.