Starkissed (33 page)

“For life,” he explained anyway. “Forever and alwaysss.”

“Forever and always,” she repeated with a smile, yet liquid continued to spill from her eyes.

J’Qhir almost returned the smile, but thought better of it. Even though she had assured him numerous times he wasn’t frightful when he smiled, he suspected she was only being kind.

“I know,” she said breathlessly, “it is not your way to be demonstrative in a public place, but it is the custom of my people to seal a promise with a kiss.

He hesitated. His fingers ached to touch her, to run through her hair, to strip the thin fabric from her body and feel her liquid heat. Her presence and his improper thoughts poised him on the verge of release.

“It isss not proper we touch at all.” But even as he spoke he moved toward her. His large hands framed her pale face. Her natural scent filled his nostrils as he bowed his head to hers. Their mouths met briefly, her warm moistness almost his undoing. He could allow no more and withdrew.

“J’Qhir, we have done much more than touch,” she reminded him, her voice soft and husky.

“I want to do thisss in the mossst proper way.”

Leith sighed and nodded. Her own words had come back to haunt her. She didn’t want to stand here exchanging words, she wanted to place her arms around him and have him hold her as he had so many nights before. She had asked it of J’Qhir the first time they had made love and it was only fair that she concede to his request.

“We leave for Zi in one ssstandard week. Thisss ssshould be enough time for you to prepare. I have made arrangementsss for you to ssstay in the lair of Rohm’dh. You do remember him?”

Leith hesitated. Everything was happening too fast and not at all as she had hoped.

She was thrilled he had come and asked her one more time, but she had wanted him to www.samhainpublishing.com

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come on his own because he wanted her. Not because he felt obligation toward the child she carried. When he said Cameron had told him all that he needed to know, she thought her heart might burst from the disappointment. Of course, Cameron had told him of her pregnancy. He was her father and would do everything to protect her and the child.

J’Qhir watched her expectantly, saurian eyes unblinking. Cameron might not have told him about the complications and the risks. Or J’Qhir didn’t understand how fragile their child was at this point.

“Of course, I remember him.” She wrinkled her brow as she looked up at him. “But you expect me to go to Zi?”

He stiffened visibly. She saw every muscle go rigid and his jaw clench into knots.

“Temporarily,” he said coldly, “if that isss what you wisssh.”

“J’Qhir. I can’t go to Zi now. Perhaps we should talk more before we consider ourselves bound to one another.” When his only response was the narrowing of his eyeslits, she continued. “I mean, I thought you understood…that my father had explained—”

“We are already bound, Leith,” he said sharply. He hadn’t listened to what she was doing a poor job of trying to say. He only heard what he interpreted as rejection. “Asss sssoon asss you ssspoke the proper resssponssse, we were irrevocably bound. You sssealed it with your kisss.”

“I know! I don’t mean—”

“We go to Zi.” He inhaled a hissing breath. “It will take time to build our lair.

Usssually, one Zi year which isss lesss than a ssstandard year. The wood mussst be harvesssted from the mountainsss. Sssince I have no clossse male clansssmember, Rohm’dh hasss agreed to accompany me. While we collect the materialsss and conssstruct the lair, you will ssstay with hisss clan to learn—”

“J’Qhir! Are you saying you’ll build the house yourself?” Her voice rose in pitch, but she could not control it. The incredulity of what he suggested overwhelmed her. “And I won’t see you for a year?”

“It isss our way, Leith.” He shook his head and turned his back to her, but not before she glimpsed the disappointment in his eyes. “I ssshould have made that more clear.”

“I understand. But you have to understand, I can’t—”

“When our lair isss finissshed and you and I have ssslept beneath itsss roof for three consssecutive nightsss,” he cut her off as if she hadn’t spoken. “Then we will be formally bound for life. It doesss not matter if we ssshare the sssame blanket. It will be done.

Then, Leith, you may go wherever in the galaxy you wisssh.”

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Leith flinched at the harshness of the last of his words. The Zi did not swear, but he had, in effect, told her she could go to hell. Leith drew in a deep, shuddering breath. If he was willing to be separated from her for a year and equally willing to let her go, then he couldn’t know about the child! She had assumed her father told him about her condition, but what if he hadn’t?

She placed her hands on his rigid back and laid her head on his shoulder blade. He didn’t move away from her, but neither did he yield to her touch. Instead of
trying
to explain, she whispered, “I-I thought you would want to be with me when your child is born.”

More tears filled her eyes and spilled over. She felt him grow pliant beneath her hands. Through the watery blur, she saw him turn and face her, but she couldn’t tell if he was displeased or not. She blinked and rubbed at her eyes, but before she could see him clearly, he swept her up into his arms. Limping, he carried her deeper into the trees, until he found a stone bench encircled by hedges to ensure their privacy. He sat, but he kept her bundled against him. His head rested against hers.

“I want nothing more than to go to Zi with you or wherever you go. I want nothing more than to be with you.” She slipped her arms around his neck and hugged him.

“Leith…Leith…” he murmured into her hair and held her tighter. “Why did you not tell me?”

“It was why I tried to get in touch with you. I finally decided you should know.” She paused and then told him what had hurt her for so long. “You left, J’Qhir, you left without saying good-bye.”

“Leith, there wasss no need to bid you farewell. I never intended to leave Artilia without ssspeaking with you. During the ssstruggle with Hancock, my knee wasss broken.”

“I know. The Council wouldn’t let them replace the joint. Why haven’t you had this done?”

“I promisssed you I would not perform the ritual of failure
.
Thisss injury I will carry the ressst of my life asss my atonement.”

“No, J’Qhir—”

“Leith, it isss not open to debate. You will allow me thisss.” Briefly, he touched his crest to her forehead and continued. “Afterwardsss, I wasss sssedated for sssurgery.

While I wasss ssstill unconsssciousss, the Council took it upon themssselvesss to transssport me to Zi.”

Fresh tears filled her eyes and she hugged him closer. “I-I didn’t know they had taken you without your consent. I assumed—well, I assumed the worst. I’m sorry.”

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“No, I ssshould beg forgivenesss from you. I let the Council control my actionsss and, in thisss inssstance, I ssshould not have. You are too important to me.”

Leith laughed. “We’re a fine pair, aren’t we? I would trust you with my life, but I couldn’t bring myself to completely trust you with my heart. And you—”

“Yesss, I. I did not trussst you enough to underssstand you truly meant you
could
not go to Zi, not that you
would
not.”

Leith grew solemn. “Our baby. I can’t go anywhere. I need to stay near Dr. Mitchel.

She doesn’t know…”

“Doesssn’t know what?” he prompted gently.

“J’Qhir, she doesn’t know if I can carry the baby full-term. She says every day I go without any major problems, the chances get better. But she’s only guessing. She hasn’t had much success getting obstetric information out of Zi, but then I wouldn’t let her tell them the real reason either.”

J’Qhir removed his arm from underneath her knees, and his hand hovered over her mid-section. “May I?”

“You never have to ask permission to touch me.” She guided his hand to rest atop her swollen abdomen.

“Thisss changesss many thingsss.”

Leith pressed her forehead to his cheek. “Can you tell me this is all right?”

“Oh, yesss, it isss very right.”

She closed her eyes. “But it is not done. Will your people ever understand? Will the Council?”

“It doesss not matter. If they exile me, I will gladly go to be with you. I have ssserved my people and done my duty to my father’sss memory. I have given them enough.” Tenderly, he ran his hand over her belly. “I am ssshamed, but I admit I kept our relationssship a sssecret becaussse I did not know how you felt. I wanted to dissscover what you wanted before I jeopardized my posssition. If I could not have you, then I would have the title of Warrior, poor sssubssstitute that it isss.”

“It makes sense, J’Qhir. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I have done more to ssshame myssself.” He drew in a sharp breath. “Do you remember on Paradissse, how many timesss I ssspoke to you, ‘I will build a lair for usss’.”

Leith groaned and opened her eyes. “I didn’t know what you were asking, J’Qhir. I didn’t know the significance of the words.”

“I know.”

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“And if I had, I don’t think I would have answered differently. We barely knew one another. Even though we never thought we would be rescued, I don’t think either of us ever gave up hope. How could we have made promises to one another that we might regret if we were rescued?”

“I underssstand, Leith. But you mussst underssstand, lovemaking to you wasss forbidden to me unlesss we were bound. The firssst time I sssaid the wordsss, I only meant we needed ssshelter. I ssspoke them before I realized what I wasss sssaying.”

“Yet you didn’t stop asking, using those words.” Quickly, she pressed her lips against his cheek, so very glad she could touch him. She was afraid he might start that proper nonsense again and forbid her to touch him.

“Yesss, the wordsss ssseemed right. We were the only two beingsss on the entire planet. We did not know if we would ever leave. I had reacted to you physssically from the moment I met you. By the time we had sssettled in the cave, all I could think of wasss
rhiìnaà.
” He paused and looked thoughtful. “I do believe it isss becaussse of your never-ending cycle.”

“It has ended now that I’m pregnant.”

“Ssss, and ssstill I want you. The theory isss flawed.”

“I think you have finally broken free of all the rules that oppress you. If you are told enough times that you can’t feel, then you don’t feel. If you are pressured into not experiencing passion, then you won’t experience it. On Paradise, you let down your guard and threw away all the rules and regulations that have always governed how you think and feel and react.”

“I think you are correct.” He looked at her thoughtfully. “Do you remember the day when you returned to the cave unexpectedly, when I performed—?”

“Yes, I remember,” she interrupted quickly, unwilling for him to mention that insane Zi ritual again.

“Do you remember what I asssked of you?”

“Yes…” Her voice trailed off.

“I sssaid I would build a lair for usss.”

“You know, that’s really not a question—” she began.

“Sss’t. But it requiresss a resssponssse. Do you remember what you sssaid?”

She nodded and traced a path around his tympanum. He brushed her fingers away.

“I cannot think when you do that.”

“Good! And I remember what I said. ‘Yes, J’Qhir, you do that.’ Or something to that effect.”

He said nothing more and waited, his amber eyes expectant.

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Leith sat up straight in his lap. “Does that mean—”

“Yesss, Leith. Asss far asss I wasss concerned we were bound at that moment. We ssspent three consssecutive nightsss together under one roof.”

She let her arms fall away from him and drew back. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You didn’t know what you were sssaying. How could I bind you when you didn’t know the meaning of the wordsss? Yet, it made the sssituation acceptable for me. I knew we would join eventually, and I could not have done ssso under any other conditionsss.”

“You made me feel guilty.”

“It isss for that I am ssshamed, but I wanted you to realize the gravity of what we did.”

“I knew the seriousness of the decision without that. J’Qhir, it was an important step for me also.”

He nodded. “Yesss, I came to underssstand that, but by then it wasss too late to explain and not caussse hard feelingsss. I do beg forgivenesss for the sssubterfuge.”

“What if I had said no today?”

“Then I would have returned to Zi.”

“You would have become bound to the female the Council chose for you?”

“No, Leith. I am bound to you.”

“But what about me?”

“The lawsss of Zi do not apply to off-worldersss.”

Leith tried to assimilate his logic but failed. “If Zi law doesn’t apply to me, then how can we be bound at all?”

“If you accept the lawsss of Zi then they apply to you,” J’Qhir explained with the patience of a saint. “By anssswering in Zi and resssponding in the posssitive, you indicated you underssstand and accept the lawsss of Zi.”

“I see. You would never have told me that we had become lifemates on Paradise.”

“No.” He laid his crest against her forehead and gently rubbed back and forth.

“Pleassse tell me about our child.”

She told him everything, of the risks involved. “Dr. Mitchel is monitoring me closely. She’s as anxious to see this baby born as I am but for different reasons.”

“I am in awe of thisss life we have created. Truly, Leith, I had no idea we could procreate or I would never have put you at risssk. If we had not been ressscued…sss’t!

Even here, with your advanced technology, you are in danger.” He pulled away from her.

“If thisss child comesss at the expenssse of your life—”