Start Your New Life Today (19 page)
James 5:16 encourages us to confess our faults to one another so we may be healed and restored to a spiritual tone of mind and heart. We must remember that what we hide still has power over us, but when we bring things out in the open, they begin losing their grip immediately. If you are emotional because you are tired, just admit to yourself and others you are tired and need time to rest. Sometimes we like to think we have no limits, but the truth is only God has no limits. The rest of us need to recognize when we have done all we can and remember that is nothing to be ashamed of.
I found that if I tried to protect my spiritual reputation by pretending nothing was wrong with me, all it did was bring confusion to my entire family. They might begin to imagine I was angry with them for some reason. Then they would become upset, trying to reason out what they might have done to upset me. We were all a lot better off if I simply explained what was happening and made a decision to be quiet during those times.
When we are emotionally upset, we have a tendency to say things we regret later, so why not choose to be quiet and avoid hurting people?
One of the members of our road team who is normally very talkative and bubbly suddenly became very quiet and almost withdrawn. Several of the other team members noticed it and came to Dave and me asking what was wrong with her. They thought she was angry about something or with someone on the travel crew.
When I spoke with her, she was simply having some health problems. She had recently gone for some medical tests and was concerned while she was awaiting the results. She said, “I always get quiet and just pray when I’m dealing with something like this.” I told her that getting quiet and praying was the thing to do, but that it might be good the next time to just mention to everyone that she was dealing with something personal and not to think anything about it if she seemed quiet. By being open and honest with people we can prevent the devil from placing negative things in their imaginations. People respect us if we are open and straightforward. I learned this truth with my family, and it saved all of us a lot of anxiety.
I want to remind you that the devil will try to use our emotions to bring us under guilt and condemnation, but God often uses them to test or try us so we come out of our emotional upheavals stronger and able to control them better than ever before. The key is in learning not to give in or cater to emotions. If we cater to our emotions, giving in to their every whim, we may avoid some momentary pain, but later on we suffer miserably because of all the bad decisions we made. It is always best to discipline ourselves in the beginning and then we can have long-term joy later on. I spent many years going from feeling up to feeling down, and expressing my negative emotions loudly and very badly. I had to learn like everyone else that it was not pleasing to God and that if I cater to my feelings now, I will always pay later. God will help you be stable if that is your desire. Pray and don’t run from the hard times, because they are helping you more than you may realize.
The devil will try to use our emotions to bring us under guilt and condemnation, but God often uses them to test or try us so we come out of our emotional upheavals stronger and able to control them better than ever before.
Don’t Trust Your Feelings
W
atchman Nee stated that emotion is the most formidable enemy to the life of a spiritual Christian and that he who lives by emotion lives without principle. He was expressing the apostle Paul’s teaching that we cannot be spiritual—that is, walk in the Spirit—and be led by emotions.
We all have emotions. They will not go away, and we must deal with them because we cannot trust them. Emotions change frequently and often without a moment’s notice. They are fickle. Emotions are one of our greatest enemies because, more than anything else, Satan uses our emotions against us to keep us from walking in the Spirit. The mind is the battlefield where the war is waged between the Spirit and the soul. I have read that when emotion pulsates, the mind becomes deceived, and conscience is denied its standard of judgment.
People often ask me, “How can I know for sure whether I’m hearing from God or from my emotions?” I believe the answer is to learn to wait. Emotions urge us toward haste. They tell us we have to do something, and we must do it right now! But godly wisdom tells us to wait until we have a clear picture of what we are to do and when we are to do it. What we all need to do is develop the capacity to back away and view our situation from God’s perspective. We need to be able to make decisions based on what we
know
rather than on what we
feel.
We need to be able to make decisions based on what we know rather than on what we
feel
.
If mature Christians say, “I
feel
God wants me to do this or that,” in reality what they are saying is they sense in their spirit the Lord is telling them to do or not do something. They are not talking about operating by their emotions, but by what they perceive spiritually to be the will of God for them in that situation. Whenever we are faced with a decision, we need to ask ourselves: “Am I making this decision according to my fleshly feelings or according to what I feel deep in my spirit which is the will of God?”
Emotional Discernment
M
y husband Dave and I have a certain way we handle our money. At one time we each got a weekly allowance. I usually saved my money to buy clothes and other things I wanted or needed.
One time I had about $375 saved to buy a good watch. I always had cheaper watches and really wanted to buy a good, 14-karat gold watch, so the band would not discolor.
Because I had been shopping for a watch for a while and discovered that the type I wanted would cost about eight or nine hundred dollars, I was saving my money toward that goal.
One day Dave and I were in the mall and happened to stop at a jewelry store where I saw a watch that was only gold-plated but was really very pretty. It matched my ring and seemed to be just what I was looking for. It fit my arm perfectly, so it wouldn’t need adjustment. Not only that, the clerk offered to mark it down from $395 to $316. So my emotions said, “Yes! That’s exactly what I want!”
But then my husband said, “Well, now, you know, it’s not 14-karat gold.”
So I asked the clerk, “How long do you think the gold-plating will last?”
“Well, it could last from five to ten years.” Notice she wasn’t making any real commitment; she just said it might last that long.
I turned to Dave and said, “Oh, my. I really like that watch. What should I do?”
“It’s your money,” he answered.
“I’ll tell you what I’m going to do,” I told the clerk. “You hold it for me for half an hour. I’m going to walk around the mall for a bit. If I want the watch, I’ll come back within thirty minutes.”
So Dave and I walked around the mall for a while. As we did so, we passed a dress shop. Because I needed a couple of new outfits, I went in and found a really nice suit. I tried it on, and it fit perfectly. I loved it.
“That’s a nice suit,” Dave said. “You really ought to get it.”
I looked at the price tag and saw that it read $279. That was more than I usually paid for clothing at that time, but I really wanted that suit! I was trying to decide what to do and became very confused, so I put the suit back on the rack.
“Aren’t you going to buy it?” David asked.
“No,” I answered. “I’m not going to buy it either. I’m going to think about it.”
Actually there were three things I wanted. I wanted the watch, I wanted the suit, and I wanted not to be broke. I wanted to have some money on hand to buy little things I needed from time to time and to be able to do some things I enjoyed like taking my kids out for lunch now and then.
What did I eventually do? I applied wisdom. I decided to wait. The watch would have taken all my savings and would still not be what I really wanted. The suit was beautiful, but it also would have taken most of my savings. Since it was long-sleeved, I wouldn’t have been able to wear it until the next fall. It would have hung in my closet for a long time.
The best thing, I decided, was to keep my money and wait until I was sure what I wanted most.
I really learned a lesson from that experience. I had peace about my decision. As much as I would have enjoyed either the watch or the suit, I knew I had done the right thing.
It turned out that my husband later used his saved allowance and bought both the watch and the suit for me—plus a ring to match! It all worked out beautifully because I was willing to listen to reason and apply wisdom rather than being controlled by my emotions.
If we are willing to learn to control our emotions, God will bless us.
I am not saying that if you will delay every decision, someone else will make it for you and you will get everything you want and more. I
am
saying that usually the wisest course is: when in doubt, don’t!
If we are willing to learn to control our emotions, God will bless us.
When faced with any difficult decision, wait until you have peace or a clear answer before taking a step you may regret. Emotions are wonderful, but they must not be allowed to take precedence over wisdom and knowledge. Remember: control your emotions; don’t let them control you.
Managing Your Emotions for a Life of Joy and Peace
I
t is always fun to go to banquets or other catered events where all your wants and needs are met immediately and fully by someone else. But there is always a price to be paid for that kind of service. The same is true in the area of emotions. There is a price we must pay for catering to the desires and demands of our emotions—the demands of our flesh. Romans 8:8 explains, “So then those who are living the life of the flesh [catering to the appetites and impulses of their carnal nature] cannot please or satisfy God, or be acceptable to Him.”
Following the desires of the flesh leads to destruction; following the Spirit leads to life and peace (see v. 6). If we follow the dictates and demands of our flesh—our unbridled emotions—we will have a price to pay. Why? The thoughts and purposes of the flesh are hostile to God and cannot submit to God’s law (see v. 7). Part of the price we must pay for catering to our emotions is not being able to live the Spirit-filled life. The flesh is opposed to the Spirit, and the Spirit is opposed to the flesh. They are continually antagonistic to each other. This means we cannot be led by our emotions and still be led by the Holy Spirit. We have to make a choice.
We cannot be led by our emotions and still be led by the Holy Spirit. We have to make a choice.
When the Bible says those who cater to their emotions cannot please or satisfy God or be acceptable to Him, it does not mean God doesn’t love them. You and I can be in a terrible emotional mess and still be loved by our heavenly Father. Having emotional problems will not keep us from going to heaven. It just means God is not pleased with our lifestyle. It puts Him in a position in which He cannot do for us all He would like to do.
We all want our children to be blessed and to share in our inheritance, but we are not inclined to entrust our inheritance to one of our children who chooses to follow a lifestyle of unbridled sensuality. God is not pleased with those who live by the flesh rather than by His Spirit because He cannot trust them with His best. God still loves us, but He wants to be able to give us the best He has for us in the new life He provided for us in Jesus.
Allowing our emotions to lead our decisions will definitely prevent us from having a life filled with peace and joy. Emotional decisions always create trouble sooner or later and we live in turmoil because of them. The decisions we make today will provoke circumstances we must deal with tomorrow. If I lose my temper and make an emotional decision to quit my job because my boss makes me angry, then I may end up with a lot of stress a week from now when I need to pay my bills and don’t have an income.
Hebrews 12 says no discipline for the present seems joyous, but later on it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. The law of God’s kingdom is that we always reap what we sow. If we choose to sow discipline and right choices, we will reap a life of joy and peace. However, if we sow emotional choices, we will reap a life of turmoil and sadness. God sets before every person life and death and He instructs us to choose life. Since we all have the privilege of free choice, we must take responsibility for our lives and no longer blame circumstances and other people for all the things that go wrong. It is very simple: if we make enough right choices, we will have a life filled with peace and joy!
One Step at a Time
H
ealing of emotional wounds is a process, not something that takes place all at once or overnight. It requires an investment of time and diligent obedience to God’s commands. I realize from my own experience that it often seems that no progress is being made at all. You may feel you have so many problems you are not getting anywhere. But you are!
You have to keep in mind that even though you have a long way to go, you have also come a long way. The solution is to thank God for the progress you have made so far and to trust Him to lead you on to eventual victory—one step at a time. If you are reading this book and happen to be someone who has spent your life making wrong choices and you feel you have never made any progress at all, then you can get started today changing things in your life by making right choices!
In my oral presentations on this subject I like to hold up several different colored shoestrings tied together in a knot. I tell my audience, “This is you when you first start the process of transformation with God. You’re all knotted up. Each knot represents a different problem in your life. Untangling those knots and straightening out those problems is going to take a bit of time and effort, so don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t happen all at once.”