Status Update (16 page)

Laura took Georgie’s words as a compliment, recognizing the truth of her statement. “My filter started failing around forty.”

Zoey ran her finger around the rim of her glass. “So what’s wrong with Bryan? I noticed he hasn’t been coming over lately, but I thought maybe he was out of town for work.”

A tear fell down Laura’s cheek before she could swipe it away. “I was too ashamed to tell you all what I’d done.”

Georgie reached out and grasped her hand. “What happened?”

“After Katie freaked out on me, I took it out on Bryan. Told him I needed some time on my own to figure out who I was. It was all a lie, a lame reason to push him away because I was pissed off and hurt by Katie.”

“So you made him your scapegoat?” Zoey asked.

Laura nodded.

Zoey smiled sadly. “It’s an easy thing to do. Especially with people that we love.”

Love
.

Bryan had told her he loved her. And she’d shoved him away. Refused to acknowledge his feelings.

“You’re in love with him?” Shelly asked.

“Yeah. I’ve loved him since we were kids. But that idea scares the shit out of me. Happily ever after didn’t really turn out so well for me the first time. I’m not sure my heart is strong enough to go there again.”

Georgie squeezed her hand. “Hearts heal, Laura. And as much as you may want to pretend otherwise, I’d say it’s too late for you anyway. You’re in love with Bryan, so denying it or trying to break things off now isn’t going to stop you from hurting.”

Laura stared at her friend. Georgie had set Laura’s feet on this path on New Year’s Eve. She’d given her the map, shown her the way to start.

But Laura had taken a wrong turn, gotten lost. “Give me the plan, Georgie. Tell me what to do now.”

“Call Katie. Fix that. Until you sort stuff out with your daughter, you’ll never be free to do the rest.”

“What’s the rest?”

Georgie grinned. “Find Bryan, say you’re sorry. Seduce him if necessary.”

“She’s right,” Josie said. “Do you remember what you said to me when I called you a couple months ago to ask for advice about Jake?”

Laura shrugged. “Sort of. I think I told you follow your heart.”

Josie nodded. “You told me there weren’t any guarantees with love and either Jake was worth taking a chance on or not.”

Bryan was worth the risk. Laura didn’t even have to think about that.

Josie picked Laura’s cell up from the coffee table and waved it around. “And then you told me to stop being a coward and call him.”

Laura laughed. “Damn. Nothing like getting bitten in the ass by my own advice.”

Kristen laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. “You’re not a coward, Laura. You’re one of the strongest, bravest women I’ve ever known. Sort things out with Katie, then call Bryan. Do what it takes to make things right.”

Georgie lifted her champagne glass to clink it against Laura’s. “Then start working on that happy ending.”

Laura and the wine girls had finished the bottle of champagne before everyone drifted back to their houses. Laura had gotten a shower, then she’d called Katie to invite her over.

There was a knock on the front door. Laura took a deep breath and stiffened her spine before opening it. The next hour or so was bound to be difficult and painful. For both of them.

“I was actually going to call you today,” Katie said as she walked inside.

“You were?” Laura hadn’t spoken to Katie since the blowup at the restaurant. She’d picked up her phone to call her daughter every single day, but the words had lodged in her throat so tightly, she’d thought she would suffocate. As a result, she’d endured two of the longest weeks of her life—alone. Without Katie or Bryan.

Laura never wanted to be without either of them ever again. She prayed by the end of the day, she’d find some way to make everything right.

Katie sat down on the couch and when she looked up, Laura saw tears in her daughter’s eyes. The pure misery on Katie’s face triggered the mother gene. Laura sat beside her, grasping her hands.

“Katie, what’s—”

“I’m so sorry, Mom.”

Whatever Laura had been expecting to hear, it certainly wasn’t that. “What?”

“I’ve been a horrible bitch and I hate myself for it.”

Laura shook her head, saddened by the sheer agony on Katie’s face. “No. You weren’t. You were hurt.”

Katie waved her hand. “God. Don’t do that. Don’t make excuses for me. Don’t try to make this all your fault. Because it’s not.”

It was exactly what the wine girls had said, what Bryan had told her before she asked him to leave. “Okay. I won’t do that. I just assumed I was to blame for all your anger, because of the divorce, because I left. I never thought to ask you what you were feeling because I was so consumed with my own guilt. I’m sorry too, Katie.”

“I was pissed off at you. I was so freaking mad, I wanted to hit you, to throw stuff, to—argh—to find a way to make you feel as bad as I felt.”

Laura nodded. She would never tell her daughter how well she’d succeeded in that goal. Laura had been tied in knots for well over a year.

“And I did it, didn’t I?”

Laura froze, refusing to respond. Katie obviously felt bad enough. Laura didn’t want to add to that.

“You don’t have to say anything. I know I did. Kevin blasted me for it.” Katie swiped at her eyes.

Laura grabbed a box of tissues from the coffee table and handed one to her daughter. “Kevin?”

“He lit into me that night after we left the restaurant. He told me some things I didn’t realize or, I guess, things I hadn’t bothered to notice.”

“What things?”

“Kevin came home during the summers while we were in college. He moved back home with you and Dad, while I stayed at school, took classes and kept my job there. He said things changed after we graduated from high school.”

A light came on. She’d always wondered what Kevin thought during those summers, worried she hadn’t been able to hide how bad life at home truly was. Mason became more and more withdrawn with each subsequent year, rarely saying more than a few words a day to her or Kevin.

“What did he say?”

“He said he was glad you left. That Dad was mean to you. Kevin said he thought you stayed longer than you should have.”

Laura sucked in a surprised breath as tears sprang to her eyes. For two years, she’d carried the weight of her failed marriage on her own shoulders. To hear that Kevin understood, that he recognized some of the blame was Mason’s as well, caught her unaware. “Oh.” Laura struggled to compose herself, to find something to say.

“I blamed you for the way Dad’s been since the divorce. He’s been miserable, bitter, angry all the time. Kevin said he was that way before you left. Then he reminded me of some things from when we were still living at home, when we were in high school. How you always came to our games to cheer us on. How you were the one who went to parent conferences and helped with our school plays and drove us to music lessons. Dad never did any of that stuff.”

“He was busy working, Katie. Trying to make money to support us.” Laura refused to let Katie think less of her father. It didn’t have to be either/or. Katie had two parents and regardless of how their marriage ended, her daughter didn’t have to choose sides. “I went to those things because I could. Your dad worked hard to make sure that I could be there with you.”

Katie frowned, obviously confused by Laura’s defense of Mason.

“I wrapped my life around you and your brother. The two of you were my world. When you left, I realized Mason and I had grown apart, let too much distance come between us.”

“It was more than that.”

Laura swallowed, trying to dislodge the lump in her throat, then she nodded. “I couldn’t make him happy, Katie. No matter what I did.”

Tears flowed down Katie’s cheeks. “I feel the same way.”

“What?”

Katie closed her eyes tightly, trying to stem the flow of tears. The two of them were sniffling messes. If Laura’s heart weren’t aching, she’d take them both to task for falling apart so completely. Try to find some way to make them laugh before they buried themselves alive in a pile of tissues.

Katie wiped her nose and took a deep breath. “I take Dad dinner a couple times a week. I try to get him to go to the movies with me. I even offered to join his gym thinking it would encourage him to start exercising. I’ve been beating my head against a wall to try to find something that will make him happy, but he’d rather sit in his recliner and bitch about everything—work, you, how dirty the house is.”

Laura understood Katie’s frustration. She’d made all those same offers. Mason had turned her down too. Bryan’s words drifted back to her. It was good advice, so she paid it forward. “We’re only responsible for one person’s happiness, Katie. Our own. You can’t force another person to feel anything. Either they find a way to make themselves happy or they don’t.”

“Is that why you left? To find your own happiness?”

Laura nodded. That was definitely part of it, but as time passed she realized there was more than one thing driving her out of her marriage. “Yes. I wanted to find a way to be happy again. And I wanted to try to figure out who I was. I’ve played so many roles in my life, I started struggling to find the true me.”

“I’m sorry I told you I didn’t like who you were becoming. That isn’t true. I’m really proud of everything you’ve been doing. I think it’s really brave.”

Laura smiled. “Thank you.”

“So you left to find yourself. And you have.”

“No.” Laura shook her head. “I thought that was the main reason, but the truth is I was tired of feeling lonely in a house where I wasn’t alone. I hoped getting out from under that dark cloud would make me happy, but I was lonely here too. I left because I wanted to be with someone who wanted to be with me, who would love me and miss me when they were away, who looked at me like I was the most precious thing on earth.”

Katie smiled. “I understand. I want that too.”

It occurred to Laura that goal had gotten lost somewhere along the way, swallowed up by a bunch of other shit—guilt, regrets, fear, but ultimately, it was the one thing Laura had truly found. And then she’d thrown away.

“I’ve been ruining everything for you, haven’t I?”

Laura shook her head, then reached out, needing to hold her daughter. “I love you, Katie. I always have and I always will. Divorce sucks.”

“I don’t blame you for leaving and I’m not mad at you anymore.”

Laura couldn’t hold back her tears. Her daughter’s words washed over her like a gentle rain as all the guilt, the pain, the sadness of the past year and a half drifted away. She and Katie clung to each other, the two of them crying, hugging.

Soon the tears slowed. Laura realized they were swaying, and she recalled rocking Katie when she was a baby. How much she’d loved holding her babies in her arms.

Katie was back. It was an amazing gift.

After several long minutes, Katie pulled away. “I really like Bryan.”

Laura had thought the tears were all cried out, but Katie’s admission freed a few more. She wiped them away. “Thanks. I do too.”

She didn’t tell Katie about the fight they’d had or how she’d pushed him away. She was determined to find a way to make things right with Bryan again. Somehow.

One down.

One to go.

Laura had hurt Bryan, pushed him away when all he’d offered her was friendship, compassion. Love.

What if an apology wasn’t enough to fix the mess she’d made?

Chapter Nine

Laura Sanders

I’ve always hated that quote from
Love Story
, the one that says “love means never having to say you’re sorry”. That’s wrong. When you hurt someone, you should apologize. I think love means never having to be afraid to say you’re sorry because you’ll be forgiven.

Laura closed the door behind Katie. After their heart-to-heart, they’d gone out for lunch and spent a few hours shopping at the mall, roaming around the shoe store for ages. It had been a nice afternoon. Laura had broached the subject of taking back her maiden name and Katie had thought it was a good idea.

She took a deep breath and tried it on for size. Good riddance, Laura Sanders. Welcome back, Laura Riley. It felt right.

Laura walked back to the living room and sat down, trying to gather her courage. Before she could talk herself out of it, she picked up the phone and called Bryan. Part of her feared he wouldn’t answer, that he’d see her number on his screen and decline to pick up. She wouldn’t blame him. He’d given her months of laughter, sex and hope. In return, she’d offered him a woman who carried her luggage around like a drifter, refusing to call any place home. He’d given her friendship and understanding and she’d shoved both down his throat.

“Laura?”

Her heart raced when she heard his voice.

“Hey.” Her damn voice cracked on the word. Fuck. She was trying to make things right, not offer him more of her special brand of crazy.

“Where are you?”